Wednesday, June 14, 2006


The Venetian was packed with at least a 100 people in line and no cabs in site. I pulled in empty so I drove right up to the loading area. The doorman, opens the door and two girls get in. The first a really hot Asian girl and then a equally smoking blond followed her into the backseat. They give a destination of the Gold Coast.

Not to interrupt but now is as good a time as any to profess my love for hot Asian girls....

As the Asian is crawling across the seat she asks:

Do you take credit cards?

Jesus H Christ, don't people carry cash anymore in Vegas? I cant say I've ever seen someone put a black AMEX on the pass line before.

They are now both in the cab, doors are shut and I haven't moved the cab an inch.

No...We don't take credit, cash only. Perhaps you should run inside and use the ATM and then you can grab another cab.

that's ok, I have cash, can you take us to the Gold Coast?

It was obvious she didn't want to wait in that line again.

You have cash?


...well, can you show me some of it?


The cash. You're going to have to show me at least 10 bucks before I'm taking you anywhere.

I'm offended by that. I don't have to show you anything.

Actually you do, or you can protect your precious ego back in the cab line if you'd like. It's your call.

Blondy jumps in:
You're an asshole


Now there is another cab behind me, laying on his horn, because he wants to pick up too. But he cant until I move.

I don't see what the big deal is. Cabs in LA accept credit.

Really? I'll make you a deal then. You give me a thousand dollar deposit and I'll take you to LA. I'm sure you could find a cabbie there that would be more than happy to take you to the Gold Coast.

Three or four cabs honking at me now in addition to the looks I'm getting from the door guy and people in line.

What the fuck is your problem?

I believe I've already answered that question.

Apparently it took them this long to discover that I wasn't kidding and she grabs a twenty and holds it up.
Look,I have cash just take us to the Gold Coast ok?

See...that wasn't so hard was it?

Very well, seatbelts please.

And we pull away.

I'd given up any hope for any meaningful dialog with the ladies after that exchange so I shut up and just focused on their conversation.

It started out about how they should get my cab number and call my company to complain. ....Always one of my favs. Like they'd give a shit. It's their money I'm trying to collect. Then about how its ridiculous that we cant take credit cards. Then about how the cabbies in LA are so much cooler than cabbies in Vegas. Then blondy gets a cell phone call and she goes on to tell whoever that was about how big of an ass I am.

...yeah we're in a cab on the way there...our driver is a real asshole, hopefully he doesn't take us out in the desert and kill us

...The Asian girl laughs at that comment.

We're on Flamingo WB now approaching I-15.

blonde's phone call is complete and their conversation goes back to me....

hey remember the cabbie we had earlier today?

yeah, that guy was cool.

yeah, that's just what I was gonna say. I cant say much for this fuck though....

It was fun while it lasted but I'd had enough.

Do you have something to say to me? Because I'm right here.

No, I think we've established that we're through talking to you.

I hit the brakes harder than I needed to, pulled over and turned on my four-ways.

You know what? You're right! You are through talking to me and now you can get the fuck out of my cab.

Asian: (not wanting to be ditched on a freeway overpass with six lanes of traffic in skirts and heels)
Look, we're sorry. Don't listen to her. I know you're just doing your job.

(Insert buzzer sound from Family Feud) Sorry missy, the "sorry" ship has sailed and you weren't on it.

There is a line of cars stuck behind me now, all of which are honking. How ironic.

I turned around and looked them both in the eye.

Remove yourselves from my cab or I will do it for you.

It was obvious I wasn't kidding so they obliged. But not before blondy could add some nice parting words.

So that ride cost me 7 bucks, but it might have been worth it just to see them walk away. Damn that Asian girl had a nice ass.


Bushman said...

Nice column. LOVE it when the pretty people get taken down a peg or 2.

I have a question regarding the club passes you talked about in a previous column (not sure if this is the right place to ask, so my apologies).

When we get to Vegas next month, I'll receive 2 free passes for Tao at Venetian. My wife and I aren't into that scene at all, but were wondering if we could exchange them w/ cabbies for cabfare? Is that done very often? Frowned on? Insulting?

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks, and keep up the great stories on the blog!

MrFunkMD said...

Cabbies get those passes for free, so there is no way any of them would accept those as payment.

It's not insulting but considering the above its not practical.

You wouldnt need the passes but I would suggest going to TAO for dinner, kick-ass Asian fusion.

Youthquake said...

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!