tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-214868422024-03-13T21:02:12.348-07:00Las Vegas Cabbie ChroniclesMrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.comBlogger106125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-82399710527042514812011-05-31T04:21:00.000-07:002011-06-01T05:28:24.927-07:00A Night in the Life<span style="font-weight:bold;">Friday, Aug 6th<br />11:40pm</span> <br />“Ive had 2 different rides ask to go to Golden Gate tonight. While en route with the 2nd, a regular calls me and guess where he’s at? Insane.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:41 Aug 6th</span><br />“…In 6 years I’ve never had 2 rides to the Golden Gate in the same night.”<br /><br />It was those two tweets that reignited an idea that I had years ago. Shortly after I started blogging, many ides ago, I had an idea for a post where instead of sharing a tale of a single crazy ride, I would do a sort of Night in the Life of a cab driver. I could offer an actual portrayal of a single shift in my cab from start to finish. Perhaps, I thought, if you could see how boring some if this actually was then maybe you would stop giving me shit for not posting so much. That was how it played out in my mind anyway. But for reasons probably stemming from laziness, I never saw that idea through to it’s fruition. That was until I had two rides in one night go to the Golden Gate, which I decided was noteworthy enough to tweet about, and shortly after that it occurred to me that maybe instead of blogging about my Night in the Life, I could tweet about it. I could simply update my twitter page via text from my phone every time I picked up and where I went and what I was doing. I even took it as far as to convince myself that twitter was probably a better medium for the concept anyway. So I decided that the following night I would set out on the Night in the Life of a Las Vegas Cabbie-A Real Life Twitter Adventure. But first, breakfast at my house in the middle of the afternoon, where I would announce my idea to the world in between spoonfuls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Saturday, Aug 7th <br />2:50pm</span><br />“The 2 rides to Golden Gate last night game me an idea. 2nite will be a night in the life of a cabbie. Tweeting everywhere I go so you can see.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">2:50pm</span><br />“An experiment in self importance…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">2:53pm</span><br />“So yeah, I’m at home right now, getting ready to head out the door to go to work. Hope it’ll be a good night, last night not so much."<br /><br />I finished my cereal and after responding to an email or two I headed upstairs to take a quick shower and get ready for work. I’m a two shower a day person. I don’t like going to bed after working all night without taking one and when I wake up the following day my hair is so fucked up that another quickie is required to alleviate the problem. In no time I was cleaned up and back downstairs packing up my work bag with my computer and a few other items that find their way in and out of my carry-on on a daily basis. Thankfully, the place I call home is less than two miles away from the place I call work and I arrived there in no time at all. I wondered what the world would have in store for me tonight.<br /><br />Once I arrived at the company yard, I checked in with my dispatch and picked up my trip sheet and keys to my cab. Many drivers love to get rolling as soon as they can so they hit the road the instant they have their keys and medallions in hand. I on the other hand take a more leisurely approach and generally decide to take a half an hour or so to clean my cab so it’s nice for my customers, in addition to taking some time to catch up with friends. If the mood strikes, we may even enter into a little friendly competition. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">3:32pm</span><br />“Reported to work and got my cab. Im gonna wash it and bullshit with the boys for a bit, maybe a game of chess before hitting the road.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">4:27pm</span><br />“Leaving the yard, going to Bellagio to get my 1st ride. I lost my chess match today.”<br /><br />Just before leaving the yard to begin my night I time-punched in my trip sheet, one of many TaxiCab Authority required duties, and off I went. I didn’t get 100 yards away from the yard when I was flagged down by a 30 something mother of 4. This is certainly an odd situation, finding a customer like this in this neighborhood. I can’t say it’s ever happened to me before. The woman looked lost and in need of some assistance and considering where we were, it was clear she was out of her element. So I pulled my cab over and rolled my window down. After I asked, the woman of African decent told me that her and her kids needed to get back to the strip but they didn’t have any money. This is a swell way to begin things, I thought. First I lose my chess match to an inferior player and now my first potential “customer” doesn’t have any money. Beautiful.<br /><br />“What are you doing out here?” I asked through the retracted window.<br /><br />“We came up here to try and find my friend but I can’t find him,” the mother said.<br /><br />“How did you get here?”<br /><br />“We walked.”<br /><br />“You’re staying on the Strip?”<br /><br />“Yes,” she replied.<br /><br />“Where are you staying?” <br /><br />“The Stratosphere.”<br /><br />“You walked all the way here from the Stratosphere with the kids?”<br /><br />“Yes. If you can just get us back to anywhere on the Strip we can walk from there. Give me your number and I will call you later and I’ll pay you back I promise,” she said. <br /><br />A few things about her story struck me as odd but mainly the fact that we were in the middle of a commercial district, miles from the Stratosphere and no where near any residences that I knew about. Nonetheless it was clear that the woman, and the kids in particular, had no business being around here and could use a helping hand. <br /><br />“I promise I will call you later tonight and pay you back,” she pleaded again. <br /><br />For a Las Vegas Cabbie, taking someone for free is actually more of a philanthropic act than you may be aware of. Unlike many other cities, I don’t pay a per diem to the cab company and what I make is what I take in above that number. I get paid a percentage of the meter and the remainder is my employers. And it’s not like I can just take them somewhere without turning the meter on. Not only is it the law, that when passengers are in the cab the meter must be engaged, but considering the pay structure it’s naturally company policy as well. If you fail in this protocol the company will view that as your stealing from them, which you basically are, and that’s a surefire path to termination along with denial of unemployment benefits, to say nothing of the fact that I can be cited as well. So if I give out a free ride, not only am I out the time and the gas, but considering the meter would be engaged, I will actually have to fork over the dough out of my own pocket to cover the companies take. So for you to ask me to give you a free ride is really to ask me to pay for your ride. It’s a big favor to ask of any total stranger, however it is one that I will indulge from time to time. Particularly when you play it correctly like this lady did. Most anyone else would just get in the cab and tell me to take them to the Stratosphere and then after we got there they would drop the bomb and tell me that they had no form of payment. Anyone who has been reading this blog for any length of time should know by now that you shouldn’t fuck with me like that. I don’t take kindly to it and I love to teach people a lesson who have it coming, as misguided as I may be with that at times. However, this middle aged mother was honest with me from the beginning, and it was clear that the kids needed some help, so I decided to take one for the team and pay it forward the many times I’ve come out ahead. I decided to help them, knowing with 100% certainty that there was no way I would be hearing from this lady ever again for my payment.<br /><br />“Listen I was going to the Bellagio anyway,” I said unlocking my doors, “so I’ll take you that far but you’re on your own from there ok?” <br /><br />“Oh thank you so much,” she said and the group piled into my cab. A short while later we were pulling into the Bellagio and to the ladies credit, she insisted on getting my phone number so she could “pay me back later“. I gave it to her, but experience has taught me that I won’t ever be hearing from them again. <br /><br />There have probably been 50 instances in all my days of driving where someone has proclaimed that they will “call me later” to make up for some wrongdoing of theirs. Be it not paying, or being a few dollars short or giving me a shitty tip and promising to pay more later or any number of other events where people screwed me over somehow and promised to right the wrong at a later time. I will tell you this, and listen up; of those 50 times, not once has a person contacted me for restitution. Not one time. So to say I had little faith in this lady would have been a gross understatement. You can talk shit about cabbies all you want to, and a big part of that would be deserved no doubt, but you, the cab riding public, are far from Saints. I changed this blog’s slogan a short time ago which now reads, “If you want to know why your cabbie is crazy, just look in the mirror.” And this is the type of thing that I am referring too. The mass amounts of bullshit and undesirable customers coupled with the constant pressure from the cab companies to engage in unethical behavior in the name of productivity slowly but surely chip away at the armor of psyche of even the most idealistic and well to do cab driver. It won't take many months of getting screwed over until you decided it’s time for you to get yours and everyone else can piss off. <br /><br />The group of 5 got of my cab and walked away, my business card in hand, and I tweeted my status. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">4:34pm</span><br />“Crazy already. Just caught a flag, a mom plus 4 little ones. She begged n pleaded with me 4 a free ride bc they were stranded with no cash.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">4:36pm</span><br />“I decided to help them out and I gave them a free ride to Bellagio. She asked 4 my # and promised to make it up to me later, no way she does.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">4:37pm</span><br />“About to pick up at Bellagio…”<br /><br />I loaded two middle aged couples that appeared to be half drunk at four in the afternoon. At least, I figured, they had money to pay me. Their drunkenness at this hour could be a very good sign or a very bad one and you won’t know which one it is for another 8 hours or so. They requested to go to Encore and along the way, as we cruised Las Vegas Blvd. northbound, the intoxicated man sitting shotgun rolled his window down completely, stuck his head out and began shouting at random people walking on the sidewalk.<br /><br />“WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PROPOSISTION 9 FAGGOTS?”<br /><br />The first time he said it made me laugh because I wasn’t expecting something like that to come out of his mouth. After his initial outburst he began telling different individuals to vote either yes or no on Prop 9 which I deduced hinged on whether he thought you were a homosexual or not. His friend and the two girls were laughing too so naturally the obnoxious man dialed it up even more. Clearly these people were from Jersey. They were a bit annoying I will admit, but fun and interesting at the same time. I’d much rather have people like these in my taxi as opposed to some snore fest. It didn’t hurt that they were good tippers as most from that region are generally familiar and comfortable with proper cab riding etiquette. Upon clearing at the Encore I realized right way that staging there would be pointless, as there was no business to speak of. So I called no joy and minutes later found myself staging next door at the Riviera. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">4:56pm</span><br />“Went to Encore, four loud n annoying new Yorkers. Good tippers tho. Left Encore, no rides there. Waiting at Riviera now…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">5:16pm</span><br />“Loaded Riv going to Airport”<br /><br />The Riviera proved to be the right decision as their cab line was moving and I got a ride 20 minutes later. Lord knows how long I would have waited at Encore. My next passenger was also from New Jersey but was traveling alone and not intoxicated. The man was in Las Vegas for business and his company undoubtedly set him up at the Riv because he had business to tend to at either the Convention Center or somewhere close by. Guys like this don’t choose to stay at the Riviera on their own. On our way to the Airport we had a lame conversation about his work which I successfully transitioned into a conversation about how awesome the carpet at the Riviera is. On my way up the ramp towards Terminal 1 to drop off the gentleman, I glanced to my left at the staging area for taxi’s, otherwise known as “the pit”, and it looked as though it would be wise to hang out here after dropping off. My observations told me that I should be able get a ride out of the airport in no time. <br /><br />For years now and perhaps even in these pages previously, I have compared cab driving to fishing. In that, if you fish the same pond long enough you start to figure out where you’re going to catch a fish and where you’re not, where you might catch a few small fish and where you might find a trophy to hang on the wall. Typically I avoid the airport on Saturdays as I know that there are not too many arrivals in the middle of the weekend. However, I also know that if you can get there early enough, say 5:38pm, then you still have a good chance of catching something because the bulk of the flights that do arrive on Saturday do so before 8 O’clock. I would never get underway to the airport on a Saturday but I caught a ride here and considering what I know, it doesn’t make sense to go underway to less abundant waters so the airport it is. Every time a cab driver drops off, he must immediately determine where his next fish will be found and set his course for that location. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">5:38pm</span><br />“Cleared the port, Il wait here, it’s movn fast…”<br /><br />French people don’t tip. 20 minutes later, which is more than a decent turn around at the airport on a Saturday, I was loaded up again. Two older French couples climbed into my taxi as I loaded their overweight luggage into my trunk. They stank like French people. <br /><br />The influx of international travelers has increased dramatically in our down economy. The current weakness of the dollar, reduced room rates, as well as the casino companies realizing that Americans are broke and or out of credit, has led to increased marketing overseas. Naturally these factors combined has a huge impact on the demographic of our visitors. This actually would not bother me in the least if tipping wasn’t such a strictly American phenomenon, and Europeans in general and more specifically Frenchmen are some of the worst out there. Taking into account these elements, combined with their very limited English speaking capabilities, made it basically pointless for me to engage this group at all. Now some would say that my lack of effort could most certainly be the cause of my lack of gratuities in these instances, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Well to that I would say that I respectfully disagree, as my years fishing have most decidedly proven otherwise. <br /><br />The man sitting shotgun informed me of their destination in his broken English, and I made no attempts at chatting with them as they spoke amongst themselves the entire way to the Bellagio in French. Once we arrived I manhandled their large bags out of my cab and promptly received thirty cents for the pleasure. Note to self, let French people get their own luggage next time. I pulled around towards the back of the cab stand and it looked as though I would have a few minutes so I pulled out my reading material for the day.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:00pm</span><br />“Port to Bellagio. French people, no tip of course. Waiting at Bellagio, reading @lostvegasbook”<br /><br />Paul McGuire aka “Dr Pauly” is a clever veteran poker writer who has been a avid supporter of mine for some time. I suppose we are more e-friends, if you will, as our only face to face meeting was a brief one at the now infamous Rio Hooker Bar. Considering our online acquaintance and ample mutual interests, I was eager to read his book as soon as it came out. “<a href="http://www.lostvegasbook.com/">LostVegas</a>” is a hilarious tale about Pauly’s dog days covering the annual World Series of Poker Tournament in Las Vegas. A few years ago I would have never dreamed of bringing a book along with me on a Saturday night, as there would have been no way I would have even had any time to look at it. But business is depressed these days so much so that you can even get some meaningful reading in on the weekends. I could certainly use a laugh right now as my night has been far from stellar so far. Lest we forget that I am after all, just a cabbie who likes to read. <br /><br />Unfortunately for my readings sake, the cab line at the Bellagio was moving halfway decently and I had another ride in no time. A younger couple got in my cab and told me their destination. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:10pm</span><br />“Loaded Bellagio going to Rio”<br /><br />Not long into the short ride we ran out of uninteresting things to talk about so I decided to tell the young couple about the free ride that I had given out earlier. They were surprised, gasp, that a cab driver would do such a thing. I guess they have a low opinion of everybody however because after I posed the scenario to them, they were both as certain as I was that I would never be hearing from that lady again. But to their credit, they tipped me more than what that ride cost me so in effect I made it back simply by having the story to tell in the first place. The couple was going on their way to see Penn & Teller so I graciously thanked them and told them to enjoy the show. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:21pm</span><br />“Nice folks, going to Penn N Teller tonight. I told them about the free ride I gave, and they were both sure that lady isn’t going to call me.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:22pm</span><br />“Waiting at Rio now…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:30pm</span><br />“Loaded Rio going to Ballys”<br /><br />I loaded 4 absolutely stunning Southern California girls via South Korea. Even though my Korean is very limited, it always perks up an ethnic group when you make attempts at their language. Note to self, learn some French. I’ve learned quite a bit from various languages during my time driving a cab and since there is no point in learning if you’re not going to put it to use I oftentimes will use passengers as test subjects for my pronunciation. Language to a fisherman cabbie is really just a lure. I said a formal “hello” and “thank you” flawlessly and the girls were surprised and giddy. My efforts netted me a decent gratuity but they were gone before I knew it, as Rio to Bally’s is just over the freeway and across the strip for $7 bucks. A short fare but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I dropped of the girls and decided to wait at Bally’s for my next one. No reason to go deadheading all over town at this point when I’ll have a ride here in a just few minutes. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:40pm</span><br />“Hot asian chicks, my kryptonite. Waiting at Balls now…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">6:56pm</span><br />“Loaded Bally’s to MGM”<br /><br />Speaking of kryptonite and arch nemeses, the MGM came up next on trip sheet. I loaded a younger couple at Bally’s who were headed to MGM to catch a show and it didn’t take them long to ask me for a dinner recommendation, such a thing is a common occurrence but I must have chuckled. <br /><br />“That’s funny?” the man asked.<br /><br />“Well I kind of have a thing against the MGM,” I said. <br /><br />“What do you mean?” he said.<br /><br />“It’s a long story, one that I’m certain you won’t care about. The short of it is that I’ve been boycotting the MGM for over a year now. I don’t pick up there, I don’t patronize that place and I never recommend it to anybody if I can help it.”<br /><br />“Damn, what did they do to you?”<br /><br />“Like I said, it’s a long story, one that I’m sure you won’t care about.”<br /><br />“Well we’re already going there so if it’s all the same to you do you know any good places to eat in there? We wanted to get dinner before the show.”<br /><br />“This is my town sir,” I replied, back with my usual gusto, “I always know a good place to eat. What are you the mood for?” I said.<br /><br />“I don’t know, we had Italian last night, we’re not in the mood for anything outlandish, just a good meal. Maybe something with some variety.”<br /><br />“Ok, go to a place called <a href="http://www.mgmgrand.com/restaurants/nobhill-tavern-restaurant.aspx">Nobhill Tavern</a>. It’s a Michael Mina place, one of the few in town and his restaurants always deliver. I’ve had a good steak there before and a really good white sturgeon there before. Come to think of it every dish I’ve had there has been excellent.”<br /><br />“Yeah that sounds good. See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” the man said.<br /><br />“Well it’s like they say, if you wanna know a good place to eat-you ask a cab driver right?”<br /><br />“That’s right,” they both replied.<br /><br />“And if you want to know a great place to eat,” I quickly continued, “you ask a fat cab driver.” <br /><br />They both laughed pretty good at that line and I’m sad to say that I’ve used it 100’s of times. But it always works, thus the justification for it‘s continual use I suppose. However it saddens me more to tell you that I can’t take credit for it. I stole it from another cabbie, couldn’t even tell you who. I’m guessing he was fat though. <br /><br />I dropped the stylish couple off at the MGM for no other reason than because the law says that I have to. I believe it would be considered kidnapping to do otherwise. Even though I told those folks about a great place to eat inside, there still is no fucking way I’m going to picking up any customers here tonight or for the foreseeable future. After all, my real beef is with the asshole doormen in charge of the cabstand. So for what must be the 1,000th time already I left the MGM empty. Generally I would shoot across the street to the Tropicana in search of a fish, or some other place nearby on the South Strip but tonight was just gearing up and talk of delicious steaks and sturgeon has me hungry so it was time to get a quick bite to eat before the flow of business made it cost ineffective to do so. I’m going be in this fucking cab for 12 full hours tonight, I gotta stop and eat at some point.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">7:11pm</span><br />“Leaving MGM empty…time for a quick bite to eat b4 it gets too crazy out here.”<br /><br />I made a right turn to go west on Tropicana avenue and 5 minutes later pulled into my favorite fast food drive thru, In n Out Burger. They have the best burgers in town, by far the best milkshakes and oftentimes I will even catch a fare leaving that place as there are always tourists milling around their near Strip location at Trop & Industrial. I placed my usual order of a double-double spread only and a large vanilla shake. <br /><br />Much is made of the threats that a cab driver in any city faces on a nightly basis I suppose, but there is no question that the stress, the horrible eating regimen and the sedentary nature of the job will be the death of me. It sure would be nice if I could take my full hour of allotted lunch time and head to China Town for a nutritional meal where I could relax and eat my vegetables, but that just isn’t nearly in the cards in my current predicament. To do that would be to waste too much time, lose too much money, which results in facing the wrath of a my employer for below average performance. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the fleet of long haulers as it is I can’t afford to be lackadaisical on a Saturday night. Not that taking one break in 12 hours constitutes lackadaisical, of course it doesn’t. Now maybe you can see what I’m up against.<br /><br />I sipped from my milkshake while waiting at the light to turn back east on Tropicana and two minutes later I was back staging at New York-New York. I set my milkshake down in my cup holder and updated my status. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">7:24pm</span><br />"grabbed some grub, eating quickly while waiting for a fare at NYNY…”<br /><br />There were less than ten cabs on the stand when I arrived and even though I ate fast I was barely able to finish my burger by the time I was on the nut with the whistle blowing again. Four gangster wannabe kids got in my taxi and gave me a destination of the Wild Wild West, ironically a location featured in the "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0557500079/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=taoofpoker-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0557500079&adid=18J6J165KXFJRKQ24RDN&">Lost Vegas</a>" that I happened to be reading. It’s located in the heart of the Redneck Riviera, as Dr. Pauly lovingly calls the neighborhood, which happens to be directly across the street from the In n Out I had just came from minutes ago. Though I like the title, these kids were far from rednecks, in actuality looking like they were emulating the jargon and attire seen from their favorite hip-hop videos. It always astounds me how individuals express their individuality by mimicking things they see on TV. <br /><br />The 20 something male, who sat shotgun beside me and wore his seemingly brand new Dodgers cap crooked at about a 4 o’clock clip while his belt buckle rested closer to his knees than his waist, tried to impress his friends by giving me strict directions regarding how to get to the Wild Wild West. Now, in this day and age of the super-longhaul and cab drivers playing dumb about where things are located strictly as a means of jacking up the fare, I can’t really blame people for giving me specific directions, but it sure is annoying as fuck when it happens. It’s really just an oft way of calling me a thief, an ignorant and insulting my intelligence all in one neat little bundle. However this instance was particularly absurd considering the desired location was less than a mile away on the very road we were already traveling on.<br /><br />If that wasn’t enough to hate these future security guards, this ride is also considered a “short ride”, or somewhere closer to deserving walking shoes than a cab ride, which means that I have to put up with the bullshit directions in addition to not making any money. A double whammy. Thankfully the doorman at the New York New York is a pretty cool guy and he told me when I loaded to simply come back to the front of the line after I dropped off so he could load me up again right away. This practice, of awarding cabbies given a short ride another fare, is becoming more and more rare but the old school doorman realize that short rides piss off cabbies and if he wants to have his guest continually serviced he’d be wise to stay on the cabbies good side. I dropped off the wannabe thugs at the Wild Wild West and naturally received no gratuity. I knew that this was going to be the case quite early during the fare. In reality this is really the triple whammy; a short ride, douche bag/future security guards and no tip combine to make the trifecta of suck. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a seasoned fisherman and I could just be blissful in my ignorance. <br /><br />After I cleared I raced back to NYNY to receive my gift ride, and tweeted my predicament while waiting at the stoplight at Industrial in front of the In n Out. I took a few more pulls off my milkshake. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">7:41pm</span><br />“Fuck. Loaded NYNY and went to wild wild west, just across the fwy. Mo thug was trying to give me directions n shit. Whata turd. Lol.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">7:42pm</span><br />“doorman at NYNY was cool and told me to come back for another load…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">7:45pm</span><br />“Loaded NYNY again this time to Bellagio…”<br /><br />I sped right to the front of the line and the courteous doorman promptly loaded me with another fare, this time a single gentleman wishing to go to the Bellagio. He informed me that he was going to the poker room so I jumped on the freeway for the mile trek to Flamingo so I could easily access the North door at Bellagio as it’s considerably closer to the poker room than the main entrance off the Strip. Along the way, in-between our uninteresting conversation, I figured that I would soon be getting stiffed on the tip again. I have some sort of sense for this apparently. Like the French, poker players are notoriously horrible tippers, even the temporarily rich ones can’t seem to get a fucking clue. I have no choice but to believe that this excessive and continual bad karma is the sole reason for their rolls’ soon departure from their bank. <br /><br />Thankfully there was another fare waiting for me at the north door which is an excellent score because there isn’t even a cab stand at this entrance. Nevertheless, the guests at the hotel aren’t aware of this so it’s still possible to snake a ride at this location from time to time. Such was the case here. Dropping and picking like this reminds me of how this business used to be. Throw some tips into the mix and we’d be making some decent money if we went all night like this, but I knew better. Those days are long gone. I loaded a single white female who needed to go to the Palms. Again a pretty short fare but I did not care because I did not have to wait for it this time and I figured this one would get me back on the path of paying my rent, as she surely would be giving a brother a few extra dollars for his efforts. <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">7:55pm</span><br />“2 rides in a row w/ no tip. Leaving Bellagio, loaded at the north door, going to palms now…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">8:05pm</span><br />“Dropped at Palms, about to load again. Should be a steady push the next 6 hrs.”<br /><br />The line at the Palms moved quickly and I could tell that the night was really starting to gear up. Typically Saturday nights start slow for the night shift, as people are still recovering from their Friday night festivities, and end with a bang and that certainly seemed to be the case so far. A few minutes later I loaded a younger couple needing to go to the Excalibur. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">8:13pm</span><br />“Loaded Palms gong to Excalibur.”<br /><br />En route to the Excalibur my phone rang and it was one of my regulars who needed to be picked up at 9pm sharp. I glanced at the clock and realized it was going to be difficult to try and squeeze one more ride in after this one and still make my deadline, but I sure as fuck don’t want to wait and do nothing for a half an hour to ensure success so this only means one thing- I have to hurry. I pressed down on the gas pedal harder so I could drop off as soon as possible and give myself a better chance to sneak one more ride in. <br /><br />Minutes later I dropped off at Excalibur, but on the way up the main driveway I noticed that the cab stand was fully loaded with cabs waiting for fares so I knew I had no shot of getting a ride here in time. So after I cleared I left the Excalibur, plowing over the speed bumps in a big hurry in search of more abundant waters. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">8:26pm</span><br />“Dropped at Excalibur, too many cabs there so went next door to Luxor, waiting there for a ride. Have a regular at 9pm I need to get.”<br /><br />Murphy’s law always prevails. It never fails that anytime you try and squeeze a quick ride in, be it because of something like this current situation where you have a booking you must be on time for, or perhaps it’s near quitting time and you want to do one last ride before you have to bring the cab home, that’s inevitably when you’ll get the really long fare that takes you all the way across town which of course totally fucks up your plan. The best laid plans of mice and men I believe it goes. This or a dozen other things that seem to go wrong precisely at the only moment when you absolutely need for them to go right. However the suck wasn’t meant to be this time. Maybe it will be my night after all.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">8:38pm</span><br />“Loaded Luxor going to Maverick helicopter tours…”<br /><br />Perfect. The line at Luxor moved quickly enough and I did get a short fare simply down to the Maverick Tours office which is located just south of Luxor on Las Vegas Blvd. on the west end of the airport property, just across from the famous, “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign. I love it when a best laid plan comes together. I cleared with enough time to make it to my good tipping prostitute personal at the required time. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">8:47pm</span><br />“Cleared maverick helicopter, off to local address to pick my regular up, going to Mirage.”<br /><br />Chanel, as I will call her for this piece, is as attractive as she is generous. Typically your African American girls of the night are horrible tippers, even surpassing the poker players and the French, but nothing about Chanel fits that mold. She’s smart enough to know that if she takes care of people then they will take care of her, thus the reason for my short lived stress about getting to her on time and thus the reason she always has a cab ready for her when she needs one. It’s very common for working girls, escorts and strippers alike, to take cabs to and from their gigs and a cabbie would be wise to try and procure some of this regular business. The strippers don’t like to drive to work because a good lot of them get wasted while they’re working. Meanwhile, for obvious reasons, many escorts don’t like to have their personal vehicles parked at properties that they are working at. In terms of regular, local, clients for a nighttime Vegas cabbie, the working girls probably make up the biggest percentage of those. <br /><br />I called Chanel when I was two minutes away and true to form she was downstairs waiting for me at her eastside apartment when I pulled up to her building. After a brief exchange of pleasantries her phone began to ring multiple times and she was chatty Kathy the entire way to the Mirage, the place where her first appointment resided I presumed. I’d like to say that Chanel and I are friends, considering how many times she has been in my taxi, but the truth of the matter is we barely even speak. She is always on the phone and that time is divided into two basic categories. She is either talking to other girls getting the low-down on the Metro Vice cops, the nature of the security at the respective properties and in general how business is around town, or she will be sweet talking potential clients. As I dropped her off at the north door she said she would be calling me later for a ride home. I waited at that door for another fare unsuccessfully until security made me leave. <br /><br />Just like at the Bellagio there is not a cab stand at the north door of Mirage, so I swung around to the Ti. On the weekends it’s generally wise to avoid the Strip if at all possible, particularly southbound leading up to Flamingo Rd.. And since the nature of the cab stand at Mirage requires that one exit the property onto LV Blvd., I steer clear of it whenever possible. Luckily right next door at the Treasure Island you have a multitude of options as to which route you might want to take when exiting that property. As a cabbie, you like to keep you options open at all times if you can. Be that as it may, my next fare, the one I loaded ten minutes later at Ti, took me all the way to the western edge of the valley towards the middle of nowhere which made me think that I should have just stayed at the Mirage. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">9:19pm</span><br />“Cleared Mirage, next door at Ti staging…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">9:28pm</span><br />“Loaded Ti to Red Rock Station”<br /><br />Red Rock Station Hotel & Casino is located in the foothills of the valley on the west side. If you were to go much farther west you would be climbing mountains in no time. The Red Rock Hotel is a beautiful resort, however like all of the others in the Stations family, is one that is intended primarily more for the local Vegas crowd. It’s pretty rare that I get a ride from the Strip or airport up there. It’s a nice fare however, a good $40 from the mid-Strip even if you take the short way. But on a busy Saturday night, this is really the last thing you want to be doing. Yeah I’ll get 40 bucks on the meter, but I’m going to lose at least an hour because there surely will not be any business waiting for me in the boonies when I arrive, which means I’ll have to dead-head all the way back into town burning gas and not making a dime. On a night like tonight, I would rather stay on the strip and do four rides in the same amount of time and come up with the same end result on my meter. However by doing four rides instead of one, I give myself three more opportunities to earn a tip. Three more chances at free money. All things being equal, he with the most trips wins. <br /><br />Considering I had some time to chat with this kind couple from Ohio, I mentioned my first ride of my night again and told them about the free ride. I guess it was becoming more of a survey at this point, however one that served no purpose other than confirming my own cynicism regarding the promised future retribution. The both of them concurred and were certain that I would never be hearing from that lady ever again. Part of me felt better that they saw things the same way that I did, but the negativity did nothing to quench my thirst for righteousness. <br /><br />I dropped off the couple at the Red Rock Hotel entrance and true to form the place looked like a ghost town as far as the cab business was concerned. After my two-way radio netted no cabbie fruit, I called no joy and jumped on the nearby freeway US 95, setting my headings South toward downtown. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">9:54pm</span><br />“Cleared out here in BFE and it’s a ghost town so im deadheading downtown…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">10:14pm</span><br />“Lots of cabs downtown but I’m pot committed. Wiaint on 3rd st. by 4 Queens. Chance to get some more reading in @lostvegasbook.”<br /><br />Generally the cab stands downtown will contain considerably less cabs than their Strip counterparts. This is due to the fact that the stands themselves are significantly smaller and the flow of business is much slower. The good news is that you can generally score a good twenty dollar fare headed back to the Strip from anywhere downtown and they also offer a cabbie a chance to get some more reading done. <br /><br />In about a half hour’s time two sexy females emerged from the front door of the Four Queens and climbed into the back of my cab. My initial guess, that they might be “working girls”, was proven somewhat wrong when they offered their destination. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">10:42pm</span><br />“Loaded 4 Queens, two strippers to back door at Rhino.”<br /><br />It’s somewhat odd to pick up two out of town strippers that are staying downtown and this oddity made sense as soon a the two of them started to strategize their best course of action for making money on this particular night. They debated mostly on the point of would it be better for them to try and work together or to split up and fend for themselves. The finally settled on working as a team but either way it was clear from their dialog that they were new to the Vegas strip club scene, maybe even the strip club scene in general.<br /><br />Now you might think that having two beautiful girls in your backseat, who will undoubtedly soon be taking of their clothes for any douche with a twenty spot, would be totally awesome. Heck, they might even take them off for you, for free! It’s the bees knees of the cabbie business. Right? It’s not true. I would say that these two were rather annoying to listen to and they were the type who were not interested in the least in their cab driver. How ironic that people who take their clothes off for a living would be, in their mind, so significantly above a hacking stiff such as myself. It speaks to how fucked up the public perception of cab drivers really is. I sat in total silence while they attempted to plan out the best course for their upcoming evening of work. They never addressed me, and I never made any attempt to include myself in their ridiculous conversation. My brain cells are far to important to engage in such behavior I believe. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">10:56pm</span><br />“Those girls talked over one another that entire ride, I never uttered a word. Nobody leaving Rhino yet so deadheaded to Wynn. Staging…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">10:57pm</span><br />“That ride out to Red Rock really fucked up my flow."<br /><br />And that much is true. Sure I got some tips, I got a chance to read some more and got two hotties to look at for a few minutes, though I did also have to listen to them. But in reality, I would have been better off not getting that ride to Red Rock an hour and a half ago. Thankfully I made the right call deadheading to the Wynn from the Spearmint Rhino and was loading again in no time, this time a middle aged couple that didn’t appear to be having a good time at all. Actually no, I take that back, the guy looked like he was having lots of fun and his presumed wife was playing the role of party-pooper. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:05pm</span><br />“Loaded Wynn to Mandalay bay,.”<br /><br />The man was drunk, though not that much as he was still very much in control of himself. Nonetheless his wife, for some unknown reason was quite upset about that. <br /><br />“Why do you have to get drunk every time we go out?” she said.<br /><br />“Because I have to go out with you,” I believe was how it went. <br /><br />There are times will I will try and interject, and even mediate lovers quarrels. It’s kind of fun actually and oftentimes I am successful in my endeavor. So much so I feel as though my years in the cab qualify me for some sort of relationship counselor certificate or something. The basic formula is as follows: First you break the ice. You have to get the conversation away from whatever the dilemma is. Once you have the problem out of your rear-view mirror and the tension is gone, you revisit it, you bring it back. You bring up the issue and the most important part of this step is to aid them in empathizing with each other. Usually by this time, after the ice is broken, you can get them to understand each others’ point of view and to the nexus of why they’re bothered. If you can make it this far, and the couple really does care for one another, then you’re usually good. It’s squashed. If you understand why your spouse is pissed off about something, and that something is a legitimate gripe, and you fail to do anything about it or continue the same behavior, well then that’s not love if you ask me. If there is hate, or no desire to be with that person anymore than there isn’t much I can do. There is little I can do but those do make for interesting cab fares most every time (perhaps you’ll remember <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2011/02/he-caught-katy.html">He Caught the Katy</a>). But if there is love behind it all, I seem to be able to help folks find it again. Dr. Phil ain’t got shit on Dr. Funk I’m telling you. <br /><br />In this particular case, I believe that there was love but for whatever reason I didn’t feel like playing family feud tonight. Perhaps because this was not turning out to be my night. I didn’t get paid on my first ride and I had no hope for restitution. My tips weren’t that great so far. Been stiffed 3 times already. The French people, the wannabe hip-hop future security guards telling me how to do my job and the poker player. I had a ride take me all the way out of town, out of the mix, which undoubtedly cost me more money. I have yet to collect any side money from the various means available to me. I haven’t even had a good opportunity for any of that. Maybe it was a combination of these things. Or maybe I just didn’t want to. Either way, I dropped the couple off at Mandalay Bay, having made no attempts at reconciling their difference. <br /><br />The woman steamed off and the man proclaimed he was going to the bar, and soon enough I was loading again. Back in the thick of things, back to work. I updated my twitter.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:21pm</span><br />“That couple was feuding. Dropping at m bay and picking up now going to MGM signature towers…”<br /><br />Again my arch nemesis. You do 30 or 40 fares in a evening and you’re bound to get one or two to the MGM. Ironically this couple asked me the same question the last couple going to the MGM did. <br /><br />“Do you know any good restaurants at the MGM? We need a place for dinner tomorrow.” <br /><br />“<a href="http://www.mgmgrand.com/restaurants/nobhill-tavern-restaurant.aspx">Nobhill Tavern</a>,” I responded again, “it’s a cool room, they have a wide variety of excellent food and it’s not overpriced like some of the other high end joints in that place.” <br /><br />“What’s so funny?” the man asked. I didn’t know, maybe I chuckled. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:38pm</span><br />“Dropped @mgmgrand signature and there was a customer there but I left empty bc I don’t service that piece of shit hotel anymore.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:43pm</span><br />“Deadheaded over to @phvegas and I picked up in no time going to Encore…”<br /><br />Speaking of fishing, the Planet Hollywood is a hop, skip and a jump away from the Signature towers and I know that the up and coming nightlife scene at Planet Hollywood would be enough to net me a ride in a short period time. I knew earlier this afternoon that staging at the Encore would have been a waste of time so I went to Riviera instead and caught an airport run. I knew that I would be able to get a ride out of the airport if I got there early enough. I knew if I went to Luxor I might be able to squeeze in a small fish before got underway to get my regular. I knew the Red Rock ride was not going to be good for my days catch. I know the mother of four isn’t going to call me. <br /><br />I also knew that the Planet Hollywood was not going to net me any trophies but it was close and it was going to offer me enough protein for a meal that I wasn’t going to have to wait long for. I loaded four party girls at Planet Hollywood and true to my knowledge, I did not have to wait long at all. They were going to Encore to make an attempt at going to the nightclub XS that resides at the Wynn/Encore property. I say make an attempt because <a href="http://xslasvegas.com/flash2/#/home/">XS</a> is arguably the most popular nightclub in Las Vegas currently and in all likelihood will be at the top of the list for some time to come. Not only that but these four honeys were, shall I say, deficient in a few major categories vital to successful Las Vegas nightclub attendance. And that is not even a knock on them so much as just a testament to <a href="http://xslasvegas.com/flash2/#/home/">XS</a>’ popularity. At this place, you could be millionaire Perfect 10 models and if you didn’t know what you were doing you could still end up waiting in line for 2 hours. <br /><br />The four ladies failed to tip me which didn’t really surprise me. More importantly, this sort of behavior is just the type of thing I am speaking of when I say that they were lacking in certain capabilities. This group makes it 4 times I have been stiffed on the tip already tonight and that’s not even including the ride I didn’t get paid at all for. This is a really bad number, made worse by the fact that I still had four hours to go. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:56pm</span><br />“Cleared at Encore. Stiffed for the 4th time 2nite. Four Mexicans, I knew no tip for me b4 they did. Waiting at encore now…”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">11:59pm</span><br />“I have 230 booked at midnight. 2 yrs ago woulda had 300 easy by now.”<br /><br />Customers ask me all the time about the economy, so much so that I am thoroughly annoyed with the topic. It could be that I suppose, or maybe it’s that the issue really hits home. Thinking and talking about how driving a cab in Las Vegas used to be so much better of a job and how much it’s starting to suck these days isn’t what I would call my ideal state of mind for an evening of work. I would rather focus on some more pleasant topics. Nevertheless the issue always comes up, albeit never by me. Perhaps because people believe the amount of activity in Las Vegas is a fair gauge as to what’s going on in the country and for that matter the world, or maybe they're just interested in the health of Las Vegas. Either way it’s safe to say that when people don’t have money and have concerns about their employment, trips to Vegas are the first things to go. Let’s face it, Las Vegas isn’t exactly the cure for being broke. When people ask me when I think people will start coming back to Vegas, my response has been the same, “Probably sometime after they get jobs.” <br /><br />So if visitation to Las Vegas is a fair gauge as to the national and possibly even world economies, the business of a Las Vegas Cabbie is most certainly a fair snap-shot of the business in the city itself. See what I did there? I just correlated the cabbie in Vegas to the world economy! As you’ve just read, my numbers on this particular night are down significantly from what I feel I would have had on the same Saturday night 3 years ago. On a Saturday 3 years ago there would not have even been a Night in the Life as there would not have even been time for tweeting in between rides. It would have been non-stop succession all night and I would have been blogging about how a college degrees were overrated instead. <br /><br />3 years ago on a Saturday night I could have booked $400 and logged 40 trips with my eyes closed )although not accident free mind you). Tonight I will be lucky to get 30 rides and finish with over $300. You can do the math, our economy is for shit. <br /><br />Back in the boat, the Encore is a different story altogether now. As dead as it was earlier this afternoon it will be a madhouse for the rest of the evening. I told you before about the popularity of the <a href="http://xslasvegas.com/flash2/#/home/">XS</a> nightclub and that is not the least of it. There are other nightlife opportunities at Wynn and Encore as well, places like <a href="http://surrendernightclub.com/flash/index.php?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc">Surrender</a>, <a href="http://www.encorebeachclub.com/flash/index.php">Encore Beach Club</a>, <a href="http://blushlasvegas.com/flash/index.php?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc">Blush</a> and <a href="http://www.trystlasvegas.com/flash/">Tryst</a>, all of which have a lot going for them and all of which I would recommend. What this means for the fisherman cabbie is that there is going to be a lot of comers and goers from that property. That’s my focus. As anxious as I was to deadhead away from this very spot hours ago, now I’m guaranteed to get a ride from here very quickly and I would be a fool to leave here without a fare. <br /><br />I loaded a couple that was headed to the Bellagio and it was obvious from their demeanor that they had had enough for the evening.<br /><br />“So what’s going on tonight kids?” I asked.<br /><br />“Oh not much,” the man replied. <br /><br />Whoa, look out for these guys I thought. “You guys aren’t calling it a night are you?”<br /><br />“Yeah I think so, we’re tired.”<br /><br />“Tired? It’s Saturday night! If you go to bed before the sun comes up you’re doing it wrong!” I said.<br /><br />“We know, but we’re from the east coast so it’s three hours later for us.”<br /><br />Never heard that one before. “Also,” I continued,” if you’re checking account isn’t overdrawn when you get home from Vegas you’re doing it wrong.“ Which netted me no response at all. What downers these folks were. I didn‘t give up though. “It’s three hours later on the east coast huh? And, what does that have to do with the west coast again?” <br /><br />“What, are you giving us a hard time?”<br /><br />“I feel like it’s part of my duty, as a nighttime cabbie in Las Vegas, to give people who good to bed early a hard time. Pay me no mind sir.”<br /><br />“I told you it’s three hours later for us, just take us to the Bellagio would you?”<br /><br />“Roger that.”<br /><br />Sometimes as a cabbie you’re Dr. Phil, sometimes you’re Mills Lane and sometimes your just a wheel man, which is ok too. I suppose part of being a cabbie for the people is perpetually knowing your place. But I’m not proud, this does not bother me. But I do like to have some fun when I’m working and holy shit these folks were total snores. Their lack of energy makes me want to go to sleep too. Seriously, go to Branson next time I’m sure you’ll have the same amount of fun. Or in your case, un-fun. <br /><br />The three of us sat there in silence the rest of the way while I drove. I was pretending to look at the scenery for the first time when my phone rang. It was Chanel and she was ready to be picked up. Good, at least I had another ride lined up. Considering the hour, I was surprised that she was calling no joy so early but it did make me feel a little better to know that I wasn’t the only one having a bad night.<br /><br />I dropped the couple off at the Bellagio and true to my projection my tip was not fantastic. Excuse me for trying to liven up your evening folks. Branson, look it up. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sunday, Aug 8th <br />12:19am</span><br />“Loaded encore to Bellagio and dropped. My regular called so now deadheading to mirage to get them, then to their local addy…”<br /><br />3 years ago, back when I would have had 30 plus rides and well over $300 on the meter by now, going from Bellagio to Mirage would have been a serious pain at this hour. The traffic situation on the Strip would have been closer in resemblance to a parking lot than an actual road of travel. From anywhere else this problem could be averted but when exiting from the front door of the Bellagio, you have no option but to go out to Las Vegas Blvd.. There is no access to Frank Sinatra Dr. (a side street that runs parallel to the Strip) from the Bellagio which is beyond moronic especially considering the fact that Frank Sinatra Dr. pre-dates the Bellagio. But for whatever reason, Mr. Wynn wanted all traffic entering and exiting from the front. The Bellagio to Mirage route is further complicated if you consider the fact that the Strip, once you’re on it, is really the only sensible way. You could start making all these grandiose plans to try and improve your time by cutting through other properties or venturing over to the side streets to the east of the Blvd., but it was always my experience that this sort of thing is very easy to over think and in most cases you would have been better off biting the proverbial screwdriver and just inching down the Strip. However, this isn’t three years ago, this is now, and these days traffic on the Strip is considerably more manageable. So I made a left turn to head north onto Las Vegas Blvd from the Bellagio and in a matter of just a few minutes I was at the side entrance at the Mirage, where I found Chanel sitting on a bench smoking a cigarette while waiting for me. <br /><br />True to Chanel’s word, she did want to go home even though it was only just after midnight. However, my thoughts about not being alone in my money making misery were quickly put to rest when she told me that she had made twelve hundred bucks already and that’s why she was calling it a night early. This information was exchanged before we even made it off of the Mirage property and she spent the rest of the ride on the phone making plans to go out with her friends. In Vegas, people are just getting started going out at midnight. The cool ones anyway, not like certain, ahem, passengers. <br /><br />I dropped Chanel off and figured it would be best to make get underway for the Hard Rock. The Hard Rock has a younger customer base to begin with so their nightlife scene is always well represented. True to form the cab line moved swiftly and I soon loaded four black girls on their way to Aria.