Thursday, August 17, 2006

There is this phenomenon.

It doesn't have an official name or anything as far as I know so I'm going to take the liberty of coining it:

"The Hundred Dollar Phonecall"

Some of you may have heard about the HDP and its awesomeness. Others, it may be new to you. So allow me to explain.

Few things are better than the HDP.

I've had great sex. I've loved & I've lost. I've played in important football games and won at the last second. I've heard a baby utter his first word. I've been instrumental in the apprehension of a armed felon. I've seen the Grand Canyon. I've shaken Luciano Pavarotti's hand. I've seen a missing man formation (twice). I've ran from the cops and gotten away.(more than twice)I've seen Phish at their peak. (lots of times) I've determined that none of these things can compare to the HDP. The only thing that can touch it is the 2HDP, or maybe the birth of baby Jesus.

First of all, the HDP does not discriminate. It does not care who you are, who you know, who you don't know, where your from, what your skin color is, who you like to bang, who you don't like to bang...You get the idea. Secondly and even more interesting, the HDP doesn't care what time it is, where you are, or what your doing. You could be in the midst of your first child's baptism and you could feel the vibrate. You could be at the strip club with boobies in your face and feel the vibrate. You could be cruising through the middle of Nebraska listing to a killer set from 97 and feel the vibrate.

So the question arises: How does one get a HDP? Well this is where the phenomenon part comes into play. At first the HDP' were few so it was easy to keep track of them. You could almost predict when you would get one. Years have passed now and the lines are blurry. Its like a nuclear reaction in a sense. Now there are to many seeds out there you never know which ones will take root.

So what does a HDP sound like?


Hi. Is this Andrew # ****?


Andrew, there is an envelope here for you whenever you're ready.

Fantastic. Thank you.

An envelope.

Think of the possibilities. It could be anything inside there.

You have to go pick up the envelope though. They cant mail it to you. You generally go at the end of your shift, on the way to the pumps. No reason to waste time while you're working. You take the cab because there is usually a gang of fools hanging around. Looking like they're probably up to no good. You're not worried about them though. You're offered protection.

It's a two story business building. Two massage parlors. One up-front, the other out to get you. A general store, a liquor store, deli and a strip club to name a few. Upstairs is office space. Which is where you need to go. Give the secret code at the door while the webcam stares at you. A nice lady lets you in and hands you a envelope. You sign in a book. She asks if you need any club passes. No, you already have a shitload of them. You are nice and lock the door for her on your way out.

Then you go home and populate necessary and required information fields in a manner consistent with proper regulatory instructions on the appropriate tax forms.


Anonymous said...

so what was in your envelope?

Anonymous said...

I don't get it?

Anonymous said...

did you win the lotto? or was it a crimestoppers type of reward??

Anonymous said...

to be continued.....?


MrFunkMD said...


Anonymous said...

My guess is that it is your sarcastic way of saying you got a bonus from work?

Anonymous said...

one of the best ,i love your writting

i get it ;)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

meh. D+ (even if there was an ending)

Anonymous said...

Now you're wasting MY time...

Anonymous said...

DUH payoff from stripclub DUH
/strikes side of head repeatedly with squionky mallet/