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This shall be the first of hopefully regular installments of my interesting or funny or both, stories that I have to tell as a result of my my new gig, driving a cab in the city of sin. Surely there are more stories than the ones I have and will share but the now ongoing Cabbie Chronicles will include the ones I can recall from memory, thus the most noteable ones. I thought about keeping something of a diary to remind myself of the fun times ive had, but really whos got the time?

Todays installment(s). Two stories, enjoy


--The other night I picked up a couple at Saphire (a strip club). It was early/late, about 4:30 in the am. My passengers were a little tipsy but in a great mood and i was glad to have some lively people in the cab at that hour. maybe they would help me wake up. Long story short the guy starts telling me about some of the dancers that danced for them and he stops short to tell me about this chicks nipples that they saw. Ill paraphrase but this is pretty much word for word what he said....

Now you know when your talking about chicks nipples.....youve got your nickles, youve got your quarters, and youve got your silver dollars....

I started laughing and agreed that i knew what he was talking about, at the same time I was anxious to hear where he was going with this...

...well this chick had BOLOGNA!!!

I about shit my pants i was laughing so hard. So I went on to explain that I would never think of bologna in the same way again. I also told him that I would be using his line. He went on to say that that was cool, He didnt care if I plagerized him.

LMAO


--Just today (9-8-04) I picked up a guy at the Venetian and he tells me that he needs to go to the LV motor speedway. Now the LVMS is way up on the north side and about a $40 ride so i was pretty happy. I asked him if he knew where in the complex he need to go (cuz its fucking huge) and he said he didnt know. He handed me his itinerary and all it said really was LVMS. so I said that more than likely there would be signs for what he needed when we got there. The guy was a GM of a chevy dealer and he was required to go out there today to take some class on the new 05 vette. He gets to test drive it around the track and everything. (Apparently, chevy wont send any new vettes to dealers who's GM's didnt attend this event.) Im thinking that sounds pretty funking cool but the whole time on the way out there hes bitching about the fact that he doesnt want to go (he claimed he already knew everything about car) and that he hates vegas on and on about how he doesnt want to go. The guy was pleasant, but pretty much in a shitty mood at the same time.

We get out to the track, meter reads 36 and some change....no signs saying anything about "chevy dealers" or "corvette training"..nothing. So we drive all around the complex looking for anything and finally find a security booth by one of the entrances. Im thinking this security guy will know for sure where we need to go. We pull up to the booth and I ask the guy about the chevy corvette thing and he's got this crinkled forehead....he said he hadnt heard about it. he gets on the radio and asks his supervisor about where we needed to go, there is a short pause and we hear a... (over the radio)

The chevy corvette training? Thats next month.

The security guard holding the itinerary at the time looks at it and sure enough, it says quite clearly 10-8-04!!! The look on that guys face was priceless. It was a long trip back into town needless to say and this guy was faced with the fact that he booked a flight, booked a hotel room, paid upwards of $80 for a cab ride (round trip) for something he really didnt want to do....to find out that he was a month early.

Maybe ill see him next month