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">12:44am</span><br />“Loading Hard Cock errr Rock going to Aria…”<br /><br />Black people don’t tip. There, I said it. This is the rule, to which there are exceptions of course, but the rule is the rule for a reason. And before you go getting all self righteous on me, remember I said it about the French first. However, it has been my experience that black people are even worse than the Europeans for one simple reason, they’re American. In most every case they are fully aware that I am working for tips and yet they still refuse to throw a brother a couple of dollars. This to me is exponentially more offensive. Ignorance is one thing, and I’m not going to beat you up about that for the most part, but cheapness is not to be tolerated. I suppose we could put the poker players in this mold too.<br /><br />However, if you still want to call me a racist, I’m actually ok with that. I don’t agree, in belief or in practice, but if you want to put that label on me I can live with it if it means you’re acknowledging my correctness. As I stated, I have been doing this for seven years now and that’s a lot of fishing. Thousands upon thousands of passengers have come and gone from my taxi and throughout those years you start to recognize the patterns that exist. If nothing else, and regardless of my supposed prejudice, my thoughts on the subject are simply a conclusion drawn from my own experience. The observational facts are there, don’t cry to me for being honest about them.<br /><br />I’m sure most of you are aware of Steven Dublanica aka “The Waiter”. Steve is (was) a veteran server who years ago began to blog about his experiences waiting tables. His blog, <a href="http://waiterrant.net/">waiterrant.net</a> was so well written and became so hugely popular that it netted him blogging awards and a book deal and the fruits of that work resulted in the New York Times Best Seller “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Waiter-Rant-Thanks-Tip-Confessions-Cynical/dp/0061256692/ref=ed_oe_p">Waiter Rant</a>”. Since then he has authored a second and equally successful work titled “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Keep-Change-Clueless-Tippers-Gratuity/dp/0061787280/">Keep the Change</a>” where Steve attempted, and in my opinion achieved, in becoming the guru of tipping in America. Steve spent two years crossing the country researching and writing "Keep the Change" and it was during his quest that he stumbled into me. <br /><br />Naturally Steve knew that if he was going to write a book about tipping in America then Las Vegas was a town that was going to have to be investigated and covered extensively, for it is undoubtedly the capital of tipping in this country and thus the world. Knowing that cab drivers depend on tips as much as the next service worker, he contacted me in search of insight on gratuities and how they effect me. Initially we had planned to do lunch for a couple of hours where Steve undoubtedly intended to drill me on all things Vegas, all things cabbie and all things tip. But I did him one better and was actually able to secure permission from my employer and the Nevada TaxiCab Authority for Steve to ride along with me in my cab for one night. I figured instead of talking about it, I could give Steve a first hand look from the front seat. So we set the date for a Friday night and it was settled that Steve could interview me in between fares and while we had passengers The Waiter could observe the tipping practices in my world first hand. It made me laugh every time when Steve would ask me how much I got tipped immediately after a customer left the taxi. It was during our talks over his digital recording device that Steve asked me if there were any certain demographics that seemed to tip better than most and conversely if there was any group that stood out as the worst tippers. I answered his questions honestly. <br /><br />More interestingly, Steve shared a story with me about when he was on his Waiter Rant promotional tour and was asked to be on the Oprah Winfrey show, undoubtedly the Mecca of book promotion, to speak about waiting tables and of course his book. Steve mentioned that the night prior he was incredibly nervous, for obvious reasons, but also because he feared that Oprah might ask him a question in this vein. Naturally such a pointed question from arguably the most prominent African American figure in this country, and on national television no less, could quite easily derail any public relations campaign if mishandled. Of course, Steve answered the query expertly by simply redirecting it along the lines of, and I’m paraphrasing here; “ a better question is why are African Americans generally not as represented as whites in fine dining establishments in the first place?” And I believe Steve makes a hell of a good point there, one that digs to a deeper societal issue. However I don’t have that same luxury. To my knowledge, as a whole whites are not better represented as cabbie patrons than blacks are as compared to their percentage of the population or of Las Vegas visitors for that matter. What Steve may have also been hinting at, that perhaps blacks are worse tippers because they may not be exposed to that experience as often as whites are, just doesn’t seem to apply in the cabbie world. <br /><br />So what is it then? I don’t know. What I do know is that I haven’t given up. I try and avoid the self fulfilling prophecy syndrome I eluded to earlier and actually attempt to give my patrons of African decent outstanding service in the hopes of disproving my presumption. However the pattern is there, and despite my attempts at fixing the equilibrium by superior service, more times than not, I am not tipped by black people and the pattern is reaffirmed not disproved. As it turned out, Steve and I had just one black customer during the 8 hours we were together as hacks, and that was the only customer who failed to tip us that entire evening. We were simultaneously vindicated and disgusted. <br /><br />Back in my cab I chatted with the ladies about their upcoming adventure for the evening. They were planning on going to the nightclub <a href="http://www.lightgroup.com/las-vegas-nightclub-haze/">Haze</a>, a popular nightlife destination inside the Aria hotel. After they expressed concern, I assured them that they were not late for any of the nights festivities and furthermore than they would not have any troubles gaining entry into the club as they were four beautiful and sexy females. Minutes later I was dropping them off at the north door at Aria which is considerably closer to Haze than the front door, albeit resulting in a shorter fare for me. I’m not sure what else I can do to garner a tip. I drove you promptly and safely. I took you the most direct route. I answered your questions. I made you feel good about yourself. I made you laugh. I dropped you at the optimum location for your destination. I don’t know what else I could possibly be doing, maybe I could pick up juggling like that one douche.<br /><br />The fare was $7.70. One girl pulled out two dollars and then collected two more from each of the other three. She handed me the 8 singles as they all exited my cab in a hurry. The old me would have taken my lump and gone about my night. The current me can’t help but say something. <br /><br />“Damn you’re gonna do me like that?” I said<br /><br />“What you mean?” the leader of the pack said, now standing outside my cab.<br /><br />“Surely you know cab drivers work for tips right?”<br /><br />The girl begrudgingly opened her purse again and handed me one more dollar. She slammed the door and the four of them walked into Aria. I was vindicated, and disgusted as I pulled my cab around to the back of the line at Aria, to wait to do it all over again.<br /> <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">12:57am</span><br />“The 4 black girls were about to stiff me for the 4th time 2nite but I beat them up about it, my efforts netted me exactly 1 dollar."<br /><br />I wish I could say that things got better from here. I didn’t wait long at Aria and soon loaded two white guys going to Planet Hollywood, directly across the street. <br /><br />This is where the self fulfilling prophecy can come into play. You’re nearing the end of your shift and you‘re getting tired, you haven’t made any money, you’ve had to put up with some headaches, and just when you’re due for something to go your way, you catch a fare going a stones throw away. Sometimes it’s difficult to keep positive when you’ve taken so many punches to the throat, but if you let your negative attitude impact your level of service it most certainly will have an impact on your money moving forward. For those people that do tip, they are less inclined to do so to a grouch. I hate being the party pooper anyway. My customers are not concerned with my problems, only their own good time and I am a fool to ever think otherwise. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">1:08am</span><br />“Loading Aria going to @phvegas. For those keeping score at home, that’s right across the street. Fuck me."<br /><br />The two guys immediately apologized for making me go such a short distance which made me feel a little better just simply knowing that they knew what they were doing to me. Not much of a conversation can be had in a two minute cab ride but thankfully they made the short trip worth my short while. <br /><br />The cab stand at Planet Hollywood was full of cabs but seemed to be moving fast so I began the long trek around the circle at the front the drop off area to the back of the cab line. But before I even made it around the bend two girls flagged me down and asked me to take them to Encore. “Fuck yeah get in,” was probably along the lines of my response. <br /><br />Of course this act of picking up flags outside of or away from a cabstand, is technically illegal as the State has deemed it unsafe to do so. The Nevada TaxiCab Authority wants me to refuse this business and tell the girls to hoof it the rest of the way back to the cab stand. And if I were being totally honest I would also tell you that I suppose that there is something of an ethical dilemma in this scenario as well as there are dozens of cabs on the stand that are patiently waiting their turn for a customer and I have essentially cut, or “front loaded”, that line. However, and since I am being honest about the situation, I would say that I don’t give a fuck about either of these potential issues. I know the real reasons why the State doesn’t want me picking up flags, you can read about those in <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">The Ticket</a>, and I justify caring less about those poor cabbie souls on the grounds that there is no doubt whatsoever that each and every one of them would, and have, front loaded me before. Go ahead and ask them if you want to. Each and every one of those cab drivers would take this fare as I am, so fuck me and fuck them too. You win some and you lose some and this flag is a minuscule needle of victory in a haystack of defeats that is this evening so far. <br /><br />The two girls wished to go to the Encore which seemed to be becoming the place I was going to the most tonight. The ladies still had aspirations of going to XS and all of this was fine by me because I knew that there would be rides waiting for me at the Encore when I got there. And sure enough when we arrived minutes later there was an incredibly long line of people waiting for cabs and none to be found. So much so that a doorman loaded me up again immediately after my two girls paid me and exited the cab. This sort of successive dropping off and picking up reminds me again of the golden days of cab driving in Las Vegas. But as we’ve discussed, those times are behind us, and now my new passengers needed to go to the Excalibur and I knew right away that I was going to be left searching for a fare again as soon as I dropped off there. As you may already be aware, the Excalibur doesn’t exactly contain the most robust nightlife scene on the Strip. The Excalibur is a reminder of a different time in Las Vegas and I think they are just trying their darndest to keep up with the 21st century style of the city. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">1:35am</span><br />“Caught a lucky flag going to encore, the theme of the evening. There are at least 100 peeps waiting for cabs here…loading to Excalibur.” <br /><br /><br />True to form, the couple that now resided in my cab got to hear me give them a hard time for going to bed “early” the entire way to the Excalibur, which looked more like a ghost town than a Strip hotel in terms of activity when we arrived. Thankfully they enjoyed the good natured ribbing and handed me a nice gratuity as opposed to the 3rd degree. But like I knew I would be, I fled the Excalibur property for greener pastures soon as I dropped off. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">1:53am</span><br />“Left Excalibur empty again, no business there after 12. Waiting at Luxor.”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">2:10am</span><br />“Loading Luxor going to Caesars…”<br /><br />“How is your night going?” the single white man was cordial enough to ask me.<br /><br />“I can’t complain,” I responded in my best attempt to not be a party pooper.<br /><br />“That doesn’t sound very good. Not your night tonight?” he said.<br /><br />“You could say that.”<br /><br />“How so?” he asked.<br /><br />I liked how my customer was dictating the conversation for a change. “Well,” I said, “like anything else it always comes down to money doesn’t it? I haven’t exactly made a lot of it this evening.”<br /><br />“Why not? It seems pretty busy to me,” he said.<br /><br />“Yeah I know but what you think is busy and what I think is busy are not going to be the same. But that’s not really the issue tonight. I had a decent number of rides I suppose, considering the age we are living in, but I just haven’t had many good ones. You know, win some and lose some,” I said.<br /><br />“What’s a bad ride? Like somebody not tipping you?” he asked.<br /><br />“Yeah getting stiffed on the tip, which has happened to me four or five times tonight, or shitty rides right across the street. Oh and I almost forgot, I didn’t even get paid for my first ride tonight.”<br /><br />“Didn’t get paid?” he asked, “Does that happen a lot?”<br /><br />“It can happen, I wouldn’t say a lot.”<br /><br />“What did you do? Can you call the cops or something?” he asked.<br /><br />“Yeah I can, and have. This was kind of a different situation though.”<br /><br />“How so?” <br /><br />“Well it was a mother and her four kids that were stranded in the middle of nowhere with no money and in need of some help. I decided to do them a favor and gave them a ride to civilization. The mother insisted that I give her my number so she could call me later on to pay me but naturally I haven’t heard from her.” I said.<br /><br />“Do you think she’s gonna call you?”<br /><br />“What do you think?” I fired back.<br /><br />“Yeah you’re probably right, you will never here from her again.”<br /><br />By this time our cruise down the backside of the Strip on Frank Sinatra Dr. was complete, making a right hand turn into the back door of Caesars. A minute later I came to a stop at the front door where the gentleman stepped out of the cab. Through the passenger side window the man handed me $30 for the $10.10 ride. “Here, maybe that will cover that ride you gave them, hope your night gets better,” he said. <br /><br />“Thanks a lot, I really appreciate that,” I said and watched the man turn around and walk into Caesars Palace. I hopped he had good luck. I spun the cab around the mini drop-off circle at Caesars, headed to the back of the cab line, when out of nowhere came a bright blue Chevy El Camino that blew right by me like I was standing still. I knew the car right away but once it passed me and I saw the familiar customized license plate it confirmed that the idiotic driver was actually an old friend of mine Carl from my initial days in Las Vegas attending UNLV. Carl was a cool guy that I lost touch with but was always a total jackass behind the wheel. Good to see that some things never change. <br /><br />Between my pleasurable last ride and $20 tip, and the fortuitous happening of Carl I got the sense that maybe there was still hope for my evening after all. I had one hour left to make all the bad into good. All it takes is one great ride and a cabbie’s night can be a success. This is Las Vegas after all, anything is possible. <br /><br />Minutes later I loaded 4 party kids at Caesars going back to Mandalay Bay. It didn’t take all of 1 minute into the cab ride before the kid riding shotgun asked me if I knew how to find any drugs. I doubted they were even 21. I responded with my usual comeback of, “I’m looking too so let me know if you find any.” That garnered a seemingly annoyed laugh from the group. What, I’m supposed to risk my hack permit, my job and my freedom for your unappreciative asses? I don’t think so. I dropped the kids off at Mandalay Bay 5 minutes later and received little compensation for my service or for that matter, attempts at comedy. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">2:32</span><br />“Waiting at Caesars I spotted a really REALLY old friend. Insane. Loaded 4 Cali freaks to Mandalay Bay, waiting there now. 1 hr to go…”<br /><br />One hour to go indeed and the small amount of good vibes I had built up from my recent $20 tip and Carl sighting was quickly washed away by the ungrateful party kids. The jury was back, this definitely wasn’t going to be my night. To make matters worse the cab lines were slowing down and it took me over a half of an hour of waiting at Mandalay Bay before I was awarded my next fare, a drunk girl going to Turnberry Towers on Paradise and Karen. <br /><br />The trick with the solo drunk people is really two things. The first is simple and that is to just let them pass out. If they’re that drunk and just want to sleep than that’s ok as the chances of puking are greatly decreased when you’re snoring. And yes, I have had people snoring in my backseat before. I’ve had people snoring as well as the opposite of snoring, fucking, but that’s a story for a different time. The second thing to do, if they don’t fall asleep is to keep them talking. If I can keep you talking, and keep your mind off of puking, then I’ve increased my chances of success tremendously. But there is one caveat here however, you can talk about anything you want to, EXCEPT FUCKING PUKING! And I mean that literally. Any topic you would care to discuss is just dandy, but as soon as you say something like, “you’re not going to get sick are you?” or “let me know if you’re going to throw up so I can pull over ok?”, you’ve planted that seed in their mind and more times than not that seed will grow in the form of throw up on the back of your headrest and if you’re lucky they wont get any on you or the windows. It's a real pain in the ass to clean it off the windows. So no, we’re not even going to mention puking. Rolling the windows down is a good move too. <br /><br />Thankfully the Las Vegas service industry worker was able to keep her cheeks together and ten minutes later I dropped her off at the Turnberry Towers sans incident. I glanced at the clock and realized that it was after 3 already. I’m into the 12th hour of my shift and could, if I wanted to, call it a night and just head back to the yard. On the other hand I could, if I wanted to, try and sneak one more ride in before I have to return the cab by 4 o’clock. My days of fishing taught me long ago that when you try to do “one more ride”, that’s usually when you have a problem. I’m not sure why but that’s just how it works. <br /><br />Considering the little amount of money that I made tonight, I could certainly use a few more dollars to justify my cabbie existence, so I decided against my better judgment. I knew that the Encore would be moving very fast as the clubs were starting to close and there would be ample rides there. Probably even more than there was the last time a short while ago. So I set my headings for the Encore to do “one more”. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">3:06am</span><br />“Loaded Mandalay bay going to Turnberry Towers. Deadheading to encore to snake 1 more…”<br /><br />Less than 15 minutes later I found myself at the front of the cab line at the Encore. There was a line up of cabs but with approximately 200 people waiting I made my way to the front in no time. The doorman blew the whistle to signal it was my turn but instead of making me stop right beside him, so he could open door for the next person in line, he waved me forward to a spot about 100 feet past him where I noticed two gentlemen in purple sport coats on either side of a scantly dressed blond girl. <br /><br />I’d like to say “in hindsight“, but I must say in foresight I should have just locked my doors and cruised right past them on my way back to the yard and added this shift to the historical archives forever. It’s foresight because I knew that these two gentleman in purple sport jackets are hotel security and they are clearly at this point with this girl escorting her off the property. Their job is to make sure she leaves the premises. For what reason, we can not know. But logic should tell you that if the hotel doesn’t want her inside their establishment, than you probably wouldn’t want her in yours either. Lock the doors and drive right by, that’s all I had to do. Instead I unlocked them and came to a complete stop. One more ride.<br /><br />The security guards opened my door for the girl and shut it behind her after she got in, but not before making sure she knew that she was not to return. The girl told me she was going to the Imperial Palace. The IP is hands down the biggest dump on the Strip but for what the IP gives you in a cheesy casino and the, there must be something dead in the closet stench in the rooms, it makes up for with inexpensive rates and perfect location. Considering these factors, the IP is home to the spring break crowd demographic 365 days a year. The funny thing about this was, the attractive blond now sitting in my backseat didn’t seem to fit the IP mold in the least. Sure she was very attractive and in her twenties, but she didn’t appear to be drunk at all and had a semblance of class. At least, that’s what I‘d concluded so far. <br /><br />Our light changed to green and we made a left turn onto the Strip to head south towards the IP. I was kind of curious why she got kicked out.<br /><br />“So how we doing this fine evening?” I asked, playing dumb like I didn’t know she was just trespassed from the Encore.<br /><br />“I’m doing ok,” she said. <br /><br />“Why are you out here by yourself? You lost your crew?”<br /><br />“I lost them hours ago. I have no idea where any of my friends are,” she said.<br /><br />“I take it you’ve called them?” I said.<br /><br />“No. I never thought about it I guess.”<br /><br />“I see,” I replied thinking to myself that she seemed a little like a deer in headlights. Maybe she was on drugs, or maybe she was working? I wasn’t sure but my intuition told me that neither of those were true. Maybe she was just dumb. Yes that‘s probably it. Dumb. “ Why did you get kicked out of the hotel anyway?” I finally got around to it.<br /><br />“I didn’t get kicked out,” she said.<br /><br />“Oh, I just seen the security guards with you and assumed they were kicking you out,” I said.<br /><br />“What security guards?” she said.<br /><br />By now I figured that she was either on some really good drugs, taking dumb to an epic level, or perhaps even that she’s simply assuming that I am the dumb one in the cab. It’s hard to say, but my money is on one of these three. Either way, by the time I made a left hand turn into the Imperial Palace driveway I had failed to get out of her the real reason for her being escorted off the Encore property. Oh well, I suppose it’s none of my business after all and of course by now, well into my 12th hour of work transporting the masses and dunces, I just wanted my 8 dollars and to go the fuck home.<br /><br />“Ok we’re here, it’s gonna be $7.70,” I said before we came to a stop, hoping that she would situate her money quickly. But I knew better, my fishing days have taught me so. Instead I peeked around the headrest and watched the mindless youth fumble around in an attempt to gather whatever form of payment she had planned on using. A minute passed and the longer she was looking for her wallet or her money the more I became certain that she actually wasn’t looking for her wallet or her money but rather she was feigning looking for her wallet or her money. She had none, and I knew it. <br /><br />“Where’s your money?” I said while the cabs behind me, who had undoubtedly already procured their payment, and who required me out of their way so they could go about their night, began to honk their horns. <br /><br />“I don’t know,” she attempted in her innocent, woe is me, bashful delivery. <br /><br />“You don’t know or you don’t have any?” I said raising my voice. <br /><br />“I don’t know,” she said trying to hang on to her story long enough for me to just be a nice guy and let her get her way like she does in every other aspect of her life. <br /><br />“Don’t fuck with me alright tonight is not the night! Where is your money?”<br /><br />“I don’t have any I don‘t think?” And in a moment it became clear why she was kicked out of the Encore. <br /><br />“That’s ok,” I said before locking the doors, “I’ll call the cops and you can explain to them how you got into my cab and had me take you somewhere when you had no money to pay for it. We’ll just sit here it’s fine,” I said. The 5 or 6 cabs stuck behind me laid on their horns. The driveway at the IP is a narrow one and the only thru lane is flanked by the side of the building on one side and the valet on the other. No one behind me can move until I do but I don’t care about this, I want her to feel the pressure. <br /><br />“You’re going to call the cops?” she said trying to make me feel sorry for her. “If you give me your number I can pay you back tomorrow I promise.” <br /><br />I thought that was incredibly funny considering how my night had begun. “You must think I’m pretty dumb don’t you? Listen, here is how this is going to work, you’ re going to give me your cellphone or your ID and then you’re going to call me when you have the money and I will bring it back to you. If you don’t want to do that I’ll call the cops and they will arrest you for defrauding a cab driver. You decide what you want to do.” I said, the symphony of horns resounding even more. <br /><br />“I don’t have a cell phone and I can’t find my ID,” she said. <br /><br />Fuck me, my blood pressure was rising. But in looking at her, she was wearing a dress and not carrying a purse. She had nothing in her hands so she probably was telling the truth. This is a game there is no question, and she seemed to be calling my bluff on the calling the cops play. She sat there while waiting for my next move and I began to think that perhaps the dumb bit was just that. But this is my game, my rules, my home court advantage. And if I had had a better night, or if I hadn’t already given out a free right to start my evening, or not gotten stiffed 5 times, or if I'd gotten some strip club rides, I might have just forgotten about it. Maybe. But that was not the case on this particular evening. I looked her over one more time and my decision was to deprive her of the only thing she seemed to have to spare.<br /><br />“Give me your earrings,” I said reaching my open hand towards the back of the cab.<br /><br />“What?” she said puzzled.<br /><br />“Your earrings, give them to me now and we’re square. Otherwise I really am calling the cops and they really are going to arrest you if I tell them too,” I said. I knew the earrings were of no value, or of no street value anyway, but the move was more to deprive her of something. That was it. She begrudgingly removed the costume jewelry from her earlobes and placed them in my palm. I threw the earrings in my cup-holder and after I unlocked the door she climbed out of my cab without saying a word. Afterwords, I finally pulled forward and made a left turn to go through the parking garage out the back door of IP. Once I was in a place where I could get out of the way I brought the cab to a stop and didn’t pay any attention to the line of cabbies that drove by me, most of them honked one last time at me as they went past. I began notating my last rides of the evening onto my required trip sheet then flipped it over and entered my final meter readings into the appropriate columns. After fulfilling the State obligation, I grabbed my phone and tweeted my update. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">3:31am</span><br />“Loaded Encore to IP. A single white chick WHO DIDN’T HAVE ANY FUCKING MONEY! We came full circle 2nite and I want to kill something rite now”<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">3:33am</span><br />“I took that girls’ earrings though lmao! I can’t take it anymore, heading back to the yard…”<br /><br />Initially I caught up on a few phone calls and then blindly felt around the cab and gathered my personal belongings and put them back into my work bag as I drove back to the yard. My permit, my phone, my Lost Vegas book and my computer. I removed my calculator from the bag and while I was at the various red lights I furiously completed the figures on my trip sheet while I was waiting. All night is a race against the clock, a race to get the next ride, and now it’s a race to get home, a race to get this over with.<br /><br />It’s nothing more than some simple subtractions, current readings minus beginning readings nets the final total fare amounts, total mileage, total paid mileage, and total number of trips. These figures are necessary by law and are also necessary to calculate how much money will be given to my employer and how much remains in my pocket. As good of a time as I have hanging out with the boys at the yard at shift start, I do everything in my power to get out of there as soon as possible when I am finished for the evening. Counting the pre-shift hour at the yard, I’m well into my 13th hour of work by this time and to say I’m usually exhausted by this hour would be a gross understatement. Nights where I make little money seem to exacerbate this problem so this means I have my calculator out and my reading lamp on while waiting at stop lights. <br /><br />Ten minutes later I was one of the first to return to the yard and was rewarded with a short line at the pumps. Just like any rental car you’ve ever used, you must fill up the cab before you return it to the company. Tim, the pump attendant, was being nice although I’m sure he thought I was being an asshole. I just trying to get home was all I was and not interested in any more pointless conversation. In the process of cleaning out the cab I grabbed the pair of junk earrings resting in my cup-holder and without even thinking about it tossed them in the trash. What am I going to do with them? <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">3:48am</span><br />“I threw away the costume jewelry earrings at the yard. Gassed up and returned the cab. Now time for paperwork…”<br /><br />After my fill up, I grabbed my gas slip, removed the medallion and parked the cab in it’s space. I turned the keys and medallion in to the office and took a place to concentrate and get my trip sheet done so I could drop the company money in the safe and I be on my way. Some people I knew began to arrive and of course the only thing anyone wants to talk about is how much you “booked”. Cabbie life in Las Vegas is a competitive one and the companies see to it that the drivers are pitted against one another as a means increasing efficiency or of increasing company profits depending on your perspective. I wasn’t interested in whipping out my dick and comparing it to those who undoubtedly had a better night than I did so I tried my best to ignore the conversations and peaks over my shoulder at my figures. After my duties were complete, I promptly deposited my calculator in my bag and the money in the safe and started the walk back to my personal vehicle. I was tired, but I was done. <br /><br />The sun will be up in an hour and for me it’s a race to get to bed before it gets too light. Sort of like a vampire, no exactly like a vampire. There was no question that I was anxious to get home and get a shower but I stopped by the gas station anyway because I was out of milk and already thinking about tomorrow afternoons bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I was in the store when I felt the familiar phone vibrating in my pocket. It showed an unknown number and just for a second I thought that maybe this was the mother of 4 who was finally calling me to pay me back for my good deed. Maybe she put her last ten dollars into a poker machine and hit a royal.<br /><br />"Hello?" I said<br /><br />"Hey Andrew what'd you book?" a loud male voice said to me.<br /><br />"Who is this?"<br /><br />"It's Trevor, sorry man I thought I gave you my new number already."<br /><br />"No man, you didn't. I had a shitty night but I already left the yard, I'll talk to you about it tomorrow alright?" I said.<br /><br />"Sure no sweat. You up for another game of chess tomorrow?"<br /><br />"Yeah, I need my shot at redemption," I said and hung up the phone.<br /><br />I should have known it wasn't going to be that lady, my fishing days have taught me so. Once I arrived at home I put the milk in the fridge and plugged my laptop in to charge. I grabbed my phone to plug it in as well, and then went upstairs to take a shower and go to bed. But not before tweeting my final update of the night. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">4:07am</span><br />“Another shift in the books. It wasn’t my night again tonight, but that’s a Night in the Life of a Cabbie in Las Vegas.”MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com53tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-14930088115826569472011-02-03T04:00:00.000-08:002011-02-03T04:18:30.931-08:00He Caught the KatyIt was clear the couple was feuding long before they got into my taxi. The whistle blew and I pulled up to the loading area at the Rio where the younger couple, a white man and a attractive Korean girl, where showing all of the signs of having a rough go of things. Naturally, there is a lot you can pick up on even without hearing a single word of the conversation. I came to a stop and the doorman opened the door to my backseat and informed me that the couple needed to go to the M Resort. The young duo climbed into my cab still yelling at each other.<br /><br />“Fuck you Scott ok? Fuck you! Do you understand me Scott?” the girl said. “Why do you always have to do that shit huh? I can’t believe you!” <br /><br />“What is your problem? I don’t understand why you’re acting like this,” Scott replied.<br /><br />“You’re so fucking dumb Scott seriously. I’m through with you.”<br /><br />“Oh we’re done because I’m trying to look out for you? You’re acting like a crazy person and I’m just supposed ignore you? Just supposed to let you be crazy? I was worried about you ok?”<br /><br />“So you call my fucking brother? Why did you call my brother Scott? What business do you have calling my brother and telling him about me?”<br /><br />“I didn’t call him to tell him about you, I called him to see if he knew where you were. You disappeared and I was worried about you. I’m sorry baby.”<br /><br />“Don’t fucking call me baby or honey or any of that shit do you understand me? If you call me that shit again I’m going to hit you,” the girl said. <br /><br /><br />We hadn’t even made our way off of Rio property yet and I thought to myself that considering it was going to take 15 minutes to get the to the M Resort, a casino outpost located at the southern edge of the valley, this would undoubtedly get more interesting before it got less. I decided to shut up and let things happen. I heard another cabbie say once that anytime he picked up a couple and they weren’t talking to each other, the silent treatment, he took that as a sign that they wouldn’t be interested in talking to him either so he refrained from any attempts at small talk. Wise words I think and I have since employed the philosophy. But I believe the same is true if they are engaged in a more proactive argument. If a couple is quarrelling in your backseat it stands to reason they won’t be interested in chatting about the weather with a hired stranger. The light turned green to head east onto Flamingo towards the freeway, Scott pulled out his phone and started punching buttons.<br /><br />“What are you doing Scott?” <br /><br />“I asked you a question Scott. What are you doing? Scott you’d better not be texting my brother.”<br /><br />“I just want to let him know that I found you and that you are alright and everything is fine,” Scott said.<br /><br />“Are you fucking stupid Scott? What did I just tell you? Scott put your fucking phone away right now I’m warning you.”<br /><br />“Oh you’re warning me now?” Scott said still thumping away at his phone. <br /><br />And that was when I heard the loudest and most pristine smack that I have ever heard. It was perfect. I don’t know how she was able to pull it off so splendidly at the angle she was sitting, but it was a good one. I mean think about it, sitting on a bench to someone’s left is not the best position to smack them in the face. Especially if you’re right handed. Maybe she was a lefty. <br /><br />“Yeah that’s real mature Katy,” Scott’s said, putting the phone away. <br /><br />“I don’t care what you say. I told you not to do that. So do you want to try again?”<br /><br />“What is wrong with you Katy? Seriously. I’m trying to watch out for you and this is how you’re behaving. Real mature.”<br /><br />“Oh you’re trying to watch out for me? Really? You’re just being a douche that’s all you are trying to do. Scott’s a douche! I’m so done with you, I can’t believe I ever liked you.” <br /><br />“Listen to you. You’re the most insane person I have ever seen. I can’t even talk to you.”<br /><br />“I don’t want to talk to you Scott! Don’t you understand that?”<br /><br />“And yet, here you are talking to me. Imagine that.”<br /><br />“Fuck you Scott,” Katy said after a brief silence.<br /><br />“And you’re going to be sleeping in my bed tonight too aren’t you?” Scott said. <br /><br />“Scott you are the biggest douche I have ever met.”<br /><br />We passed under the Blue Diamond Rd. over pass and the two of them continued at it. I tried my best not to laugh every time she said douche. Something about that word is way funnier when a girl says it. Scott continued to pry about where she was going to stay that night. <br /><br />“Where are you sleeping tonight Katy? Where do crazy people stay in Las Vegas sir?” He addressed to me but I didn’t say anything. I considered answering with, “At the M apparently,” but thought better of it. This fire was going to grow just fine without throwing gasoline on it. <br /><br />“You didn’t answer my question Katy, where are you staying tonight? If you’re going to act like this I don’t want you in my room.”<br /><br />And with that she wound up and smacked him again right on the side of his face. I seen it this time in the rear view and again it was the cleanest and loudest smack you will ever hear. She was a righty after all. Perhaps the confined area of the taxi served to exemplify the smacking noise. I don’t know. Either way, Katy was perfect on all three score cards so far, and Scott didn’t seem the least bit interested in doing anything about it.<br /><br />“Real mature Katy,” again was his only reply.<br /><br />“Fuck you Scott. Look at you, that’s how dumb you are. You think I actually want to stay with you tonight. Don’t worry about where I’m fucking staying tonight. You don’t get to know what I’m doing anymore. I’m going to get my bag and leave you forever. Don’t worry about it.”<br /><br />Katy wound up once again and this time throwing the first swing that didn’t connect. Her misfire sounded like it landed on the backrest but I’m not certain. Maybe it was a body shot and I was just used to the crispness of the open handed overhand right. It’s hard to say, I was trying to keep my eyes on the road and remember bits of dialog for use in a future blog entry. <br /><br />“That’s real mature Katy. It used to just be 3 year olds that hit people when they are mad but now everyone is doing it.”<br /><br />It’s a difficult situation for any guy with your lady decides to strike you. As a man, you know when you deserve it. And if you do deserve it, I’d suggest taking it like a man and hoping she forgives you at some point or another. And then of course, don’t fuck up again like you did the last time. However if you’re not really deserving of a slap in the face, gauging a proper reaction is not the easiest thing to do for a guy. It would be all too easy for a man to assert his physical dominance into the equation and put a stop to things immediately. I’m not saying you strike back, but there should be some way to make her understand that she is, in fact, playing with fire. For some women, such as our illustrious Katy, this is the only language she will respect in all likelihood. If on other hand you decided to call the cops and report the assault, with hopes of avoiding the same problem in the future, there is little doubt that this crazy bitch will spin the story that you hit her. Plus you’re kind of a pussy. It’s really a lose-lose. In Scott’s case it was clear he was something of a snide pussy and of course Katy knows this as well as anybody which is why she is playing the bully. She knows that he’s not going to do anything about it. This has probably happened before I figured, but to disrespect your man in front of strangers is another beast altogether. I didn’t know how much longer to keep my mouth shut. <br /><br />“That’s real mature Katy, that’s real mature Katy,” Katy said in a condescending tone. “Like you’re Mr. Maturity over here.”<br /><br />“Sir, who do you think is more mature, me or my girlfriend here?” Scott asked me.<br /><br />“What the fuck are you talking about Scott? You are so fucking stupid it’s unbelievable,” Katy responded before I even had a chance, not that I was going to touch it anyway. <br /><br />“What the fuck are you talking about Scott? You are so fucking stupid it’s unbelievable,” Scott replied in his best impression of his crazy, soon to be, ex-girlfriend. And a moment later she wound up and smacked him again, clean right on his face and I had had enough. If Scott wasn’t going to handle his business I guess I was going to have to do it for him. I channeled my father when my brothers and I were younger and acting up on the family road trips and braked hard and quickly pulled the cab over to the shoulder of the highway. <br /><br />“Alright I’ve had enough of this shit. Katy you keep your fucking hands to yourself or you’re going to be dealing with me and you don’t want that I promise you. Just sit there and shut the fuck up and you’d better not hit him or anybody again. Do you understand me? I shouted. <br /><br />“Of course the man sides with the man, of course you would do that wouldn’t you?” Katy immediately shot back.<br /><br />“I’m not on anybodies fucking side ok? If this was the other way around I would have put a stop to this shit a long fucking time ago believe me. I don’t care what your issues are but when you’re in my cab you’re not acting like this. So just shut up and keep your hands to yourself,” I said while I was half turned around and staring at her. I continued to stare while she sat in silence until her body language finally informed me of her concession. My eyes convinced her that, in my case, she was indeed playing with fire so she backed off. She doesn’t know me, doesn’t know what I’m capable of, plus I’m three times her size. She’d have to be an absolute moron to test me. The eyes are everything, as they are the proof of your testament. <br /><br />“Thank you sir,” Scott said, “I apologize about my crazy girlfriend.” I sensed the snide and sarcasm still looming in Scott’s tone. He thinks I’m on his side now and he can do or say whatever he wants.<br /><br />"That’s enough out of you too. Same goes for you, you’re just egging her on so the both of you just shut up. Deal with your issues after you get out of my cab.”<br /><br />It was the first time I had ever involuntarily intervened into a lovers quarrel. I wouldn’t say it’s something that I aim to do, ever, but I believe in this case it was warranted. It was really uncomfortable in there. The three of us sat in total silence the remaining minutes of the ride. I concentrated on my windshield while the two ex-lovers blank stared out of their respective windows, neither of which wishing to bet against my resolve. To say the cab business has hardened me would be an understatement. Now I can stand up to 100lb Asian girls. <br /><br />We entered the M Resort property and we made our way along the driveway towards the main drop-off area. Nearing the front door we passed by an empty cab staging area and it appeared that the three ladies standing just outside the main lobby may be in need of a taxi. I pulled up right alongside where the ladies where standing hoping that I would be able to score another ride right away, a near miracle occurrence way out in the boonies like we were at a time like this. <br /><br />The instant we came to a stop Katy opened her door and as soon as she was a few feet away she started screaming at me and anyone else who would listen. I was not surprised. <br /><br />“Fuck you cab driver you’re just a fucking douche too. You think you’re all tough and gonna beat me up, fuck you mother fucker I’ll do whatever I want too. Don’t ride in this fucking cab, the driver is a douche!” she said walking right past my next potential customers who looked half scared and half considering how bad they really needed a taxi after all. <br /><br />“It’s $33.70,” I said to Scott who was still sitting in the backseat. He began counting out his cash and then handed me 34 dollars. “I’m sorry all I have is 34 bucks,” Scott said. <br /><br />“Get the fuck out of here, are you serious?”<br /><br />“Yeah man. I know I should leave you a tip. Why don’t you give me your number or something and I’ll make it up to you later I promise,” he said. <br /><br />“You fucking bring me all the way out here to the middle of nowhere, I save you from the wrath of your psycho girlfriend and you can’t even throw a brother a couple of dollars?”<br /><br />“I know. I’m sorry that’s all the money I have.” <br /><br />“All you have is exactly $34?” I said. <br /><br />“Yeah.”<br /><br />“Bullshit man. Good thing you’re ride is $34.70 huh?”<br /><br />“Give me your card I will make it up to I promise.”<br /><br />“Yeah right dude,” I said handing him one of my cards knowing, it was an exercise in futility. <br /><br />Scott got out of my taxi and began his walk of shame towards the front door of the hotel while all three ladies stared at him. Katy was long gone. I climbed out of the cab as well for damage control and to see if I could score some more business. The three ladies stood in silence alongside a doorman, all four of them just looking at me wondering what to do next. <br /><br />“Did you guys need a cab?” I asked.<br /><br />“Yes. Is everything alright?” the bold one in the group finally spoke.<br /><br />“Yeah yeah everything is fine. Don’t let that girl scare you, I’m one of the good guys I promise,” I said.<br /><br />“What was her problem?”<br /><br />“That girl is what happens when you mix a little bit drunk and a lot crazy together.”<br /><br />“Yeah, she seemed a bit unstable,” the middle aged blond lady said in the understatement of the night. “Do you know where the Sierra Gold on Warm Springs and Stephanie is?”<br /><br />“Yes Ma’am" I said, "hop on in.”<br /><br />“What’s the best way to get there?” she said testing me. <br /><br />“From here? I’d say St. Rose to Pecos and jump on the Beltway down to Stephanie, make a left.”<br /><br />“That’s right,” the leader of the pack said. “C’mon girls let’s go.”<br /><br />The three ladies piled into my taxi and in short time we were headed north on St. Rose Parkway towards Henderson in what was about to be a total departure from my previous fifteen minutes. There was no question. The distant lights of the Las Vegas strip sparkled out my window to the left while my three passengers shared stories of their gambling losses. In no time the conversation returned to Katy’s antics and after they inquired I gave them the long and short of it. After hearing the whole story they all seemed to agree that I did the right thing by staying out of it, and chose the right time to put a stop to the madness. I was glad that they gave me the benefit of the doubt. Nobody does that anymore. <br /><br />“You’re not going to pull over and spank us are you cabbie?” the leader asked.<br /><br />“Only if you deserve it,” I said.<br /><br />“What if I want it?“ she said with a chuckle. <br /><br />"Well in that case just say the word darlin'"<br /><br />“You must see it all don’t you?” <br /><br />“You could say that.” I replied.<br /><br />You could say that I’ve seen it all and then some. But I like my job, and I like meeting people of all walks of life and people like Scott & Katy certainly have their niche in this strange world of ours. But I’m not picky mind you. I don’t ask for too much, only a <span style="font-style:italic;">reasonable standard of taxicab patronage</span>, as I like to call it. All you have to do is not be a total nut job, don’t puke in my cab, have money to pay me and maybe even a few extra dollars to throw a brother for his efforts. It’s not rocket science and these three should fit that bill just fine. <br /><br />Back to work.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-46210862632700272602010-12-20T18:56:00.000-08:002010-12-20T19:15:56.855-08:00It's that time of year again.It's Christmas time again and I think I would be remiss if I didn't re-post the Christmas Story. I just read it again myself and it brings back a lot of memories, and helps to remind me of what's really important. I'm leaving for home tomorrow, going back for another round of Secret Santa craziness and I can't wait to see what this year has in store for my family. If any tears are shed this time around, I'll be sure to let you know. It's been an interesting year for me, both in my personal life and in the cab and I am very grateful to have you guys to read about it. Thanks for your support as always and we'll see ya in 2011.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2007/12/ixl.html">Christmas Story</a> <br /><br />Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Happy New Year to you all.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-49221993344233992342010-12-14T05:35:00.000-08:002010-12-14T05:37:30.210-08:00Remember to CallI don't remember what the gentlemen and I were discussing. I can't remember where we were going either, someplace over by Flamingo and Paradise. Maybe the La Quinta. Now that I think about it, I don't even remember where I picked the guy up. Maybe it was Caesars. What I do recall was us being the only car sitting at a red light on Flamingo at Howard Hughes, directly in front of the Tuscany. It was late and my cab was the only car around, like in the movies. That was when I noticed a very large red truck coming from behind us in my rear view mirror. The numerous blinding lights mounted to its front grill made it impossible to tell for sure but it appeared to be approaching at an incredibly fast rate of speed. When you see this scene in the movies you think to yourself, this truck is going to plow right into us, but it’s ok because I will hit the gas in time. I’ll floor it right away, burn through the red light, manage to avoid the oncoming crossing traffic and pick up just enough speed so we only get a bumper tap from the truck, which does nothing but help us along our merry way. But that's not real life, at least not tonight it wasn’t. In real life you see the emblem coming right at you in the rear view in 3D and your body is frozen as you stare at the truck, now in slow motion as it steams right towards you. A split second seems like minutes but even in the slow motion affair you are helpless. This was a tall truck, with big tires and it's name was Ford. I'm certain the stock model came equipped with a braking system, but we'll never know if they were functioning because the bitch at the helm never even applied them. Three drunk girls with Papi's jacked up F-250 decided to drive home and in the process plowed into a motionless cab at better than 40 miles an hour.<br /><br />The collision was the loudest thing I’d ever heard. The two vehicles exploded as metal was torn like aluminum foil and glass from multiple windows shattered, littering the entire intersection. My body flailed around uncontrollably from the force of the impact, only succumbed by my safety belt. Once the cab finally rolled to a stop it seemed like a dream. I wasn’t in my body but more a daze of ignorance. My thoughts seemed to take forever to collect themselves but when they came around I noticed that I still had all of my fingers and toes. I was alright, or so I thought. Once I turned around however, I quickly realized that my passenger was not nearly as lucky as I was. He took that truck right in his backside and since there was no screeching of the tires, there was no warning. He probably didn’t even know what was coming. Thankfully, he was conscious and didn’t appear to be bleeding anywhere, but it was clear he was in excruciating pain. My first thought was that his back was broken. His head was planted firmly against the headrest and his body lay ridged against the back seat like he was already strapped to a backboard. It seemed like he was afraid to move, for fear of causing himself more pain I believe. When I tried to talk to him his entire body remained still and he only moved his eyes to address me. I reached for my phone and dialed 911 and told them my location and that we needed Fire & Rescue and Metro immediately. Thankfully the Fire House on Flamingo was less than a mile straight down the road. I tried my best to talk to the man. <br /><br />“Help is coming right now sir, the Fire House is very close to here they will be here any second,” I said. “Just be still ok, you’re going to be alright.”<br /><br />“What happened?” was all he could say in between his groans of agony. <br /><br />“We got rear ended, we’re going to be alright though I promise ok? I can hear the sirens already.”<br /><br />I picked up my two-way and informed my dispatch of my location and what was going on before getting out of my cab. As the cavalry approached, I motioned to the fire trucks to help insure that they tended to my passenger first. <br /><br />“Listen friend help is here, they are going to take good care of you ok? Is there somebody I can call for you? Maybe I can tell them where you’re going so they can meet you at the hospital?” <br /><br />“No,” he said without hesitation, “I don’t want my wife to worry.” <br /><br />How noble I thought. “Yeah you’re right,” I said, “you call her after you find out you’re ok.” <br /><br />In the seconds of confusion that followed the collision, I could have sworn that I noticed in my mirror the drivers door of the truck open and close. It was confusing. As Las Vegas F.D.’ finest began to unload and tend to my passenger, I walked over to the truck mostly to assess the situation, but also to see if the girls were alright. As soon as I walked up to the drivers door I could see the multiple empty beer cans scattered across the trucks floorboard. <br /><br />“Are you guys ok?” I asked. <br /><br />“We think so,” said the brunette. <br /><br />“Was there somebody else driving or something?”<br /><br />“No,” she said, “ I was driving.” <br /><br />I don’t think it mattered much, they were both drunk by the looks of things. <br /><br />By the time the police arrived my passenger was already on a stretcher being loaded into the back of the ambulance. Being in such a vulnerable state, I walked over to him and grabbed his hand and apologized.<br /><br />“I’m real sorry about this sir, you’re going to be alright buddy just take it easy ok?” <br /><br />Nothing is worse than being in the hospital on your vacation. The medics closed the double doors of the ambulance behind my passenger and were driving off sirens blazing in seconds. I ventured back near my cab where the first cop to the scene seemed to be surveying the damage. <br /><br />“This is your cab?” he asked me.<br /><br />“Yes sir.” <br /><br />“You’re not injured?”<br /><br />“No sir I think I’m ok.” <br /><br />“What happened?” he said. <br /><br />“We got rear-ended. We were in the #2 lane here, first and only car at the red light here and these guys came out of nowhere and plowed right into us,” I said. “I already talked to the girls, there are beer cans all over the inside of that truck.”<br /><br />The officer game me a stern look, I continued, “There’s something else sir, after the impact I coulda swore that the drivers door opened and shut, I think these girls either switched seats or the one that was driving is no longer here. I don‘t know, I got knocked around pretty good I think.” <br /><br />“Really?”<br /><br />“Yeah I’m not sure.”<br /><br />“I’ll bet you’re right., your mind doesn’t just make stuff up like that. You probably witnessed it you’re just don’t believe you did. Well,” he said in a gasp, “if she’s smart she’ll go right to a bar and start drinking.”