Friday, June 23, 2006


I was getting late Friday night and I had cleared at the Circus Circus back door. There is never anything going on there after midnight so I cruised two blocks to find the Crazy Horse II wide. I only waited a couple minutes before a white guy mid 30's walked out. It was pretty obvious the guy had been drinking as soon as he got in. He gave a destination of "the Beach"

The Beach is just a couple of miles away over on convention center. Traffic was starting to lighten up so I was there in no time. As we are approaching the light in front of the Beach I hear my passenger snoring in the backseat.

This use to annoy me but now I think waking them up is half the fun....

We're almost here man...wakeup.


HEY bro...wake up!

Nothing again.

Now for my favorite part....I hit the brakes very sharply and quickly and at the same time yell loudly:


...all the while keeping my eye in the mirror so I can watch his reaction. Its priceless everytime. Guaranteed. This guy was no different, he delivered the goods. I on the other hand was shitting my pants for another reason.

We pull up to the drop-off at the Beach. There is a big line waiting to get in the club. Meter reads $6.95.

It takes him a good two minutes to negotiate his wallet from his pocket.

Do you have change for $100?

You owe me 7 bucks don't have anything smaller?

If there is anything that pisses me off more than only have credit on you, it's only having hundreds. I had been working for a good ten hours at this point and could have broken a $100 easily. However the answer to that question is always no. Besides the obvious reasons, there are others as well:

1) I just picked you up at a strip club, they are in the business of breaking $100's
2) It's stated clearly on the cab that the driver only carries $5 in change
3) Don't you think that might have been a good question to ask me...I don't know, before I got you where you were going?

There are more, but you get the idea.

I can probably get you $80 for it, otherwise we're gonna have to find a gas station to break it.

You cant break a hundred?

No sir, I might have 80 I can give you for it.

How close is a gas station?

not far

Ok, lets go break it.

Fine by me, it's you're dime man.

So we leave the Beach' property and drive a mile or so south to the closest gas station. As we're pulling in it was clear that this guy was annoyed (that makes two of us) and I feared he was going to try and ditch so I locked the doors and made him give me his ID before I let him out to go inside.

He walked inside and I noticed these two hookers were doing a pole dance on a light post by the street. Providing more than enough free entertainment for me while I was waiting. A few minutes later my guy returns.

Are we good to go?


I gave him his ID back and proceeded back to the Beach.

We arrive again at the Beach drop-off area and I turn the time off. It seemed like the line is longer. Meter is now $13.45. He hands me a ten and a five. I pocket the cash and fill out the remainder of my trip sheet.

This is usually the time when people exit the cab but this guy was drunk. But, not drunk enough to the point where he doesn't realize that he needs to check 50 times to make sure he has his wallet, his phone and whatnot. It seemed like it was taking this guy forever. I finally turn my head around to see what the problem was as I did so he was finally exiting the cab. He stands up and checks his pockets again for his wallet and his other shit.

Then out of the corner of my eye I notice a package of hot-dogs sitting on the seat. Not like a hot-dog for a snack, but a package of 8 Oscar Mayers. Seemingly at the same time I noticed the hot-dogs, he notices that he forgot them. So he reaches back in the cab and grabs the hot-dogs. As he was walking towards the back of the line I see him put the hot-dogs in his back pocket of his jeans. Barely fitting them in.

Not to disgruntled of a drunk when all was said and done, but I couldn't help but think that I might have gotten a bigger tip if I had some condiments in the cab.


Anonymous said...

It's obvious the gas station guy wouldn't break the hun without a purchase being drunk and going to the club hot dogs seemed the ideal purchase

MrFunkMD said...


Every gas station in LV has about 6 video poker/multi play machines in it. They will always break a bill for you (w/o a purchase) b/c you might be a player. If not, you can just put the hundo in the machine, hit cash out, which the cashier can pay back to 20's.