<br /><br />“I’m sorry?” <br /><br />“I said if she’s smart she’ll go straight to a bar and start drinking. If she fled the scene drunk and we find her at a bar drinking we can’t prove that she was drunk at the time of the accident. We’d have her on the felony hit and run easy, but it’d be difficult to make the DUI stick.” The Officer said. “I’m going to figure out what’s going on, you go over there and stand on the sidewalk off the road ok?”<br /><br />“Yes sir.”<br /><br />“You’re sure you’re alright?” he said walking away. “This is a pretty bad one.”<br /><br />“Yeah.” <br /><br />The officer got both of the girls out of the truck and made them sit very far apart on the curb so he could interview them separately. The oldest trick in the book. Meanwhile my companies supervisor arrived at the scene along with their insurance adjuster and in short time a Taxicab Authority Officer was on the scene as well. Obviously, the liabilities involved in the cab business are astronomical so naturally my employers take whatever steps they can to try and limit those exposures. You would do the same thing. One of my obligations as a cab driver is to notify my dispatch of any accidents that I may be involved in. And I do mean any. At one time my companies handbook defined an accident as; “If your cab touches anything other than air, you have been involved in an accident.” More recently this language has been amended to be more concise because by this definition, anytime it rains or a bug splatters on my windshield I have been involved in an accident. I only share this definition with you now to help illustrate how serious the companies are about their drivers reporting their “accidents”. Failure to notify dispatch of any accident is grounds for instant termination, even if there is zero damage or if the accident wasn’t your fault. My super, the insurance representative and the T.A. Officer are all here to serve that end in one way shape or form. There will be dozens of photos taken, passengers interviewed, witness statements, driver statements, seat belts tested and even accident reconstruction. Attempts are also made at achieving signatures from those involved who are denying medical attention. That’s right, they will try and make you sign a sheet of paper, a contract essentially, saying that you are ok. These sorts of things are not insurmountable in court I don‘t believe, but the companies sure love to have those documents in hand when people try and sue them later. And it’s not just you, they make me sign it too. <br /><br />The cop returned, “you’re right” he said, “there was definitely somebody else driving.”<br /><br />“They told you?” I said.<br /><br />“Not yet, but they will. I’m just over here letting them pine on it for a minute.”<br /><br />The insurance adjuster got busy taking pictures and speaking to the girls as well while my supervisor and I began filling out the seemingly endless paperwork that revolves around these incidents. Anything and everything to limit liabilities. The cop returned hassling the girls.<br /><br />Right around the time my cab was making it’s way onto the flatbed tow-truck now at the scene, another large Ford pick-up pulled alongside the accident and parked. A middle aged Latino couple got out of the truck and the cop wasted no time walking up to the woman and said, “Where you driving this truck ma’am?” to which she nodded. The cop quickly placed handcuffs on the driver and directed her to stand in front of his squad car. Undoubtedly, one of the girls had called the driver and convinced her to come back. She wept while the man, presumably her husband, assured her that he would come and bail her out. The Metro Officer continued with his duties of questioning the driver while the husbands thoughts turned to the pool of antifreeze on the ground and his significantly damaged truck. His anger about his “loss” was verbally apparent which in turn, made me angry. <br /><br />“Yeah, maybe you should be thinking about the guy who’s at the hospital right now,” I said. <br /><br />“Who the fuck are you?” the man shot back.<br /><br />“Oh I’m just the guy your wife almost killed, no big deal. Man that‘s too bad about your truck bro. What a shame.”<br /><br />“That’s enough,” The TA officer said to me realizing that this was a conversation that wasn’t going to lead anywhere good. No reason for the two of us guys to be around each other anyway. “Go sit in the tow truck, you don‘t need to be out here anymore,” he scolded me. <br /><br />“Yes Officer.”<br /><br />I retrieved my drivers license and T.A. permit from the insurance adjuster who had completed notating my information, but my carry on bag and the rest of my belongings where still in the cab, now atop the flatbed. While the tow-truck driver was working to secure my taxi, I climbed up into the smelly cab of the truck and sat in the well of silence. I thought about what had just happened, and that it just as easily could have been me at the E.R. right now. It just as easily could have been a slightly different kind of impact that resulted in something much worse. Standing there looking at the wreck for that time I was amazed the truck didn’t run up over top of us. It was no Big Foot V, but it was certainly modified with oversized tires. What if that happened? I don’t know and I suppose it’s best not to think about it. But in thinking about these things, and about how my passenger handled the situation, I realized that I had the same feeling about things that he did. Should I call my loved ones? Should I call the ones who care about me and tell them that their worst fears about my job almost came true? Of course you’d like to share it with somebody, but what does it really serve? Certainly at that moment, over the phone, it only serves to make people worry. You tell them only after they can see that you’re ok. My passenger knew that. I guess I did too.<br /><br />“You ready to go?” The tow-truck driver said climbing in the drivers seat. <br /><br />“Yeah let’s get out of here.”<br /><br />“So are they going to put you in another cab and make you go back out?” he said making a U-turn to head west on Flamingo to head back to my company’s yard.<br /><br />“Fuck no, I’m going home.”<br /><br />We drove past the accident scene on our way back westbound on Flamingo. As we passed by, the young woman stared at me from the backseat of the police cruiser. I hoped that it was a look of empathy, but I have little doubt it was the look of self pity. Ten minutes later we were back at the yard. I opened the door to climb down from the tow-truck and the instant I made it on my feet again was when it hit me. My body felt like I had just played in two consecutive football games, like my entire body was in a knot that could never work itself out. My back was stiff, my neck was stiff, my knees hurt too for some reason. Perhaps my 6’3 frame forced my legs into the dash during the impact. I don’t remember. Regardless, it seemed obvious that in becoming aware of the impending impact my body tensed as a result of the fear, which was now playing a major roll in my stiffness. I felt like an 80 year old man. It took an unusual amount of concentration for me to be able to finish my required shift paperwork, count out my money and drop it in the company safe. My struggles were made worse by the 3 different cab drivers who made a point to come up to me, knowing that I had just been in an accident, to offer me the business cards of their favorite attorneys. Naturally those drivers would have received a nice kick back from the lawyer if I chose to procure their services. The strongest argument I heard regarding why I should “sue the bitch” was the simple fact that, had the situation been reversed and it had been me who had rear ended the 3 girls, there is no doubt that all three of them would be suing me, and my company as well. There is no question that this is true. This theory has been expressed, and proven in these pages previously. <br /><br />You may recall a story I told some time ago about my worst at fault accident that I was involved in. I had dropped off a passenger at a UPS store who was a total bitch and as it turned out, she had no money to pay me. I was so steamed pulling out of the driveway, sans payment, that I collided with a car that was traveling in the middle turn lane or suicide lane as some call it. Due to the gridlock of cars in the two thru lanes to my left, coupled with my emotional state, I simply did not see the oncoming vehicle who, had he been obeying the rules of the road, would have never been there in the first place. But he was there and I did not yield and my front end ultimately scraped his entire passenger side of his car as he flew by me. Had I been 6ft further ahead at that exact moment, I would have gotten it right in my drivers door. Had I been 6 inches further back, I would have missed him entirely. I didn’t get T-boned thankfully but I did make substantial contact with his car as he crossed in front of me. After the impact both of us quickly exited our vehicles, for entirely different reasons mind you. I began walking towards him and asked, “Are you ok?”. The man’s actual response to the question, as well as the very nature of it, is something that I will always remember. The man looked at me, looked over at my taxi, then looked back at me and while shrugging his shoulders said simply, “I don’t know.” I knew how it was going to go down as soon as he said that and sure enough a month later I was served papers informing me of the pending lawsuit against both myself and my employer. I was also not surprised when I noticed who was representing the guy was none other than the “Heavy Hitter” himself. Due to the incessant moronic commercials, Las Vegas locals know the heavy hitter to not only be the biggest ambulance chaser in town, but probably the biggest douche as well. <br /><br />As it turned out, that lawsuit was dropped and as such I have no judgments against me. I would venture that my accident mate was not totally forthright during his consultations with his heavy hitting attorney and when certain facts came to light later on-particularly that the Metro officer at the scene determined that both parties were at fault and cited both of us, as well as the fact that we had video documentation of the accident itself, it became clear to the Heavy Hitter that he had a shit case on his hands and it was quickly disposed of. <br /><br /><br />All lawsuit for profit business aside, and even though I was initially convinced that I was fine, it was clear that I was going to need some medical attention after all. Realizing that it would be unwise as well as unnecessary to pay for my own medical treatment in this situation, I sought representation the following day. However I did not choose one of the lawyers my fellow cabbies were pushing me towards but rather I chose a friend of my girlfriend’s whom she used to work for. Somebody I could trust. At the time I couldn’t say I was too thrilled at the idea of being “that guy”, however in hindsight it was the right move because I was off to the M.D. and a Chiropractor later that afternoon. My attorney could handle all of the business so I could simply focus on getting better. <br /><br />My M.D. was concerned about my headaches, which I never get, but I passed all of the concussion tests with flying colors and after a brief once-over, the only thing keeping me from a clean bill of health was my severe stiffness so off to the Chiropractor I went. Over the course of the next two weeks I visited the Chiropractor 7 times. During each visit I was adjusted, then spent equal time on some electro shock therapy, a roller bed, and some light rehab equipment. Boy did I love that roller bed. Throughout that time I saw steady improvement everyday and even though my Dr. insisted that I needed at least another week of treatment, I never went back after 7 visits. I was right as rain. <br /><br />Even though I had two weeks of treatment I was back to work after only one. In the months that followed my attorney saw to my lawsuit which he informed me was getting increasingly complicated as a result of the fact that the defendant was being pursued by 3 different parties all of which with legitimate complaints. My passenger, my employer and I all sought compensation and naturally the defendant didn’t have a large enough policy to appease us all. To this day, I have no idea what came of my passenger. I sure hope that he ended up alright. Regardless of his outcome I’m sure he racked up some hefty medical bills along the way. For my employer’s part, they had a totaled sedan on their hands and there is little doubt they pursued lack of use compensation in addition to the actual value of their vehicle. As for me, I had a relatively small claim the end result of which netted me just enough to cover my medical bills and my attorney’s end, with barely enough left over to compensate me for my lost time working. But that was ok, I wasn’t seeking a big payday. I was seeking my health and reasonable compensation for my time and I think I received those things. Besides, I’m sure my passengers attorney, and the team of them that my company employs had no problems sticking it to the bitch without my help. <br /><br />In the end, these sort of things are part of being a cab driver I suppose. No different than the pukers and the posers, the bad tippers and the prostitutes, dealing with the drunk drivers comes with the territory. This is after all Las Vegas, home of the bars that never close. I certainly would not choose that it be this way, that even today the number of drunk drivers on the road is still appalling. If nothing else I should feel fortunate that I made it six years without an accident that harmed me. That’s a pretty good run I think and a testament to my quality driving. And I should be thankful that even though this situation was far from ideal, I did make it out alive and without a scratch. I guess now I can call Mom and tell her.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-53455002585733550502010-11-15T05:50:00.000-08:002010-11-15T06:41:24.526-08:00Mountain BrewPursuant to my policy, I’ll generally fork over one dollar a day to a homeless person. The bums love to hit up cabbies for change because we are easy stationary targets while staging, and we always have money handy. That and I think the homeless feel like they can relate to cabbies for some reason. The lowlifes know their own kind. At one time there was a stretch where I gave a dollar to the same individual every time I seen him for a period of about 3 months. I liked the guy, I suppose partly because he was mildly entertaining and partly because he called himself “Stoner”. Just like with the hookers, the self aware hobo’s are easily the most fun to converse with. Once he realized that I was good for a buck, it didn’t take Stoner long to figure out my patterns of working the downtown stands. He knew where to find me. <br /><br />One night I was staging on the 3rd street stand. Situated in the cul de sac where 3rd St. dead ends at Fremont St. sits a cab stand right in between the Four Queens and the Fitzgerald that I have spoken of often. Adjacent to the Fitzgerald is a McDonalds which is where Stoner emerged from on this night. He walked out of the backdoor of the McDonalds holding what appeared to be a small bag of food, probably an item or two off of the value menu in one hand and a drink holder with two cups of coffee in the other. He seemed excited to see me parked there waiting for a fare as he hurried up to my window.<br /><br />“Say man, I’m glad you’re here.”<br /><br />“Oh yeah?” I replied.<br /><br />“Yeah man you’re not going to believe this, I was just in the McDonalds there and bought a cup of coffee and this sandwich and the manager was really cool and gave me another cup of coffee for free!”<br /><br />“Sah-weet,” I said, mildly excited for his score.<br /><br />“Do you want to buy it? I’ll give it to you for a dollar.”<br /><br />“What?”<br /><br />“Surely you like coffee don’t ya? You can have this fresh cup for a buck man!”<br /><br />“You’re trying to sell me the cup of coffee?”<br /><br />“Yeah man.”<br /><br />“…that you got for free?”<br /><br />“Yeah,” he said with no idea where I was going. “You don’t want it?”<br /><br />“No Stoner I don’t want to buy it and while we’re at it why don’t you get lost. And I don’t want to see you coming up to my window again. You come up to me again and we’re going to have problems alright? So get the fuck out of here,” I said. <br /><br />“Jeez what’s you’re problem?”<br /><br />“What’s my problem? Did you really just ask me that? The fact that you don’t know what my problem is is the same reason you’re fucking homeless dude. I’ve been giving you money for months, trying to help you out, and you get a free cup of coffee and have the nerve to come over here and try and <span style="font-style:italic;">sell</span> me the fuckin thing? I know you're hard up man but I've been hooking you up for a while you can't throw you're boy a bone, you gotta work it out for you?” <br /><br />All he had to say was, “Yo Funk I’m glad you’re here man I just scored this free cup of coffee and I want you to have it.” Had he done so, not only would he have earned my respect, but I would have given him a dollar for the thought anyway. Plus, he would have still been able to sell the cup of coffee to the driver behind me, which is what he did do after he walked away from my cab, because I don’t even like fucking coffee. <br /><br />+++++++<br /><br /><br />A few months ago I told, or tried to tell a tale on twitter about the dumbest question that I had ever heard. Unfortunately the character limit on tweets made it impossible to effectively inform you of the incident. So I would like to utilize this space to tell you about it now. <br /><br />I loaded a nice middle aged couple, I don’t remember where. At one point in the ride the lady asked me a variation of the most commonly asked stupid question. I may have mentioned in these pages before that the most commonly asked stupid question I hear is, “Do you live here?” That’s right, people have such a demented sense of the City of Las Vegas that they think that the entire City is the Strip. They can’t fathom that someone could, or would actually live here. Of course Vegas has over 2 million residents now but generally when I hear this question I will revert to one of my canned smartass responses along the lines of, “No I’m actually a cabbie in Chicago and I got a fare out here to Vegas so now I’m just working here trying to catch a fare back to Chicago.” Believe it or not, one time when I said that with a straight face somebody replied with, “Really, how much was that fare?” Which of course, is also a very stupid question. Or if the mood strikes I might reply, “No I commute to Vegas on my private jet from my home in the Caymans, so I can take your ass to the Mirage (or wherever it is that we happened to be going)” That one kills every time. But this lost soul didn’t ask me if I lived in Las Vegas, she asked me a modified version of that question, she asked “Where in Vegas does everyone live?” <br /><br />Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking what the fuck Funk, that’s not a dumb question at all, in fact it’s a rather intuitive question because she managed to avoid the pitfall of the most commonly asked stupid question and in the process dove straight to the heart of the real issue. To that I will say, just bear with me for a moment, we’ll get to the real stupid part in a second. For now we'll stick with, “where in Las Vegas does everyone live?” She was smart enough to realize that people must live here, but she hasn't seen any houses. So what gives? <br /><br />At the time she posed the question we happened to be in a place where we had a good view of the mountains in most every direction, which I realized could serve as a helpful tool to help answer the query. <br /><br />“Well Vegas is a large valley,” I replied pointing, “there are mountains on all sides north, south, east, and west and as you can see those mountains are pretty far away. North to South the Valley is 30 or 40 miles I think. Basically, the neighborhoods stretch out that far. On the east and west sides, houses go all the way up to the edge of the mountains. On the north and south ends there is still room for growth but not too much.” <br /><br />“Wow that’s amazing,” she responded.<br /><br />“I know, a lot of people never realize that Vegas is as large as it is. There are over 2 million residents here now.”<br /><br />“No I mean how they were able to do that,” she said.<br /><br />“I‘m sorry?” <br /><br />“How where they able to move the mountains like that?”<br /><br />“Move the mountains?”<br /><br />“Yeah how did they move them out so far?”<br /><br />I was waiting, and thankfully the husband took over. “Honey, what do you mean?” he said. <br /><br />“I don’t understand how they moved the mountains so far,” she said. <br /><br />Taking a second to comprehend, the husband said, “Honey, you’re a school teacher.”<br /><br />“Yeah but I don’t teach geography.” <br /><br />You’re probably thinking what does geography have to do with any of this? I was kind of thinking the same thing but I think she meant geology. A Freudian slip? It’s possible. But perhaps more likely a pattern is emerging. It’s hard to say anything more about this really. “Dumbest ever” moments don’t come around very often and when they do they usually speak for themselves.<br /><br />However a footnote worth mentioning is the occasion a few weeks later when I was telling this story to a couple of guys that were in the cab. When the timing is right or if they ask or if it’s relevant to something we’re talking about I will tell a story to passengers. In this case I was telling these guys about the “dumbest question" I’d ever heard. Only I ended it with the ago old line, “what does geography have to do with the price of rice?” To which one of the gentlemen replied, “Actually geography has a lot to do with the price of rice.” <br /><br />Touche’MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-87688617322201502872010-09-11T03:40:00.000-07:002010-09-13T04:27:49.378-07:00L "The Ticket" - EpilogueI wanted to take a brief moment and tie up a few loose ends that remain from “The Ticket” and address a few issues that did not become a part of the story. Perhaps a little hindsight perspective would be beneficial. <br /><br />First and foremost I wanted to clarify that, unless otherwise noted all of the names mentioned in The Ticket are the real names of the individuals portrayed. These are after all public officials and I feel as though their words, not mine, should speak for them. As a result, all of the dialog expressed in The Ticket is essentially the exact dialog taken from the court transcripts themselves, which in the interest of accuracy (and to help my case building at the time), I went to the trouble to obtain. I say essentially because as unfortunate as it was, both of the transcripts I received were incoherent at times and in a few instances, varied from what Bishop and I remembered of the hearing. For the purposes of this story, I went to incredible lengths to ensure that the court hearings were fashioned in a truthful and factual manner and as such, the arguments and concepts represented therein, despite the incapability of a word for word rendering, can and should be regarded as fact. If there is any doubt about that, I would mention again that these documents are public and available upon request for a small fee. <br /><br />Which brings up a point; I mentioned in The Ticket that it was a $55 fee to obtain a copy of the transcript but that is not correct. I believed that to be the case at the time. For a long time actually. But I learned much later that in fact the $55 was the fee to schedule the appeal, and that fee would have been refunded had I been victorious. I decided to omit this fact in The Ticket in the spirit of being true to what myself or the character knew to be true at that time. The actual fee to obtain the documents ranges on cents per page. If memory serves, the last one cost me $2.50. <br /><br />A few words about the language of the Statute: <br /><br />NRS 706-8845-9 Standards of conduct while on duty: While a driver is on duty he shall-not load or unload passengers or luggage at an intersection or crosswalk, or at any place or in any manner that will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic.<br /><br />I raised the question that the statue does not expressly forbid simply “stopping in a lane of traffic” If we were to break down the statute for a second, you can see that there is really two parts to it. Kind of an A & B thing. There are two different ways you can violate the statute. A) Load at an intersection or Crosswalk. Or B) Interfering traffic while loading.<br /><br />If we just focused on the A section for a second, it says that I cannot load at an intersection and or, I cannot load at a crosswalk. Personally I feel like that part of the statue is very clear. You can’t really debate much about that can you? If I loaded at an intersection, or a crosswalk, then I broke the law. If we can all agree that what I have just said is accurate, then we can move on. So now ask yourself this question, if there was no intersection present, and no crosswalks present, for example if I loaded halfway down a block, nowhere near a intersection or crosswalk, could any reasonable person still find me in violation of this A section? If there was no intersection, could you find me guilty of loading at an intersection? Of course the answer to this question is no. I think any reasonable person would agree. As I said in The Ticket, the intersection or crosswalk is a requirement, as without their existence a violation is not possible under the A section. <br /><br />So I think we have established, under this premise, that there must actually be an intersection (or crosswalk) present in order to “load at an intersection”. And yet, it’s the stance of the TaxiCab Authority that no traffic needs be present in order to “Interfere with traffic” or the B section of the same statute. Which as you now know, has been my argument from day one. Somehow, miraculously, we can interfere with non-existent traffic while loading and yet are unable to load at a non-existent intersection.<br /> <br />If you assumed that “stopping in a lane of traffic” is sufficiently bounded within, or perhaps even the essence of “any manner that will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic” then I would say a couple of things about that. First the word “orderly” is very peculiar. What’s the use of it? If I’m stopping in a lane of traffic, than what does <span style="font-style:italic;">orderly</span> traffic have to do with it? And for it’s part, why is the word <span style="font-style:italic;">traffic</span> in there? If indeed all one has to do is stop in a lane, then there is absolutely no need for the word traffic. And for it’s part under this scenario, the entire A section of the statute becomes totally irrelevant for the same reason. It’s this sort of inconsistent and illogical word play on the part of the TA that leads me to my old adage, “Just tell me to fuck off”.<br /><br /><br />I say that all the time about a wide range of things. If you need to bullshit me or what have you, then please just tell me to fuck off instead, so I can go about my business. Tell me to fuck off and we can be friends. We really can. However when you bullshit you me as a way to prove me wrong or show that you’re right, or in an attempt to justify something, you really just end up wasting everybody’s time and as such, we can no longer be friends. If you’re dumb enough to think that I’m buying this nonsense then literally, there is no way that we could be friends anyway. To say nothing of your wasting my time. If however, you can just look me in the eye and tell me to fuck off, then if nothing else at least I know where I stand, and our friendship still has a shot. In Yiddish you say "gornisht hellfin"...<span style="font-style:italic;">nothing will help you</span>. If I had walked into the TA hearing and the board had said, “We thank you for coming here today Mr. Funk, but we feel as though you have already lost, so in the interest of time we would just like to say fuck off and have a nice day.” If that is what I had heard that day I can honestly say that I would be perfectly ok with that. That might have made for a better story anyway, a shorter one too. However, when attempts are made to justify a ruling using illogical connections, inconsistent stances and questionable courtroom behavior, it really is the same as saying fuck you. Isn’t it? Personally, I would have much rather they did just that. If you love Jesus that’s great, but just tell me you have faith, and leave it at that,. Do this and we can be friends till the end. However the moment you start talking about Mt. Ararat and how science can prove the bible you’re going to lose me, and we can no longer be friends. That’s basically what’s going on here-the TA is using Mt. Ararat to prove the bible. Tell me to fuck off, tell me gornisht helfin. Tell me you have faith. But please please, don’t tell me that your interpretation is valid, just, and logical and mine is misguided. We can’t be friends then. Tyranny in democracy’s clothes does not suit me. But I digress. <br /><br /><br />I wanted to get back to the language, and perhaps spirit of the law for a moment. Some of the on goings of this ordeal have been played out already on a few online discussion boards that I frequent (shout out to phook and PT woot!) Considering the large number of people that visit these sites you are bound to get a wide variety of people weighing in, and it just so happened that an expert emerged. The gentlemen asked that I withhold his name, but he did comment on some of my thoughts regarding the statute. He was kind enough to allow me to publish his words so here:<br /><br />“…To qualify my opinion I will share that I wrote regulation for a state agency for a number of years and grappled with this type of word play on a day to day basis. To me the statute consists of two independent clauses, which create two distinct methods of violation:<br /><br />1) load/unload at an intersection/light<br />2) load/unload in a manner that will impede traffic<br /><br />I do agree with your definition of 'will' and note that it is being interpreted too broadly. So I do not think you violated the second clause, which you believed the Officer thought you were violating. Unfortunately, by responding to the 'Judge's' questions you inadvertently may have admitted to violating the first clause.<br /><br />However, if her questions and actions were out of the scope of her position, the admission is not relevant because it evolved from improper questioning. So I do believe you have grounds for appeal. If granted a new trial you could argue that there was no traffic and you were not an intersection.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">As for your point about the reason for the rule's ambiguity it is likely written like that on purpose.</span> I know that in my job I sometimes have to not write what I mean to write in order to enact a regulation that is not popular. If written in a particular manner it may excite the regulated parties, attract media attention and create backlash. Instead I would tasked with writing it broadly and contacting enforcement to give advice to them on interpretation.<br /><br />In my opinion, the State legislature did not come out and write "it is unlawful to load/unload outside of taxi stands" because it would probably attract attention of cabbies like yourself. Questions would be asked, rationale would have to be given, ect. Instead they write it broadly and can probably sneak it into a budget amendment without serious backlash, then the TA is given advice on how to enforce it. If questioned they can point to public safety/traffic as the rationale and it will appear so because of how the clauses are written.<br /><br />This type of sneaky writing is all too common and was the impetus for my career change. I found myself too honest to work in government. The day I asked, 'why can't I just write what we are intending to write?' and my boss replied 'because what we are trying to do would be DOA,' I knew that I was done.”<br /><br />Outstanding stuff right there, to which I responded:<br /><br />“If what you're describing is the norm when it comes to penning laws, isn't there a constitutional argument that can be made against them? If seems like part of a lawmakers duty would be to enable laws that are not susceptible to being misinterpreted. Isn't that your charge? It seems that misinterpretation for it's own sake sends one down a very offensive path constitutionally speaking. Perhaps this dilemma is the source of some of your moral conflicts?” <br /><br />To which he replied:<br /><br />“My agency was given the statutory authority to write regulations under a number of different state statutes. We have to follow the rules, which means we have to publish the regulations, hold a public hearing, and have it approved by a non-governmental body.<br /><br />The non-governmental body is supposed to protect us from abusing our powers because they are/were members of the industry we are supposed to regulate and most of the time they do. However, lets say we have a problem to address that needs to be addressed. The agency realizes that by writing it a certain way we may be able to solve a problem want to address but don't have the support to do so.<br /><br />So we write the regulation a certain way. It addresses problem A, and it also allows us a way to address problem B. We then call our friends in enforcement and tell them to be broad in interpretation. Now I am not saying this is the norm, but I will say this is not unusual.<br /><br />When it comes to the legislature there tends to be less direct oversight of what they do. Things like this often get slipped into the budget. Some of the most asinine laws I have ever seen have come out of budget amendments. It is very easy to push in two lines of bullshit within a multiple thousand page document. This is more common and in my opinion a huge problem in this country, and I imagine it was the impetus for your law.<br /><br />As for my moral conflict, I just saw that government was less like what I thought it would be and more like what I feared it was like. I realized I could be having a better impact elsewhere and had the experience to be taken seriously...“<br /><br />Fascinating perspective right there I do believe. Personally, it had never occurred to me that it could have been over-broad on purpose. I wonder how that guy felt reading The Ticket? He’s probably never had the chance to experience something like that from the other angle. <br /><br /><br />In this vein, and to me the most troubling thing about this whole situation, was the shell game-esque justifications for the conviction or the upholding of it. If you followed The Ticket closely, you may have noticed that I was cited for violating the B section of the statute “interfering with traffic while loading”. I was prosecuted under that same premise, “interfering with traffic”. Yet strangely I was found guilty of violating the A section of the statute, “loading at an intersection”. Even more bizarre is the fact that the justification for upholding the conviction for “loading at an intersection”, became something linked back to the B section but in reality not a part of the statute at all, “stopping in a lane”. It seems that none of these things are related. I made a comment in The Ticket about how it’s hard to imagine a more obvious example of trial by surprise and this is what I was referring to. If any of you legal eagles out there would care to expand on the ramifications of such antics, if any, I would love to hear more about this. There may in fact be no issues whatsoever with something like this and that’s just it, I don’t know for sure. But it does seem a little odd. Doesn’t it? <br /><br /><br />That was what troubled me the most. What troubled Bishop the most was another thing entirely. Bishop can’t get over the actions of Board Member Miller. To Michelle and Bishop’s point, I too got the feeling that the two girls, the Chair and Vice Chair as it were, were against me from the very beginning. I think actually that this fact was not illustrated efficiently in The Ticket, and I only bring it up now to illustrate the difference between them and Member Miller. The Chair & Vice Chair, in my opinion, were basically just telling me to fuck off, and pursuant to my adage, I’m actually ok with this. There wasn’t anything I could have said to convince them I don‘t believe, regardless if they were biased or I’m just wrong. However Mr. Miller is on a different plain. Mr. Miller said for the record that the felt that the Judge overreached in some of her findings, proclaimed that the admission of the map is a slippery slope and even went as far as to explain how to avoid the problem in the future, and yet still for some reason he votes to uphold the decision?<br /><br />That didn’t mean as much to me then as it does now. For the longest time I just took that to mean that I almost convinced him. He seen what I was saying but he didn’t completely agree. But this is actually not true. The more Bishop laid it out for me, and the more I thought about it, it became clear and I believe that I actually did convince Mr. Miller. I think he was in my boat from the very beginning, possibly even before I began to speak, and yet he still voted to uphold the decision. This is puzzling. Bishop believes this amounts to the ultimate fraud. From what I understand, when any form of governmental body is composed of a board such as this, there are certain fundamental duties that each member has an obligation and likely an oath to adhere to and participate in. The very reason that there are multiple members on a equal plain, is so that each member can express and more importantly, vote in accordance with, their own personal beliefs. To do otherwise is to breach your personal duty and in the process rob the body of its foundational nature and purpose. <br /><br /><br />Other Laws:<br /><br />I turned to a fellow blogger and Las Vegas cabbie who goes by the name of "Unk", for some information regarding some of the other rules that seem to apply to our little issue as well. Those of you that are interested in the long-hauling topic as well as all of the behind the scenes of the industry itself, and I know that’s many of you, should visit Unk‘s page <a href="http://www.lasvegas-taxidriver.com/">lasvegas-taxidriver.com</a>. I’ve tried to put my focus on the creative side of things and the interesting person in the backseat and Unk is the guy who goes to all the meetings and is out there with his sign when the protests are going on and is always letting drivers know what’s what. I'm not aware of anyone more knowledgeable about the business. <br /><br />Clark County Code 14.36.070 Pedestrians soliciting rides or business-<br />No person shall stand in a roadway for the purpose of soliciting a ride, employment or business from the occupant of any vehicle.<br /><br />No person shall stand on or in proximity to a street or highway for the purpose of soliciting the watching or guarding of any vehicle while parked or about to be parked on a street or highway. (Ord 230 & 10(G), 1965)<br /><br />Most states or counties have a law similar to this one and I believe its purpose is to prohibit hobos from hitching rides. Seems like everywhere you go you hear about a law where people can’t do this. Definitely around prisons. But interestingly, around here this law is interpreted to included taxis as well. In theory, myself and the people I loaded could have been cited from them flagging me, and me picking them up. I doubt many people are actually cited for this, but it helps serve to perpetuate the myth about flagging cabs being illegal. <br /><br />Furthermore, Unk brought up a point that had I knew about at the time, there is no question that it would have became a part of my arguments. First read this law, it talks about a drivers right of refusal. <br /><br />NRS 706.8847 Compliance with passenger’s directions; exceptions:<br /><br />1. A driver shall not refuse or neglect to transport any orderly person to that person’s destination if: <br /> (a) That person requests the driver to transport the person; and<br /> (b) The requested destination is within the area allocated to the certificate holder who employs the driver.<br /><br /><br />(Added to NRS by 1969, 1247)<br /><br />This law says that anyone that requests my services I must transport. I’d see this going down something like this.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer Hinkle you said that four people flagged me down is that correct?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: That’s right.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Flagged me down how?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: They were raising their arms, waving them.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I see, so they were requesting taxi service? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yes. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer are you familiar with NRS 706.8847? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I believe that’s compliance with passengers directions.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: That’s right. very good. So you’re aware of your ability, and duty, to cite me if I deny transport of any orderly person, correct? <br /><br />PROSECUTOR: Objection your Honor, relevance? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor it’s the officer’s testimony that I can be cited for loading as well as not loading these passengers. It seems like there is little but of a conflict here and I request that this case be dismissed…<br /><br />…Maybe it would have been more dramatic, I don’t know. But there point is well taken. By law I must transport orderly patrons.<br /><br />Moving along, I raised the question in my first trial in TA court regarding lanes. I sufficiently showed that the officer was mistaken about that, and undoubtedly honestly so. But Judge Winner said something that I found peculiar. When I asked what the standard protocol regarding the number of lanes, she said that “there is no standard way of doing it”. I can’t believe that is true. If there is no standard method, and every officer has cart-blanche to label things as he or she see fit, it seems inevitable that vast confusion will arise when exact locations are very much relevant. I concluded that there is a standard method, and Officer Hinkle may have even been in compliance with it, although still incorrect about which lane, but for whatever reason Judge Winner seems to be unaware of it. Again, I refuse to believe there is no standard protocol in this regard. <br /><br />The question was raised in the comments I believe asking me if this whole experience has soured me on the legal system? Will it deter me from trying again in the future? The answer is I don’t think so. One thing is for sure, my fangs will be much sharper the second time around. I made two vital errors by my estimation; the first was talking to Officer Hinkle at the scene. I should have remained silent. And the second was the way I handled the Officer and his name in court. If I could go back, those would be the first two things I would fix. And for that matter, to Officer Hinkle if you're reading this- I wanted to offer my apologies for my behavior. I don't condone your actions butI should have conducted myself with more respect, and held more tact. So knowing that, and simply what I’ve learned about the law throughout the processes, will make me a much tougher out the next time around there is no question. If anything, I would say this experience will make me more determined in the future. The system is a tough egg to crack but I'm confident that enough logic and what is right we can always prevail. <br /><br />Last but not least I need to acknowledge a few individuals. As I eluded to in The Ticket, Bishop proved himself a vital asset to this adventure. Thankfully at some point it seemed he became personally vested in my plight and that commitment made my case exponentially stronger. I think he sees me as his prodigy, or perhaps a version of his younger self. My Daniel San to his Miyagi. In fact, I think he took the defeat harder than I did. It’s worth noting that shortly after the hearing, Bishop bought me a copy of the LSAT prep book, along with the encouragement to go to attend law school. A very awesome gesture and I am very thankful for all your help.<br /><br />Sr. Investigator Henneforth was also very kind in taking time with me on multiple occasions to hear me out as well as offer his viewpoint on the matters. His candor and insight where extremely valuable to me and I appreciate that very much. Thank you Sr. Investigator! <br /><br /><br />So that’s it folks. The Ticket. The 50th fucking story. Doesn’t seem like a lot does it? I donno, I’m trying what can I say. I had a little bit too much fun doing this and I hope you liked it. As you may have conluded, I spent a significant amount of time putting all this together. It seemed like the more concise it got, the more concise it needed to be, perhaps even to a fault. But you guys stuck around for the whole ride and I am very happy for that. I have few things planned for the future, it'll be nice to start writing and thinking about other things, so stay tuned and as always I am very grateful for your readership so thank you to you too! <br /><br />Back to work. <br /><br /><br />P.s. The Ticket is dedicated to my lost friend Tony LaForgia. I call Tony a friend but in truth I only knew him very briefly. Tony happened to hang out at the 3rd street stand downtown all the time. In fact, that was the only place I ever seen him. There was a period there where I started hanging out at that stand too, as another driver had recommended it, and soon thereafter I met Tony for the first time. Tony was your typical New York City Italian. The retired NYPD cop skinny as a rail, Phil Donahue look-alike was naturally gifted in the art of gab and considering his colored past, he always had a good tale to tell. And tell them he did. Tony may have been the last non-longhauling cabbie. I knew he was getting pressure from his company, but Tony was not the kind of guy to give into that bullshit. He would always talk shit about guys where were doing it. <br /><br />At some point, I shared with Tony my experience about getting my flag tickets and how I was fighting them and every time he seen me he asked about it. I valued his background in law enforcement and would constantly be bouncing ideas off of him. Then he started calling me Clarence Darrow, which then allowed him to give me a hard time because I didn't know who Clarence Darrow was. Tony was the guy who would get in your face, and wave his finger at you, if you didn't know something that he thought you should know, but at the same time you knew he was a total sweetheart.<br /><br />Not long my day in court had ended. I received the news that Tony had died of a heart attack. I was on the 3rd street stand one night and a guy came up to me that recognized me from talking to Tony and he told me the news. It was the only way I would have found out, I never had Tony's phone number. In an strange twist, I brought up in our conversation Tony's life as a cop and the guy looked at me like I was crazy? "You thought Tony was a cop?" the guy said. "Well yeah, that's what he told me. We talked about it all the time." "Tony wasn't a cop, his wife was a cop. Tony was a butcher." <br /><br />Well what do you know? You got me there Tony you old bastard, I give you that. God bless you sir, it was a pleasure having known you and I hope you may rest in peace. ...and don't worry, I know who Clarence Darrow is now.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-52807763543734830642010-09-08T23:20:00.000-07:002010-09-08T23:46:09.138-07:00LVCC featured on Tao of PokerDr. Pauly is a poker writer & blogger first made famous for his comprehensive coverage of the World Series of Poker and his popular <a href="http://taopoker.blogspot.com/">Tao of Poker</a> blog, and now for his newly released hilarious account of his time living in Las Vegas covering poker in his book "<a href="http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/lost-vegas/11493168">Lost Vegas</a>".<br /><br />"Tao of Five" is Dr. Pauly's take on the Rolling Stone classic and a ongoing feature on his blog. Dr. Pauly recently reached out to me to see if I would be interested in being a subject for the series and of course I accepted. What an honor. <br /><br />Below is a link to my 5 question interview, thought some of you might like to read it.<br /><br /><a href="http://taopoker.blogspot.com/2010/09/tao-of-five-las-vegas-cabbie-chronicles.html">Tao of Five with Mr. Funk</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-6601349672268228382010-08-30T03:32:00.000-07:002010-08-30T03:42:57.899-07:00L "The Ticket" Part IXATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a><br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POSTS:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-viii.html">PART VIII</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vii.html">PART VII</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vi.html">PART VI</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-v.html">PART V</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">PART IV</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />In the early morning of March 23rd, 2010, I returned to the TA courtroom for my appeal hearing. The TA board of directors meets monthly to discuss and rule on any and all issues that pertain to the taxi industry and they decide everything in the business. They decide what the meter rate is, they decide how many medallions are issued, they decided who can buy medallions, they decide who gets a permit, they decide who keeps a permit. They pen the laws that pertain to the industry and among many other things, this panel decides if the citation hearings were conducted justly and thus has the authority to overrule previous judgments. These meetings are generally as highly attended as they are highly contended and some of the discussions have dissolved into heated exchanges in the past. However the appeal hearings appear first on the agenda, an hour before the more important industry concerns are addressed so at this early hour, only the relevant parties were present.<br /><br />The agenda indicated that there were to be three individuals bringing appeals today and I was ecstatic to see that I would be the last of us drivers to be heard. I considered it a very nice advantage to be able to observe the two cases prior to mine, especially since the lawyers outnumbered the drivers at this point better than 2:1. Sitting elevated on a long straight table at the front of the room were the members of the Board. Six individuals make up the Nevada Taxicab Board of Directors, all of which with an “Esq.” culminating their nameplates. All of them appeared to be under 40 years of age easily and despite this, I’m certain that each of their resumes are exemplary. I can imagine that residing in a Governor appointed position does wonders for fast tracking one’s career. On the morning of March 23rd only five of the Board Members were present and they included Chairman Stacie Truesdell Michaels, Vice Chairman Susan Carrasco O‘Brien, Member John G. Marushok and Member Joshua C. Miller. Apparently, making an indication of one’s middle name is an integral part of Board Membership. Sitting below and to the left of the Board of Directors at a perpendicular table, and also present on behalf of the Taxi Cab Authority were Deputy Attorney General Kimberly Arguello who I believe acts as general counsel for the TA and sitting to her right was the Administrator Gordon Walker, who would now be hearing me speak on this matter for the second time. I wondered if he remembered me? I don’t know for sure if the Administrator obtained his law degree as well but it would not surprise me in the least. To the right of the Board of Directors at another perpendicular table sat reporting secretary Barbara Webb. Two more tables in front of the bench were situated for the prosecution & defense. Sitting at the left table was Deputy Attorney General Scott Davis who would speak for the State. I guess 7 lawyers isn’t enough for one side so they bring in the big gun from the Attorney General’s office to sit in as Prosecutor. As it were, Mr. Davis did not utter a single word throughout all of the hearings. He sat silently, head down, thumbs crossed. The Board did a swell enough job of slicing and dicing on their own I imagine. There were only four other people in the courtroom at this time. The first driver or respondent, was a middle aged Chinese man who was there to appeal a conviction on a ticket regarding running a red light. The second driver was a Somali and he was appealing a conviction for long-hauling. I was there, of course, to appeal my conviction of interfering with traffic while loading. The fourth person was my girlfriend, Michelle, whom I convinced to tag along for a few reasons but mainly because I wanted her to see what all the time I had spent preparing for this was for. And there’s no harm in having a cheering section. In retrospect however, I think the fact that I asked her to go had much more to do with how important I felt this day was for me. I was about to find out if I was totally out of my fucking mind or not and I needed somebody close to me to witness it.<br /><br />By this time the Members of the Board had taken their seats on the elongated bench, everyone else seemed to be in their places and it appeared as though the court reporter would be calling the hearing into session any minute. Michelle sat quietly as I looked over and re-read some of my pages. I was just starting to feel pretty good about my chances and then to my right, I noticed the courtroom doors swing open as someone walked in and I could not believe my eyes. It was Bishop! That motherfucker. I stood up and met him halfway across the room and shook his hand, “no fucking way man,” I believe were the words that stumbled out of my mouth. During one of our phone conversations he had seemingly innocently asked me when my appeal hearing was, but I just thought he was curious about how much time I had to get ready or something. I never dreamt that the guy would show up here like this. A true friend. Plus, it appeared as though he was on the tail end of an all night binder which in my mind made his surprise appearance even more awesome. We sat down, Michelle elated to see Bishop as well, and the three of us whispered a conversation while we waited. At one point I opened my manila folder to look at my papers and Bishop, sensing that I was about to ask him something, was very quick to say, “don’t show me anything ok, I’m here as your friend.” Yes of course I thought, how stupid of me. A short time later the court reporter called the meeting into session, offered the floor to the Chairman of the Board Stacie Truesdell Michaels and away we went…<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Good morning everyone, I now call today’s session to order…First item on the Agenda is driver appeals. I see there are three driver appeals today and everyone is present. Gentlemen some information regarding the procedure for appeals; we are here to determine if your previous hearings were conducted properly. We are not here to listen to any new testimony. Everyone has received a copy of the minutes (transcript) and any attempts to introduce new testimony will be overruled. In order for a successful appeal you must establish a reversible error that resulted in a unjust hearing. If this board determines that a reversible error occurred than we will decide what action to take at that time, ok? First up is …<br /><br />Bishop and I shared a glance the instant she said “reversible error“. That’s the term for it I know, Bishop had taught me that much, but just hear it reaffirmed like that was a lightning bolt for me. It was like they softly lobbed it up and all I had to do was spike it home. Everything the Chairman just said was exactly what I had prepared to do. <br /><br />The Chinese man was first on the Agenda and as I said, he was there to appeal his conviction of running a red light. He received the citation on westbound Spring Mtn. at the light to make a left turn onto the I-15 South on-ramp. The officer observed the alleged offense from the I-15 itself which put him at a radical elevated position, so much so that the observance of that light from that position would have been impossible. The Chinese man, in perfect English, argued his case slowly but surely and simply pointed out the fact that from the Officer’s perspective, it would not have been possible to see what he said he did. At one point Bishop whispered to me, “This is how I want you to be, you see how calm this guy is? He’s in no hurry and that’s good. Don’t be fast, be clear. ok?” That turned out to be very good advice. The Chinese driver did such a good job that the Board agreed with his analysis and next thing you knew he got his conviction overturned and the case dismissed. What’ya know? The part I didn’t understand about that was that I can’t believe that the man didn’t bring up that exact argument in his first hearing. Maybe the Judge didn’t buy it. That was interesting though. <br /><br />Next up was the Somali driver who was there to appeal his conviction for long-hauling. Unfortunately the man had a terrible time trying to get his point across and was struggling mightily with the English language, repeating the same phrases time after time and Chairman Michaels just kept saying over and over again, “Sir if you have nothing to add than we will conclude this hearing.” As troubling as it was to see the guy struggling that much, the incident really served to drive home the point I made before about allowing drivers to pay for their own translators if they wish. I fail to see what the major problem with that is. Nonetheless, I had indeed learned a few things while watching the chances at redemption for the two drivers before me and now it was finally time for mine. It was time to put my all of my boy scout preparation to work. It was time to test my amateur legal theories in front of the group of individuals with the authority to actually do something about them. <br /><br />Chairman Michaels called my name and asked me to come forward. Michelle gave my hand a squeeze and as I passed in front of Bishop he whispered to me again, “they’re not ready for you.” While making my way to the defendants desk I realized that the room had substantially more people in it now than it had at the onset of these proceedings. Good I thought, the more people that heard what I was about to say the better. I sat down, removed my papers from their manila folder, clicked the top of my pen and I can honestly say that I was not the slightest bit nervous… <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Mr. Andrew Funk, am I saying that correctly?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Yes your Honor.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Ok good, you were convicted of interfering with traffic while loading is that correct?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I believe that’s correct.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I see are you planning on speaking today?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: That’s correct your Honor, I have prepared something to read from if that would be alright?<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: That would be good thank you.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Members of the Board, prior to the initial hearing regarding this matter I responded to the allegation by presenting myself at the Taxicab Authority’s office. At that time I spoke to Administrative Secretary Martha and I entered my plea of not guilty…<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I’m sorry Mr. Funk but how many pages is your statement?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: We are neighboring on 6 pages your Honor.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Ok go ahead.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: At the time I spoke with Martha and entered my plea I exercised a motion of discovery. Any defendant or respondent is given a opportunity to view any and all pieces of evidence that the prosecution intends to present during a trial. Not only is this practice procedurally mandated by the Federal Rules of Evidence as well as the Nevada State Rules of Evidence, it is also reiterated within the TaxiCab Authority itself. On the back of any citation issued by this administration there is a section entitled “Taxicab Administrative Hearing Procedures” and within this section the language is very clear regarding discovery, where it states specifically: “ Upon entering a plea, you are entitled to a motion of “discovery”. You may obtain copies of all reports, affidavits or documents that the prosecutor intends to present at your hearing. Your request may be written or done in person during business hours at the indicated address on the front of your citation.” It is my understanding that this procedure is in place so that I and or my counsel, not only have an opportunity to prepare any arguments against any and all pieces of evidence, but more importantly that I have an opportunity to verify the authenticity of the evidence itself.<br /><br />At the time I filed my motion discovery, I was given two items from Martha. The first of which was a photocopy of the citation itself. The second was a copy of the investigators report as written by Officer Hinkle. No other documents were given to me at that time and I was then informed of my hearing date. <br /><br />In looking at the transcript of that hearing, on pg. 6 line 22, Judge Winner states quote “I‘m going to ask you to come up here and show me where it was that you loaded these passengers please.” and then she goes on to say, “for the record we are reviewing the satellite image of the intersection that shows a white truck approximately onto the crosswalk.” <br /><br />This satellite image was used in an attempt to prove my exact location when the alleged violation occurred and it subsequently became the sole basis for the conviction.<br /><br />MEMBER JOHN G. MARUSHOK: I don’t understand Mr. Funk, in reading the transcript, the Prosecutor asked you if you stopped in a lane of traffic and you admitted to that. Did you not? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I’ve never disputed that fact your Honor.<br /><br />MEMBER MARUSHOK: Than I would assert that everything relating to the satellite image, doesn’t matter. The Prosecutor has no further points to make, you admitted to the violation. There is a reason that we have rules and regulations that taxicab drivers are not to do pick-ups in any lanes of traffic, and I realize that some again, and I’ve been on a ride along, I realize that it’s inconvenient sometimes. There may be lots of situations where you think it would be totally reasonable to pick someone up in a lane of traffic if, for instance, there was no traffic, bet there’s a reason that that rule and regulation is in place and it’s for everyone’s safety, so for me, this is rather open and shut. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor I don’t believe the statute has any language in the range of prohibiting simply stopping in a lane. I haven’t read that rhetoric anywhere. <br /><br />MEMBER MARUSHOK: You can’t stop in a lane, to load passengers.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Are you talking about a different statute because again, I don’t see that language in this one at all. It makes no mention of stopping in a lane.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Can somebody look it up please?<br /><br />(A few court officials began shuffling books and papers around their desk space's)<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: You Honor I have it right here if you’d just like me to read it?<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Yes of course.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: “NRS 706.8845-9 While a driver is on duty he shall not; load or unload passengers or luggage at an intersection or crosswalk or at any place or in any manner what will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic.” It doesn’t say anything about simply stopping in a lane, it says I cannot interfere with traffic. My contention was that there was no traffic; therefore a violation cannot occur. <br /><br />MEMBER MARUSHOK: It says, “that would interfere with traffic,” you cannot, when you are loading, predict whether you are going to interfere with traffic. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor it says that <span style="font-style:italic;">will</span> interfere with traffic. Will and would are not the same thing. Would is a possibility, like what you’re describing, will on the other hand is not a possibility but an actuality. Besides if all that needs to happen for a violation to occur is for me to stop in a lane of traffic, than why can’t the statute just read like that? Wouldn’t it just be easier, and not nearly as susceptible to misinterpretation by a reasonable person such as myself, if it said “A driver shall not stop in a lane of traffic to load or unload passengers at any time.”? <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Yes it does say, “will”. <br /><br />MEMBER MAROSHOK: If you are loading and traffic comes up behind you, you will impede it. The fact that there’s no traffic behind you currently when you are stopped really isn’t the important thing. The important thing is that traffic is coming behind you while you’re stopped and you will impede traffic at some point. You can’t predict if traffic will come.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: You don’t have to predict, this is why your vehicle has mirrors. And I still don’t believe that it is possible to interfere with traffic if there is none. Regardless, I don’t feel that the predictability is relevant anyway. Either there was traffic or there wasn’t. The supposed inability to predict it has no bearing on it’s existence. And I think you’re trying to exaggerate the length of time it takes somebody to jump in a taxicab. It takes a couple of seconds. Flagging a cab on the street is the primary method of achieving a taxi in most every major metropolis across the globe. So I’m to believe, to Member Marushok’s point, that every other city in the world is not concerned in the least about the safety of their taxi riding public? If this is such a great safety concern, as Member Marushok stated, than why don’t other industry leaders agree with him? If you looked at the worldwide, or even domestic taxi industry as a whole, you will see that this Administrations stance on this issue is not the rule but the exception. I understand completely that this is the manner in which this statute was been enforced most likely since it’s inception, but I feel that the language does not support this and if you would allow me to continue with my statement, I plan on addressing these matters further.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Yes go ahead.<br /><br />First of all, just prior to Judge Winner introducing the satellite map as evidence, again on pg 6, now line 21, prosecutor Infurno stated that the prosecution had no further questions. At no point prior to that moment did the prosecution make any attempt to prove my exact whereabouts when I loaded. If my precise location as it related to the intersection or crosswalk was paramount in proving guilt it begs the question, why did the prosecution make no attempt to demonstrate this for the court? Up to this point, prior to Judge Winner introducing evidence by surprise, any reasonable person would have concluded that the prosecution had failed to prove their case beyond a preponderance of the evidence.<br />Officer Hinkle’s testimony was shown to be highly doubtful and as I stated, no attempt was made by the prosecution to prove my exact whereabouts when loading. Perhaps this<br />is why the Judge included this evidence. <br /><br />Interestingly Judge Winner agrees with this assessment that the prosecution failed to make their case. How do I know this? I know this because as soon as the state rested, Judge Winner took it upon herself to take over the prosecutions case for them. If at the time I had nothing further and the prosecution rested, she had felt that there was sufficient evidence and credible testimony to prove the allegation, than why continue the proceeding at all? It should have been a finding of guilt right then and there. Furthermore, if indeed all I had to do to commit a violation was simply stop in a lane of traffic, as this board seems to contend, than why is the proceeding even continuing after I admitted to doing just that? There’s no reason for the Judge to continue the hearing at all let alone introduce evidence. So apparently Judge Winner disagrees with that assessment. Conversely, if at the time the Prosecution rested Judge Winner felt that sufficient doubt surrounded the prosecutions case than she should have dismissed the charge. Why take it upon herself to introduce evidence by surprise? Why question me and formulate arguments regarding my location as it related to it? <br /><br />It is my understanding that it is a Judge’s duty to make a decision based on the testimony and evidence presented. Nothing more. Nothing less. Additionally, one of the Canons of the Judiciary is impartiality, and introducing evidence by surprise, that results in unfair prejudice to either side, could never be perceived as impartial. Particularly when said evidence becomes the sole basis for the conviction and there is no reasonable explanation as to why it was not brought forth during discovery…<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Mr. Funk I’m going to stop you there for a second. That may be true in an traditional court of law, but because this is an administrative proceeding, the Judge or Hearing Officer has much more latitude and are allowed to ask questions of the witnesses and engage in the process.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I am aware of that, but taking it as far as introducing evidence and arguing the prosecutions case is making a gigantic leap. Regardless, if you look at the backside of the backside of the citation, it describes evidentiary procedures for these hearings. It states specifically that I have a right to view any and all documents, affidavits or reports that the Prosecutor intends to present. <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: That’s right, the issue is the Prosecutor didn’t present. You were given a copy of everything the Prosecutor presented, were you not?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I was. But implied in that statement is that thought that no one else would or should be introducing evidence. It’s not anyone else’s place to do so. Again, that’s not the Judge’s role. And even if we assumed it was indeed the Judges place to introduce evidence, and formulate agreements, then isn’t at that point the Judge acting as prosecutor? What’s the difference? Certain evidence I can see but others I have no right to? Who knows what else might be out there that the State or anybody else has zero obligation to inform me of? This doesn’t seem right to me. <br /><br />VICE CHAIRMAN O’BRIEN: How have you been prejudiced? If you had already…the question was “did you stop in a lane of traffic?” and you said “I did”. Okay. Then later on page 6, line 24 or 25, the Judge does ask you about the Satellite image but how does that prejudice you an any way? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: How does it prejudice me? For one I was given no opportunity to prepare for it, for two I was given no opportunity to verify it’s authenticity, and for three, the map became the sole basis of the conviction, not the admission of stopping in a lane of traffic. <br /><br />VICE CHAIRMAN O’BRIEN: But what’s the connection here? How are you trying…<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor, Judge Winner even stated on…page 7 line 4, “ There is an order in the statute which means it is a violation to load at an intersection or crosswalk and it’s your testimony that that’s exactly what you did. So regardless of all the rest of it, it’s a finding of guilt.” She’s saying that “the rest of it,” the stopping in a lane of traffic, doesn’t matter. Again, if the Judge felt that stopping in a lane of traffic was all that mattered, then why is the hearing continuing at that point? It’s obvious the Judge needed something more to justify the ruling.<br /><br />MEMBER MARUSHOK: The Judge probably just wanted to show where your location was exactly.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Exactly. That piece of evidence was paramount in her decision. That’s the connection.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Actually it’s not, because you admitted to being in a lane of traffic and stopping, so in my opinion, I would have given no map whatsoever to proceed with the determination that you impeded the flow of traffic pursuant to the statute that’s been referenced because if you admit to stopping in a lane of traffic, it doesn’t matter to me where the intersection is. If you’re halfway up the block, if you’re prior to the intersection, if you’re in a lane of traffic when you stop to pick up passengers, that’s what the issue is, not your location where it took place.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Are you talking about a different statute because, again, I don’t see that language anywhere in this one?<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: No it’s the same statute.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Perhaps does this language show up in a different statute and we’re just getting confused here?<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: No. The statute is sufficiently broad to encompass “stopping in a lane”.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Well your Honor I think that’s actually the problem is that it’s over-broad.<br /><br />VICE CHAIRMAN O’BRIEN: Then you need to take that issue up with the District Court. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: So there is no expectation for proper evidentiary procedures in this courtroom? <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I believe standard evidentiary procedures were followed. You were given a copy of everything that the prosecutors entered against you and your admission that you were stopped in a lane of traffic is what was used against in the finding of guilt.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor if indeed it is permissible for the Judge to introduce evidence by surprise, or to introduce evidence at all, that I would say that this process as a whole is inherently illusory. I was not properly informed of the forces arrayed against me, I was not informed that I would be facing two prosecutors, I was not informed of the admissibility of evidence by surprise. I was not informed that someone other than the prosecutor would be introducing evidence. I feel in the interest of a fair hearing, the respondent should be made aware of such forces and as such, this is something that needs to be brought forth. I believe the 14th Amendment speaks about this sort of behavior. <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: It’s not evidence by surprise because it was not evidence that was used against you in the finding of guilt. Your admission that you stopped in the lane of traffic is the evidence that was relied upon in the finding of guilt. I guess that’s where the difference of interpretation as you call it comes in. <br /><br />MEMBER MILLER: If I could get in here for a second Madam Chair, I agree with your assertion that stopping in a lane of traffic will impede traffic around you and therefore is a violation. But one thing struck me as odd was in using the map, the Hearing Officer asked the driver about his location and she goes on to say, “ there is an order in the statute which means it’s violation to load at an intersection or crosswalk,” and then she says that “it’s your testimony that that’s exactly what you did.” If you go back to page 6, she pointed at the Google map and asked the driver to proximate where he was, and he said he couldn’t give an exact location so there is a bit of a discrepancy whether it was at the intersection or not. I feel the Hearing Officer has overreached in the second part of her argument that the driver agreed that he was at the intersection.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I’m glad you brought that up your Honor I plan on addressing that further later on. Shall I continue?<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Go ahead.<br /><br />I presume the satellite image was taken from Google Earth or Yahoo maps or equivalent, and if indeed one of those was the derivative of the map, than I would say that those maps are available for download 24hrs a day, 365 days a year. If it was a Google Earth Map, then the Prosecution and or Hearing Officer had ample time to prepare such evidence prior to my motion of discovery and therein lies the point. I’m not positive to any extent where that image was produced from, so who can verify that this evidence is what it purports to be?…<br /><br />MEMBER MILLER: If I could stop you again, there is something else I want to say about these maps. It’s my understanding that these maps are being used from time and time and I feel like Mr. Funk is bringing up a good point in that there isn’t any good reason why these maps cannot be produced in advance during discovery. We’re on a slippery slope with something like this and again, there is no reason for it. We should know far in advance if a map is going to need to be used …Please continue.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Again this idea is substantiated by the information on the backside of the citation when it states quote “ You may obtain copies of all reports, affidavits or documents that the PROSECUTOR intends to present at your hearing” end quote. No where is it indicated in the Taxicab Administrative Hearing Procedures section that it is permissible for the Judge to introduce evidence. In fact it states, as well as implies quite the opposite. So what is the point of notifying me of specific evidentiary procedures if there is no expectation that they will be adhered to? Furthermore it says under that heading that I can be represented by an Attorney of my choosing at my own expense. If there is no expectation that standard courtroom procedures prevail within this administrations hearings than I doubt that it would be beneficial in any capacity to retain legal representation. What good would a lawyers training be if the proceedings are void of any semblance of reasonable court conduct? Furthermore, even if we can assume that it is within the scope of the Judiciary to introduce evidence as well as argue the prosecutions case, then what exactly is the prosecutors role in the hearing? It seems to me that if the Judge can play Prosecutor, Judge and for that matter Jury, than having a prosecutor present at all is as redundant as it is partial. <br /><br />Taking all things into account, it becomes clear that Judge Winners’ obvious bias resulted in overreaching, which was an abuse of judicial discretion-undoubtedly requiring a finding of reversible error. <br /><br />-----------<br /><br />The matter as it pertains to Officer Hinkle’ testimony is no less significant. It was clear that crucial parts of his written report as well as his in-court testimony are highly suspect and as I will attempt to illustrate, clearly perjurious. This also aids in the demonstration of the degree to which the Judge took over the case for the prosecution.<br /><br />I testified previously that at the scene Officer Hinkle asked me if I knew why he pulled me over, to which I responded that I did not. He then told me that I interfered with traffic while loading. My immediate response was that there was no traffic there so it was not possible to have interfered any. This initial conversation is important because Officer Hinkle knew that if I ultimately pled not guilty, which I’m sure he had a feeling I was going to, than that was a point I was going to bring up. Which of course I did, for no other reason than it’s the fact. And Officer Hinkle prepared for it., so much so that the only part of the lengthy statute he notated in the “description” column on the citation was quote “interfering with traffic when loading” end quote. Even in his written report, where ample space and time existed to cite the statute in it’s entirety, he still only quoted the section of the statute on traffic where he writes “ Funk was cited for NRS 706-8845-9, interfering with traffic when loading.” And subsequently Judge Winner reiterated this pretext when she initiated the proceeding by stating on pg. 1 line 10 quote “So you’re here on a charge of interfering with traffic while loading, is that correct?” No where in the documentation of the event does it indicate that I was being cited for being in violation of loading at an intersection or crosswalk…<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I just wanted to point out for the record that on page 2, lines 3, 4 & 5 it’s discussed by the officer that there was a car and 2 motorcycles behind the driver while he was loading and that they had to wait to go around him. So there is an issue that there was a potential for you to be impeding the flow of traffic even under your own interpretation of the statute. We’ve already established that under our interpretation of the statute there was an issue. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: That is correct your Honor and I plan on addressing that point right now.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Go ahead.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer Hinkle’s testimony that there was one car and two motorcycles directly behind me at the time I loaded is an outright fabrication and a blatant falsification of a police report and in conjunction with his overall abuse of his position of authority. Taken as a whole, this disrespect for his oath and the process also requires a finding of reversible error. <br /><br />First of all, it was my testimony that at the time when Officer Hinkle told me that I interfered with traffic one of my four passengers interjected and said that there was no traffic there. Not surprisingly, no mention was made of this in Officer Hinkle’ report. <br /><br />Officer Hinkle even took his preparation for litigation as far as to offer up an explanation as to how I could not have known that there was traffic behind me. He stated in his investigators report that quote “he could not have known about the traffic because he was talking on his cell phone.” This notion, that it would be impossible for any driver talking on a cell phone to be aware of any traffic behind them is not persuasive. Again if this were true, I’m certain the State of Nevada would have outlawed the practice of talking on the phone while driving a long time ago. My concern for his flawed logic led me to question the Officer regarding this pg. 3 line 1 I asked him quote “ Can you think of any logical reason why it would be impossible for a driver talking on his or her cell phone to look in their rear-view mirror?” to which Officer Hinkle answered no... <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: The cell phone issue is irrelevant because you were not cited for anything relating to the cell phone. I’d like you to skip over the part.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor this issue speaks directly to the credibility of the witness. I feel as though it’s very relevant.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I strongly disagree. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor I’ve almost made my point on this issue and then I will move ahead.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Go ahead.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: So if Officer Hinkle can’t think of any reason why someone on his cell phone couldn’t monitor their mirrors, than why state that as a reason for my not being able to know about the alleged traffic behind me? It’s clear on this point that Officer Hinkle’s written and verbal testimonies are in direct contradiction of one another. And in realizing this it becomes obvious that my reason for not being aware of any traffic behind me was simply because there was no traffic behind me. This certainly is a far more plausible conclusion than the Officer’s illogical explanation. <br /><br />The discrepancies continue if you look at the Traffic Conditions column on the citation as well as the Officer’s testimony. Again in preparation of litigation, he notated in the Traffic Conditions column of the citation a condition of Heavy. This suspect statement is not consistent with his report where he indicated that at that time and location there was quote “one vehicle and two motorcycles.” end quote. And that was reiterated during the hearing on pg. 2 line 3. Failing to understand how 3 vehicles warranted a Traffic Condition label of heavy, I asked the Officer about this on pg.4 line 27, quote “In your opinion does 3 vehicles constitute heavy traffic?” end quote to which he replied no. So if in the Officer’s opinion 3 vehicles isn’t heavy traffic, than why did he write heavy traffic on the citation? Again he is trying to paint this picture of traffic when none existed. <br /><br />Furthermore I asked him on pg.4 line 25, quote “ Generally speaking, what would constitute a traffic condition moniker of heavy?” end quote. I felt that to be a simple and relevant question but the Officer’s reply is peculiar when he states on the very next line, quote “You know I’m not a traffic administrator so I really couldn’t tell you.” end quote. Not only is this reply condescending and disrespectful to the process, but we already knew that the Officer was not a traffic administrator as he had already stated his occupation for the record. And if he really can’t tell us what warrants a traffic condition label of heavy, than how is he in any way qualified to perform the task of issuing the citation itself? It’s clear that the Officer purposely dodged this question because he knew that if he gave an honest description of what heavy traffic looks like, it would contradict his testimony. <br /><br />And that brings us to the issue of LANES. Officer Hinkle indicated on the citation and included in his written report that he witnessed me loading in the #3 south bound lane. This of course is simply not possible due to the fact that there are only 2 lanes of travel in that direction at that location. So I asked him to explain this discrepancy on pg. 4 line 14 quote “ How is it possible that you witnessed me loading in the #3 lane when there are only 2 lanes of travel at that intersection?” end quote. To which he replied, “ That’s incorrect, there are 3.” <br /><br />Prosecutor InFurno later asks Officer Hinkle to clarify this matter when she asked him on pg. 5 line 9 quote “But on one side it’s two (lanes)?” end quote and on the next line the Officer recants and replies in the affirmative. In realizing the contradiction Judge Winner asks on pg. 5 line 11 quote “That brings a question to mind then, how do you get that the curb lane is #3 if there are 2 lanes in each direction?” to which he replied, “Yeah, I made a typo.” That certainly was a convenient excuse for the Officer but it makes zero sense if you consider that the citation is handwritten, and just minutes prior he responded orally to a direct question that there were three lanes and even went as far as to call me incorrect when I stated otherwise. <br /><br />As this inaccurate testimony by Officer Hinkle is the substantive basis for the allegations against me-it is essential for me to point out this fundamental failure. The most important factor regarding the ability of a witness to testify-is that his testimony must be truthful and accurate. That is all. I believe it has been amply demonstrated that the officers testimony has failed this threshold requirement…<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I’m going to stop you there sir. You are making a lot of inflammatory remarks about the Officer, the Hearing Officer and the process and I’ll caution you because you are definitely overreaching with your comments. It’s a difference of a opinion and that’s the whole part of the adversarial processes is he said versus she said. But just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean that they were lying on the record and all these assertions that you are making in your statement. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor it is not my wish to be inflammatory here today. I’ve tried to respect this procedure since it’s begun and I’ve been sworn to tell the truth and I believe that is what I am doing. I witnessed the event personally and have studied it extensively for some time and if the Officer is confused or incorrect or inconsistent about the events in question than I can’t shy away from bringing this to your attention. I will try to choose my words more carefully your Honor. <br /><br />VICE CHAIR O’BRIEN: You need to point to evidence that supports your allegations. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: That’s what I’m trying to do here. <br /><br />VICE CHAIR O’BRIEN: Ok.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: In summary, the number of errors within Officer Hinkle’s testimony are rather daunting. His testimony that I interfered with one vehicle and two motor cycles is an highly questionable. He strangely omitted a relevant observation from an independent witness. His testimony regarding my not being able to know about the alleged traffic is foolish and contradictory. His entry under traffic conditions wasn’t accurate and he perjured himself again when he said he made a typographical error. He was incorrect in observing my loading in the #3 lane. He was incorrect in observing my turning off of Ogden. How many issues does a witness need to testify inaccurately on before his testimony is deemed non-probative and irretrievably suspect? I believe any reasonable person would have concluded that the Officer passed that threshold long ago. <br /><br />This brings us back to Judge Winner. The entire proceeding hinged on the issue of traffic. Officer Hinkle saw to that in the way he prepared the pertinent documents in preparation of litigation. However, even if we can assume the Officers testimony were accurate and credible, the prosecutor did not successfully present her case. I believe that is why the Judge impermissibly took over the States burden for the prosecutor. Once Judge Winner took over the case for the prosecution it was no longer about traffic or stopping in a lane whatsoever, it was about an intersection and about a piece of evidence that I had never seen or heard about prior to that moment. It’s hard to imagine a more obvious example of trial by surprise and this board has now been given an opportunity and has an obligation, to remedy the injustice of the previous courts strained analysis. <br /><br />As troubling as the abuse of Judicial Discretion exercised by Judge Winner as well as the questionable testimony of Officer Hinkle are, they both serve to illuminate a larger issue. <br /><br />On a fundamental level, procedural due process has it’s roots in fairness. If an individual is facing deprivation of life, liberty or property than there are entitlements granted to him by the Bill of Rights and the 14th Amendment as a means of guarantying a fair proceeding. At the core of these entitlements are three static ideas which include-that the appellant be given adequate notification of the charges, that he be given an opportunity to be heard, and that the person or panel charged with making the decision must remain neutral. <br /><br />As I have reiterated, it is the charge of any Judiciary to make a decision based on the evidence presented. It is not the Judiciary’s role to introduce evidence and certainly not their role to adopt the States burden. This is exactly the type of behavior that the 14th Amendment contemplated. I acknowledge and concede that I was given proper notification of the charge. I acknowledge and concede that I was given an opportunity to be heard. However, it is the third core value of procedural due process of judicial neutrality that was obviously not adhered to and thus is a clear violation of not only the 14th Amendment, but is also in direct contradiction of the Administrative Hearing Procedures as indicated within this Administrations own documents. <br /><br />Even if the condition exists within this administrations hearings where this type of Judicial, or Hearing Officer conduct is deemed permissible, than this process as a whole is inherently illusory when compared to standard courtroom procedures as well as this administrations’ own procedural guidelines as laid out on the citation. Furthermore, an obligation exists to adequately notify the appellant of the forces arrayed against him as prescribed by the 14th Amendment. I was never notified that I would be facing two prosecutors and additionally I was never informed of the admissibility of evidence by surprise. <br /><br />Further still, and to Member Miller’s point, upon Judge Winner introducing the map by surprise and formulating a whole new line of questioning as it related to the new evidence, she concluded on pg.7 line 4 quote “There is an order in the statute which means it is a violation to load at an intersection or crosswalk and it’s your testimony that that’s exactly what you did” end quote. This conclusion is considerably strained. In looking at the minutes of that hearing, at no point did I testify that that was exactly what I did. In fact quite the opposite is true. I viewed an image, that I had never seen before, that was potentially taken from 100,000 feet, that I was only able to look at from across the room on a small computer monitor and I responded to her line of questioning as it pertained to it with phrases like “pretty much” and “approximately” and on pg. 6 line 27 I even stated specifically quote “I do not recall if I was in the intersection or approaching it” end quote. I fail to see to how drawing conclusions of exactness from phrases such as these could be viewed as neutral and impartial. <br /><br />In conclusion, throughout this process the plethora of errors, abuses of authority and lack of procedural due process have prevailed and clearly resulted in a unfair hearing. It is now <br />the duty of this board to reconcile the injustice. It is my prayer that this conviction be reversed and the charge be retried or considering the lack of substance, dismissed altogether. <br /><br />Thank you. <br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Ok, deliberations?<br /><br />VICE CHAIR O’BRIEN: Pursuant to the statute, being he did admit to stopping an a lane of traffic, based on that he violated NRS 706.8845 because it states, “shall not load or unload passengers or luggage at an intersection or crosswalk or at any place or in any manner that will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic.” Just based on that, I feel it is a clear situation and I support the Hearing Officer’s determination.<br /><br />MEMBER MILLER: I agree with you in supporting the determination of the Hearing Officer. That said, I feel it is inappropriate for her to introduce the Google Map…<br /><br />VICE CHAIR O’BRIEN: If it went to an element of the offense I would be more inclined to agree with you but it doesn’t go to the element of the offense in this case.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: I agree wholeheartedly. He admitted to stopping in a lane of traffic which is a clear admission of guilt on the charge. Motion?<br /><br />VICE CHAIR O’BRIEN: I motion to sustain decision of the Hearing Officer’s finding of guilt.<br /><br />MEMBER MARUSHOK: I second.<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: Vote? All those in favor say aye. Aye<br /><br />MEMBER MILLER: Aye<br /><br />CHAIRMAN MICHAELS: The Board is unanimously in favor of the motion. Case closed. <br /><br /><br />I gathered my scattered papers from the desk, neatly returning them to their manila envelope. After I stood up and turned around I was shocked to see the huge mass of people that now filled the room to capacity, leaving dozens without seats. I sensed the room caving in behind me while I was speaking but I couldn’t believe how many people where there and of course once again, it seemed like every one of them was staring at me. I didn’t see Michelle or Bishop anywhere so I slowly made my way out of the room, brushing shoulders with many throughout my walk of shame. Just outside the second floor courtroom is a balcony overlooking a courtyard which is where I found the two of them. Michelle gave me a big hug and Bishop offered me a smoke, both of which I quickly accepted. <br /><br />“I’m sorry baby. Are you ok?” Michelle asked, still holding on to me.<br /><br />“Yeah I’m alright. I can’t say I’m terribly surprised about how things went down. I thought we made a strong case, but they were having none of it.” I replied<br /><br />“You one did a hell of a job, don’t sweat it to much alright?” Bishop said.<br /><br />“We still lost” I said.<br /><br />“You made all your points, you were calm and clear and you didn’t get rattled when they fucked with you. You didn't lose because they made a better arguments than you Andrew,” Bishop said.<br /><br />“Oh yeah, then we’d we lose?”<br /><br />“We lost because of bullshit,” Bishop replied.<br /><br />“I knew you were going to say that.”<br /><br />“It seemed like a couple of them were against you from the very beginning, I think both of the girls hated you,” Michelle said, “I’m not sure that it would have mattered what you did.”<br /><br />“Yeah I kind of felt like that too. But that one guy on the left, Miller, it seemed like he was getting what I was saying,” I said.<br /><br />“I thought so too,” Bishop said. “He determined that the Judge overreached in one of her conclusions, he also said that he thought the admissibility of the map is questionable and puts them on a slippery slope with that type of behavior, which of course it does. But he still votes to uphold? I’m not sure what to make of that.”<br /><br />“Yeah he even brought up that I never told the Judge that I admitted to loading at the intersection. He even came up with that before I brought it up. If nothing else at least the guy did his homework,” I replied.<br /><br />Apparently Board Member Miller’s ears where burning because no sooner than I said that he exited the courtroom, turned to his right and started to walk right by us. All three of us shut up but as he passed by he looked at me and said, “That was good, did you go to law school?” Bishop interrupted and answered before I could say anything, “No, did you?”<br /><br /> I caught up with the now annoyed Mr. Miller as he continued on and I hinted at the fact that I would appreciate the opportunity to briefly pick his brain. “I’d rather not re-hash it,” was his attempt to be gracious reply as he turned and walked away. I made my way back to the group and as soon as I returned Bishop said, “Yeah no shit he doesn’t want to re-hash it.”<br /><br />“Bishop,” I said, “you crack me up dude. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”<br /><br />“So what now?” Michelle asked the both of us.<br /><br />“Breakfast,” I replied, “my treat, you hungry Bishop?”<br /><br />“No thanks man I gotta get home and get some sleep.”<br /><br />“Yeah that’s probably a good idea for you.”<br /><br />I draped my arm around Michelle and the three of us made our way down the stairs and exited the building into the parking lot while the conversation returned to the trial.<br /><br />“I told you were going overboard with those remarks about the officer,” Bishop said.<br /><br />“Yeah you were right, and I even toned it down from where it was before. I don’t get that though, can a statement be factual <span style="font-style:italic;">and</span> inflammatory? At the same time?” I asked.<br /><br />“Yes,” Bishop replied with a chuckle, “you didn’t know that?”<br /><br />“I’m not a lawyer man, I’m just a cabbie who likes to read.”<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The End.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-37120579000517773932010-08-26T19:23:00.001-07:002012-03-01T18:12:38.039-08:00L "The Ticket" Part VIIIATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a><br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POSTS:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vii.html">PART VII</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vi.html">PART VI</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-v.html">PART V</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">PART IV</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The week following my numbing defeat, I vacillated back and forth on whether or not to challenge the ruling. Part of me thought that I could do even better the second time around, make an even stronger case. But what concerned me most was the idea that no matter how successfully I argued, I got the distinct impression that it wouldn’t matter. The odds were stacked against me and I believed that the TA was far more concerned with the precedent that a ruling in my favor would establish then they were about simply letting me off the hook for 60 bucks. Or maybe I am wrong. If I had gotten my first TA ticket dismissed, in theory every other cab driver that is cited for the same offense in the future, which undoubtedly would be thousands, could make the same argument I did and that court would have to take a good hard look at it. There is no question that the potential revenue that this supposed offense creates is a significant motive to be creative in their interpretations of the statute. This wasn’t one man against a traffic ticket, this was one man versus a whole administration. One man against The Authority. An authority, mind you, capable of writing, enforcing and prosecuting it’s own laws and simultaneously being strangely devoid of the traditional governmental checks in place to balance such an extent of power. The only thing remaining to correct the scale it seemed, was me. <br /><br />I finally decided that if I was to proceed with the appeal, I should get a better idea of what I was getting myself into first. Be prepared right? So I spent some more time at the TA office to obtain the transcript, or “minutes” of my first hearing. I felt like reading through the text of the hearing might help me make more sense of it. While there I was also lucky enough to get the opportunity to talk with Investigator/Prosecutor Infurno as well as Sr. Investigator Henneforth separately and they both were very helpful and offered some valuable insight into the perspective of the TA. When I expressed mild concern, Sr. Investigator Henneforth also did well to quell my fear of retaliation from the TA for my antics. Calling people liars and cheats in open court can’t please too many and one could figure that Officer Hinkle wouldn’t be too keen on giving me a break if he ever pulled me over again. However I believed the Sr. Investigator when he assured me that it shouldn’t be a concern and as I write this, he proved correct. After hearing my name called I was informed by the administrative secretary that there was a fee to obtain the minutes of $55 which is supposedly compensation for the person who transcribes the audio tapes of the hearing to text. Yeah right, I want that guys job. As it turned out, this process of obtaining a copy of the minutes, along with just one other form, was all that one needed to do to actually file the appeal itself, so I went ahead and filed it. Fuck it. I can always withdraw it later if I get cold feet. <br /><br />The next order of business was legal help. Cunning and reading comprehension can only get one so far so I called in a favor to an old friend of mine, Bishop. My legal eagle pal was nice enough to meet me for some coffee and smokes and to offer his opinion on my situation. We caught up for a bit and afterwards I took a few minutes and explained my situation and my analysis of all that had transpired thus far. I was very pleased when he jumped in with both feet and quickly agreed with my interpretation of the statute itself and that was crucial simply for my sanity. When he asked, I showed Bishop the transcript from my hearing and stood up and went to use the restroom so he could read in peace. After a few minutes I returned to my seat but Bishop was still reading so I watched people and waited in anticipation of his thoughts. When he finally picked his head up from the pages he said, “That Judge fucked you.” <br /><br />“What do you mean?” I replied. <br /><br />“Where did that map come from? Judges are introducing evidence now?” he said. <br /><br />“I don’t know, they can’t do that?”<br /><br />“Are you kidding?”<br /><br />“Well fuck I don’t know, she did it. This isn’t regular court Bishop this is TaxiCab Authority. It’s an Administrative court, doesn’t that make any difference? Maybe they play by different rules or something?”<br /><br />“Well some things are different and some rules can be a bit more relaxed but not on something like this. This is basic courtroom procedure stuff Andrew. Law 101. There are evidentiary procedures that need to be followed…”<br /><br />“Wait,” I interrupted, “you said evidentiary procedures? It talks about that shit on the back of the ticket. There is a part about discovery.”<br /><br />“Right. Exactly. It’s not up to the Judge to introduce evidence and argue the prosecutions case. She totally took over the prosecutors case for them. And literally, where did the map come from? You never even had a chance to inspect it before she questioned you on it. It’s called “evidence by surprise“”<br /><br />“The Judge can’t ask questions?” I asked.<br /><br />“Of course they can, but it’s usually just to clarify things. The Judge is supposed to be neutral and make a decision on the evidence presented, not introduce evidence and formulate arguments against you.”<br /><br />“I thought that map was a little strange but what can I say about it? When I filed a discovery motion I was given no maps, just the officer statement and the ticket.”<br /><br />“That’s good,” Bishop replied, “you should have objected to it and if overruled, then at least acknowledged it under protest. Regardless of that, this is your grounds for appeal right here. It’s called a “reversible error”. On appeal you’ll have to show the court that a mistake was made which resulted in a unfair proceeding. A mistake, that could be remedied if we were given a new trial. So your argument is that the Judge introduced evidence by surprised which became instrumental in the judgment against you and resulted in an unfair hearing. She justified her ruling using only arguments she brought forth and evidence she presented. I‘m not even sure why there is a prosecutor in the room.”<br /><br />“I see, that makes sense. Could I have just plead the 5th to any questions she asked me regarding the map?” I asked.<br /><br />“That might have done the trick. Like I said, the sole basis for the ruling came from your answers to those questions, and seemingly nothing else. If you could have avoided that you might have been alright,” Bishop replied.<br /><br />“Hindsight 20/20. I was in uncharted waters there ya know? I tried to be very careful with how I answered those questions, it seemed like a tipping point even at the time, but let’s not forget that I haven’t a clue what the fuck I’m doing.”<br /><br />“You could’ve fooled me. Who helped you with this anyway?”<br /><br />“What do you mean?”<br /><br />“Who helped you do put all this together?”<br /><br />“Nobody.”<br /><br />“You did this by yourself?”<br /><br />“That’s right. You helped me a little bit on the other ticket I got a while back.”<br /><br />“This is pretty impressive Andrew.”<br /><br />“Thanks.”<br /><br />“Some of these questions are pretty good, this is what they teach you to do in law school.”<br /><br />“Really? I just seemed like a logical approach to me so I ran with it.”<br /><br />“Yeah, I especially liked the part where you asked him how long he’d been a cab driver, that was good.”<br /><br />“You liked that one huh? I liked that question too. I was just playing Possum, trying to make him think I was an idiot I guess,” I said.<br /><br />“I like it because it makes him answer in the negative, makes him think that you know something he doesn’t.”<br /><br />“Huh. That’s interesting. I never thought about it that way.”<br /><br />“You ever think about going to law school?”<br /><br />“Nah, that shit’s not for me. I’m just a cabbie who likes to read. I’m still not even sure whether I’m going to go through with the appeal or not.”<br /><br />“What? Why not? I think you have a very strong case Andrew. Any Judge worth a sack should overturn this quickly. You should get a new trial or get the charge dismissed pretty easily I think.”<br /><br />“Well to be perfectly honest, I’m still a little concerned about future backlash from the TA. Also, the appeal is not in front of another Judge, it’s in front of the entire board of directors of the TA. All of the TA Brass will be there and it’s making me a little nervous. I’ve already dragged the officer’s name through the mud. I shouted from the rooftops that he was a lying piece of shit and now you’re telling me that I should go back in there, this time in front of every important person at the TA, the administration who controls all in my professional industry, and announce that the Judge is full of shit too? It just doesn’t seem so smart. I talked to one of the Sr. Officers down there and he assures me that that won’t be a problem, providing I am telling the truth as I know it of course. But I’m not totally convinced. I’m unwilling to put that much past these people, you know?”<br /><br />“I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s probably a good thing that the board will be there, I think they are the ones that need to hear what you have to say. If nothing else, you need to do it for all of those other cabbies that can’t do it.”<br /><br />“What do you mean,” I asked.<br /><br />“It’s obvious you have an affinity for this kind of stuff Andrew, logical thinking, the writing word, you know I love your blog, that’s why it’s up to you to change the system. Because you’re the one with the ability to do so. You owe that to those who can’t speak for themselves and if nothing else, you get to air your complaint. There are some legitimate issues going on here and somebody needs to get it on the record. If nothing else, win or lose, that could be the catalyst for change.”<br /><br /><br />That was one of the last things that Bishop said to me, and of all of the excellent advice he gave me, that part really hit home. Partly because I had never thought about that, but mostly because I think he just might be right. I won’t go as far as to say I’m obligated to fight the power, because the last thing I want to do is put a bulls-eye on my back. I’ve said this much before. However I did concur that it was up to me to do it. I had brought the flag this far and it was up to me to pick it back up and carry it the rest of the way. <br /><br />Since I had learned previously that I would not have an opportunity to question Officer Hinkle again at the appeal, there was only one thing left to do; prepare my statement to read for the Board of Directors. At Bishop’s urging, I did some research online regarding due process and evidentiary procedures and found droves of information that I wished that I’d found before. Speaking of information I wished I’d had before, I also made contact with the Nevada Department of Transportation who was surprisingly swift in helping me locate documents that proved the Casino Center exit ramp was in fact closed at the time and date that I said that it was. Any time there is to be a road closure on a public byway, the contractor or people responsible for the closure, must notify the State DOT who must not only approve of the closure, but also issue the public notice of it. I’m sure a multitude of reasons exist to justify this procedure but I would imagine the chief concern is that emergency service vehicles need to always be made aware of any road condition situations that may interfere with their duties. Once I had those documents in hand, they served to prove one part of my testimony and substantially corroborate other parts of it regarding the matter of my allegedly turning onto Las Vegas Blvd off of Ogden. Since I was coming off of the Highway, and the Casino Center exit was closed, it would not have been possible to be coming that direction on Ogden as the Officer testified. Furthermore, it would not have been reasonably possible for me to know about that exit’s closure in the first place, unless I had indeed been on the Highway and witnessed it just as I had testified. Again, since Officer Hinkle was wrong in that observation, and I now had the documents to prove it, his other observations must be called into question also. I have to tip my hat to my older brother Scott, a longtime highway construction superintendent, for enlightening me about the existence of this information. These documents could have been extremely useful had I obtained them prior to my first hearing, but I never thought it would get to the point that I would need them. However it would have been fun to drill the Officer on the point, let him walk into the trap and then explain how it’s not possible that he could be correct, just like I did previously regarding the issue of lanes. Even more unfortunately, during my preparation I also learned that standard protocol in appeal hearings is that one may not introduce any new testimony or evidence. All you can do is talk about things that happened in or about the first hearing and considering my new DOT documents have no nexus to that hearing, they would undoubtedly be ruled inadmissible in appeal. <br /><br />In the days leading up to my big day, I went back to the TA office and Sr. Investigator Henneforth was once again gracious enough to give me another meeting, most of which was spent with me talking his ear off. Basically I just wanted to run past him all of my ideas about what I intended to say to the Board, and do you know what the funny thing about that was? I don’t recall him disagreeing with a single thing that I said that day. In taking Judge Winner’s advice, I also discussed with the Sr. Investigator the possibility of filing a formal complaint against Officer Hinkle, which the TA would be required by statute to follow up on. Ultimately however, without any witnesses to corroborate my statement on the matter, there isn’t a whole lot of investigating to do. Besides I had already laid out his errors for the record previously in TA court. The Sr. Investigator reminded me again that Officer Hinkle would not be present at the appeal hearing. Only me, Administrator Walker and about a half-dozen other lawyers. Perfect. <br /><br />Bishop was good enough to call me a few times to see how things were progressing. I never hesitated to bounce as many ideas off of him as I had, even reading to him passages from drafts of my statement. I believe at every turn Bishop agreed that I was on the right track. Some of his best advice included telling me to put my strongest arguments first, which is most decidedly counterintuitive to a storyteller. And we both agreed that our strongest argument, are best chance to convince the Board to overturn the judgment, was the Judge admitting evidence by surprise issue. Taking it all into account, once I was armed with the right information, it became much more clear just how questionable some of Judge Winner’s behavior really was. Even though that is meaningless with regards to my main argument, that the statute itself is vague and poorly written, it was my best chance at victory. Remember the two hours of waiting? The Prison-DMV with the two way speaker boxes? The butch Bailiff? The two snotty ADA’s? The traffic jam? The questionable TA Officer? If I have to pull an OJ and win on a technicality I’m all for it because let‘s never forget, we’re in it to win it baby! <br /><br />As my statement was starting to take shape and neared completion, I started to become very concerned about the length of it. There was so many good arguments against this injustice that I wanted to make that my draft was nearing 6 pages. Bishop assured me that the length wasn’t an issue, as long as I was making relevant arguments they would have to listen to me. But this is also why you put your strongest arguement first because you never know what will happen or what they feel is relevant. In that vein, Bishop also informed me that I should be prepared to get interrupted. Even though the floor would be mine, it should be expected that at any point during my reading, the Board can interrupt me. They may want clarify something I’m arguing or explain and justify the previous courts decisions on an issue, or perhaps they could simply take issue with something I said. For a multitude of reasons they can interrupt my flow so I needed to be prepared for that and have something to say in response. <br /><br />Regardless of what would become of my efforts, in total dozens and dozens, maybe even hundreds of hours of work, I knew at this point that I had done everything I could do to be prepared. I’d been a good boy scout. This was possible in no small part to Sr. Investigator Henneforth’s and Bishop’s expertise and guidance. I am indebted to them for their time as well as encouragement. The night before my big day, my 3rd big day actually, Bishop called me for one final briefing/pep talk and the last thing he said to me I’ll never forget,<br /><br />“Anytime you end up in court it‘s a crapshoot. You never know what‘s going to happen which is why lawyers avoid it at all costs. But one thing is for certain man, they‘re not going to be ready for you.”<br /><br /><br />To be continued…<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ix.html">Part IX</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-91770393352726833252010-08-24T18:50:00.000-07:002010-08-29T04:01:35.086-07:00L "The Ticket" Part VIIATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a><br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POSTS:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vi.html">PART VI</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-v.html">PART V</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">PART IV</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />In the weeks leading up to my hearing date I hashed out a statement to read for the court, just like I did for my first flag ticket. Again, it’s the best way to come across clear and concise while in front of the Judge. In addition to that, I prepared a list of questions that I planned on asking Officer Hinkle. Considering our version of the events differed so greatly, it seemed obvious the need to illustrate the inconsistencies of the officer’s testimony for the court by simply asking him a few pointed questions while he’s under oath. If you studied my version of the event, and Officer Hinkle’s report carefully, you would have found that there were actually quite a few discrepancies between our stories. In truth, I was as shocked as I was excited when I first read the report. In going over it with a fine toothed comb, the number of errors that existed was more than enough to raise ample doubt around the officer’s testimony, regardless of what his motives where in making them. <br /><br />In that vein I sent two different emails to my passenger. He was gracious enough to offer it to me as a means of substantiating my testimony regarding the traffic, and he seemed genuine in his concern. All four of them did. Unfortunately however, and to no surprise to me, I never received any response to those inquiries. If I could have walked into court with a signed and notarized statement from an independent party, verifying the fact that there was no traffic at that place and time, well that would have been a real hum-dinger. Even worse, all I had to do was activate my cab's camera and that footage would have served the same purpose, even more effectively. In hindsight however, what I really should have done was never made any mention of traffic, or anything at the time to the Officer Hinkle wrote me the ticket. As you may have already noticed, the Officer went to great lengths to attempt to demonstrate the existence of traffic, both on the citations itself, and on his report. Undoubtedly he did so because I gave that to him. Had I said that I understood why he pulled me over and “thanks for the ticket sir” I would have had a much easier path to crawl I believe. Instead, the Officer was very purposeful in creating his testimony in preparation for what he knew already what I was going to say; there was no traffic. As a result of my ego, the trekking was made much more difficult. <br /><br />I arrived at the TA court on my hearing date a little early and I took a seat in the back of the room. In short time the room was nearly filled with various TA officers preparing to testify, court officials and other cab drivers. Driver reps were trying to their best to assist drivers who were there to get out of tickets. They were of little assistance it seemed and I declined their help. Besides, most of these driver’s biggest problem is the language barrier not insufficient arguments, for undoubtedly they are here for some bullshit as well just like me. Interestingly however, the TA does not allow drivers the luxury of translators for these proceedings. Naturally the TA doesn’t have the money to pay for that but strangely they won’t even allow drivers to hire one for themselves at their own expense. The Authority’s take on this issue is that “drivers are required to speak English as a part of the job”, and this compliance is measured by the 40 question written exam that is only available in English and must be passed before a permit is acquired. Well to that I say, granted. I agree that drivers should be made to take the test is English only, after all, the road signs themselves, and map books for that matter are in English. However in my opinion, being able to complete a fairly simple multiple choice exam, that you will have an infinite amount of attempts to complete successfully, is light years away linguistically speaking from effectively representing yourself in court. But that’s another story for another time. <br /><br />Just like in the Municipal & Justice courts, the ADA, or prosecuting equivalent, will have a little chat with you prior to your hearing to see if the two of you can work out a little deal and “get you out of there today“. As we have already learned from our Municipal Court endeavor, the harder they try to strike a deal with you the weaker their case is. I sat in my seat in the back of the room, reading my papers in silence waiting for my name to be called. <br /><br />In short time, I heard my name and I made my way to the desk to the left of the bench to have a chat with Investigator, and acting Prosecutor, Natalie Infurno. It has been my experience that the State's Prosecutor for the TaxiCab Authority hearings rarely has a law degree but rather is a person higher up in the Administration itself. Ms. Infurno was not dressed in a suit but rather in a standard TaxiCab Authority Officer’s uniform. <br /><br />“Is that you Mr. Andrew Funk?”<br /><br />“Yes Ma’am,” I said and followed her silent direction to sit down.<br /><br />“You are here for NRS 706.8845-9 interfering with traffic while loading is that correct.”<br /><br />“That sounds correct Ma’am.”<br /><br />“The Officer is here today and is prepared to testify against you. I looked at your record and the TA is prepared to reduce your penalty to $60 if you’ll plead guilty to the charge today.“<br /><br />“That’s ok Ma’am, I do not wish to change my plea at this time.”<br /><br />“You read the Officer’s report didn’t you?”<br /><br />“I did.”<br /><br />“And you still wish to plead not guilty?”<br /><br />“That is correct Ma’am”<br /><br />“Ok you can go take your seat again, just wait for your name to be called ok?”<br /><br />“Very well thank you Ma’am,” I said and returned to my seat.<br /><br />Shortly thereafter everyone in the room stood up as the Judge made her way to the bench. The Honorable Judge Ann Elworth Winner, would reside over the hearings today. In no time at all Gina Wilk, Compliance Officer and acting bailiff, announced the first hearing on the agenda and away we went. I put down my papers so I could focus attention on Judge Winner to see how she behaved towards the other drivers. After a handful of cases, about half of which she ruled in favor of the driver, I was very pleased by her demeanor and she seemed to be a reasonable Judge and more than open to the driver’s explanations of their alleged violations. But no sooner than I was starting to feel rather good about my chances, I noticed to my right the courtroom doors open and who walks in was no other than Gordon Walker himself. The TaxiCab Authority Administrator. The big boss. The head-honcho. The proceedings were not noticeably interrupted by his entrance but I was certainly distracted when after perusing briefly for a seat, he decided on one that was just one seat away from me. I had been to a few of these hearings before and this was the first time I had ever seen the Administrator in attendance. In fact, this was the first time I had ever seen him in person. I suppose I should have been excited to have the opportunity for the Administrator himself to hear what I was about to say, after all I had put a quite of bit of time into it, but his sitting down next to me did not make me excited at all. It made me nervous. The plan was to stand up in open court, go on the record and call Officer Hinkle a liar, and I was finding it difficult to gauge how exactly that was going to be received. <br /><br />“Andrew Funk, event number 091004-003 come forward please,” Bailiff Wilk announced.<br /><br />I made my way to the front of the room, manila folder in-tow and took a seat at the desk on the right hand side facing the bench. Prosecutor Infurno and TA Officer Kevin Hinkle occupied the desk to my left. I opened my folder and situated my papers in order on the desk, prepared my pen for note taking. Judge Winner initiated the preceding:<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Good morning, so you’re here on a charge of interfering with traffic when loading, is that correct?<br /><br />MR. FUNK: That’s correct your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: And you’re pleading not guilty to that charge?<br /><br />MR. FUNK: That is correct your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Any questions on the procedure we follow for trial sir?<br /><br />MR. FUNK: None at this time your Honor<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Are you going to testify today sir?<br /><br />MR. FUNK: Yes your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Bailiff?<br /><br />BAILIFF WILK: Mr. Funk please rise, and will you raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?<br /><br />MR. FUNK: Yes I do.<br /><br />BAILIFF WILK: You may be seated.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: The State may proceed, Natalie?<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Officer, can you please state your name and occupation for the record? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Kevin Hinkle, investigator, State of Nevada TaxiCab Authority.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Were you so employed on October the 4th at 25 after 12?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yes I was.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: And at that time you came into contact with the respondent?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yes I did.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Can you point to him and identify him for the court?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: He’s sitting to the right of you in a black stripe shirt and black pants.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: The record will reflect that the witness has identified the respondent.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Would you please relay to the court what occurred on the night leading up to the issuance of the citation?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I was downtown conducting traffic enforcement. I was parked in a lot directly across from Fremont or Las Vegas Boulevard at Fremont Street. I was facing in a westbound direction. I was monitoring cabs coming southbound on the Boulevard stopping in a red-restricted fire zone and loading. At that time I had observed the (Cab Co. name omitted) cab coming eastbound on Ogden and turning southbound on the Boulevard. As he approached the intersection he was talking on his cell phone. He was driving very slowly. It appeared he was looking at people walking by. Four individuals flagged him down, he stopped on a green light in the intersection, loaded those four people. There was one car and 2 motorcycles behind him while he was loading. They had to wait or go around him. It was also bike week that week, so it was very crowded downtown. He engaged his meter, continued southbound on the Boulevard when I conducted the traffic stop. <br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: I have no questions your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Any questions for the officer Mr. Funk? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I do your Honor. Officer Hinkle, how long have you been with the Nevada Taxicab Authority?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I believe it’s 14 months.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: And how long were you a cab driver before you started working for the TA?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Never.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Throughout your tenure with the TA, have you ever been required to wear corrective lenses?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Are you required to wear corrective lenses for any reason personal or professional? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer Hinkle, how many citations would you say you issue on an average shift? <br /><br />OFFCER HINKLE: I have no idea.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your best guess please.<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I wouldn’t guess.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Your Honor, I would object for relevance.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: He’s already…it’s relevant. Go ahead.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer Hinkle how much time would you say generally elapses from the time when you issue the citation until the time you write your investigators report? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: It all depends on what’s going on in my shift.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Do you recall how much time elapsed on this one here?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I don’t.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: You don’t remember?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: So it could have been a considerable amount of time?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I don’t know.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Is it possible that you may have confused, misconstrued or simply not remembered some of the facts of the event correctly, due to the time difference between you writing the ticket and writing your report?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I didn’t.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: That’s not possible?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Of course it’s possible. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer, is it your understanding that the use of a cell phone while driving is prohibited in the State of Nevada?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Have you ever used your cell phone while driving?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yes. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Can you think of any logical reason why it would be impossible for a driver talking on his or her cell phone to look in their rear view mirror? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: And while you’re driving and talking on your cell phone, are you able to periodically monitor your rear view mirror without any difficulties? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yes.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer Hinkle, you testified that prior to my loading you witnessed me turning right onto southbound Las Vegas Boulevard from eastbound Ogden? Is that what you remember?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yes.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: The fact is that I had actually just came off of the southbound US95 not Ogden and…<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Okay Sir, you don’t get to testify now, you only get to ask him questions.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Yes of course, my apologies your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: No problem.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: You said before that you didn’t remember how much time elapsed from the time you issued the citation until the time you wrote your investigator’s report, isn’t it possible that you may also not remember which cab you observed turning onto the Boulevard from Ogden? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No I’m sure it was your cab.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: You’re sure it was me that you pulled over, but are you certain that was me turning off of Ogden? That couldn’t have been another cab? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I’m sure it was you.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I see, Officer you stated to me at the scene that there were 2 cars behind me when I loaded, is that what you observed? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: That’s not what I said.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I’m sorry?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: That’s not what I said.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I’m sorry, what did you say?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I said that there was one car and 2 motorcycles.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: One car and 2 motorcycles? When you stated to me at the scene that there were 2 cars behind me, one of my four passengers interjected and said that there wasn’t any traffic behind me, was there a reason for omitting that independent witnesses statement from your report? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I don’t recall any witnesses asking me any questions.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Officer, you stated on the citation as well as in your report that you witnessed me loading 4 passengers in the #3 lane on Las Vegas Boulevard is that correct?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: That’s correct.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Correct me if I’m wrong you’re Honor, I believe the standard protocol with regards to numbering lanes is that you start at the median or yellow line, and work your way to the right towards the curb or white line. The fast lane is the number 1 lane?<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: No, I believe that’s incorrect<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Okay, can I ask what the protocol for numbering lanes is?<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: It starts at the curb and moves inward.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: From the curb and moves inward? So if there was three lanes the number 3 lane would be the far left lane? <br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: It depends on what direction you’re traveling, the number 1 lane would be the outermost lane of travel in that direction.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: So…<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: It would be the number 1 southbound lane, the far right lane of travel at this particular location, it would be the 3rd lane.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: So the lane to the left would be…<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Number 2 lane, yes.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: And the fast lane or far left lane would be the number 3 lane?<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Correct, but I believe his testimony is that you were in the far right, but I could be mistaken. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Right. So if we were using the protocol than there would be a discrepancy between that and the officer’s testimony then…<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: It depends on…there’s no standard way of doing it. Different people do it different ways. Actually, NHP does it differently than Metro if I’m not mistaken so…I prefer to use the designation of the far right or curb lane, the center lane, or left lane myself so nobody has an issue. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: If it’s all the same your Honor I’d prefer to use the Officer’s method.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: That’s fine. Ask him questions, that’s fine. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Ok Officer let’s clear this up, you said that I loaded in the number 3 lane; where you counting from the median out to the right or the curb into the left to the median?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: From the median to the right.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Median to the right, so you have that there are three lanes and the number 3 lane is the far right lane correct?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Right. Curb. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: The problem I have with the citation and your report for that matter is there’s only two lanes of travel on Las Vegas Boulevard at that intersection.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Sir, you’re testifying, you’re not asking him questions.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Sorry. Officer Hinkle, how is it possible that you witnessed me loading in the number 3 lane when there are only two lanes of travel at that intersection? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: You’re incorrect, there’s 3.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: There’s 3? Well I’m sure that any of the drivers in this room would gladly confirm that there are only two lanes...<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: You’ll get your chance sir, but you’re just asking him questions right now.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Sorry your Honor. Officer, on every citation there is a area where you are required to indicated the weather conditions, road conditions and traffic conditions at the place and time that the alleged events occurred, what options do you have at your disposal as far as entries for the traffic conditions column are concerned?<br /><br />OFFICER HIINKLE: I didn’t catch the last part of your question.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: What options do you have at your disposal as far as entries into the traffic conditions column on a citation?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: All depends on traffic, light, light to moderate, moderate moderate, heavy heavy.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I noticed on my citation that you indicated that traffic was heavy, can you describe for the court what, in your opinion, constitutes heavy traffic?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: It was bike week, extremely heavy traffic, bike week, cabs buses. A lot more people downtown than usual. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Generally speaking, what would constitute a moniker of heavy? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Ya know, I’m not a traffic administrator so I really couldn’t tell you. <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Would you say that, if I understood your testimony, that there was one vehicle and two motorcycles. In your opinion 3 vehicles constitutes heavy traffic? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: We’re talking in relation to you stopping and interrupting the normal flow of traffic. It wouldn’t really matter if it was heavy, light, or medium, if there are vehicles behind you because you’re stopping in traffic…<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Just answer the question- do you consider 3 vehicles to be heavy traffic?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: No.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: That completes my questions your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Any redirect?<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: I have one question. Going through the lanes of travel by numbers, what lane did you observe the respondent loading?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: The curb lane.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Curb lane. And question is risen on how many lanes of traffic, did you explain how many actual lanes of traffic there is? <br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: There’s actually 4 lanes- 2 southbound and 2 northbound. <br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: But on one side it’s 2.<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Right.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: I have no further questions, your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: That brings a question to mind then. How do you get that the curb lane as #3 if there are 2 lanes in each direction?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: Yeah, I made a typo. <br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: There’s no turn lane there at that intersection?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: There is.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: There is and that’s being counted as the…<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Natalie, you’re not testifying.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Sorry.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: So there’s a left turn lane and 2 through lanes for southbound traffic?<br /><br />OFFICER HINKLE: I believe so yes Ma’am.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Thank you. Your turn Mr Funk.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your Honor I believe the left turn lane would be classified as such, never as the number 1 lane.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Sir, it’s your time to testify, go ahead.<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Your honor, the Nevada Revised Statute 706.8845-9 that I was cited for violating says- While a driver is on duty, he shall not load or unload passengers or luggage at an intersection or crosswalk or at any place or in any manner that will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic. <br /><br />In my opinion this language is very clear. In order to violate the second part of this particular statute, there must first be traffic present. Without any traffic at that time and place to actually interfere, by definition a violation cannot occur. It says, "that <span style="font-style:italic;">will</span> impede traffic". The term will is a positive. Will is a definite, not an if. Will is an absolute not a hypothetical. Will is an actual, not a probable, a likely or a presumed. Thus, this entire proceeding hinges on the matter of the presence of traffic. Interestingly, Officer Hinkle agrees with my interpretation of this language. I know this because he knowingly falsified the citation and his investigators report to make it appear as though there was indeed traffic. An act that I find reprehensible considering his position. But why go to such lengths to document traffic if it’s moot, regardless if there was any or not?<br /><br />To that matter your Honor, I have little doubt that in the and of themselves, this court will take the Officer’s word over mine, therefore I am left with no other alternative than to illustrate for this court the multiple errors, be them malicious or otherwise, that Officer Hinkle has made throughout this process as a means of demonstrating his observance of traffic is highly doubtful as well. <br /><br />I, in fact, did not turn onto Las Vegas Boulevard from Ogden as the Officer stated. I had just exited off of southbound US95. The Casino Center exit was closed for repair and I was forced to exit on Las Vegas Boulevard. From there I headed southbound on the Boulevard and caught the green light at Ogden. Public records would corroborate my testimony regarding that ramp’s closure at that time. <br /><br />I could not have loaded in the number 3 lane as the Officer testified and was certain of because as we’ve established, there are only two lanes of travel at that location. The Officer’s explanation for his error, that it was a typo, is also suspect considering the citation is handwritten and he had already testified aurally to the same. <br /><br />Without knowing anything else, there is no way a traffic condition label of heavy is justified for that time and place. I’m certain every driver in this room would agree that for all intents and purposes, downtown Las Vegas becomes a ghost town after midnight, especially as of late. His claim in his report that, I could not have known about the supposed traffic, because I was talking on my cell phone is ludicrous. And the Officer himself testified later that he could not think of any reason why somebody on their cell phone would be unable to be aware of any traffic behind them, a clear contradiction. If his explanation were even remotely possible, I’m sure that the State would have banned talking while driving long ago. And naturally, he failed to mention that I ended my call as soon as I loaded and in doing so eliminated all potential for violating any of the cab laws regarding cell phone use as the Officer seems to be implicating. <br /><br />Furthermore, Officer Hinkle said in his investigators report that I began to argue with him about this issue of traffic. This is also false. The only thing that I did that the Officer could have misconstrued as my arguing was my simple refute that there was indeed no traffic. I understand completely that there is a time and a place to make those arguments and that is why I’m here today. I always give proper respect to Officer’s of the law just as I believe I have shown this court today. <br /><br />Furthermore your Honor, upon dropping off my passengers at the Palazzo that night, one of the gentlemen made a point of giving me his email address and told me if I was to email him that he would gladly provide a statement that indeed there was no traffic there whatsoever. He knew this because he and his friends had been standing there for some time waiting for a cab to come by. He told me that I was the first vehicle of any kind that they had seen. This is why he interrupted Officer Hinkle at the scene to say that there was no traffic, because he knew otherwise. Ultimately, I did email that man on multiple occasions and requested that he follow through with his promise and provide a statement for the court, not surprisingly he never responded to those inquires. I know that I have no way of proving any of this to you but please understand that ideally I would be here today with a signed and notarized statement from an independent witness reiterating everything that I’ve told you. <br /><br />In conclusion your Honor, I’m willing to give Officer Hinkle the benefit of the doubt on the bulk of his errors, I’m certain that his job is not easy. However on the matter of the traffic, I have no choice but to view his actions as a purposeful and malicious falsification of a police report, something that I hope that this Court, his department and the State of Nevada would take very seriously. In doing so your Honor, I request that this baseless charge be dismissed. <br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Any questions?<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Yes, I have one. Did you stop in a lane of traffic?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: I did.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Would your actions, had there been any, impede traffic? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: There was no traffic.<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: But your actions, had there been, would have impeded traffic in an orderly flow?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: If there was a car directly behind me and I stopped in that, yes that would have been impeding traffic. <br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: I have no further questions.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Mr. Funk I’m going to ask you to come up here and show me where it was that you loaded these passengers please? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Pretty much where that white truck is, I don’t remember exactly. <br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: For the record we’re reviewing the satellite image of the intersection that shows a white truck past the…approximately onto the cross walk, would you agree, for east/west pedestrian traffic at the intersection? Is that about right? <br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: That lane, I do not recall if I was in the intersection or approaching the intersection.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: You said it’s approximately where this vehicle was located?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Yes.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Okay. Anything further from either side?<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: No, your Honor, the State rests.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: I’m going to read the statute again because as luck would have it, I have a little bit of training in doing this, so, it reads “not load or unload passengers or luggage at an intersection or crosswalk or at any place or in any manner that will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic”. Doesn’t have to interfere with traffic. Your argument is that if there was no traffic there, the violation is a mistake. There is no requirement. There is a an order in the statute which means that it is a violation to load at in intersection or crosswalk. And it’s your testimony that that’s exactly what you did. So regardless of all the rest of it, it’s a finding of guilt. Is there any background?<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: He has one under the 8849 penalty phase that he waived, paid his fine. State requests 80 dollars.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: So this is a first offense?<br /><br />PROSECUTOR INFURNO: Yes, your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Okay. I’m going to make it 60. You have 30 days to appeal my decision if you wish to do that okay?<br /><br />DRIVER FUNK: Thank you your Honor.<br /><br />JUDGE WINNER: Now if you want to file a complaint against the officer, there is a procedure for doing that. I don’t have any jurisdiction over that, I only do citation hearings and citations issued to companies, but there’s a procedure for doing that. You can ask to speak with Officer Henneforth, he’s the day time supervisor if I’m not mistaken. Okay? Thank you. <br /><br /><br /><br />…<br /><br />I couldn’t say I was surprised by the verdict but I was dejected nonetheless. I felt like I made some strong arguments. I thought I pointed out many crucial errors made by the prosecution, which should have raised more than sufficient doubt surrounding the officer’s testimony, but the Judge didn’t seem to care too much about that at all. It really should have been enough. I’ve gotten tickets dismissed with far weaker arguments that‘s for sure. Even more odd, it seemed like we were steamrolling in one direction that whole time and then right at the end we did a 180. I wasn’t ready for that. I was good for 14 minutes and 30 seconds and then that last half minute was a whirlwind and threw me for a loop.<br /><br />I gathered my papers, placed them back in their manila folder and made my way out of the courtroom. I made eye contact with no one even though it seemed that dozens of eyes were staring at me. I didn’t know if those in the courtroom where more surprised or shocked at what I had just said for the record. But none of this matters now, I need a cigarette. Just outside the courtroom stood a man whose name I didn’t know but I recognized from the yard. A Bulgarian that works for my company. I sparked one and took a place nearby.<br /><br />“Man that was really good man. You’re like a real lawyer or something,” he said to me in his above average English. <br /><br />“Thanks. Didn’t do us much good though did it? Still lost” I replied. <br /><br />“That’s ok man, you did really good. Next time I get ticket I come talk to you ok? You help me ok?” <br /><br />“I can try.”<br /><br />“You heard the Judge, she say you can appeal it. You going to appeal it?”<br /><br />“I don’t know man. I don’t know.”<br /><br />I finished my cigarette and went into the TA office across from the courtroom to pay my $60 fine, knowing they would suspend my permit later that day if I didn’t. I wrote them a check for $60 fulfilling my obligation and walking back to my car a loser, I contemplated the future.<br /><br />To be continued…<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-viii.html">PART VIII</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-28454184571593773182010-08-22T20:42:00.000-07:002010-08-25T00:03:42.041-07:00L "The Ticket" Part VIATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a><br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POSTS:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-v.html">PART V</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">PART IV</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />“Cops lie on tickets and reports.” That’s what I said before and I meant it. If you don’t believe me please, continue reading. <br /><br />The process of pleading not guilty to a TaxiCab Authority citation is not all that different from fighting one in the Municipal or Justice courts. In fact you’d rather it be TA that cites you for the simple fact that a TaxiCab Authority citation will never appear on your personal driving record and thus, has no impact on your car insurance rates. Plus, the fines themselves are significantly lower that what you would find in the Municipal or Justice court systems. The downsides to the TA court is that their officers actually show up for the hearings so there will be no default victories here and let us not forget that they, unlike the Municipal or Justice courts, have the authority to revoke your permit. Get too many tickets in a certain period of time and that’s exactly what will happen.<br /><br />If you’ll recall, the TaxiCab Authority officer and I had a disagreement at the time he wrote me the ticket. His claim was that I was “interfering with traffic while loading” and that there were in fact, two vehicles directly behind me when I loaded. My claim (as well as my passenger’s) was that there wasn’t any traffic behind me. The first time I actually read the statute long ago that was something that I took out of it. It never says, I can’t load anywhere outside of a cabstand under any circumstances. It doesn’t say anything about stopping in a lane of traffic. It doesn’t even say anything about seeking a fare. It only talks about Intersections & Crosswalks, and Traffic. Read it and decide for yourself.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">NRS 706-8845-9 Standards of conduct while on duty: While a driver is on duty he shall-not load or unload passengers or luggage at an intersection or crosswalk, or at any place or in any manner that will interfere with the orderly flow of traffic.<br /><br />(Added to NRS by 1969, 1246; A 1981, 2055)<br /></span><br />It seems to me that, if the real purpose of this statute was to absolutely prohibit cab drivers from loading flags, than the statute would read something more like, “While a driver is on duty, he shall not load passengers or luggage on any city streets under any circumstances at any time.” Or something to that effect. Some type of language that clearly, steadfastly and unequivocally opposes the practice seems necessary if you want to steadfastly and unequivocally issue tickets and convince the public that this practice is in fact illegal in the process. But that is not how I read it. I read it like, if I don’t load at an intersection, or a crosswalk, and I don’t interfere with any traffic, than I am not in violation. It seems to me that the terms ‘intersection”, “crosswalk” & “traffic” are something of qualifiers for the violation. Requirement, I believe the term is. It doesn’t say, you can’t do this ever, at all, period. It says, if this, and or this, or this, than a violation has occurred. If you’ll concede that point, than the next logical step is to conclude that if those “ifs” don’t happen, those qualifiers don’t occur, than a violation has not taken place. This is why I told the TA Officer Hinkle at the scene that I did not know why he pulled me over. In my mind, none of those “ifs” where committed, none of those qualifiers breached. That was, and is my interpretation of the law. But I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a cabbie who likes to read. <br /><br />Regardless of all of that. a bigger problem is in front of us. Even if we could by some miracle convince the Judge to agree with our interpretation, and convince him to rule against something he’s ruled in favor of countless times, none of that matters right now because we still have an officer who’s testimony is going to be that there were “two cars directly behind” me. He’s claiming that one of the qualifiers was met. The officer of the law is going to tell the Judge that there was traffic there and I interfered it. I’m going to tell the Judge that there was no traffic, and thus could not have interfered any. Who do you think the Judge is going to believe? It’s a classic he said/she said which in court results in a battle of credibility. Which party is more believable? What are the motives? Who’s story is more reasonable and makes sense? Who’s facts or in order? Naturally the officer of the law is more credible than the cab driver, naturally, so we have to level the balance. We need to go over the entire scenario with a fine toothed comb and examine every little “fact” for what is in the hopes of finding some mistakes or inaccuracies or inconsistencies or anything that we might be able to use in court to raise some doubt. If we can show that some mistakes were made elsewhere by the officer, than we can suggest that perhaps this observation of traffic is a mistake too. In this particular case, if the Judge deems the officer credible, I’m in big trouble. If the officer is credible, and the traffic “directly behind me” existed, than there isn’t much I can say about anything, let alone I can’t even make the larger and more meaningful argument that I’d been waiting to. I can’t say, “your Honor, the statute is not being enforced properly by the officer, the statute says I can’t interfere with traffic and there wasn’t any traffic there at the time of issuance therefore a violation could not have occurred.” The Judge is just going to say, well the officer says there WAS traffic therefore your argument is moot. So we have to do our homework, we have to be boy scouts, we need to get prepared. <br /><br /><br />The TaxiCab Authority is a unique body of government due to it’s vast array of powers. In addition to the overall administrative regulation of the entire taxi and limo industry, they have both enforcement and prosecutorial powers over the industry within their scope as well. Considering the extent of their control, including the ability to write, enforce and prosecute the law, and since this arrangement is strangely void of any traditional governmental checks and balances, I believe it is necessary that such an administration be held to a very high standard. In a situation such as this, the first step in seeing to that is to make an appearance at the TA office and enter your plea. It’s just like the prison-DMV they have at the regular courthouse downtown, only this one is for cab drivers only and you’ll need a key to access the bathroom if you require.<br /><br /><br />The TA office is located on the 1700 block of east Sahara inside a miniature business complex. The business park is not very fitting of a government agency and that’s not a knock on it but more just to say that it just seems like a weird location for a State Administration‘s headquarters. The TA office and courtrooms are located on the second level of the main building, way in the back, very far from the bathrooms that you’ll need a key for but that’s ok. Since this office only services cab drivers, it generally makes for shorter wait times, at least compared to its judicial counterparts. So much so that after you sign in upon arriving with your name and permit number, you will usually hear your named called within about 15 minutes. That’s not even enough time to get a meaningful bit of reading in. Another bonus compared to it’s sister courts is no bullet proof glass and no ill-functioning speaker boxes. You actually get to talk to somebody face-to-face. Unfortunately however, this is not in anyway an indication of quality customer service. On a few different occasions the incompetence level of the staff in that office, or perhaps it’s arrogance rather, has had my blood boiling. On one occasion specifically, the folks in there had me so hot that I was on the verge of committing multiple felonies. Seriously, I doubt I’ve ever been closer to doing something incredibly stupid than I was that day. But that’s another story for another time.<br /><br />On this day, 2 months after I was cited on Las Vegas Blvd downtown for loading those two young couples, I arrived at the T.A.. I signed in on the clipboard along with my permit number and a notation as to what my business was. I checked the box that said, “Citations”. In a relatively short period of time my name was called and I took a seat in at one of the bank teller style cubicles. Martha, was the nice ladies name that helped me and after sitting down I told her I was there to enter my plea for this citation and handed it over to her.<br /><br />“And what will be your plea?” Martha asked.<br /><br />“Not guilty,” I said.<br /><br />“Ok,” Martha replied and started typing on her computer keyboard. After a few moments she said, “ well this is your first offense for this infraction and it’s only a $80 fine, if you’d wish to plead guilty today I can knock it down to $60.”<br /><br />“That’s ok,” I said “ I don’t think I’m guilty so I wish to plead that way.”<br /><br />“That’s fine” she said, “I will set your court date now just give me a couple minutes.”<br /><br />“That would be great” I said, “also at this time I would like to exercise a discovery motion.” <br /><br />The discovery motion, I first got the idea from the citation itself. On the backside of every TaxiCab Authority ticket, there is a large section of print regarding the TA’s procedures for paying and challenging citations. Under the “Hearing Procedures” section, it mentions the respondents right of discovery. As you may already be aware; upon request and by law, the prosecution must make available to the defendant prior to the hearing any and all pieces of evidence that they plan to show against him. This practice is procedurally mandated at both the Federal and State levels. Discovery is one of the foundations for our entire legal system, it serves to keep the prosecution accountable by allowing the defense a reasonable amount of time to prepare their arguments as well as to verify the authenticity of the evidence that is to be presented against them. This is crucial to any defense, and even though this sort of activity is generally associated with a major court case, it can and should be utilized by anyone for any defense, even those wishing to represent themselves in simple traffic citation hearings. Perhaps you remember the famous scene in My Cousin Vinny when Joe Pesci learns this simple procedure for the first time, albeit already well into the most important case of his non-existent career.<br /><br />Stop and think about it for a moment, what could the State possibly have to show against you? Don’t over think it because it’s not much. In reality, all the evidence that exist to substantiate a traffic citation is usually just two things; 1. The Ticket and 2. The officers report. The State will plan to show two things against you, the ticket itself, and the officer’s statement. You may not have realized, but for every ticket an officer issues, he must also write a statement or investigators report which is really nothing more than a paragraph or two describing the event. It’s really just the citation in essay form. It also serves as a reference point for the officer while in court as he surely can’t be expected to remember every detail about every citation he wrote 6 months ago. The contents of that report, and the specifics on the ticket itself are in and of themselves the State’s entire case and thus must be gone over with careful scrutiny. <br /><br /><br />“Ok that’s not a problem,” Martha said, “so you really don’t think you did it huh?”<br /><br />“No Ma’am.”<br /><br />“What was the ticket for?” she said picking it up to read again. Afterwards she put it down and continued working on the computer. I got the feeling that Martha thought I was running a fools errand. She didn’t think I had chance at all. She finally printed out three pages, grabbing them as they fed out of the printer and showing me in succession that one was a photocopy of the ticket, which of course, I already had my original, the second was a copy of the typed officers report and the third was simply a reminder for my assigned court date. The first thing I noticed when she first showed them to me was how long the report was. It was a full page, easily the longest I had ever seen and I think Martha thought the same thing, or perhaps she was just curious about my plight, but for whatever reason she pulled the pages back before handing them to me and decided to read the report for herself, and I sat there in silence while she did. <br /><br />After Martha was done reading she seemed to smirk while pulling the papers away from her eyes. “What do you think?” I said after she finally handed them to me. <br /><br />“I think you’re guilty” she said…<br /><br />Below you will find scans of the fruits of my discovery motion. I already told you <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">my version of the events</a>, now you can, and should view the Officer’s as well. They are hard to read I’m sure but you can click on the pictures themselves and increase the size in your viewing software, I will also copy the text from the Officer’s report to here for easier reading( I don‘t believe it’s practical to attempt the same with the citation). I have removed all of my personal information from both documents.<br /><br />*****<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_5dOkeFTOGNA/THHvclvu5fI/AAAAAAAAAP4/IaIA-zUyB_w/s1600/ticketfixed.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_5dOkeFTOGNA/THHvclvu5fI/AAAAAAAAAP4/IaIA-zUyB_w/s400/ticketfixed.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508447093698520562" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_5dOkeFTOGNA/THHv2mNue-I/AAAAAAAAAQA/BqFQawNbB-0/s1600/HinkleReportfixed.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_5dOkeFTOGNA/THHv2mNue-I/AAAAAAAAAQA/BqFQawNbB-0/s400/HinkleReportfixed.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508447540500921314" /></a><br /><br />Page 1 of 1<br /><br />EVENT # 091004-003 CITATION # 29941<br /><br />DATE 10/04/09 TIME: 0025 hrs.<br /><br />LOCATION: Las Vegas Blvd s/b @ Fremont Street<br /><br /><br /><br />INVESTIGATOR’S REPORT/NOTES:<br /><br />On the above date, time and location, I was conducting target enforcement. I was looking specifically for cabs stopping in the red restricted fire zone, at the intersection of Fremont Street and LVB s/b. There, cabs are known to stop and load and also impede the flow of traffic.<br /><br />At the above stated time, I was parked directly across from the LVB facing w/b. I had a clear and un-obstructed view of LVB and Fremont Street. I saw (omitted cab co. and #) turn s/b on LVB from e/b Ogden. As he approached the intersection, I say that he was talking on his cell phone. He drove slowly and was looking at people walking along the street. Four people flagged him down and he continued talking on his cell phone, he stopped in the number three lane. He loaded those four people and the traffic signal was green. Behind his cab, were one vehicle and two motorcycles. They had to wait while he loaded his cab. Shortly thereafter, he engaged his meter and continued south on LVB.<br /><br />I conducted a traffic strop and identified the driver as (name omitted) via his TA permit # (omitted) and his Nevada Drivers License. I asked if he knew why I stopped him. He said he did not. I explained my observations and told him, he was not allowed to pick-up on the street nor is he allowed to stop in a traffic lane and load his cab. He then asked me if I was citing him for “LVO” or “NRS”. I explained he was being cited for interfering with traffic when loading and a verbal warning for loading other than an established cab stand. <br /><br />(Name omitted) began to argue with me about there not being any traffic behind him while he was loading. I further explained that he could not have known because he was talking on his cell phone the entire time. He made no other statements after being told that. I let the driver keep the ride and cited him for NRS 706.8845-9, interfering with traffic when loading.<br /><br />CITATIONS: <br /><br />(Name omitted) was cited for NRS 706.8845-9 interfering with traffic when loading and given a verbal warning for loading in an area other than an established cab stand. <br /><br />K. HINKLE #553<br /><br />*****<br /><br /> <br />To be continued…<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vii.html">PART VII</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-64753721095108120212010-08-19T23:55:00.000-07:002010-08-22T20:58:23.580-07:00L "The Ticket" Part VATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a><br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POSTS:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">PART IV</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Just hours after I was issued my second citation for loading a flag, I was fighting morning rush hour traffic on the 15 to get downtown to the Regional Justice Center in time for my first ticket's hearing. We can add waking up early and rush hour traffic alongside the prison-DMV, the butch security guard, the snot nosed ADA and six months of waiting on the list of things that are undesirable about fighting traffic tickets. When I finally made it downtown, I decided to save time by paying for parking in the garage and thankfully I still had a few minutes to spare even after walking to the courthouse and passing through the airport style security checkpoint. After putting my belt and shoes back on, I made my way up the elevator to the my assigned fourth floor courtroom. <br /><br />I opened the over-weighted courtroom doors and took a seat near the back. Less than 20 people filled the room, 5 or 6 of those uniformed officers. None of the officers looked familiar to me but that isn’t saying much. Let’s not forget, by this time it had been almost 8 months since the Metro officer cited me. A few court administrators were busy getting ready for the days sessions while a Judge, who wasn't wearing a robe, seemed to be giving a tour of the courtroom for some media members. I glanced at the time on my phone before muting the ringer and placed it back in my pocket. To kill the time, I removed my papers from the manila envelope that carried them and began to re-read my statement, waiting in silence for my name to be called. <br /><br />8:59am<br /><br /> <br />It wasn’t long before a young man in a suit walked over to me and asked what my name was. I told him and after ruffling some papers that he was carrying, he told me to hold on and that he would be right back. The man walked up to the desk located to the right of the speakers podium and returned with some new papers and said, “Ok Mr. Funk, please follow me.” The ADA. <br /><br />I followed the man and we exited the courtroom through a side door and entered a small room the size of a walk in closet with two chairs on either side of a table. Solitary, again. <br /><br />“Please. have a seat,” the ADA said, shutting the door behind him. “It says here that you are pleading not guilty to LVO 11.60.040 - Taxi stopping, standing or parking. is that right?”<br /><br />“That’s correct.”<br /><br />“Officer Riley* who cited you, is unable to attend this hearing, I could motion for a continuance but I’m hoping that we can work this out between the two of us.”<br /><br />“I see,” I said.<br /><br />“First of all, what is to be your testimony, you’re claiming that you never loaded at all?”<br /><br />“No, I believe the Officer’s and my testimonies will mirror each others on that point.” <br /><br />“Then what is it you plan to say?”<br /><br />“Well I’ve prepared a statement for the court that you are welcome to read it if you’d like,” I said and handed the document to him. I continued as he looked it over, “the first thing I’d like to do is inform the Judge today about some, what I believe to be, unethical behavior on the part of the ADA at my first appearance, secondly, the bulk of my argument against the charge is that the ordinance in question is, in addition to it being misinterpreted, actually contains a provision within it for doing precisely what I did.” <br /><br />“What do you mean unethical behavior?”<br /><br />“At the time I was entering my plea, the ADA lied to me in an attempt to convince me to alter my plea. Coercion I believe, is the term.” <br /><br />“Do you remember that persons name?”<br /><br />“Actually no, I never thought to get it at the time. I’m sure it’s on record.”<br /><br />“I’ll be back in a minute.”<br /><br />The man stood up and exited the room. I wasn’t sure what I was onto with this whole coercion bit. I didn’t expect anything of substance to come of it and undoubtedly this sort of thing is a daily occurrence in that court, but I still felt that something wasn’t right with the whole situation and I’m no longer one to shy away from calling out something that needs it. I’m not an overzealous patriot by any means, and at the expense of sounding cliché’, even regardless of the form of power, it is the populous who is charged with calling leadership on their bullshit. For it is us that gives them this power in the first place. <br /><br />The future of my accusation was very much in doubt but I did know one thing for sure, there was no way this guy was going to seek a continuance for this charge. Because he knows, as well as I do, that in all likelihood the Officer is not going to show up the next time either. <br /><br />In short time the ADA came back and returned to his seat. “I don’t have enough time to find the record of who was working that courtroom that day, there is a way for you to do that at which point you can file a complaint if you so choose.”<br /><br />“Very well.”<br /><br />“Regarding the reason we are here, as I said the officer was unable to attend this hearing so instead of requesting a continuance I’d like to see if you and I can come to an agreement. If I seek a continuance, you will have to return at a future date and appear with the officer here and do this all over again. Do you understand?”<br /><br />“I do.”<br /><br />“I understand the previous ADA offered to make it a parking violation, a $190 fine with no points and no traffic school in exchange for your pleading guilty is that correct.”<br /><br />“That is correct..” I said. The first rule of haggling; always be willing to walk.<br /><br />“Well I can get it down to $120 and you’ll have two months to pay it if you want and you won’t have to come back.”<br /><br />“I won’t have to come back?”<br /><br />“That’s correct.”<br /><br />“Who’d want to do that right?” I said with a chuckle.<br /><br />“Right.”<br /><br />“I don’t know though, I think I’m not guilty, and I think the Judge will see it that way as well, so if I have to come back I have to come back. Parking was pretty easy today anyway.”<br /><br />“You can never say what a Judge is going to think, how about 75? I’ll drop it to 75 dollars and we can be done with this today.”<br /><br />“Thanks, but no thanks.”<br /><br />“Ok wait here a second.”<br /><br />The man stood up and left again however on this occasion he returned in a very short amount of time. Nonetheless it reminded me of the used car lot when after the first guy couldn’t close you, he’ll leave the desk to go talk to the sales manager to see what they should try next. After he returned and sat down again the AHA said, “50 dollars is the best I can do, you plead guilty and pay your minimum $50 fine today and we can be done with this.”<br /><br />I’ll tell you it reeks in here. Desperation. Three years ago I would have said something like, “we both know you’re not requesting a continuance for this sir so why don’t you just drop the charge and we can go about our business.” But there is no reason to bait the ADA. He can after all, fuck with you. Yes of course we are trying to make a point here but the real point is to win, remember?<br /><br />“I’m not guilty sir, so why would I want to admit guilt and give you guys some money for the pleasure? The language in the ordinance is clear and I feel as though I can make a strong argument on my own behalf, so I’ll take my chances in front of the Judge thank you.”<br /><br />The ADA ruffled his papers back together before standing up, “Ok sir you can return to your seat in the courtroom and just wait for your name to be called.”<br /><br />“Thank you,” I said and followed his directive.<br /><br />In short time everyone arose as the Judge entered the courtroom and took his seat on the bench. The cases before mine went by quickly because for some reason, in most of those the defendants failed to appear. That’s bad news, don’t do that. If you plead not guilty and the officer shows up and you don’t and you waste everyone’s time the court doesn’t appreciate that very much. Not only will you lose your case by default and get the maximum penalty, but there are usually other penalties and possibly even arrest warrants waiting for you as well for failing to appear. <br /><br />When the Judge called my name and case number I stood up and walked over to my place at the podium. The Judge read the charge and then said to the ADA “What do you have Patrick*?”<br /><br />“Your Honor, Officer Riley* who issued the citation could not attend this morning, we are unable to proceed.”<br /><br />“Prosecution is unable to proceed,” the Judge said, “case dismissed, Mr. Funk you are free to go.”<br /><br />“Thank you your Honor.” <br /><br />I turned around and exited the courtroom, choosing not to make eye contact with the ADA as I did. Now you know why he went from $190 down to $50 in zero flat. He knew he was going to lose. Might as well try and get something out of me. Right? <br /><br />As it turned out, I didn’t even get to read my statement that I had worked so diligently on but even worse than that, I didn’t get the opportunity to test my argument. Never the less, I found myself batting 1.000, halfway home with one victory in my pocket already and one to go. Or so I thought at the time. However in hindsight, my adventure had only just begun. My true test, the overbearing clouds of the Nevada TaxiCab Authority, could already be seen looming on the horizon.<br /><br />To be continued…<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-vi.html">PART VI</a><br /><br /><br /><br />* Fictional names.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-14475658928982148582010-08-17T23:12:00.000-07:002010-08-25T00:04:42.612-07:00L "The Ticket" Part IVATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a><br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POSTS:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a><br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />It was after midnight on a Sunday night and I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone while dead-heading downtown from the Strip. The Strip hotels were stacked full of cabs so even though it was late I decided to try my luck downtown. Shortly after merging onto US 95 south at the spaghetti-bowl, I discovered that the usual downtown exit, Casino Center Dr., was closed for repair forcing me to continue to the Las Vegas Blvd. off ramp where I was able to exit the freeway. I made a right turn heading south onto L.V. Blvd. and caught the green lights at Stewart and then Ogden. I thought the Strip was dead but that was nothing compared to this. It was a ghost-town. After passing Ogden I noticed four individuals standing on the curb to my right, one of them, a man, was frantically waving his arm indicating he was requesting taxi service. The universal signal. <br /><br />I quickly pulled over, unlocked the doors and ended my phone conversation in one maneuver. Two boys and two girls climbed in and asked me to take them to the Palazzo. I guess you could say that my pending citation failed to serve as a sufficient deterrent to the crime. Besides, they thanked me for picking them up. I continued past the intersection of LV Blvd and Fremont and out of the corner of my eye I noticed the lights turn on and in no time the cop was behind me. He had parked in a unlit parking lot across the street beside a building and I didn’t see him. Undoubtedly, he was parked there to catch somebody doing this exact thing. That intersection has a lot of foot traffic generally and there isn’t a cab stand nearby. On a dead night like tonight, this is a major score to find these people as it saves me from killing an hour of my night sitting on a stand waiting for a fare to approach me. Personally I feel it’s unconscionable for anyone to expect me, or any cabbie trying to earn a living, to 1.) Refuse that business & 2.) Deny the public the service. To my knowledge, in no other major metropolis in the world is this practice illegal. Only in Vegas, or so they say. Considering the time, location and situation surrounding my detainment, and even though the bright lights of the squad car blinded me, I knew already that this was a TaxiCab Authority officer behind me. There was no question. <br /><br />“Why are we getting pulled over?” the man sitting shotgun asked. <br /><br />“Because I picked you up, don’t worry it’ll be ok,” I replied as the Officer was already approaching my window.<br /><br />Taxi Cab Authority Officer Kevin S. Hinkle stopped just short of my window and leaned forward to peak inside the vehicle, “Driver I need your registration, permit, health card and drivers license. Do you know why I pulled you over?”<br /><br />“No sir I do not,” I replied and handed him the documents.<br /><br />“How long have you been a cab driver Mr. ….uh, Funk?”<br /><br />“Almost six years.”<br /><br />“And you don’t know why I pulled you over?”<br /><br />“No sir, I do not.”<br /><br />“I pulled you over for interfering with traffic while loading.”<br /><br />“I see… But sir, there was no traffic there.”<br /><br />“Yes there was, there was two cars right behind you.”<br /><br />“Um I don’t think so sir, I don’t see anyone around.”<br /><br />“There were two cars there.”<br /><br />“Sir,” my passenger sitting beside me interrupted, “we’ve been standing out here for a few minutes waiting for a cab and this guy was the first car we’ve seen since we got here.”<br /><br />“That’s not your concern sir, just sit tight and we’ll get you out of here real soon,” and he walked back to his squad car.<br /><br />“I don’t get it,” my passenger said, “is that guy retarded? There weren’t any cars anywhere!”<br /><br />“I know I know,” I said excited that my passenger were already catching on to my theory, “this is how it goes man. Don’t worry I’ll deal with it.”<br /><br />“You think he’s giving you a ticket?” <br /><br />“Absolutely.”<br /><br />“Well maybe I can help you,” he said, “ I’ll give you my email address and you let me know and I’ll send you statement that I was a witness and that there wasn’t any traffic.”<br /><br />“Yeah we all will,” the others agreed.<br /><br />“Thanks, yeah I might take you up on that, that might help thank you.”<br /><br />Officer Hinkle finally made his way back to my window and gave me the bad news. As he handed me the oversized palm pilot for me to make my mark and promise to appear, I asked him, “ officer you’re citing me under NRS or LVO?”<br /><br />“NRS,” and he handed me the ticket, “I’m going to let you keep this ride you have a safe night ok?”<br /><br />“Yes sir.”<br /><br />We continued south bound on the Strip until we reached my passengers destination of the Palazzo. Upon our arrival the man sitting shotgun besides me asked for a sheet of paper and pen so he could write down his email address for me. I gave him a business card and he wrote his email on the back and returned it to me. I was flattered that all of them seemed genuinely concerned about my plight. The man gave me a nice tip in addition to his previous generosity and even took it as far as to apologize for their part in my getting a ticket. <br /><br />“That’s ok,” I replied, “I’ve been trying to get this ticket for years.” <br /><br />To be continued…<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-v.html">PART V</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-7234095629753054022010-08-15T23:59:00.000-07:002010-08-25T00:05:00.784-07:00L "The Ticket" Part IIIATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a>. <br /><br />OR PREVIOUS POST:<br /><a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I said before that all you need to do is follow the process and you will eventually have your day in court, and that is true. When you do finally get your moment to tell your side of the events, it’s important that the opportunity not be fleeced. You may only have one chance to set the record straight and the most effective way to do that is the boy scout motto; “be prepared”. First, you want to dress accordingly. You won’t need a suit but you do need to show respect to the court and I won’t insult your intelligence by telling you what that means. Secondly, when you are given the opportunity to speak, you should do so in an calm, concise and thoughtful manner and try and leave your emotions out of it, and the best way for me to accomplish this is to prepare a statement in advance. Being a well thought out and logical thinker is a gift that God blessed me with I suppose and for that I grateful, however I’m not a particularly <span style="font-style:italic;">fast</span> thinker. I think I could be a dynamite debater if I was given hours to conjure my rebuttals, but of course you’re not, therefore I would be horrible at it. So I find the best way to insure that I get all of my ideas out clearly and orderly, and in a timely fashion, is to prepare a statement in advance and simply read from it. If I neglected to do this there is little doubt that I would forget something crucial or just simply get jumbled in the heat of the moment and ultimately sound like an idiot. Well I don’t know about you, but I didn’t spend two hours in prison, get talked down too by a butch bailiff, get harassed by a snot nosed ADA and pine on it for 6 months to sound like a idiot. I did all that to get this fucking thing dismissed. I did it for the precedent. I’m in it to win it baby! So I prepared a statement to read from while in front of the Judge and as luck would have it, the experience of authoring this blog over the years has taught me a few things, but mostly how to more effectively convey my thoughts on paper. <br /><br />In the days leading up to my court date I completed my statement. I touched on a few ideas that I have had for a while as well as some other things I felt important and it reads as follows: <br /><br /><br />Before I begin my testimony your Honor, I feel as though it is my duty to inform you that at the time I appeared in court to enter a not guilty plea for this citation I was misinformed and made to feel intimidated by the Assistant District Attorney. The ADA who spoke to me indicated there was a substantial risk in pleading not guilty as there was the potential for a considerably steeper fine if found guilty. The ADA more than hinted to this supposed fact in an attempt to get me to change my plea. He informed me that the maximum fine if found guilty for this infraction was $1000 and said that I would be wise to plead guilty for no points on my record and only pay a $190 fine. Previously, I read on the Municipal Court Violation Look-Up page online, that the maximum fine for this offense for the first infraction was $190. The maximum fine for the second offense was $250 and nowhere did it indicate the potential for that exorbitant amount. Interestingly, when I first went into the courthouse that day, the administrative secretary in the traffic citations office reiterated that fine information to me exactly. When I informed her of my desire to plead not guilty she sent me across the hall to the courtroom at which point the ADA made his effort to convince me to change my plea. It’s worth noting that the two other individuals who wished to plead not guilty that day quickly changed their minds after talking to the ADA for just a few minutes. Your Honor, I understand that the courts are backed up and it’s in everyone’s best interest to expedite this process. However, I am afforded a right to a trial and I should not be made to feel threatened simply for exercising it. As a citizen of this City, I do not appreciate these bullying tactics by court officials and I can only imagine how a lesser prepared individual might have been coerced. That is the word for such behavior I believe, coercion.<br /><br />To the issue at hand your Honor, I am not guilty of this violation.<br /><br />I was stopped at a red light on Casino Center at Fremont St. when an older couple, standing on the curb right next to my cab raised their hands indicating that they desired taxi service and asked me through my window if I could take them to Bally’s. I told them “of course” and within seconds they were in my cab. Just as my customers shut the door, the Officer rounded the corner from westbound Carson, saw that I was loading and pulled me over shortly thereafter. I don’t believe any of that differs from the officers testimony. <br /><br />5 years ago during the process of obtaining my Taxicab Permit, I was required to complete a driver safety course as mandated and executed by the Nevada Taxicab Authority. Sr. Investigator Scott Henneforth facilitated the class I attended and I can only presume he was chosen as instructor for his expertise in the administrative enforcement of the taxi industry. During that training, Sr. Investigator Henneforth spoke extensively on the matter of picking up “flags“, or customers outside of cab stands. Sr. Investigator Henneforth stated that a driver could not park at a bus stop, monorail station or a limo stand or similar in an attempt to solicit, or SEEK fares. In other words the spirit of the ordinance, through the eyes of Sr. Investigator Henneforth, seemed to be that a cab is not to steal or attempt to steal business from other modes of transportation, a concept that I understand and agree with. I understand the reason why I can’t park at a bus stop and solicit business from those awaiting the bus. Furthermore, the general message from the Sr. Investigator regarding the loading of flags was that it was inadvisable from a personal safety standpoint, not in any way explicitly against the law. That was my interpretation of the Sr. Investigator’s instruction, and in focusing on the language of the ordinance itself, I believe such an interpretation is validated.<br /><br />I was cited for violating L.V.O 11.60.040 and interestingly this ordinance contains a provision within it for doing exactly what I did. I feel the ordinance is very clear on this matter when it states: “This provision shall NOT prevent the operator of a taxicab from temporarily stopping, in accordance with other stopping or parking regulations, at ANY place for the purpose of and while actually engaged in the expeditious loading or unloading of passengers.” That is precisely what I did and that is the Officer’s testimony as well. I was in accordance with other parking and stopping regulations when I stopped at the red light. I expeditiously loaded the passengers. The couple placed themselves in my taxi as fast as they physically could, which was a matter of seconds. Furthermore, and to Sr. Investigator Henneforth’s point, I did not attempt to steal business from other modes of transportation nor did I even <span style="font-style:italic;">seek</span> a fare as prescribed by the totality of the 11.60 subsection. A fare sought me. I did not solicit a fare. A fare solicited me. The raising of your arm when one is in need of taxi service is a universal form of solicitation that is bound by no language your Honor, and I made no attempts to create business that would not have been there for me otherwise. <br /><br />In conclusion your Honor, I request that you dismiss this charge and enable me to continue doing my duty of serving the public, something that the State of Nevada, The Taxicab Authority, the F.B.I via a criminal background check, the Department of Transportation, a board certified Physician and a Nevada Taxicab Medallion Certificate holder have all concluded I am fit to do. <br /><br /><br />…<br /><br />I was very pleased with how my statement turned out and was even more confident that I was going to win with it. But I think the biggest part of me was just anxious to see if a Judge would agree with my interpretation. I wanted to know I wasn’t crazy. I followed the process, as lame as it was, and in doing so I had earned the right to test my theory. I was excited I guess you could say. So excited in fact, that on the eve of my big day, mere hours before I was to finally offer my statement to the court, I got pulled over again for picking up a flag downtown.<br /><br />To be continued…<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iv.html">PART IV</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-40532678320429299032010-08-13T04:34:00.000-07:002010-08-25T00:05:26.485-07:00L "The Ticket" Part IIATTENTION READERS: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A CONTINUATION OF AN EXISTING STORY. FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket.html">START AT THE BEGINNING</a>. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I've read the various laws that supposedly outlaw the loading of flags however I've failed to stumble upon any rhetoric that, in my opinion, indicates that this practice is absolutely prohibited. Naturally, any law enforcement or administrative body is going to take a broad brush when it comes to the enforcement of such legislation and it doesn't take much speculation to conclude that the motives for these sorts of tactics in all likelihood boil down to money. All avenues of government are hard up for cash these days and it should be assumed that steps will be taken in attempts to remedy this problem. This spells trouble.<br /><br />Although I have always had an interest in the law, I'm not a lawyer. Not even close. I'm just a cab driver who likes to read. Despite my lack of formal training, I feel that the language within the laws are simple enough and quite clear. For the life of me I can't find anything that specifically and unequivocally prohibits me from loading a nice older couple that's needing a cab to go to Bally's, and not needing to walk a number of blocks and be harassed by a inhospitable doormen to get one. You be the Judge. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Las Vegas Ordinance(LVO) 11.60.040 - Taxi stopping, standing or parking.<br /><br />The operator of a taxicab shall not stand or park such vehicle upon any street at any place other than in a taxicab stand so designated as provided herein. This provision shall not prevent the operator of a taxicab from temporarily stopping in accordance with other stopping or parking regulations at any place for the purpose of and while actually engaged in the expeditious loading or unloading of passengers.<br /><br />(Ord. 1589 § 11 (part), 1972: prior code § 10-18-8(D))</span><br /><br />I had feeling that the officer was going to invoke this ordinance. It has become apparent, in polling drivers that have been cited for this, that the Las Vegas Metro Police will generally cite this ordinance, or one of it's relatives in the 11.60 subsection, when issuing a ticket for this infraction. I presume this is so because this is a city ordinance and they are the city police. As it were, the Nevada TaxiCab Authority will call up an entirely different law when issuing a citation for the exact same offense. They cite a Nevada State statute(NRS) which coincides with their standing as a state agency and offers a completely different rendering of language and as a result, an entirely different meaning. The fact that I knew what law I presumably violated, and the officer at the scene didn't, should have clued me in as to the level of muck that I was about to enter. <br /><br /><br />The first thing one must come to terms with is the fact that pleading not guilty to a traffic ticket will not be easy. It will be straight forward but it will be time consuming. It will be boring and at times it will be misleading. Their job is to do whatever they can to make the process of fighting tickets as undesirable as they legally can. Your job is to follow that process, call them on their bullshit and hope you get a fair Judge to listen to your version of the events when your day in court arrives. Perhaps the most essential part of due process is the idea that you will have be given a chance to be heard. If you are patient and you follow the procedure, you will have your day in court. And if you're lucky, the city won't feel like paying the officer an hour of overtime to appear in an attempt to substantiate a charge that didn't have any merit in the first place. <br /><br />It was my day off and two days before my appear date on the citation when I first responded to the charge. The Regional Justice Center, the new courthouse downtown on 3rd & Lewis is a very nice and modern facility, housing both Justice and Municipal courtrooms. I hated the old place. After entering and dealing with the airport style security checkpoint, I put my belt and shoes back on and walked down the hall to the Traffic Citations office and waited in a short line to obtain a number. A few minutes later I handed the nice lady my ticket and she looked at it and handed it back to me along with a small white piece of paper. G872. I glanced at the monitor, G801. Walking into the large room that could double as a DMV location, I was pleased that my usual seat in the back was still available. Naysayers will argue that this is a complete waste of time but frankly, I just enjoy the opportunity to read. It's getting harder and harder to find time to read these days. This mini-prison. This DMV, is as good a place as any. It <span style="font-style:italic;">is</span> a prison though, if you think about it. Once you are in, you cannot get out until your number is called. God forbid you not hear your number or even worse not be there when they call it. You know the second you leave to smoke or take a piss there is going to be a mass surge of numbers being called. Tellers that have been on break or on sabbatical in Europe for months will magically appear out of no where and all of the windows will open for business the second you exit and they race through all the numbers and you won't be there when yours is called. This is your nightmare. So you don't even chance it and keep your ass in your seat, you pissed on the way in anyway. Oh you're stuck alright, make no mistake about it. And when, of course, the extra tellers on sabbatical don't magically appear and a full 90 minutes later you finally hear your number, you will make your way to a barricaded concrete wall whose peak through bullet proof glass is your only link to freedom. Your only connection to the outside world, in this case the tellers, is the thick glass and the little speaker devise that works for shit. Just like in real jail. Sometimes I pretend like I really am a prisoner and the teller is actually my cousin who's here for a visitation so we can talk business in code. I walk up to the window and say something like "You'd better have good news for me Javier, I‘ve about had it with you" and then they'll say, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't hear you." If you wish to fight your little ticket you’ll have to go to prison first. You be sentenced to 90 minutes, give or take, and you won‘t be able to proceed until your sentence has been served in full. When I'm in prison, I like to read. <br /><br />90 minutes and 50 some pages later the female computer voice said my number over the loudspeaker and I quickly made my way to teller station 26. <br /><br />"I wish to enter a plea," I said and slid the ticket and my ID into the slot that guides it under the 2 inch thick glass.<br /><br />"Ok are you pleading guilty or not guilty?" <br /><br />"Not guilty."<br /><br />"Ok........................."<br /><br />"I'm sorry ma'am I can't hear you."<br /><br />"If you plead guilty you will have to come back to court at a later date and appear with the officer who cited you."<br /><br />"I'm aware of that."<br /><br />"The fine as it is now is $190, if you wish to plead guilty we can drop it to $120 if you want to take care of this today. This way you won't have to come back?"<br /><br />"Ma'am I wish to plead not guilty."<br /><br />"Ok it's 2 o'clock right now so I'll put you in for the 3:30 preliminary session across the hall in Courtroom C," and she slid my items back to me alongside a new piece of paper.<br /><br />"Very well thank you ma'am."<br /><br />Phase 1 complete. I was released from prison and walked across the hall to Courtroom C. Posted in large lettering on the doors entering the courtroom are a significant number of protocols that one must adhere to when occupying the courtroom including dress codes, standards of conduct and the like. A complete lack of vacancy of seating outside the courtroom forced me to lean against a pillar before I opened my book again. <br /><br />35 pages later, a large and tough looking black women, presumably the bailiff, walked out of the courtroom and barked that anyone wishing to be a part of the 3:30 session should line up and file into the courtroom in an orderly manner. Jeez what ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? First the prison-DMV and now this? The only thing missing as we slowly processed into the courtroom were shackles and a hymn. <br /> <br />Courtroom C is a large courtroom with many large benches but it was barely big enough to give everyone a seat. There must have been 100 people in there by the time the bailiff closed the doors and walked up to the front of the room. It wasn't hard for her to get everyone's attention, she already had it. <br /><br />"I'm only going to say this one time, turn your cell-phones off! If I hear a cell phone you will be held in contempt of court and may be arrested. You are here today to enter your plea and there are 3 pleas that you can enter. Number one, guilty, which means that you admit to the charge, it means that you did it. Number two, not guilty, which means that you did not do it and number three, no contest, which means that you are not admitting guilt but you are not denying the charge or fighting the charge. Basically you did it, but you have an excuse. I'm going to be asking in a minute which of those you want to do so think about it. Also, if you plead guilty or no contest we can probably get you out of here today in a short amount of time. The Judge will hear you today if you choose and you can pay your fine today if you choose. If you want to plead not guilty then you will be given a trial date, approximately six months from now, where you can state your case to the Judge and at which the officer who wrote you the ticket will attend as well. Does everybody understand these three options? <br /><br />Nobody said a word.<br /><br />"Alright then, would everyone who wishes to plead not guilty please raise their hands?"<br /><br />Myself and two others were the only three in the room that did. <br /><br />"Alright, would you three gentlemen go the back of the room to that area there and somebody will be over to talk to you in a minute."<br /><br />The three of us followed the directive and in short time the Assistant District Attorney, a young man, mid 20's, dressed in a cheap black suit came over, took our information and then one by one lead us to into a separate conference room. I was the last of us to get my time in the solitary room. Each of the two before me came back into the courtroom and sat down afterwords. Then it was my turn and the ADA came and brought me into the room and told me to sit down. After he looked at my papers briefly he said, "you're being charged for violating 11.60.040 Taxi stopping, standing and parking. You are a cab driver?"<br /><br />"That's correct," I replied.<br /><br />"And you wish to plead not guilty?"<br /><br />"That's correct."<br /><br />"This seems pretty simple, it says here that you loaded on Casino Center, outside of a cab stand. You're saying that didn't happen?"<br /><br />"No sir."<br /><br />"Well you know it's illegal for cab drivers to load on the street right?"<br /><br />"I disagree." <br /><br />"You disagree?"<br /><br />"I'm not guilty sir and I'm not interested in pleading out, so unless you want to dismiss the charge; if you could just set me up with a court date then we can both go about our business and I would appreciate it."<br /><br />"You realize that the officer that wrote you this ticket will be there at the hearing don't you?"<br /><br />"I have been so advised."<br /><br />"And you are aware that the maximum penalty for this infraction is a $1000 and it’s within the Judge's discretion to fine you that much if he finds you guilty?"<br /><br />"A thousand dollars?"<br /><br />"That's correct," he said seemingly relieved, "if you plead guilty I can knock it down to $190 and we can get you out of here today."<br /><br />Always this notion that you won't have to come back. That's the whole model ladies and gentlemen. We know half of these allegations are horse manure and don't stand a chance in hell in court if anybody competent is on the other side. We also know, as any lawyer will tell you, that cops lie on tickets and reports. This is a known thing. So they'll bore down the entire process and do whatever they can to make it as miserable as possible, so much so that no sane person is going to want to deal with it. And they'll even give you a "discount" if you choose to avoid it altogether. It reeks of desperation. <br /><br />"That's interesting," I said, "I looked at the fee schedule for this infraction before I came here and it says that the maximum penalty for this violation for a first offense is $190 and $250 for the second offense and I didn't see anything anywhere that indicated the potential for the exorbitant amount that you're describing. I would ask you to show that to me but I already got a better deal across the hall anyway. Certainly you're not trying to misinform me in an attempt to get me to change my plea are you sir?" <br /><br />"I'll be back." <br /><br />The man stood up, left the room and a few minutes later he came back and handed me another sheet of paper. I was permitted to leave the solitary chamber and told to wait at the teller window outside for further directive. <br /><br />I didn't have enough time to get my book out again as this line was very short and only took a few minutes. I slid my papers under the 2 inch thick, bullet proof glass and a few minutes later the distant voice through the speaker-box informed me of my court date. I took out my phone and entered the date into the calendar, excited to have the better part of 5 months to conjure my defense. <br /><br />To be continued...<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-iii.html">PART III</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-75443006854384303632010-08-11T05:19:00.000-07:002010-08-13T04:51:49.279-07:00L "The Ticket" Part IAt least an hour of daylight remained when I picked up the older couple at Casino Center and Fremont. I was simply cruising through and got stuck at the red light when the old man waved his hand in the air indicating that he and his companion needed a cab. <br /><br />It's a universal signal really. When I was in London and in need of Taxi service, I waited on the curb and raised my hand when a cab drove by. When I was in Beijing, and in need of Taxi service, I waited on the curb and raised my hand when a cab drove by. One time when I was in Chicago, and in need of Taxi service, I waited on the curb and raised my hand when a cab drove by. However in Las Vegas, this is illegal for a cab driver to do. Or so we are told and such is the practice. If you pick up a passenger that has flagged you anywhere off of a cab stand you can be cited. Or so is the status quotient. <br /><br />There was no traffic to speak of and that was good because it took the old man and his wife a small bit of time to climb in. Just as they shut the door, I noticed in my mirror the Las Vegas Metro motorcycle cop turn onto Casino Center from Carson and soon he was right behind me. I only traveled a few feet before he lit me up, chirping the siren for just a second. <br /><br />"Why are we getting pulled over?" the lady asked. <br /><br />"I don't think he was supposed to pick us up there honey. Is that right driver?" the man replied. <br /><br />"You got it sir, it's a dumb rule isn't it?" I said. <br /><br />"What are we supposed to do, walk all over damnation to find a cab? You were right there!" He said. <br /><br />"I know sir, as I said it's dumb."<br /><br />"I've been all over the world and this is the only city I know of where you can't catch a cab on the street. That's like saying you can't see a doctor at the hospital. Why is it that way here, do you know?"<br /><br />"Well it's an interesting question and I‘ve been wondering the same thing for a long time. Police write tickets to those that do it, and the courts seem to be upholding them. And the doormen do everything they can to perpetuate the myth because they want the business funneled through their stands and even the tourists reiterate it, as you just did. I've even talked to some drivers that were cited at gas stations, or other places of business, private property, where a ride presented itself. I mean think about it, I'm working and want some smokes and a cup of coffee. So I stop at the nearest 7-11, and a guy who just won a little money on the video poker machine doesn't feel like waiting for the bus anymore, so he hires me to take him home. According to some officers enforcement, this is very much illegal. What, I'm supposed to tell that potential customer to call my dispatch and wait for a cab to pick him up because the 7-11 doesn't have a cab stand? I refuse to believe that there is a law on the books prohibiting my picking up a customer at the 7-11. This is either absurd or it's incorrect. Either way maybe it‘s time to challenge it. To your question, it very much is the truth in practice yes, I'm just not so sure it's the truth according to the law."<br /><br />The officer didn't take long before he strolled up to my window but I already had my documents in hand. Having gotten 8 tickets in the last 365 days and countless others before, you could say I'm getting good at this. The good news is, all 8 of those have been taken care of already and not one of them made it's way onto my record. I guess you could say that I have my resourcefulness to thank. <br /><br />"Driver I need to see your license, registration and insurance card" the officer said.<br /><br />I immediately handed them to him and held up my Taxicab Authority Driver Permit, "sir do you need this as well?" <br /><br />"No." Metro Officers never want to see your TA permit or trip-sheet but I ask anyway. "Driver do you know why I'm pulling you over?" he said. <br /><br />"Yes sir, I believe I do." <br /><br />"I'll be back in a minute" he said, pleased I think, that I was doing my part to expedite the process. <br /><br />A few minutes passed before the officer returned. "Driver I'm citing you for loading illegally. You know you're not supposed to pick up there. I need you to sign here, this is not an admission of guilt but a promise to appear in court on or before the date indicated at the bottom," he said and handed me a massive palm pilot looking thing.<br /><br />"No problem sir, but before I do can I ask you a question?"<br /><br />"Go ahead."<br /><br />"What law are you citing me for violating specifically?"<br /><br />He looked at me surprised that I went there I think. He took the mini computer out of my hand and said, "I'm not sure to be honest with you, I'll go find it and write it down for you."<br /><br />"Thank you sir."<br /><br />I laughed at the idea that the officer was not even sure what exact infraction he was writing me a ticket for. I mean, if he didn't know the law, is it even possible to have probable cause for the detention in the first place? And shouldn't you have to input this alleged infringed law into the little computer thing? Apparently not. I guess you can just enter in whatever you want. <br /><br />The cop walked back to his motorcycle. "What's that all about?" my passenger said. <br /><br />"Well there are a few different rules on the books that talk about this and I just want to know which one specifically he claims I violated," I said. <br /><br />The cop returned, "driver I'm citing you for violating LVO(Las Vegas Ordinance) 11.60.040 loading outside of a cab stand." <br /><br />"I see. Ok sir, thank you."<br /><br />"Sign here."<br /><br />"Ok."<br /><br />I signed the palm pilot and handed it back to him. <br /><br />"We're sorry that you got a ticket" my passengers said. <br /><br />"That's ok," I replied "I've been trying to get this ticket for years." <br /><br /><br /><br />...to be continued: <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/l-ticket-part-ii.html">PART II</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-46829701645398694022010-07-12T04:40:00.000-07:002010-07-12T05:16:23.907-07:00A note to readers:Some time ago I realized that I was approaching my 50th story. I was thinking that I wanted to try and do something special for my 50th post and it worked out that an ongoing saga, two years in the making, has culminated and will make a perfect special little story. Well here we are and the 49th story has been posted for two months now and my special little fucking story isn't done yet so we're in a holding pattern. Unfortunately, the massive length of it has caused some delays in completion. As it stands now the story is at least 5 times as long as the current longest I'll bet, and I'm not done. So in case you're wondering, this is the reason for the delay around here.<br /><br />That said, I am writing, and I think it's going to be awesome, so it's just a matter of time. I hesitate however, to offer any specifics in that regard. I'm no good with deadlines anyway. I only ask for your patience and I promise there will be lots to read when I'm done. <br /><br /><br />Lastly, I thought the Q&A idea worked great. I had some fun doing that and I learned a few things, hopefully you all did as well. But we're not done with it, there where quite a few things that I'm surprised didn't come up so feel free to send additional questions my way and I will be sure to address them. <br /><br />Thank you for your readership as always- Cheers!MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-83368620966139064082010-06-14T04:34:00.000-07:002010-07-22T00:49:43.609-07:00Q&AI have noticed that quite a few people ask questions in the comments sections and I don't mind answering them, so I thought we should try a true Q&A. If you have ever wanted to know something about Las Vegas or the cab business or this blog or the stories on it or why the sky is blue or anything at all now is the time. I think this could be interesting. <br /><br />With that, I would like to open this blog up to your questions. Please post your questions in the comments section of this post or you can email me at lasvegascabbiechronicles@gmail.com or on <a href="http://twitter.com/LVCabChronicles">twitter</a>. I will post your questions here and do my best to answer them. I may even copy general questions that come up in future here as well so that this may serve as a resource. This means that I won't have to answer the same stuff repeatedly in the future like I have already.<br /><br />I said in the <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/04/dear-mgm.html">MGM letter</a> that Vegas visitors count on their cabbie for information and if that is true, it's time for me to do my part. <br /><br />As always thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you - Andrew<br /><br />************************************************************************************<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous asked: Why are cabs Yellow?</span><br /><br />I realize you’re joking, but for the benefit of those who may not be in the know: <br /><br />Firstly, all of the cabs in Las Vegas are not yellow. All of Yellow Cab’s cabs are yellow. There are 16 different cab companies in Las Vegas and they all have different paint and color schemes. <br /><br />It is my understanding that this started in New York City. Every cab in NYC is yellow and to my knowledge, this is a requirement made by the NYC Taxi & Limousine Commission (equivalent to the Nevada TaxiCab Authority), the governing body for the industry in New York. I believe it was determined long ago that yellow is the most easily noticed color so it was mandated that all cabs be yellow. <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Bushman (and anonymous) want to know: How stupid is Wynn for the $20 daily resort fee? …As a follow up to the previous poster, those of us who are regular Vegas visitors are aware of the stupid resort fees, but is the average customer aware they're being ripped off? I can't imagine many travel agents are warning people about the fees when they book their trips...</span><br /><br />I think one thing we will find during this process is that my knowledge will be limited on things that pertain directly to being an actual guest at the hotels. People ask me all the time what time the pools close and stuff like that but I’m not really sure. (although I know pools close early) Those are the kinds of things you learn when you stay at the hotel. As you might imagine, I don’t <span style="font-style:italic;">stay</span> at these hotels very often. In fact only on one occasion, for one night, in my 11 years in Vegas. Coincidentally I stayed at the Wynn because they had promotion shortly after opening for a free night’s stay for cabbies.<br /><br />As it were, I too am a little interested about this so I decided to call the Wynn to try and figure out what the deal was. I spoke to Ashley and she informed me when I inquired about the “resort fee” that it covers basically four things; the gym, internet service, phone calls and the airline boarding pass printing service. Ashley also told me that the Wynn resort fee was just implemented on June 10th 2010. Prior to this arrangement, a guest would pay separately for these services as needed. Previously, a guest would pay $30 a day for access to the gym, $13.99 per day for internet service and all phone calls from the room billed separately. So naturally, Ashley sold it as a savings and a good deal for the guests there. Then I asked her-<br /><br />ME: Is the resort fee mandatory?<br /><br />Ashley: Yes it is applicable to all guests.<br /><br />ME: Even if I don’t use any of those services?<br /><br />Ashley: That is correct sir.<br /><br />ME: What if I am unable to use those services?<br /><br />Ashley: What do you mean?<br /><br />ME: What if I’m handicapped, don’t own a computer, don’t have anyone to call and drove into town? I’m not even capable of taking advantage of services but you’re required to charge me? That doesn't seem right.<br /><br />Ashley: Well I’m sorry about that sir but that is the policy.<br /><br />ME: Is the Wynn the only hotel on the Strip that has such a policy?<br /><br />Ashley: No, many other hotels do as well.<br /><br />ME: If I make a reservation through a 3rd party agency, are they going to let me know about this or am I only going to find out about it at checkout?<br /><br />Ashley: All 3rd party sellers are required to inform customers of the new policy sir. <br /><br />ME: I can’t believe that all 3rd party agents and sellers are going to be diligent in properly informing customers. Aren’t you worried about people being mislead?<br /><br />Ashley said that’s not for her to decide, and she’s right. <br /><br />So is it stupid for the Wynn to be doing this? I don’t know. No doubt it comes down to money. Companies are always looking for an extra slice. But buyer beware should always prevail. We should never let the fact that “they are supposed to tell us” detract us as buyers from doing our own homework. Which in effect is what you are doing now so kudos to you.<br /><br />If it were me, and I was booking a room, I’d rather you just quote me a price that was $20 more for the room with the knowledge that all of those services at that hotel were complimentary. I think you could leave customers with the impression that that hotel was amazing as opposed to possibly feeling slighted. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Notorono asked: Top stuff, as a Brit hailing from a service culture devoid of tipping what is the etiquette for Las Vegas cabs?</span><br /><br />It’s not any different than what you should tip your waiters. 15% is customary. More for stellar service, less if bad service. Nothing if the guy takes you the long-way. That said, I have always said that you should never give your cabbie less than $10 total. For example, if your fare is only $5, that means that you went a very short distance, somewhere you could have walked, and in theory the driver should be compensated for that. According to the percentage I just told you, you should tip .75cents on a $5 fare but that's just a waste of my time. I would have been better off refusing you and picking up the next guy. If the ride total is over ten bucks you can use your percentages. <br /><br />I know most Brits are familiar with the term “service charge” as opposed to a gratuity or tip. It’s basically the same thing. Just assume there is a $2-$5 service charge on every ride. Tip me more than $10 and I'll promise to support your futbol club.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Matt wants to know: I come to Vegas every now and again for the day for work. If I wanted to ride in YOUR cab to swap stories, is that even possible - or do I take my chances in line at the airport as per usual?<br /><br />Follow up question, what are the ODDS that I would randomly get you as my cabbie?!</span><br /><br />Yes this is possible. Anybody planning on visiting Las Vegas is more than welcome to contact me in advance (email preferred) and I will gladly see to it that you are taken care of while you are here. I have many regulars that call me every time they are in town and a good number of those came as a result of this blog. All of which have turned to out be great people and I’m privileged to call them customers, dare I say friends. <br /><br />If you are arriving at the airport, that is not a problem. There is a special location for people waiting for their personal drivers. What, if my Mom is flying to town, and just so happens to be landing while I’m working I can’t go pick her up? I have to let one of these crazies take her? No. There is a place to pick up regulars and if you are good, you will call me as soon as you land which will give me 20 minutes to finish up whatever it is I’m doing and I can be there as soon as you walk outside. ;) <br /><br />Keeping in mind I work nights, no matter where in town you are I can pick you up.<br /><br />Email me at lasvegascabbiechronicles@gmail.com <br /><br />Regarding your follow up: The odds are as long as they are impossible to calculate. That said, on two occasions I managed to pick up someone that I already had, within the same weekend, totally by chance. Once was two guys, I had dropped them at the Convention Center, daytime, and then two nights later I picked them up at Rhino at 2am and they remembered me. I didn’t remember them. They reminded me that we had talked about the ad for Crazy Girls, ya know the girls butts one? Which we had, and I remembered them then. The second was a lady I dropped off at NYNY and along the way she mentioned that she was going to the Sterling Club later at Turnberry and then sure enough I happened to be at NYNY a few hours later and managed to pick her up again. <br /><br />But those don’t compare to the time I picked up my cousin at the airport, completely by chance. Actually, not my cousin. My brother’s godfather’s nephew. Crazy. Hey Bill what’s going on?<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">@KapKa0s from twitter would like to know: What kind of money do u pull in on a good night?</span><br /><br />4 years ago, if I netted a 1000 a week I would say I had a good week. Today I would say that was an outstanding week. If I netted over 200 in a day I would call that a good day. This varies greatly on the day of the week though. A great day for a Tuesday is not the same as a great day for a Friday. On 3 occasions I have gone home with over a 1000 in my pocket. Keep in mind, I work 11 or 12 hours usually.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous wants to know: Where is best place to stay if you are a girl alone who wants to go sightseeing? I was told never to go alone to Vegas but I want to anyway. A place that is not crazy expensive. Thanks.</span><br /><br />Thank you. This is a good question as I have never heard it before. I’m sitting in my cab as I type this, my shift is almost over and I’ve been mulling on this one all day. <br /><br />First off, the individual who told you not to come here by yourself is a fool. I assume the pretext of that advice was that it would be unsafe for a single female in Las Vegas. That is absolute hogwash. Las Vegas, particularly the Strip, is incredibly safe. There are more cameras in this town than anywhere in the world and all of the properties are stocked full of security guards. It’s in everyone’s best interest that Las Vegas be a safe city. It’s a very very rare thing to hear about a tourist having a problem getting jumped or mugged or something. It happens so little I’m safe to say it never happens. And that said, certainly you can find some like minded people to have a drink or two with providing you’re not a total introvert. That aside, some of the best shows, restaurants, shopping and pools and spas in the world are right here, that’s enough to make any girl I’ve ever known giddy. <br /><br />So where to stay? As I said, I’ve thought a lot about this and I came up with two places. Location is important for you, as I’m sure you’ll want to walk around a lot, and any first time visitor needs to stay on the Strip. If I were you, I would stay at Caesars or Paris. Caesars will be a little more money most likely but the Forum Shops there are awesome, they have a great pool and some of my favorite food on the strip is at Caesars. Paris is a very nice hotel, but not too much $$$, some great food there too and it’s right across the street from the fountains at Bellagio, which you need to see and right next door to the Miracle Mile shops at Planet Hollywood. You could also have lunch on the patio at Mon Ami Gabi and later go up to the top of the Eiffel Tower and get a great nighttime view of Las Vegas. From either Caesars or Paris, you can walk to a dozen different places.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Anonymous asked: Why are you 86'd from The Venetian?</span><br /><br />Well fortunately enough, it was only a 24 hour ban. The reason for being kicked off the property and not allowed back for a day is as follows: <br /><br />I had 3 annoying Brooklyn girls in the cab that I picked up at the Palms and they were going to the Palazzo. I took Wynn Rd. straight north out of the Palms to Spring Mtn. and took that east to the strip. We made a right turn onto the strip and at the first stoplight you can make a left into the Palazzo. While we were waiting at that light, to turn into the Palazzo, the girls indicated that they wanted to go to the Walgreens there which is situated right on the strip in between the Venetian & Palazzo towers. They asked that I drop them off nearby there. <br /><br />In order to understand why I was 86'd, you must first understand the Venetian & Palazzo properties. At every entrance onto either of those properties there are manned security check points that stop every vehicle coming on property. Venetian & Palazzo are the ONLY properties in town that do this and it is beyond cumbersome. Some other properties have similar checkpoints entering the parking garages but not to simply enter the property altogether like the Venetian & Palazzo. These checkpoints, and the security guards that man them, are beyond pointless. They simply stop every vehicle, the guard pretends to look inside your vehicle and then waves you by. It's all about the illusion of security. Due to the sheer shortness of the driveways at these properties, and the mandatory security stop's location, the inevitable result of stopping every vehicle entering the property, which is well into the 1000's daily I'm sure, is that traffic gets backed up, usually out to the street which blocks through vehicles northbound on the strip that are not even attempting to enter Venetian or Palazzo property. The fact that these checkpoints routinely result in blocking traffic on City streets is something I think the City should have remedied a long time ago. To my knowledge, you need a permit to block traffic or close a road, however the Venetian & Palazzo do it countless times daily. I won’t speculate as to the reason(s) that Venetian & Palazzo are the only ones that do this. <br /><br />Additionally, there is this notion that a cabbie cannot pick up or drop off anywhere he wants too. He must do so on a stand, or so the myth goes. This is actually a topic that I am currently writing about and hope to have that story completed soon. I plan on examining this particular issue extensively so stay tuned for more on that particular aspect. <br /><br />The girls wanted to get dropped off at Walgreens and the only way to effectively do that is to stop at the start of the Palazzo driveway and let them out. If I choose to do what the Palazzo security guards would want me to do, take them all the way up to the door of the hotel, then my passengers are going to bitch at me for making them walk a good distance. This is a catch 22 if there ever was one. Somebody is getting pissed off, either my customers or a Palazzo security guard. Considering I strive to give good service to my passengers, and I could care less about small cock’d, power hungry security guards, I decided to do right by my customers and let the girls out where they requested they be let out. <br /><br />In preparation for this, as we waited for the light to change I told the girls to pay me then so when I pulled up and stopped there they could jump out real quick and we could limit the amount of time I would be stopped. I did everything in my power to expedite the process and when we got the green arrow, as soon as I passed the sea of pedestrian traffic jaywalking in the crosswalk, I pulled over to the right as far as I could, allowing enough room for cars to get around me, turned my four-ways on and as soon as I came to a stop I told the girls to hurry out, as we were blocking traffic. Right on cue, Martin, the resident Palazzo security guard/douche begins yelling and pointing at me and then starts running towards me from his guard shack. By the time he makes the 50 feet from his shack to my cab my passengers are already gone. But that isn’t going to stop Martin from demonstrating for everyone within an earshot how small his penis is. He comes up to my driver window, 3 feet from my face, yelling.<br /><br />"YOU CAN’T DROP OFF THERE YOU CAN DROP OFF THERE! CABBIE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU’RE BLOCKING TRAFFIC!"<br /><br />"Blocking traffic? You block traffic all day everyday right here, what’s the difference?"<br /><br />"YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DROP OFF RIGHT HERE."<br /><br />"Really? Where’s the sign that says that?" <br /><br />"YOU KNOW THAT. YOU CAN’T DROP OFF HERE!"<br /><br />"Again, where is the sign that indicates this? I’m just supposed to magically know that? That’s a lot of stuff to remember man."<br /><br />"BULLSHIT. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!"<br /><br />"The only sign around here I see is a your stop sign, coincidentally enough. I stopped. What’s the problem? You stop traffic here all day. What’s the difference if I do it or you do it. Either way, everyone is stopping. I might as well take care of our guests don’t you think?"<br /><br />"KEEP IT UP DRIVER AND I’M GOING TO TRESPASS YOU. DON’T MAKE ME CALL YOUR COMPANY."<br /><br />"Seriously Martin? A cabbie talks back to you and you gotta go tell on me? Can’t handle your own business huh? You need somebody else to do it for you? And the fact that you think anybody besides you cares is a fair indicator of your intelligence. I’ll save you the suspense Martin, nobody cares. Only you. Call whoever want to, let me know how it works out for you." <br /><br />Meanwhile by this point, thanks to Martin, I have now been blocking traffic for a full minute at least and I would have been long gone 50 seconds ago had Martin not been on a power trip. How much irony is there in the fact that he is giving me shit for blocking traffic, but the only way to accomplish this task is to detain me, thus blocking traffic. <br /><br />"YOU LEAVE THIS PROPERTY RIGHT NOW! I WILL TRESPASS YOU I PROMISE!"<br /><br />"What makes you think I want to stay at this dump? Oh no not that Martin. Anything but that. I love coming here so much and dealing with you, please don’t take that away from me sir." <br /><br />"OK GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE DRIVER, RIGHT NOW!"<br /><br />I started to pull away and as I slowly crept away from Martin I said,<br /><br />"You know how important you are Martin? They gave you a flashlight! How neat is that huh? Don’t shine it in my eyes though ok buddy? That might hurt my eyes ya know? Temporary Blindness over here!" <br /><br />I continued up the driveway and around the drop-off area by the front door of Palazzo and as I passed the tunnel to go down to the loading area I contemplated going down there and loading anyway. I thought better of pressing my luck though and decided instead to blow a kiss to Martin as I exited the Palazzo. I think that was what actually pissed him off. I might’ve been good had I not done that.<br /><br />But sure enough, a half an hour later my dispatch is looking for me on the 2-way. I respond and they tell me over the air that I am not allowed on Venetian or Palazzo property for the remainder of my shift. I called my dispatcher on the phone in an attempt to find out exactly what they said. Turns out they told my supervisor that I “cursed out” one of the Palazzo security guards “repeatedly“. <br /><br />So why only 24 hours? Because in all likelihood, I’ll be driving another cab tomorrow or next week and to try and keep me off of their property based on my cab number is going to be next to impossible. Furthermore, if they wanted to trespass me permanently, for real, they are going to need to get Metro there to inform me. Which brings me to the real reason why this is silly. They can keep me from picking up there, for a shift, but they can’t prevent me from dropping off there. By law, I must take my passengers where they request to go. So in a nutshell I was banned from doing something I rarely do anyway, pick up at the Venetian or Palazzo. <br /><br />Throughout the rest of that night I believe I dropped off there 3 times and hey guess what? I picked up at Venetian later that evening. Fuck yourself Martin ok? <br /><br />Interestingly, this is the first time in 6 years of driving that I have been 86’d from private property and in talking to fellow drivers, I’m way way below average on that one. <br /><br />The girls tipped me two dollars for my trouble.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">@kmorris9090 from twitter wants to know: Love your stories. 2 questions- Any cab scams LV visitors should be aware of? How much is the fare from McCarran to Paris or Ballys? </span><br /><br />The biggest and really only scam in the cab business is long-hauling or taking a route longer than necessary. If you are staying on the strip and you take a cab from the airport, if your meters breaks the $20 threshold you should start to ask some questions. You can even be downtown for less than $25. (keep in mind there is an additional $1.80 fee <span style="font-style:italic;">from</span> the airport). As a general rule if you end up in a tunnel or on a freeway you are probably being long-hauled. <br /><br />I should also caution those seeking the "sin" side of the city to be very careful in asking cabbies for advice. Oftentimes they have a motive to steer you in the wrong direction. <br /><br />A cab from the airport to Paris or Ballys specifically should run you ~$12 plus $1.80.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous asks: Cabbie- all the blogs that I used to read have basically gone dormant, leaving me with few outlets for fucking off and procrastinating on real work...so my question is: what active blogs are you currently reading?</span> <br /><br />I don't read a lot of blogs. Due to the nature of my occupation, it makes more sense for me to read books as I am not online very much. Most of my time on the computer is spent writing, not reading. That said I love <a href="http://waiterrant.net/">http://waiterrant.net/</a>. I've had the privilege of meeting The Waiter and not only is he a great guy but a fantastic writer. <br /><br />I also support <a href="http://kristinandlogan.blogspot.com/">http://kristinandlogan.blogspot.com/</a>. Kristin is a dear friend who has supported my page since it's inception. She blogs about being a stay at home mother with her two boys in Ft. Collins. Personally, it helps me keep up to date on my friends but anyone interested in a stay at home mothers perspective would enjoy this page as she does a great job with it.<br /><br />Recently I've been reading <a href="http://taopoker.blogspot.com/">http://taopoker.blogspot.com/</a> Pauly updates practically everyday and if you enjoy poker in the slightest you will enjoy taopoker. But it's more than that as Pauly links to all sorts of things. He also works on a page called <a href="http://mcgtruckin.blogspot.com/">truckin</a> which is a online magazine of a collection of short stories. There is a chance I may submit a story there someday. Pauly has been a big supporter of my blog and I hope to return the favor. <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous asks: To follow up on Notorono's question, are you paid a small hourly salary like a waiter or is your only income from driving and tips? Could you survive without tips?</span><br /><br />No I can't survive without tips. My tips are the only portion of my moneys that I don't have to split with anyone. <br /><br />Drivers in Las Vegas are not paid an hourly wage. It's more of a commission type of setup. I get a percentage of the meter amount + my tips. The exact percentage varies on a few things but mainly the specific company that employs you (they all have different arrangements) and your seniority with that company. I believe the lowest percentage of the meter any driver could get is 39% and the most is 50%. <br /><br />It's important to understand how the long-hauling problem is linked to this percentage/commission based pay structure. In this system, the company has a considerable interest in the amount of money each cab earns in any given shift. If I'm getting 39% of the fare totals, that means the company is getting 61% so the more I "book" the more money they make. This as opposed to the basic arrangement in NYC where I can pay a lease per diem and whatever I make is what I make. In that situation, the only thing the company has to think about is you bringing the cab back in one piece. In Vegas you have to bring it back in one piece, and with a satisfactory booking or be prepared to face the consequences. <br /><br />And there are other factors too that you haven't thought of:<br /><br />Trip Charges: Some companies charge you a "trip charge" every time you turn your meter on. In effect, this is a means for the company to nickle and dime the shit out of you. Some companies do not have them, others are as much as $1/trip. That means if you have 30 rides in one night you will be paying the company an additional $30 in trip charges. <br /><br />Trip Sheet Fee: A handful of companies wont charge you individual trip charges but will charge you a rate for the trip sheet itself. That's right, you pay for a piece of paper.<br /><br />Gas: Again depending on what company you work for, and how long you've been there, you could pay nothing for gas, or you could be paying for all of it. <br /><br />A basic rule of thumb is that a driver will take home 1/3 of his meter total plus his tips. So if I booked $300 and had $50 in tips on a shift I would have netted $150 for the day.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous asks: Been a follower for years. I have three questions for you.<br /><br />What's your biggest ever fare, biggest ever tip and your favorite route or area to drive around?</span><br /><br />The biggest fare total I have had, although I don't recall the exact amount, was right around $340 bucks. I took a gentlemen to the brothels in Pahrump, NV. which is about 45 miles out of town. I waited for him there and then brought him back to Mirage. He paid me a deposit before we left town. Now that I think about it, I should probably tell that story on this blog sometime. <br /><br />A long time ago I told the story about <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2006/02/x.html">Kisha</a> and her $58.05 tip that, at that time, was my largest ever. Well that was a long time ago and I never told any stories about tips that surpassed that one. Since then I have gotten $100 bill for a nominal ride on a few occasions. But those have been surpassed by a lady who gave me 7 20's for a $16 fare. So $124 bucks is the current high water mark. <br /><br />I loaded her at Mandalay Bay and she was going to Luxor, right next door. She mentions that we were going to be looking for a cab over there. I thought that was a little strange so I asked and she told me that her and her two friends shared a cab to Mandalay where she got out and the other two were going to Luxor. This is how she knew where that cab was going and considering it had just left, and she had just realized she had left behind her phone in it, our mission was to go to Luxor to try and find the cab and her phone. Of course, she didn't know the cab number.<br /><br />We drive around Luxor and she doesn't spot any cabs that she thinks is the one she was in before. So I asked her if she tried calling her phone, to which she responds, "no I didn't, that's a good idea." So I get the number from her and dial it on my phone. Right away somebody picks it up and as luck would have it, it's the cab driver. I explain the situation and tell him to wait there where he was at the Paris and we are on the way. <br /><br />When we arrive he is right where he said he was, phone in hand. I tell the lady I'll go get it from the guy and that it would be nice if she had 20 bucks to give him. She agrees easily and I get out walk over to where he was, thank him for the phone and hand him the 20 bucks for his trouble. <br /><br />On the way back to Mandalay Bay she confesses to me that that is her work phone and she is in town for work and to lose that phone while here would have been a catastrophe. Considering I "saved" her, she wanted to take care of me handsomely. So much so that she made me stop at a gas station so she could use the ATM to get more cash to give me. Awesome. $124. <br /><br />My favorite part of town to work is the center Strip. I prefer to nickle and dime rides but to get as many as possible. On a busy night, this is definitely the best method for making money in my opinion. <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Matt asks: Has there ever been a time when someone didn't tip you but they actually had a good reason for it?</span><br /><br />Yes many. This usually happens for one of a few reasons. <br /><br />-I gave you bad service. If I long-hauled you or was in a grumpy mood and didn't make you feel welcomed. Customers have withheld a gratuity before in situations such as these and for good reason. I didn't deserve one.<br /><br />-They didn't have anymore money. Countless times customers have had just enough money to cover the fair and nothing extra for me. No doubt some of those were full of shit but if you don't have anymore cash you don't have anymore cash.<br /><br />-I fucked up. There have been a few occasions where I made a wrong turn or misheard you and took you to, or started to take you to, the wrong place. In this situation I probably don't deserve a tip and in most cases I will even discount the meter amount to what the fare should have been had I not made the mistake. <br /><br />Outside of getting long-hauled, getting really shitty service or the driver making a mistake, I can't think of any <span style="font-style:italic;">good</span> reasons not to tip your driver. If you think you know of any please let me know I'd love to hear them.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous & Carl want to know: Hey, love reading your blog. I know you mentioned long hauling. If I were to take a cab from the airport to the MGM, how can I ask the cabbie not to long haul me without insulting the driver. I don't want them to accuse them of intentionally scamming me, but I also don't want to be scammed at the same time. What do you think?</span><br /><br />Yes yes...long hauling. It's hot button issue not only for the riding public but for the cabbies as well believe it or not. <br /><br />To answer your question directly, I don't think there is an easy way to do it. I don't care how much you sugar coat it, you're still basically accusing me of some shit before I've even had the chance to do right by you. That said, you shouldn't care. The long hauling problem has reached epidemic proportions and if you telling the guy not to screw you pisses him off, than so be it. <br /><br />You have EVERY RIGHT to give me a specific (lawful) direction as they pertain to route being taken, and I am required by law to abide it. <br /><br />Here is the law, read it for yourself. Know it. Cite it to a driver later if you must.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">NRS 706.8846 Prohibited acts concerning destination of passenger. With respect to a passenger’s destination, a driver shall not:<br /><br />1. Deceive or attempt to deceive any passenger who rides or desires to ride in the driver’s taxicab.<br /><br />2. Convey or attempt to convey any passenger to a destination other than the one directed by the passenger. <br /><br />3. Take a longer route to the passenger’s destination than is necessary, unless specifically requested so to do by the passenger.<br /><br />4. Fail to comply with the reasonable and lawful requests of the passenger as to speed of travel and route to be taken.</span><br /><br /><br />Very simple isn't it? The driver cannot deceive you, he cannot lie to you. Keep that in mind when you hear things like, "that road is closed" or "this way is faster". He must take you where you tell him to take you. Also, he must take the must direct route to your destination, UNLESS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED SO TO DO BY YOU! Now, there is mantra within the industry, the TaxiCab Authority included, that if the driver "sells" the ride he will not be cited. (One could debate the motives an administrative body has at play when taking such a loose interpretation to a legitimate and really sole, public concern. ) To me that is total hogwash. To me, a "sale" is not a <span style="font-style:italic;">specific request</span>. A specific request is you getting in my cab and saying, "I'm going to Mandalay Bay could you take the freeway there please?" And even if you want to assume that; a sale brought up by the driver, and a specific request brought up by you are synonymous within this statute, than one still has to abide by the first part of the statute. The driver cannot deceive you. If you allow that the "selling" of rides is permissible under this statute, realize that the driver cannot lie to you as a means of achieving this "sale". And I promise you, if I'm going to sell you on why a $14 ride to the Venetian needs to be $24 ride than there is going to be bullshit floating around.<br /><br />That said, I hope we can keep things in perspective. We are after all, talking about a few dollars. If getting had by a cabbie for 6 bucks was the worst thing that happened to you in Vegas I'd say you ended up pretty good. I'm not saying any of this long-hauling business is ok by any means, but let's not blow things out of proportion. <br /><br />Last but not least, and I've touched on this before, if you think this is strictly about individual cab driver's greed than you are sorely mistaken. There are considerable pressures on Las Vegas cabbies to "perform" so the crooks thrive and the honest cabbies do what they have to to keep up. Once my time in the cab business has run it's course, I will assuredly fill in the blanks in on all of the behind the scenes activities. As it is today, I am unwilling to rock the boat I'm sitting in. The simple fact that I'm refraining from talking about it should be a fair indicator as to the level of muck I'm currently wading in. This blog has never been about that stuff anyway.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Not so much a question but in the long-hauling vein and something I wanted to touch on. Tarpie adds: I arrived last Thursday night. As we started to veer off to the I-215/I-15 signs I just said "No highway please." This actually pissed the driver off and he lied under his breath about traffic. Of course it was real smooth sailing to the Flamingo. I have a 100% track record on being long-hauled/attempted long-haul to the IP to Flamingo stretch of the strip. Very depressing. As you get up towards the Palazzo, taking the highway starts to make more sense...not sure where the cutoff line is for surface versus highway being the quickest/cheapest.<br /><br />I think a polite way of saying "please don't screw me" is to say "no highway please" when you get in the cab.</span> <br /><br />Notice how in the first part of Tarpie's comment, he(or she?) mentions driver "lied...about traffic". See what I mean? <br /><br />I do however, take issue with the second half of your comment. (no traffic in all examples here) From the airport, there isn't a "cutoff line" where the freeway starts to make financial sense. I don't buy the argument that the highway is faster either, I never have. I might give you that it's faster to Ti, or Mirage. That's it and only because you shoot off Spring Mtn exit and you are right there. Literally everywhere else you are going to have a hard time convincing me that the freeway is faster from the airport. If it was faster it's going to be measured more in seconds than in minutes. The center of the Strip is like a 4 mile drive from the airport on the surface roads and takes 10 minutes tops. Your (the proverbial you) telling me we're going to make up a meaningful amount of time by adding 3 miles and in the process we're going to head south before we go north? I don't think so. Besides any property on the East side of the strip it's basically retarded to take the freeway. Crossing over the Blvd. when it's not necessary does not a punctual ride make. <br /><br />Yes, "no highway please" works just fine. <br /><br />Lastly on this (for now anyway) I'm going to copy to here something I said on this topic in a previous post's comments. I think there is some good advice here even though you may not do what I do. If nothing else, please take away the "T.A." and the importance of getting the cab number...<br /><br />I've made the joke that the first long-haul probably happened soon after the first cab started picking people up. It's the nature of things.<br /><br />I will admit that I've done it many times. It's not something I'm proud of but it happened.<br /><br />My advice would be to do what I do. You've all been here enough times. You have a basic idea of which direction you need to go or about how much it should cost, especially if your going back to the place that you came from for example.<br /><br />When I get in a cab, which I have done many times, usually when I'm hammered and going home, I never let on that I'm a cab driver and I never tell him which way to go (unless he asks) and then I just sit back and see how he plays it. I give them the opportunity to do the right thing. And if and when he doesn't, I know which direction he should of went, I know how much it should cost, and that's what I pay him.<br /><br />"I dont' give a shit what the fuckin meter says. I know it cost me x to get home from here and that's what I'm paying you. If you have a problem with that you can call the TA and get them here and explain to them the route that you took and after they tell me to give you x dollars they are going to write you a ticket." That's what you say. And then hold your ground.<br /><br />Stand up for yourself. Stand up for what's right. Just saying the two magical letters "T.A." will usually be enough to make the guy play it straight. <br /><br />If you have real problems with a cab driver always get the cab number. It's posted everywhere on the outside of the car and inside by the permit. This is paramount. The number for TA is 702-486-6532. It is also posted in the cab on the drivers permit. The permit is also numbered and it's a bonus if you remember that. It's a 5 or 6 digit number in red.<br /><br />But fear not. There are many many many times more crimes committed against Las Vegas Cabbies than they commit against you. The instances of a cabbie assaulting, a victim or anything else for that matter are very rare.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Champ wants to know: "I have a buddy that usually arranges a complimentary limo when we arrive in town. Provided by the MGM resorts.<br /><br />It's free as far as we are concerned...but I'll tip usually $20 or more coming or going to the airport. How do these guys get compensated? And am I tipping a good amount? Too little or too much?<br /><br />It's funny cause I would think $20 is fair, but I get deflated looks more often than not. While my buddy gets this as a comp, we are not ballers, so maybe the drivers are used to the big wigs with a fresh wad tipping fatty?"</span><br /><br />Last part first, the ballers are not the tippers usually. This is something I learned after a few days of hacking. <br /><br />I believe the casino employed limo driver is paid an hourly wage, probably not a very good one, plus tips. I'll come right out and tell you that giving the driver a 20 in the situation you're describing is more than adequate. Especially if it's just a pick & drop scenario. You didn't ask the guy to cruise the strip and stop by a liquor store did you? If not, and he's got a problem with your 20 bucks, then he can go fuck himself. I promise you, there is a good number of people that stiff their comped limo driver. I've thought that before and you don't have to know that to know that. If you really are a baller, from say Taiwan, and you're dropping 6 figs+ at the Wynn on a regular basis, you're not the guy who thinks about stopping to give your Maybach driver some bills. Without knowing any more about it than I do, I'll betcha that casino limo drivers get stiffed more than private company drivers.<br /><br />Just to figure out what you should be tipping though for the hell of it. Let's say you <span style="font-style:italic;">hired</span> that car instead of had it comped...which actually brings up a point, if you are ever comped anything in Vegas, you should still tip what the actual bill would have been. As Champ's already knew, getting a comp does not mean a cop-out on the tip. When the cocktail waitress brings you your Budweiser, you give her a dollar. When you get a comp breakfast, you leave your $5 spot or whatever it should be. When you get a comp bottle at the club, you still need to drop at least $100 for the servers. The valet gets a few dollars. On and on, and the comp limo ride is no different, you should tip on what the ride would have cost, what the fair market is. <br /><br />So if you hired that car for a pick/drop from the port to the Strip for $100, and in sticking with our %15 protocol explained previously, your 20 bucks is more than enough. And hey guess what, that car probably isn't even going to cost you a hundred. I believe you can get a town car for less than 50 and a regular stretch for a good bit under $100. <br /><br />Lastly however, just to give a bit of insight as to the mind of a driver, and no he should never sweat you because you gave him $20, but maybe if your flight got delayed and he had to kill time at the airport, and then your bags didn't show up, and then you wanted to cruise the strip and stop by liquor stores and then it's like, "man, that fucker only gave me a 20 for all that?" <br /><br />If any limo drivers, particularly casino employed drivers ever come around here, we would love to hear from you on this topic.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">It's not so much a question but it serves to bring up a point. Henna says: "I think you are right, its better to complain (about longhauling) rather than get harassed by the foul talking taxi driver, instead of talking uselessly to them, why not just complain and get rid of it. Being nice is no good if the other person is as bad!!</span><br /><br />I believe most if not all cab companies will refund your monies if you get screwed by one of their drivers, as long as you have all of the PERTINENT INFORMATION as prescribed above^^. Just call them up. Furthermore if you make a similar complaint with the T.A. a citation could be issued. T.A. can also help you identify which company you rode with AS LONG AS YOU GET THE CAB NUMBER!!!!<br /><br />And in that vein folks, the T.A. board met on this very topic the other day and in that meeting Gordon Walker, the Administrator himself finally admitted that longhauling was an issue. In the past the T.A. denied it ever being a problem, and in fact fired an officer who was trying to cite drivers for it, but now it appears that they are ready to at least discuss it. A preliminary suggestion was to make a flat rate to and from the airport, something that I think I'm for.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The issue of long-hauling keeps coming up; Sprunt continues the topic: "Speaking about the current "investigation" into the long hauling problems (and this may be more appropriate for a new blog entry as I imagine it could spark some debate),<br /><br />1) what are your thoughts on the current system (straight meter-drop)?<br /><br />2) What do you think about a flat rate from Airport to hotel?<br /><br />3) What do you think about moving to a 'zoned' system?<br /><br />4) How would you feel if they changed it to a flat-rate destination matrix (point A to B = $X; point A to D = $Y; etc.) with metered or zoned rides outside of said matrix?"</span><br /><br />Actually this topic is not something I want to start dedicating blog entries to. This blog has never been about the politics of the business and I doubt it ever will be. Besides there are other guys who are already doing this and undoubtedly doing a better job of tackling the issue than I could. What's impressive is their lack of concern for the potential repercussions of their activism. Most notably is Unk who is always tweeting on this topic @lvtaxidriver and his website has an extensive collection of blog posts, articles and forums that do little else but point out the shortcomings of the TaxiCab Authority. Although I have never met the man, I consider his work the place to go for information about my industry. <br /><br />You can check that out here:<br /><a href="http://lasvegas-taxidriver.com/">http://lasvegas-taxidriver.com/</a> <br /><br />Regarding #1- I have no problems with the current meter system, in and of itself. The current meter system as it pertains to long-hauling could be reevaluated I suppose but the meter system is not the source of this problem. It's important that we understand that. We don't need to change the meter system, we need to enforce existing laws and that's basically it. Anything else is just BS in my opinion.<br /><br />#2-I like this, but only as a 2nd to meter system+enforce laws. If we concede that no real change will come in terms of enforcement, than I believe a flat rate system could work. But keep in mind the amount of said flat rate becomes crucial and the number they are throwing around ($20) is way more than most any airport to strip ride will cost had you taken the shortest route. A cab to Tropicana from the airport will run you 10 bucks +1.80 if you go direct route, and 20 bucks +1.80 if you take the freeway. This formula changes as the property differs of course but as you can see they are effectively locking in the long-haul rate, which would amount to a gigantic rate increase. Naturally, the owners don't seem to be against this "solution". That said, if this were to become the norm, it could be a great thing for me because I wouldn't have to compete with the crooks anymore and yet still get the benefit of being one.<br /><br />#3- I think zoned systems are totally lame. Washington D.C used to be on a zone system until about 5 years ago. They are now on a meter system. The changed from the zone to the meter system because, get this, they had a problem with long-hauling in the zone system. Apparently, drivers would always try to scam as to what precise zone they originated and what precise zone they were headed. So the powers that be concluded that going to a meter was the fix and I would bet the farm that they now have a not taking most direct route long-hauling problem. <br /><br />#4- That's ok I suppose, I bit cumbersome perhaps, but none of this is necessary. All we need to do is place the blame where it belongs and hold those parties accountable.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Jenn wants to know: "You seem to hold your own with people very well in the cab, but has there ever been a time that you were so uncomfortable or annoyed that you couldn't wait for the ride to be over? Or have you ever made someone get out before they had reached their destination?"</span><br /><br />The time I almost got robbed (<a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2006/04/xviii.html">XVIII</a>) has to be the most scared I have been. I think that was was the worst because I had so much time to think about what was going to happen. <br /><br />There are two other note worthy events that happened eons ago, one that I as of yet I have not shared here. I won't spoil that one; one was a pretty rad guy that a few minutes into the ride decided it would be wise to show me his gun. <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2007/08/xxxvi.html">XXXVI</a> Not because he wanted to do anything with it, other than brag. The other, and crazier, was the time I picked up at the Oasis, some dive hotel on the north strip at 6am and these two guys roll out of the motel in a big fucking hurry loading large black garbage bags, that appeared to be filled with clothes, into the truck. Both of them had blood all over them. The destination they gave was "get us the fuck out of here." <br /><br />Uncomfortable is a tough one. Uncomfortable is when you load a middle aged couple and the woman sits up front next to you and the man in the back by himself. The man didn't shut the door completely when he got in so you stop and ask him to try it again. He does with a bit too much enthusiasm. Then throughout the entire 10 minutes that they are a part of your life, no one says a word. Complete silence. Uncomfortable is when two people start humping in your backseat. <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2007/10/xxxvii.html">XXXVII</a><br /><br />There are quite a few times when I have terminated a ride, for a variety of reasons. I haven't had to do this in while though, now that I think about it. I think maybe I just don't pick up those kind of rides anymore. Learned my lesson I suppose. I believe there are a couple stories about my kicking someone out on this blog but I can't find them right now. I know I posted one about two hot chicks that I kicked out of the I-15 overpass on Flamingo. <br /><br />Things I find annoying are the elitist, self righteous, arrogant, inconsiderate and closed minded. And valley girls. Get four valley girls in your cab and each of them will be telling a story (usually about themselves) to one of the other three. So each of them are telling a story to a different one of them which of course means that not only do you have four people talking at once, which also results in everyone raising there voices, but that no one is listening to anyone. Now they may try say that they are all in fact listening to each other as they talk to each other but I just don't think that's possible. If it is possible, it's super annoying for innocent bystanders I'm sure.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Bomberman has two questions: "What are some funny/interesting things people have left behind in your cab? & Do you think we ever will see an extension of the monorail to Downtown/McCarran?"</span><br /><br />That was weird, this comment/question disappeared for a few days. I read it, and then it was gone lol.<br /><br />Well some lady gave me two very large wall sculptures 5 years ago. <a href="http://lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com/2006/02/v.html">V</a> Although, wherever those pictures I found of them were hosted is no longer there sorry. They are rad though and still hang at my place. <br /><br />I've found 10 or 15 wallets, a few dozen cell phones, shopping bags a few times, 15 cameras. One time a guy placed his briefcase on the front seat and then closed the door and got in the backseat. I dropped him off at the Paris 10 minutes later, he paid me and got out and walked into the hotel. I couldn't fucking believe it. I parked my cab right where I dropped, much to the chagrin of the valets and ran inside after the guy. I spotted him and was able to get it back to him. <br /><br />One time I dropped off a younger couple, with momma carrying a baby, off at the Premium Outlets. The three (four) of us had such a great conversation that none of us remembered that we had put their stroller in the trunk. Of course that's my fault, it's my responsibility to make sure passengers have their belongings, but how in the world did THEY forget it? I actually didn't even become aware of the stroller that I was carting around until hours later when I picked up at the airport and as soon as I opened the trunk I felt really really bad. I just kept picturing them having to carry the baby all day. And it wasn't even like they got out and I sped off, I actually got out of the cab and opened the door for the girl with the baby. They tipped me well and I watched them walk away as I got back in the cab. So I turned it into the office at the end of my shift per protocol and a few days later I got a notice that I would be paying for the shipping back to Seattle. <br /><br />Just the other day I picked up a middle aged guy at the airport, no luggage whatsoever. Always something peculiar when you load at the airport and the people have no bags. I asked the guy what was up and he replied it was a long story. I leaned a bit and he tells me that his wife and him were in Vegas on the first half of their Vegas>Cancun vacation. They reside in Austin and as it were actually weren't even planning on coming to Vegas but they got "such a great deal" that they decided to spend a few days here first. Sweet, sounds like a fun time. Well this was the day, actually, supposed to the be the day that they were to head out to Cancun but somebody forgot the passports in Austin. He said it was his fault so he was charged with fixing the problem. Since no one in Austin had a key to their house, the only solution was to go back and get them. So he pushed back the Cancun flight, which I'm sure wasn't cheap and also purchased a last minute Vegas>Austin>Vegas daily which is a ton probably. It was 10pm when I picked him up and I took him to the Mirage. I wished him well the rest of his journey tomorrow morning. He did not tip me very well if memory serves and I drove off and left the property to go the Rio. I was actually going to the Rio to take a shit, I'll be honest with you, that's why I left Mirage. So I'm almost to Rio, turtle head pokin and I hear a phone ring in the backseat. I couldn't fucking believe it. I knew who it was before I even answered it, "Things just aren't going your way today are they sir?" I said. I should have shit first, I really should have but I turned around and raced back to the guy and gave his phone back to him. Nothing extra for me of course. I ended up parking right there at the Mirage, again pissing off the valet and ran in to shit at the bathrooms right there by Jet. I didn't occur to me until days later that the guy had no luggage whatsoever, not even a carry-on or a handbag, and he still managed to forget something in my cab. <br /><br /><br />No way the Monorail is going downtown or the airport. The MonoFail, as locals refer to it, is in no financial position to expand. They have corporate sponsorship on all of the trains and they <span style="font-style:italic;">still</span> can't break even. They already have a insurance policy in place to pay for the demo of it if and when it finally goes under. (whether that's a common occurrence with this sort of thing I have no idea) <br /><br />I make the joke that the MonoFail is overpriced & inconvenient. It's kind of a bad business model if you think about it. I mean, I don't have an MBA or anything but it seems that if you are overpriced, you'd better be pretty fucking convenient. Or if your inconvenient, than you'd better be inexpensive. But the Monofail is neither, or both. On probably 100 occasion a passenger has tried to sell me their unused MonoFail passes. Think about it; first time they buy multiple passes, then after using it one time they realize that they never want to ride it again so they try and ditch the passes. It's that bad. The only time it makes sense to use it, (if it were less expensive) is to and from Bally's & a certain hotel I'm boycotting. Which interestingly enough, was the exact and ONLY thing it was designed for.<br /><br />Oh but wait, if they'd just expand it to the Airport than EVERYBODY would use it. They'd make a killing Right? Hardly, people don't want to walk to the stations now you think they're going to want to do that with all of their luggage? No fuckin way.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Paboo said: "I've heard cabbies avoid the RIO when the WSOP is in town. Are poker players generally bad tippers?"</span><br /><br />Poker players are generally horrible tippers and I have actually said myself that I wasn't going to pick up there anymore during WSOP. I'm kind of puzzled why it is really, you'd think for as often as they come to Vegas they would know by now. So I refuse to believe they aren't aware that they're supposed to be tipping. So if they're aware, and they still don't tip, then it's even worse. It's one thing if you're from China and tipping is not a part of your culture and you didn't, for whatever reason, take the time to educate yourself before you came to Vegas. I wouldn't say you should get a free pass in that situation but the fact that you're ignorant should be taken into consideration. On the other hand, if you're American, and you come to Vegas all the time, and you know damn well what the tipping culture is AND YOU STILL DON'T TIP than that's twice as bad. And let's not forget, the douche wannabe poker player, that thinks he's hot shit, is also trying to represent like he's got a lot of money and that just makes it even worse yet. Don't take my word for it, the dealers will tell you the same thing and even the players themselves admit it. <br /><br />This brings to mind, I asked resident poker writer/Las Vegas guru, Pauly McGuire this exact question a couple weeks ago on twitter and he said, "Contrary to popular belief, most poker players are not rich; they are broke, cash poor, and in debt to their "backers""<br /><br />Undoubtedly. One cannot disagree with this but it doesn't take into account that <span style="font-style:italic;">lot's</span> of people are cash poor and they'll still throw a brother a dollar or two. Poker players will go out of their way to give you nothing. Therein lies the mystery. <br /><br />You guys should check out Pauly's new book "<br /><a href="http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/lost-vegas/11493168"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lost Vegas</span>: The Redneck Riviera, Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, and the World Series of Poker</a>" <br /><br />I know all you guys love reading about Vegas so you gotta pick this book up. I highly recommend it. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://static.lulu.com/product/paperback/lost-vegas/11493168/thumbnail/320"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 212px; height: 320px;" src="http://static.lulu.com/product/paperback/lost-vegas/11493168/thumbnail/320" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />SchmaddaKid said: Love this blog! I've got a two part question for you. Do you always drive the same vehicle or is it a different car every shift, and who is in charge of upkeep for the car? Oil changes, maintenance, accidents, etc? Keep up the great work!</span><br /><br />Thanks!<br /><br />I drive one of 2 or 3 cabs on a daily basis. Basically I'm assigned one primary vehicle and I'll get that one most of the time and then back ups if that one is not available. This varies amongst drivers and depends greatly on what specific company you work for and your tenure. A brand new driver is going to get one of the oldest cabs in the fleet and it's not uncommon to get shifted around into different cabs often. Once you've been there a while you'll get a newer ride and more stable assignment. <br /><br />That said, I do not own the car, owner-operators are not allowed in Las Vegas or anywhere in the State I believe, and as such I am not responsible for any of the up-keep. My role is that of an employee. In fact drivers, are not <span style="font-style:italic;">allowed</span> to work on the cars. I presume for insurance purposes. Even if I get a flat tire it won't be my ass out there changing it, which I guess is a good thing.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Blunt Jackson sent an email: "<br /><br />Ahoy!<br /><br />I missed your Q-n-A article when it came out, but I've loved reading<br />your blog. My grandfather and uncle were both cabbies in a somewhat<br />different era, and I've always been a city boy and much of my car<br />travel is done by cab. I have a few questions.<br /><br />1) On the east coast, in cities I'm familiar with, I'll propose a fare<br />prior to getting in the cab. This way the cabbie doesn't have to turn<br />the meter on, and I can be sure of not getting long-hauled. Obviously,<br />this only works if you know a fair fare. But on the West Coast,<br />cabbies look at me like I'm trying to pull one over on them, and<br />require the meter. (My flat-rate proposal includes tip, which should<br />be obvious to a cabbie also familiar with the ride.) What's your take<br />on that?<br /><br />2) Here in Seattle, cabs charge you for distance + "wait time" which<br />includes any time the cab is not moving; ie. red light. I was pretty<br />sure philly cabs had a switch between driving-mode and waiting-mode,<br />so that the passenger didn't get penalized for stop-and-go traffic. Do<br />you know if there are standards here, or if this is something that has<br />changed over time?<br /><br />3) I rarely see a natural-born citizens driving cabs any more (as<br />determined by facility with English). I feel sad that it is no longer<br />an honorable profession for us. Do you feel like Americans think<br />driving a cab is somehow no longer respectable work? If so, does that<br />bug you? If not, do you think I'm reading the public perception wrong?<br />Maybe it's just Seattle, or is it Las Vegas, also? (Note that I don't<br />have anything against any non-American cabbies, I just think it's<br />weird & kind of sad, given my family's past in the cab driving<br />tradition.)<br /><br />-Blunt Jackson"</span><br /><br />#1. It's called a "flat rate" and what you will find is the varying cities will have different rules and protocols that will determine whether this practice is feasible. Every major city has their own governing body for the Taxi industry and each one is different. In a nutshell however, in a place where a cabbie could own his own cab, or lease on a per diem basis, he may be very open to a flat rate. Conversely, in an environment such as mine where, as I said, I am an employee of a company that owns the car, and who is paid a percentage of the fare, than a driver is going to be very opposed to the idea because, at least in the case of Las Vegas, it's actually illegal altogether. The company who employs drivers will never favor a flat rate system that is determined by the driver because they could never be sure of their share of the take. <br /><br />#2. If you're asking me about Seattle I don't know, but in Las Vegas there is a distinction between moving around and wait time. Wait time is $30/hr in Vegas and the clock is ticking any time the cab is parked or up, but not exceeding 12mph. 13mph and above it's $2.20/mile. I don't know that it's a penalizing anybody but a fair determination of what the cab is worth. Surely, if you need me to wait for you at the store for a half an hour, I shouldn't be expected to wait there for free. And if we get stuck in traffic we get stuck in traffic. However it should be known that contrary to popular belief, it does not behoove a driver to be stuck in traffic, even if the meter is still running. <br /><br />#3. I think that people from all over the world, not just Americans, look down upon cab drivers. ...And it doesn't bug me in the slightest. If somebody talks shit about cab drivers in general to me I think it says more about them than it does about me. People lash out at others to conceal their own shortcomings, and the sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can rise above it, and the sooner we can all rise above it the sooner it will cease altogether, for the lashing will no longer achieve the desired effect. This however, is not the reason whites don't drive cabs in my opinion. I think that has more to do with the wages and the working conditions of common cab driving are not on par with what a typical work seeking white man would deem acceptable. Similar with what you see in how the white and latino workforces commingle in the job market.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Daniel lm from sent an email: Thanks for your great blog. I enjoy your posts a lot.<br /> <br />I have a couple of questions:<br /> <br />1. (still with long-hauling): do you have a website you could recommend that outlines the construction happening around LV? I asked a taxi driver once to take Koval/Paradise from the airport, and he insisted there was heavy construction. However, there was no construction at the time. But I know there is construction at various times during the week. It would be good to be able to check a website before our LV trip to see the construction schedule.<br /> <br />2. Restaurant Recommendations: Can you give us some good places to eat? Like something we would see on Diners Drive ins and Dives (Food Network - if you watch that show). Something off the beaten track that may be walking distance or a short cab ride away from the Strip. Nothing too expensive. <br /> <br />Thanks again - and keep up the good work.<br /><br />Daniel<br /></span><br /><br /><br />Thanks.<br /><br />#1. Well I could, and will give you a website but I'll tell you right now that you don't need it. Any time a driver starts talking shit about construction there is about a 90% chance that he's full of shit. Especially if we're talking about airport rides. Most of the major road closures happen after midnight, and this day and age there is much development going on. That said, any time there is to be a road closure the contractor must inform the DOT of the closure and that information is public and can be found here:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nevadadot.com/traveler/construction_projects/construction/district.asp?district=1">N-DOT</a><br /><br />That may be hard to sift through, especially if you don't know the area, but if a road is to be closed it'll be on that list. There may be better and more efficient websites for this sort of thing but I don't know about them. <br /><br />#2. I'll give you few of um that fit that bill. All of which are favorites of mine. <br /><br />The first is the Firefly which is inside the Plaza Downtown on Fremont St. It's a tapas place that is out of this world awesome in so many ways. 4 people can eat like kings for 100 bucks. I would suggest the Chicken & Chorizo Stuffed Mushrooms and the Bacon Wrapped Dates. Insanely good. <br /><br />Try Lotus of Siam which is located inside Commercial Center. Some call it the "best Thai food in the country". I would recommend everything. <br /><br />Try the Four Kegs. Gotta get the Stromboli here no doubt. Speaking of, this place actually was on Diners, Drive-ins and dives! (this one used to be close but they moved, it's about $25 cab ride (tops) each way from the center strip. That said all of places I've mentioned are closer than this.<br /><br />Ferraro's Italian right across the street from the Hard Rock. A Vegas favorite for years just got a better location.<br /><br />Honorable mentions go to The Peppermill (best place for late night or breakfast next door to Riviera on the Strip) and Hash House a Go GO (great lunch or breakfast) inside IP.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Heater wants to know: "In terms of international visitors to Vegas, who would you say are the best/worst tippers? Accordingly, who are the most savvy, and who are the most gullible? It's okay to generalize sometimes!"</span><br /><br />Yeah I agree, somebody smarter than me said on the radio one time, "There is no such thing as racial profiling, there is only <span style="font-style:italic;">profiling</span>". <br /><br />The best is easy, the Japanese. They are the best in my mind because they are proactive in their efforts. Tipping is not a part of Japanese culture but they understand that it is a part of ours and they consider it disrespectful, not only to the places they visit but more so to themselves, to not try and adapt to the place they are visiting. And this works both ways too, believe me, if you went to Japan and walked into someone's home you would be taking your shoes off I promise you. They'd expect certain behaviors from you, so they act like they want you to act. The Japanese will not tip you huge, but you can count on their 15%. Oftentimes the Japanese will, let's say the fare is ten bucks, they will hand you a ten <span style="font-style:italic;">and then</span> they will hand you two more. Two distinct actions indicate their understanding that it's different than they owed amount and adaption to the practice. I remember I had a group of Japanese ladies in the cab one time and we were talking about this, and that actually was who told me what I said above about respect, and I made a mention of "When in Rome" and they didn't know what that meant and had never heard that before. I'm sure they have their own saying for such behavior but I explained that in their time, when you were in Rome, you did as the Romans did and from that came the saying. They loved that. <br /><br />Pretty much all other international visitors are horrible tippers. Maybe the Island nations because of their tourism connection but in reality I can't think of one other group of foreigners that I would consider good tippers. In fact, most of them are ridiculously bad it it. In my mind Canadians and Mexicans are right at the top of that list simply for the same reason the poker players are, BECAUSE THEY KNOW, AND THEY STILL DON'T TIP. To me this makes it 100X worse. If you're American and you go to Canada and go out to dinner and the staff knows you're American believe me they are gonna fight to be your server. They know that you are going to tip them so they want you. And yet, when those same servers come to Vegas for a holiday, they don't fucking tip. Say nothing and the Mexicans will give you nothing, however to their credit, if you tell them to tip you they usually will. They kind of tip in Mexico but it's different, most everything is a flat rate there, in all forms of barter, and it's assumed that they seller is going to pad a little extra for himself. Most Mexicans, even though they can clearly see what the meter reads, will still ask you how much the cab ride is. If it's a ten buck ride and you say it's 12 dollars I promise you they will hand you twelve dollars. So you just pad a little for yourself and they will comply. Interestingly, this practice is against the Law in Vegas so in dealing on a level that your customers are accustomed you could receive a citation.<br /><br />Most all other places are horrible too, Europe is awful with possibly the exception of England. I explained a bit about that before. And that's been demonstrated by the Brit that posed the Japanese-esq fashioned question previously. Cheers to you again sir! Asia is horrible at tipping as a whole with the only exception being Japan. The Middle Easterners are no good at it either.<br /><br />As far as most gullible...I think I would have to say the Brits and maybe the Aussies actually. It pains me to say so, because I really love the British, I have said that in these pages before. They are some of the most fun loving group of people on the planet and you can never get them down. Unless of course, their futball club is losing. It is literally impossible to offend a Brit and I absolutely love that. Nobody takes themselves seriously. Plus they're hilarious. But their problem, in this day in and age, is that they are to trust worthy. It's like they are convinced that everything is jolly and nobody could ever be out to get them. Remember the guy on the bike getting hit by Clark W Griswald in National Lampoons European Vacation? It's like, the guy on the bike get's hit by a car and he's apologizing. A hilarious scene but only so because there is truth in it. I've heard some horror stories involving Brits and their Aussie cousins getting forked by hookers. <br /><br />I'm going to end on hookers.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Anonymous wants to know: Can you explain the guys on the corners with the cards of the nudie chicks, how did that come to be? Are they actual hookers? Are the women on the card actually the women who would show up if you called? Do the guys on the corner actually get paid for that? In general, tell us all about the "oldest profession" Vegas-style!</span><br /><br />We ended on hookers, and now we're back. But man you guys were starting to worry me, we were 30 some questions in and no one had asked about hookers yet. Anonymous thank you for restoring my faith.<br /><br />They are called handbillers I believe. All of them are Latino and I haven't a clue as to their immigration status. A lot of people ask how are they able to that? How can that not be illegal? Well first of all prostitution is not legal in Las Vegas/Clark County, however everyone pretty much operates under the assumption that it is. So naturally you couldn't hand out cards that talked about sex for money. However you can talk about dancing, girl shows, and escorting. You put a picture of a naked pretty girl on the card and as long as you cover up the nipples and the privates with stars you're good to go. So these are legal businesses. It's perfectly legal for a group of guys, or one guy, to hire a girl for a bachelor party type show, or a private show and of course we all know what happens when the girl gets to the room, but that's not what they're advertising. If you're a presumed legal business, on a public walkway, you have every right to promote. This is a first amendment thing. And you can't get them on littering either because it's not them that's dropping them. <br /><br />One proposed solution was to allow the casinos to purchase that sidewalk land from the City and it could be perceived as a public walkway but it would on private property, at which point they could prohibit such practices. This is shaky ground legally and I know there was a big case here locally that dealt with this issue on Fremont St. It's a unique situation down there. It's private property now, but it's fashioned, and basically assumed, that it's a public area just like it always was. There was even an interesting ruling on the topic in Las Vegas here recently. (although I can't name the case. Perhaps a reader will recall what I'm talking about?) Ultimately, I think this isn't happnening moreso due to liabiltiy concernes from the hotel's perspective not the potential legal ramifications such a relationship could create on a larger spectrum. Regardless, don't expect this activity to cease any time soon. <br /><br />"Are the women on the card actually the women who would show up if you called?"<br /><br />C'mon man seriously? <br /><br /><br />"Do the guys on the corner actually get paid for that?"<br /><br />Well I'm sure they do. I don't how or how much. I had the idea for Halloween of going as a Mexican Handbiller. I could get the neon shirt and matching hat. A bookbag and tons of those cards would be easy. That'd be a great Vegas costume. <br /><br /><br />In general, there are many ways to get laid in sin city, however they are more ways to get fucked. Someone who was cool to the game, and did his homework, could have a great experience with a great girl for a decent price. But most do not and most get hosed. I have eluded on twitter many times about how hookers get one over on johns. One needs to be very very careful as most of these girls prey on tourist who don't know what they are doing.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-29083594703615123182010-05-19T20:32:00.000-07:002010-05-19T20:51:47.531-07:00ILEvery ride in the cab business starts the same but ends differently. It's not all that different from many things in life I suppose. "Good evening, where are you headed?" That's how it'll begin but from there who knows? The harness has come over your head and secured you into position, the roller-coaster is departing the station only this time you didn't get an opportunity to see the thing before you got on it. No telling what kind of ride it'll will be. <br /><br />I picked up two gentlemen at the airport. I put their bags in the trunk and they told me they were going to Caesars. I knew it. I'm good now at guessing where people are going and these guys had Caesars written all over them. I had a good impression of the two right away. Middle aged men, well dressed, well spoken but probably not from this country. We shared the usual pleasantries the first few moments of the ride where, even though I'm not keen to take conversations in the direction, I asked them where they were from. <br /><br />"Where do you think we're from," the older of the two said.<br /><br />"Ok," I said, "I'm good at this," and I turned to get a better glance at them. <br /><br />Both men had slightly darker skin and one had a well groomed, tight beard. They didn't appear to be overtly rich but they are definitely not hurting for money either. Their accent, as I said, was definitely not native. It wasn't Latino or Indian. Possibly Arabic? I wasn't sure. It's hard once you start getting into world accents. For sure these guys are from that region. So I thought about it briefly and said,<br /><br />"Israel. I'm gonna go Israel."<br /><br />"What you think we're Jewish?"<br /><br />"Fuck I don't know, I guess. I was thinking that region for sure. You are from the Middle East though somewhere right?"<br /><br />"My name is Rashid and this is my brother Hakim and we're were born and raised in Lebanon." <br /><br />"Oh c'mon you gotta give me that one I was super close," I said.<br /><br />"Yeah yeah," he replied, "you did pretty good."<br /><br />"I take it you are Muslim then?"<br /><br />"That is correct."<br /><br />"Well there are some Muslims in Israel aren't there?"<br /><br />"Yeah there are some I think."<br /><br />"How many miles is it from Beirut to Jerusalem?"<br /><br />"I'm not sure exactly, it's very close."<br /><br />"I think I deserve a prize for that."<br /><br />"A prize? You were wrong."<br /><br />"Yeah I suppose."<br /><br />The cab was quite for the next few moments during which time I realized I really liked this guy. It's hard to say what it is exactly but it's just a feeling. Something you should always listen too. Rashid broke the silence,<br /><br />"I'm surprised you said that."<br /><br />"Said what," I replied, "that you were from Israel?"<br /><br />"No, you said "Middle East"<br /><br />"Oh. I shouldn't have said that?"<br /><br />"No it's not that. You did good and that is why I was surprised. I've found that most Americans won't say that phrase around me or somehow cringe when they say it."<br /><br />"Yeah I don't buy into that kind of nonsense. That <span style="font-style:italic;">is</span> what it's called right?"<br /><br />"Exactly. It's just that, it's been in my experience in this country, that Americans have an entirely negative perception of anything and everything associated with that region and just to say the term "Middle East" is to somehow infer a negative."<br /><br />"I see your point sir absolutely. But I got news for you, no matter where you are from in this world, it is my experience that there will be some kind of perception or stereotype that will precede you at every pass. As grand as it would be, I don't believe we as a species are capable of a refrain from passing judgment or in this case, prejudgment. To your point, the media undoubtedly created this animal. The reason that the bulk of Americans have a negative view of your land is because the media tells them that they should. In that sense you can't really blame the American people. Most Americans have never been there and don't even know any Lebanese people, so everything they know about Lebanon is what TV tells them."<br /><br />"Exactly. Of course. So what happened to you? How are you enlightened?" <br /><br />"I don't know. I believe years of driving a cab have honed my bullshit detector. In my line of work I talk to people from all over the world every day. I work with some Lebanese and it has been my experience that they are good people. And for the record I had a good feeling about you from the beginning. I new if I guessed somewhere that was really wrong or said something like "Middle East" that you weren't the type to get bent out of shape about it. We're just two mates having a good natured conversation. No big deal. The fact that everything on the news about the Middle East is negative has nothing to do with anything, let alone the two of you. I'm going to decide about the individuals I meet by what they say and what they do to me and around me, not by what I hear on the news."<br /><br />"Right exactly. I wish more people would have common sense like you."<br /><br />"Well thank you Sir, I appreciate that. The world can hope. What about you? Your English is perfect and you're obviously well educated." <br /><br />"I came to the States to go to school, and I've been living in Seattle for a 10 years now. Hakim is here in the States visiting and I taught him <a href="http://www.bodog.com/">online gambling</a> and now he wants to see Vegas so here we are.”<br /><br />“Ah ok, that’s great. What school did you attend?”<br /><br />“I got my doctorate at the University of Texas.”<br /><br />“Wow that’s great. Doctor Rashid huh? That’s amazing, you are living the American dream. Hook um horns! So you came from Lebanon straight to Texas? I can’t think of a more apt introduction to America than Texas,” I said with a chuckle, “you might as well jump in with both feet I guess." <br /><br />“Yeah it was definitely a culture shock. The people in Texas certainly are an interesting faction that‘s for sure. I loved my time in Texas though.”<br /><br />“There, ya see? We just proved my point. As I said, no matter where in the world you are from, some sort of stereotypical predetermination exists. Israel, Lebanon, Texas. No different. They all have a preconceived idea. All of which perpetuated by some form of media or the other and in all likelihood the bulk of which are not close in any fashion to the reality.”<br /><br />“So where are you from then?”<br /><br />“I’m from Iowa. Go Hawks!”<br /><br />“Iowa? They have good potatoes there right? <br /><br />“Not quite,” I said laughing, “that’s Idaho, which kind of sounds like Iowa, that you’re thinking of. But again, you’re proving my point. Idaho is indeed famous for its potatoes and that is what they're known for, that's what people think about when they think of Idaho”<br /><br />“So what’s Iowa known for.”<br /><br />“Corn. Agriculture and farming in general. John Deere. All that stuff. Do you know how many people ask me where I’m from, and then after I tell them the first thing out of their mouths will inevitably be, “Oh you grew up on a farm huh?” People have an idea about me and you, it's not different. They are both evidence of the same thing, the only difference are the connotations."<br /><br />"I take it you didn't grow up on a farm then?" <br /><br />"If the world was counting on me for food we would be in big trouble. I don't know the first thing about farming, Iowa has cities also ya know? My Dad is a doctor too, I lived in the city and nothing about that stereotype is true about me. And it's the same for you I can tell. What Americans think about Lebanon clearly doesn't apply to you. It's obvious you come from a good family, you're not radical, you've educated yourself and made good from your life. I'm certain you don't know any more about radicalism than I know about plowing corn."<br /><br />"Actually I'd bet you good money you know more about plowing corn than I know about radicalism."<br /><br />"Yeah maybe," I said, "I know you plant in the spring and harvest in the fall."<br /><br />We made the turn onto Las Vegas Blvd and I was half sad that my conversation with Rashid was about to come to a close. I even thought about what I would say to him as our coaster slowly irked back into the station. We waited at the light and then made a left onto Caesars property. In short time we parked in front of the main entrance and I got out to help the gentlemen with their luggage.<br /> <br />"What was your name sir," Rashid said and extended his hand.<br /><br />"My name is Andrew, it was a pleasure chatting with you."<br /><br />"Yes it was"<br /><br />"So what do we do about all this ya think," Rashid said. <br /><br />"I don't know, we'll just have to stick to what we know I guess."<br /><br />"And what's that?"<br /><br />"Terrorism for you, pig farming for me."<br /><br />Rashid laughed pretty good at that and handed me his payment along with a nice gratuity for me. The brothers walked into Caesars and I will never see them again. I hope they win lots of money. I made my way around the Caesars driveway to the back of the cab-line without stopping to purchase the overpriced picture of myself at the point of the ride where I was supposed to be scared. <br /><br />Back to work.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-76155677265431982722010-04-26T05:42:00.000-07:002010-04-26T05:43:23.391-07:00Dear MGM,The following is a letter I drafted to the MGM. I think it pretty much speaks for itself...<br /><br /><br />To whom it may concern-<br /><br />My name is (omitted) and I have been a cab driver in Las Vegas for 6 years. I had mentioned previously on my twitter page (twitter.com/LVCabChronicles) and on my blog (lvcabbiechronicles.blogspot.com) that I was actively boycotting your property and a number of my readers inquired as to why that was. Upon this inquiry it occurred to me that in the interest of fairness perhaps I should inform you, the powers that be at The MGM Grand, of my issues as well so that you may have an opportunity to address them. That is the purpose of this letter. <br /><br />As you can probably guess, my issue concerns the doormen at your property. It has been my experience that the group of individuals in charge of assisting your guests requesting taxi service are amongst the most unprofessional, disrespectful and dishonest individuals that I have ever worked with. …And I’m a cab driver. <br /><br />It’s baffling that a major resort such as yours wouldn’t concern itself with its employees using guests as pawns in their side-money game. The number of acts that I continuously witnessed included-<br />-Counting money in plain view<br />-The unnecessary accosting, slander and disrespect of cab drivers<br />-Accepting tips from limousine drivers thus creating an incentive to illegally divert taxi seeking patrons into limos<br />-Purposely misleading guests in regards to the actual costs of a taxi <br />-Purposely slowing down long lines (show-break) of taxi seeking guests<br />-Allowing limo drivers to “work” the line of taxi seeking guests<br />-Questioning of every guests as to their destination only as a means of extracting taxi seeking guests wishing to be transported to gentlemen’s clubs and diverting them into limousines- culminating with the limo driver splitting the proceeds from the club referral fee with the doorman. <br /><br />Most of the above exists strictly as a means to perpetuate the diversion of taxi seeking customers into limousines in exchange for money. These practices are as undesirable as they are illegal and without question not consistent with any form of genuine hospitality. It’s hard to believe that any guest of your hotel would feel welcomed and well served while being subjugated by your employees in this manner. Undoubtedly, this is the type of “customer service” one keeps in mind when choosing where to stay when visiting our City in the future. <br /><br />I began my boycott almost 5 months ago and I have not picked up a passenger from your property since. On multiple occasions since then, I have been approached by a doorman on behalf of a guest at your hotel requesting my services as a cab and I refuse every time. Considering the past, it would be wrong for me to expect you to take any real action to remedy this problem. However in not doing so, it would be wrong for <span style="font-style:italic;">you</span> to expect me to have anything positive to say about your property. Or to make any recommendation of it whatsoever. <br /><br />When somebody asks me what my favorite property in town is you don‘t really think I‘m going to say The MGM Grand do you? When somebody asks me to recommend a hotel do you think I say The MGM? When somebody asks me where I like to stay do you think I say The MGM? When somebody asks me what the best show in town is do you think I tell them about one that plays at The MGM? When somebody asks me what the best restaurant in town is do you think I tell them about a place at The MGM? When somebody asks me what the best nightlife spot is do you think I tell them about a place at The MGM? When somebody asks me what’s the best casino to gamble at do you think I tell them The MGM? Of course I don’t.<br /><br />Conversely, when someone asks me what my least favorite hotel is, I tell them The MGM Grand. When somebody asks me what’s the most overrated hotel in town, I tell them The MGM. When somebody asks me what casino has the worst odds and will take all of their money, I tell them The MGM.<br /><br />Believe it or not a vast number of Las Vegas visitors, and for that matter my readers, depend on their cab driver for information and undoubtedly many follow our advice. If this is not a concern for you then by all means, continue doing what you’re doing.<br /><br />Your reply is appreciated and will be posted in response to this inquiry.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />...<br /><br /><br />In a related note, my boycott has already gotten media attention! <br /><br />As luck would have it, after dropping off at the Monte Carlo one night a couple of weeks ago I decided to dead head over to THE Hotel. I think a concert or something was letting out. When I arrived, there were quite a few people waiting and no cabs. But for some reason I parked on the stand and got out. I think maybe I threw something away maybe. I don't know. But as I was getting back in my cab a dude walks up to me and introduces himself as Doug Elfman, who I knew to be a prominent local reporter for the RJ. <br /><br />Doug asked me for an interview as he was doing a piece on how the IRS is going to start tracking club payouts. I allowed him to do his thing and I answered his questions and believe he was relieved by my willingness to articulate the cabbies point of view. Then I took it further and offered him some things he hadn't thought of which included my current bout with the MGM and how that connected to his story. <br /><br />Mr. Elfman, being the quality reporter that he is, took my ideas and ran with them and turned out what I believe to be a completely awesome and factual piece.<br /><br />You can read that here:<a href="http://www.lvrj.com/news/irs-targets-strip-clubs--taxis-over-bonuses-89897662.html">IRS targets strip clubs, taxis over bonuses</a>MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-34077951609045748662010-03-22T04:54:00.000-07:002010-03-22T14:10:17.860-07:00XLVIIIDecember 30th, 2006, 11pm. <br /><br />I loaded a middle aged gentleman and his three boys at the Venetian and they gave a destination of the MGM. The oldest boy, probably in his early teens, sat beside me up front and the two younger sons shared the backseat with their Dad. We hadn't even traveled 20 feet, just to the little turn around past the valet tunnel and the Dad seemed to be innocent enough in posing the question: <br /><br />"Sooo are you looking forward to working tomorrow?"<br /><br />"Actually sir I'm not. New Years Eve is the only day of the year that I don't really like this job."<br /><br />Which is true. NYE is more of a grind than anything. It's more about surviving and keeping all four fenders on it than it is about cashing in. The road closures make traffic unnavigable and it's fucking amateur hour out there as far as the tourists and locals alike. At least, that's what it is these days. My first ride of the year this year was a puker. The first five minutes of the year for me were spent watching a boyfriend clean up her girlfriends puke of my backseat while I tried to bum a cigarette from someone to cover the smell. I received no tip. <br /><br />But his reply to my answer is one that I'll never forget. It's the reason I remember the event in such detail. It's the reason for the <span style="font-style:italic;">story</span>. He'd seemed to have forgotten that I was actually still <span style="font-style:italic;">in</span> the cab when he preached to his sons<br /><br />"You see guys....<span style="font-style:italic;">that's</span> why education is so important."<br /><br />Did this guy really just say that? I mean, good lord what a dense motherfucker. There are a lot of things that I can handle as it pertains to my job. Obviously, the lesbians and I are all good. I can have fun with the idiots and make fun of the posers. I can handle the same stupid asshole questions a dozen times nightly. "Excuse me sir, what is that big project they are building there next to the Bellagio?" "Oh that? That's a strip club." I can kick it in traffic. And yes I'll even get over an occasional puke session. What I can't handle, and what any reader of this blog will know, is not being paid and not being respected. I'm a very big proponent, if you will, of respect, and will always treat most everyone as such. That is until you no longer deserve it. If you can't respect me or what it is that I'm trying to do, than you and I are going to have problems. And these days I'll most likely have no qualms about hashing the matter out with you. Or better yet, just simply kicking your ass out. If you think about it, this is something that seems to be missing in our worlds these days. Respect. As much as I hate it, even I will take the opportunity to engage in a little self righteousness every now and again. But this situation was different. There were kids in the car and although Dad was apparently clueless as to the proper way to raise them, that's no good reason for me not to take the high road. <br /><br />I was contemplating my reply so deeply over those following moments, I couldn't even tell you how the kids reacted to their fathers lack of tact. Perhaps they had grown immune to it already. I don't know. Finally I interrupted:<br /><br />"That's a little presumptuous don't you think sir?"<br /><br /><br />"What do you mean?"<br /><br />His question to my question is peculiar because it really can mean only one of two things. Either he is so thick headed he can't understand that he just might've offended somebody, or he simply doesn't understand what <span style="font-style:italic;">presumptuous</span> means. Either way, you're not the brightest bulb if you don't know what the definition of presumptuous is and at the same time chastise people for not attending college. I'll even turn the whole thing upside down and say that this sort of person is actually an argument <span style="font-style:italic;">against</span> college. If going to college means I'm going to end up like you I think I'll pass dude thanks. <br /><br />"You assume quite a bit about someone you don't know. You think that since I drive a taxi I must not be educated. Isn't that what you mean?"<br /><br />"Oh. You went to college?"<br /><br />He said as we made a right turn to head south on Koval. <br /><br />"As a matter of fact I did."<br /><br />There's no reason not to play the charade at this point. <br /><br />"Did you graduate?"<br /><br />"I did not."<br /><br />"You flunked out?"<br /><br />My Lord what an asshole...<br /><br />"I was three semesters from finishing when I left on my own accord."<br /><br />"Why?"<br /><br />"Didn't see the point any more. Some meaningless plaque that qualifies me for a task that was destined to never be pursued in the first place and for your cooperation you'll only receive a 5 figure debt sum if you're lucky."<br /><br />"What did you study?"<br /><br />"I was pursuing a B.M. in Music Education."<br /><br />"What kind of grades did you get? ...If you don't mind my asking?"<br /><br />"<span style="font-style:italic;">Now</span> you're concerned about offending me?"<br /><br />"I'm sorry?"<br /><br />"Since it pertains to the conversation, I was the recipient of two different scholarships. I made the deans list on three occasions and I was on pace to graduate with honors when I left."<br /><br />"School was easy for you?"<br /><br />"High school wasn't, but in College I studied subjects I was interested in."<br /><br />"And now you drive a cab?"<br /><br />"You got it."<br /><br />"So you got good grades, you obviously see value in education, why didn't you finish?"<br /><br />"I answered that question. And it's foolish to conclude that there is no education devoid of a university or any other educational institution for that matter. The most important lessons in life will most assuredly be learned far from the constraints of the classroom anyway. I used to think it was cliche like everybody else but I think differently about it now. I guess you could say I'm more educated. A friend of mine told me once that school wasn't there to teach you anything except how to learn. Presumably so when you do graduate and find a job, you'll be able to learn it very quickly. School doesn't teach you history, it teaches you how to teach history. Think about how detached teachers are these day. Now they have the online classes and the closest you ever get to your so called teacher is an email address. Is that really that much different than going to the library and reading a book? It just seems like a useless drone of institutions that were never proven by anyone to be the best method in the first place and yet we will repeat their failures religiously. The chalkboard and the lecture and the reading assignment and the homework assignment and then a quiz and then a test and then a final. It just seems so antiquated. It's 2010 and our education system from kindergarten through grad and post grad are in shambles financially and even worse actually. The results don't lie. We are an incredibly dumb populous as a whole and you can't point to any specific reason for that more than the education system. We need to tear down the walls. Substitute the antiquated with the innovative. And I'll tell ya, <span style="font-style:italic;">grades</span> are nothing but a detriment to the educational system. You don't prepare to educate yourself, you prepare for a test and there is a world of difference in that. And we penalize creativity within that process. Pirsig said, "the best students are always flunking, every good teacher knows this."<br /><br />The young boy sitting next to me interrupted<br /><br />"Do you feel like it was a waste of time, going to college and not finishing?"<br /><br />A fair question from anyone, but especially from a thirteen year old. <br /><br />Absolutely not. I enjoyed my classes, I learned a lot. I played sports and was in a few bands. Met some great people and had a great time. I could never regret something like that. Besides, to say an unfinished college education is a waste of time is to put to much stock in the degree itself. It means something because society tells us it does, and not because it does necessarily."<br /><br />I got out and opened the door for the dad who was sitting behind me. He paid me an amount I can't recall for a fare I don't remember and almost seemed apologetic when he said,<br /><br />"Hey, I'm just trying to teach my boys about the value of education." <br /><br />I handed the man his change, looked him in the eye and replied "that's nice, but perhaps first teach them about manners and about being <span style="font-style:italic;">gentlemen</span>."<br /><br />Which in my opinion, is something far more important than anything learned from a history book or a calculus worksheet, a political science lecture or a foreign language crash course. Or some fucking cab driver. He walked his boys into the MGM, holding the littlest ones hand and most assuredly never heeded my advice. At least he wasn't a puker. <br /><br />Back to work.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-77163629398277737962010-03-04T02:54:00.000-08:002010-03-04T04:09:24.869-08:00XLVIII had made a comment before about how every time somebody calls me an asshole I know I’m on the right track. The more I thought about that the more I realized that you may not fully understand what I mean exactly. There is a good chance that you could take it to mean that I actually enjoy getting under peoples skin and when they finally call me an asshole that’s some sort of verification that my methods are working. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I hate people that purposely do that and therefore I consciously try to avoid it. Being an asshole for the fun of it doesn’t lend itself to good tips anyway. However some people do indeed have it coming and just like Timothy Leary said about himself, I believe with me, you get the cab driver that you deserve. If that happens to mean that I’m an asshole than that’s what it means. And you calling me one is much more than a verification, it’s a victory. Continue reading if you’re still confused.<br /><br /> I loaded a middle aged white man at the airport and after I placed his luggage in the trunk he got in he told me his destination of the MGM. I sighed sadly having come to the realization that the Cabbie Gods had seemingly determined that I would be stuck in traffic for my entire shift today. Today was going to be one of those.<br /><br />“Well Sir” I replied, “normally we would just take Tropicana straight there and be there in no time but that road has massive road construction going on right now and it’s down to two lanes from four which effectively makes it a parking lot today. So if it’s all the same to you we can take the freeway. Normally the freeway would cost you considerably more but right now it’s going to cost you the same, maybe even less and I can get you there in 10 minutes instead of 30. Ok?”<br /><br />“What are you saying now?”<br /><br />“Sir there is a lot of road construction and ridiculous traffic getting to the MGM at this time. The ride normally costs ten bucks but unfortunately today it’s going to be more than twenty due to the traffic. So as I said, if it’s all the same to you we can take a different route and I can save us a lot of time. I’m just telling you what’s going on as a courtesy.”<br /><br />“Lemme guess, you’re trying to take me the long way aren’t you?”<br /><br />“Technically I suppose you could say that but I’m not costing you any more money and saving you a lot of time in the process. If we get stuck in traffic that meter is going up a dollar every two minutes. So like I said, if that’s ok with you than that’s what we’ll do.”<br /><br />“How do I know there’s traffic like you say there is? Sounds like bullshit to me.”<br /><br />“Well I just drove by it going the opposite direction on the way here so I’m certain. If you’re asking me why you should trust me, I don’t know what to say about that.”<br /><br />“I’ve never met a trustworthy cabbie in my life.”<br /><br />“No offense taken Sir.”<br /><br />This is going swimmingly I thought to myself. Then I wondered if in my 6 years of driving a cab, I had ever met a trustworthy passenger. And the answer to that is hardly. I don’t even have to think about it. <br /><br />“Listen just take the shortest route ok? I know all about your guys' highway bullshit. I come here all the time.”<br /><br />“Have it your way,” I said. <br /><br />And I had planned on that being the last words I would say to the guy. There is really no reason to make any attempts at small talk from this point on. I mean, after someone calls you a liar and a cheat there isn’t any point in trying to be friends. In fact if the situation were different you might just get knocked-out.<br /> <br />I was right about the traffic. In fact it was much worse than it was when I drove by it less than an hour ago. It was so bad that we waited through the light at Swenson and Tropicana 5 or 6 times before we were even able to make our way onto Tropicana. The meter read close to 12 dollars already, more than the whole ride should cost and we weren’t even off of airport property yet. When we were finally able to make the turn, one of the two lanes happened to have about 10 less cars in it and everyone, it seemed, was trying to jockey for position to get into the shorter line and save themselves a indeterminable, fractional amount of time in the process. Everyone but me that is. I on the other hand, went out of my way to get into the lane that had more cars in it. The longer line. Afterwords I waited for it and the guy didn’t make me wait for very long.<br /><br />“Why did you do that?”<br /><br />“I’m sorry Sir?” I said playing stupid.<br /><br />“Why did you get in this lane?”<br /><br />I pretended to think about it for a second, “I don’t understand Sir, what do you mean?”<br /><br />“WHY DID YOU GET IN THIS LANE? THE OTHER ONE HAD WAY LESS CARS IN IT!”<br /><br />“I thought you wanted to wait in traffic sir, so let’s wait in traffic. I thought you would like that.”<br /><br />“You’re an asshole, you know that?”<br /><br />“Sure I am. You’re accusing me of deceiving you in an attempt to take you a more expensive route when you don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about. I was trying to save you time and money, you called me a liar and a thief…but <span style="font-style:italic;">I’m</span> the asshole in the cab?”<br /><br />Neither of us said another word the remaining 30 minutes in traffic. In the end the ride took the better part of 45 minutes and cost the guy nearly $30 dollars, a full 30 minutes, and 10 dollars more than it could have if he had believed me. Naturally, I received no tip.<br /><br />-----------------------<br /> <br /><br /> I had the green arrow to make the right hand turn into the Bellagio. As I neared the intersection I noticed a couple, both pushing strollers moseying their way in the crosswalk and completely ignoring the don’t-cross signal as well as anyone or anything else that they may be inconveniencing. This is not a new phenomenon by any means. The Las Vegas Boulevard is rife with individuals disregarding pedestrian laws for a wide variety of reasons. It’s just one of those things that you as a cab driver must deal with and should constantly be on the lookout for. I don’t care how in the right you are, if you killed somebody I’m guessing that’s the sort of thing that remains in your mind forever. <br /><br />So wanting to avoid any potential disasters, as I approached the intersection and the ill-attentive parents in the crosswalk, I tooted my horn twice just to inform these people that myself, as well as a long line of cars right behind me were coming and they’d be best suited to get themselves and their children out of harm’s way. In China, cabbies (and all other drivers) use their horns as a useful tool to make those crossing the streets aware of their approach. I recall a certain cab ride from an airport to a hotel where the driver used his horn easily 100 times during a 15 minute ride. We didn't hit any pedestrians (although we did turn down the wrong way on a one way once and almost forced a moped into the fence). And yet, not a single person yelled at us for being so <span style="font-style:italic;">rude</span>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, or should I say naturally, the father misinterpreted my honking as something other than a useful warning and proceeded to shout at me,<br />“FUCK YOU CABBIE YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!”<br /><br />“HEEEY I WONDER WHAT THAT ORANGE HAND MEANS.” I yelled back at him out my window.<br /><br />“YEAH HILARIOUS BRO FUCK YOU AGAIN OK?”<br /><br />“YEAH YOU GUYS ARE QUITE THE PARENTS AREN’T YOU? YOU BRING YOUR KIDS TO VEGAS AND TAKE THEM OUT AT 2 IN THE MORNING AND TEACH THEM HOW TO J-WALK AND CUSS AND PUBLIC AND EVERYTHING. THAT’S GREAT MAN!”<br /><br />“YOU’RE A REAL PIECE OF SHIT CABBIE YA KNOW THAT?<br /><br />“RIIIIIIIGHT, <span style="font-style:italic;">I’M</span> THE LOWLIFE HERE HUH?”<br /><br />With that they continued to cross right in front of me, only now taking their sweet time out of spite instead of ignorance. The numerous assholes behind me laid on their horns as we all waited.<br /><br />-------------------------<br /><br /><br />I loaded four middle aged white ladies at the Las Vegas Hilton and they needed to go to the Wynn. They seemed like nice enough ladies and we were doing just fine until southbound Paradise Road brought us to a red light at Desert Inn Road. Desert Inn from Paradise on the East side of the strip, to Valley View on the west side, is what they call an “arterial”. That stretch of DI is a miniature freeway right through the heart of town and it’s incredibly useful for anyone needing to get from one side of the town to the other quickly. There are no stoplights or exits as it tunnels underneath the Las Vegas BLVD and bridges over I-15. Every New Years Eve that stretch of DI is like a pot of gold for any cab driver as all of the intersecting streets on the Strip are closed. For one night a year it is the only way to get from one side of the strip to the other from Russell to Sahara.<br /><br />The Wynn-Encore property sits adjacent to the DI arterial on the South side and as you are headed South on Paradise there it appears as though you need to make a right turn on DI to get to the Wynn. It’s right there. Or so it seems. However, any local would tell you that you can’t get to the Wynn from Desert Inn Road. Even though the Wynn sits on the very property where the Desert Inn once stood and coined the name of the road in the first place. Call me crazy but I just always thought it was funny that you couldn’t get to the Desert Inn from Desert Inn. At least, not in the time I lived in Vegas. This reminds me of Frank Sinatra Drive though. Please tell me that I’m not the only one who thinks it should be Frank Sinatra <span style="font-style:italic;">Way</span>? Isn’t it obvious? I had some kind of traffic engineer guy in the cab a while back and I ran this no-brainer by him as we happened to be driving on Frank Sinatra Dr. and he responded in a burly voice, “Well a Way is a certain kind of road and they have to abide by those rules...” Blah blah blah blah Bullshit. You obviously have no idea what “My Way” was about. In Las Vegas we have a Jerry Lewis Way and a Frank Sinatra Drive. Figure that one out.<br /><br />For the sake of clarity, one could easily, when needing to go from the Las Vegas Hilton to the Wynn, take Convention Center Dr. to LV BLVD and make a left and avoid any problems such as the one I’m about to encounter in the process. But, I prefer making two right turns instead of two lefts. You can be at the south door at the Wynn in 5 minutes and 8 bucks. Plus, it’s an easy out from there for me. I can go to all sorts of places. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. <br /><br />“Aren’t you supposed to turn here?”<br /><br />“No. I know it looks like it but we gotta go up a little bit further for our right.” <br /><br />“Pam do you know?” <br /><br />“I’m not sure Beth” said a voice from the backseat. <br /><br />“Are you trying to fuck us?”<br /><br />“No Maam,” I said trying not to laugh.<br /><br />“Well I don’t understand it’s right there how can this not be the turn?”<br /><br />“As I said Maam, I’m aware that it appears as such but believe me that that is not the way.”<br /><br />“Why should we believe you?”<br /><br />“Why should you not?”<br /><br />“We’ve been fucked a few times already by you guys.”<br /><br />“So I’m not my own person? I’m all those other guys?”<br /><br />“Well we’ve been fucked already and it looks like you’re fucking us now.”<br /><br />“Do you wish to make a right turn here Maam?”<br /><br />“It’s right THERE!”<br /> <br />“Ok the light is green now so make up your mind.”<br /><br />“Make the turn.”<br /><br />“You’re sure?”<br /><br />“Make the turn I said!”<br /><br />We made the right and began heading straight towards WynnCore. Or so it seemed. Ten seconds later the entrance of the tunnel becomes visible as the giant all-encompassing concrete walls rise above your head and that is when the ignorant become enlightened. We cruised right past the Encore and at that moment if I really was an asshole I would have said, “look kids, Big Ben, Parliament!” But I didn’t say that, or anything for that matter.<br /><br />Picking up speed we drove under the Las Vegas BLVD and then climbed up the medium grade ramp to get over I-15. Then a long straightaway followed by a couple of S-curves and at that point is when you need to back it off from 75 to the posted 45. As you descend the hill on the other side towards Valley View, Las Vegas Metro is usually waiting for you at the bottom. The bike cops love to camouflage in the business park on the North side there. It’s almost like I do this for a living.<br /> <br />The women didn’t say much to each other and I was the one who finally and sarcastically broke the silence when we got to the stoplight at Valley View.<br /> <br />“Ok. Now which way do you want to go?”<br /><br />“You’re an asshole you know that?”<br /><br />“Uh huh. The question remains.”<br /><br />“Just take us to the Wynn asshole.”<br /><br />“Very well.”<br /><br />I did a U-turn and went straight back to Paradise and to the scene of our mishap. After two right turns we were at the Wynn two minutes later. <br /><br />“So how much is it,” Beth said.<br /> <br />I looked at the meter and said, “24.70.”<br /><br />“Fuck you how much does it really cost?”<br /><br />I knew this was coming. So much so that, it’s almost like I do this for a living. “That doesn’t matter; you pay what the meter says.”<br /><br />“You can’t do that. You screwed us over you prick!”<br /><br />“I followed your lawful directive Maam. You must pay the meter.”<br /><br />“Fuck you asshole. Who do you think you are? You can’t treat us like this you knew what you were doing this whole time.”<br /><br />“Precisely.”<br /><br />“Well we’re not going to pay you a dime how about that?”<br /><br />“WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ALL THE TIME BETH? Let’s just pay the guy and go, you told him to do that did you forget that already?” one of the other ladies said.<br /><br />“Whatever Mary, I’m not payin this guy shit.”<br /><br />Beth said and she started walking away. The other three ladies were still right beside me, and there is no doubt that they would have paid me. But it wasn’t them I was after. My victory was walking away from me.<br /><br />“I wouldn’t do that Maam,” I raised my voice.<br /><br />Beth turned around and started walking back towards me aggressively and said,<br />“Oh yeah, what are you going to do?”<br /><br />“Well the first thing I’m going to do is call hotel security, who will find you and detain you and your friends. Then I will call the police, who upon questioning both parties will determine that you do indeed owe me twenty four dollars and seventy cents. If at that point you still refuse to pay me you will be forced to surrender some sort of collateral and or be arrested. Defrauding a cab driver is a misdemeanor in Nevada Maam. Besides all of that, I was doing right by you until your ignorant self accused me of nonsense. You’re calling me a thief and you don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about. Think about that. Had you given me the benefit of any doubt whatsoever we wouldn’t be in this situation would we? Instead you were so convinced that I was screwing you that no one was going to stop you from you and here we are. Your friends know this already. So try as you might, you will pay me the meter or you will spend the night in jail. It’s entirely up to you.”<br /><br />“You really are an asshole you know that?”<br /><br />“I’m the asshole who’s about to get his 25 bucks though huh?” <br /><br />“That’s right, you know you’re not getting a fuckin tip don’t you?”<br /><br />“Knowing that you lost, and I beat you, is enough of a tip for me Maam.”<br /> <br />“Go fuck yourself cabbie ok?” Beth said as she handed me a twenty and a fiver. She quickly hurried off and did not notice Pam double back to hand me another five along with an apology.<br /><br />At least from here it’s an easy out for me. <br /><br />Back to work.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-87132225955269404532010-01-17T13:09:00.000-08:002010-01-17T13:32:44.065-08:00XLVII was the fourth or fifth cab on 3rd street when she walked up. It appeared as though she had just stepped off the golf course with her golf hat, plaid sweater vest and Capris. At most any other time that would not have seemed so weird but at close to three in the morning on a Tuesday the outfit was exceptional. Not surprisingly she appeared to be moderately drunk and unfortunately my doors where not locked so she got right in and said,<br /><br /> “Can you take me to 3497479?” <br /><br />I had to think about it for a second,<br /> <br />“Is that a phone number?” I replied.<br /> <br />“You need a phone number?”<br /><br />“An address… would be better.”<br /><br />“You don’t know where that is?”<br /><br />“Tell it to me again.”<br /><br />“349-7479.”<br /><br />“ Nope” I replied immediately, “I don’t know where that is.”<br /><br />“Ok” she said, “I’ll call you later.”<br /><br />“O…K.” I said as she climbed out of my cab. It was easily one of the strangest conversations I’ve ever had and as cool as that is I had a bit of an empty feeling inside. Something just wasn’t right. That was when it hit me. I should call the number.<br />I reached into the center console of my cab and picked up my phone. I had no problem remembering the number and quickly dialed it. In short time a female voice answered,<br /> <br />“Hello?”<br /><br />“Hello.” I said back.<br /><br />“Who is this?”<br /><br />“Hi.”<br /><br />“Hello?”<br /><br />“Ok. I’ll call you later.”MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-30946878928991915692009-12-01T03:18:00.001-08:002009-12-01T11:51:52.713-08:00XLVHis chaotic and purposeful stroll reminded me of the younger Forest Gump. I had a feeling he needed a cab as he walked out of the Four Queens so I took one last drag off my Parliament and tossed it on the ground. He got so close to me it was obvious he was clueless as to the idea of personal space and his stroll made sense after the reek of booz filled my nostrils.<br />"Hey SIR!"<br />"Yes sir" I replied, "did you need a cab?"<br /> He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper with illegible writing on it and tried to hand it to me.<br />"YES SIR! I'm go to five thousnnd somethn...Boulevard. You takin me? My name's R.T. Merker!"<br />"I'm sorry, where are you going?<br />"...Somethn...Boulevard"<br />"5000, something, Boulevard? As in Las Vegas Boulevard? Would that be North or South?"<br />"Shit I donno why you askin me these questions? I'm just trying go out the track."<br />"Did you need a cab sir?"<br />"Yessum"<br />"That's why"<br />"... So you gonna take me out there or not?"<br />"Out where?"<br />"To the track dummy, I toldya I got my RV parked out there, five thousand....something...boulevard."<br />"You're here for the race? Your RV is parked out at the speedway?<br />"That's right. I just lost my ass playing <a href="http://poker.bodog.com/">poker</a> and now it's time to go home, out the track there."<br />"5000 doesn't seem like a big enough number for the track. I thought it was 7000 somethin. You sure that's where you need to go? The Speedway right?"<br />"Yessum, right by the Red Bull tent. Say what's your name bow?"<br />"Frank Rizzo"<br />"MY NAME"S ARTIE MERKER! MY NAMES ArTie and I need get goin to my R.V., in the track there"<br />"Congratulations. Your R.V. is parked <span style="font-style:italic;">inside</span> the track? Like in the infield?" <br />"My name's Artie, but they call me R.T. for short. I'M R.T., NEED TO GO OUT TO MA R.V."<br />He chuckled.<br />"Your name is Artie but they call you Artie for short?"<br />"Now yur gettin it Rizzo."<br />"Artie, do you have any money?"<br />"I lost my ass playin <a href="http://poker.bodog.com/">poker</a>, I think told ya that, but I kept 50 bucks in ma pocket so I could get back to my R.V. ... I'm R.T. need to go out to ma R.V.! R.T! R.V!"<br />"Ok Artie, why don't you give the 50 now just in case ok?"<br />He wasted no time in handing over what appeared to be the last of his money.<br />"Do you have your credentials? Your passes or whatever you need to get inside the track?"<br />"Yes sir I do but we don't need um cause everybody knows me out the there. Hell, I'M R.T. MERKER! I tell you that? Hell, you probably know by now."<br />"Yes sir I guess you are, why don't you get in so we can be on our way Mr. Merker?"<br /> <br /> I opened the rear passenger side door for him and it took his drunk ass some time to get his liquified legs situated in the backseat. After I shut the door I walked around the cab, got in and turned on the meter. I don't know what it is about the 3rd st. stand but I'd been getting some real doozies out of here lately. At least this guy was harmless. <br /> One smart thing that Vegas seems to have figured out is the way the town seems to take on the persona of her visitors. What's really just preconceived cross-promotion comes across as a seamless adaptation of entertainment experiences and the annual NASCAR weekend is a prime example of that. Throughout that weekend you'll see cabs with "wraps" making their paint scheme identical to an actual stock car. You'll see a complete lineup of musical acts throughout the weekend that reflect that demographics tastes. You'll see Fremont transform into a haven for the same people. All of these things and more combine to make an ideal weekend trip, giving visitors multiple excuses to come. Artie was no different. He came for the race, for the <a href="http://poker.bodog.com/">poker</a>, and for the booz apparently. <br /> I forgot that the on-ramp to 15N was closed so we had to continue north on US 95 to Rancho north to Washington, go back east on Washington and hop back on 15 there. The problem with this plan was that when we got Washington & I-15 we discovered that <span style="font-style:italic;">that</span> on-ramp was closed as well. At this point we had no choice but to continue east on Washington until we got to Main st. and then went north again until it merged into Las Vegas Boulevard. Once we arrived at Las Vegas BLVD & Lake Mead BLVD, I made a left turn to head west again until we ran back into the 15. I think any other customer would have inquired as to what the fuck it was I was doing with all the zig-zagging by now. I would have expected it but sometimes you end up long-hauling people even when you don't set out to. I could tell you some stories in that vein for sure. But thankfully in this case it didn't matter because my new friend Artie was drunk as hell and making me laugh my ass off. And it got even better when he made a comment about his legs.<br />"Oh, you have a problem with your legs?"<br />"That's right?"<br />"I just thought you were drunk?"<br />"I'm drunk. Yep."<br />"You mind my asking, whats the problem with your legs anyway?"<br /><br /><br />"Well I'm R.T. Merkur, don't know if I told you that, and I got a construction company back home in Michigan. One day I was fucked up on that meth and was trying to load the backhoe onto the trailer..." <br />I couldn't stop laughing. I thought, this is how a good story begins: hardcore drug use meets heavy machinery. You got me reeled in with that opening so hopefully you deliver the goods. <br />"...and once I got most of the weight on the back end of the trailer ramp I fucked up and stopped it. You're supposed to just keep on drivin it up and you'll be fine but I stopped and the back wheels of the damn truck came off the ground and she kicked out of of gear and next thing I knew we were rolling down the fuckin hill. So I jumped out of the backhoe and started running after it. I finally got to the truck, opened the door and commandeered that motherfucker..."<br />I started laughing uncontrollably. That was the best use of "commandeer" that you'll ever hear in your entire life. Even though techinically, I don't think it's possible to commandeer you own vehicle. <br />"...but I couldn't pull myself all the way inside and I was stuck laying down on my stomach on the floorboard. I just dove into it and decided the best course of action was to just reach up there and turn the wheel and throw her into the ditch."<br />"Why didn't you just hit the brake?"<br />"Well that idea came up later. Way later."<br />"So what happened?"<br />"Well the truck slammed into the ditch and the impact threw me out of it and then the damn thing ran me over and fucked up my legs for life."<br />"Fuck."<br />"Yep, I'd had two heart attacks before because of that shit and that wasn't enough to stop me. But that day when my own truck ran me over, that's when I knew I needed to stop that meth forever."<br />It looked like he was about to cry. I guess there's betrayal and then there's your own truck running you over. <br />"Yeah man, that'll do it." I finally said.<br /><br />We pulled up to the tunnel under turn two and stopped at the security gate. I rolled the window down and Artie waved at the guy. "Oh hey Artie glad to see you made it back." I guess Artie was right, we didn't need his credentials after all. R.T. was notorious around these parts and it was easy to see why. Artie is the kind of guy you just want to get drunk with and then just wait for him to entertain you. <br /><br />The number of RV's in the infield was staggering. They try to keep little alleyways open but there are so many of them and in varying sizes it's a pretty tight squeeze in a lot of places. Add to that the number of lawn chairs, canopies, picnic tables, fires and drunk people and it quickly becomes a cabbie minefield. It undoubtedly was the first time a cab had rolled through these parts and I felt like I was on some sort of Safari tour and the wild were checking me out. All of these animals were friendly however. I was offered a beer twice and somebody also pointed out to the me a security guard that had passed out in his truck and the hundreds of beer cans that were now tied to the back of his tow-hitch. And Artie certainly fit in. All he told me was make a right once we drove in and look for the Red Bull tent. After that he spent most of his time hollarin at folks as we idled by. <br />"Yall know where the Red Bull tent is? Say man you know a Red Bull tent round here?" "RED BULL RED BULL RED BULL!" "Fuck man, do you know did they move the Red Bull tent? I know for damn sure I parked my R.V. by the fucking Red Bull tent where the fuck is it do you know?" "Red Bull tent? I don't think there is one" a man finally replied. <br />"Artie, you don't remember the space number?"<br />"Space number schmace number, just find the Red Bull Tent and you'll find ma R.V."<br />"Congratulations Mr. Merker" I said, "I've been driving for 5 years now and you're the first person to successfully use 'schmace' in a sentence."<br />"Really? What do I win."<br />"You win the satisfaction of knowing that you're awesome."<br /> Some time later we found ourselves somewhere in the vicinity of turn three, on the opposite end of the facility that we entered from and Artie saw a few things that he thought he recognized. A few turns, a few back ups and a few more people to holla at later and we finally found Mr Merkers abode. I stopped the meter and climbed out to get his door.<br />"What time is it cabbie."<br />"I have 12:35 sir."<br />"FUCK those bastards. I told um I'd make it past midnight!"<br />"Who?"<br />"Those rejects parked next to me. I was already hammered at noon and they bet me $20 bucks that I would pass out before midnight."<br />"Well I guess you won that bet huh?"<br />"Please, those fuckers'll never believe me. Look at um, they're already sleepin."<br />"I'll tell you what Sir" I said urging him out of the cab, "if they don't believe you you tell those fuckers to call me. I got your back."<br />"Thanks cabbie you're the greatest. I could use that 20 bucks."<br />"No problem. Say, where is that Red Bull tent anyway? I don't see one."<br />"What?"<br />"Nevermind." <br /><br />I shut the door behind him and while walking back around to my side of the cab I seen a space marker in front of Artie's rig that read #5532. It took me almost as long to make my way out of that labyrinth as is it did getting in but a few nice folks along the way inquired as to Artie's well being and I assured them that I got him home safely. Although, his neighbors never called me. <br /><br />This time it was easy jumping on the freeway and I was back downtown in no time. Back to work.MrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21486842.post-25177491245673009712009-08-14T14:27:00.000-07:002009-08-14T14:30:14.359-07:00According to: I<blockquote>"Well, as the boys said, you had to work somewhere. So they accepted what there was. This was the wisdom of the slave."</blockquote><br /> - Henry ChinaskiMrFunkMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18037881254826751745noreply@blogger.com1