Wednesday, August 02, 2006


I loaded the back door at MB. As I'm pulling up to the pickup spot I see a super fine brunette. Skin tight black pants, high heels and a sliver V cut blouse whose apex was near the belt. Her fake boobs were hanging out already. I guess they make this double stick tape that chicks can use for that shit. Thankfully, this one hadn't heard about it yet. Before I even came to a stop I could see that she was crying.

She gets in and gives a address in Henderson.

are you ok?

(still crying)
I am now

Do you want to talk about it?

And she did.

She had drove into town tonight from LA to visit her BF. They had gone out to the club. At one point he had to go to the bathroom and while she was kickin it at the bar some other guy came up to her. By the time BF got back they were still talking and dude went nuts and pulled out the insanely jealous and retarded cards out at the same time. The ensuing scuffle ending up with this chick in my cab crying by herself going back to his house to get her car.

There have only been a few crying girls in my cab and I must say each time they were all fairly talkative about their issues when implored. Perhaps a strangers ear is best for these types of things. Plus, I've been told I'm good at that anyway. It's not entirely a selfless act though. The drama and the tits are entertaining usually.

Along the way she asks if we can stop at a gas station so she could use the ATM. Usually that would piss me off but boozed hot boob flashing chicks get a free pass in my book, unless they're puking. She was quick in the store and I was looking at my mapbook as she got back in. The first thing out of her mouth was how she just discovered that she left her cellphone at the nightclub.

what's the number? I'll call it and see if someone picked it up.

She told me and I tried it a few times along the way to the house. No answer. I got out and got the door for her and she gave me a hug. Not one of those ass-out hugs, this was an ass-in hug. Then she started crying again. She tipped me well and got in her car and drove off as I was filling out my trip sheet.

5 hours later, my phone rings, unknown number.

Hello this is Andrew

Who the fuck is this?

....This is Andrew

I had already put it together who I was speaking to.

...this must be that jerkoff Mike from Rum Jungle? We were talking and Karen informed me that she forgot her phone at the club so I called it to see if somebody picked it up.

wait, you were with her?

Yeah for a while


Don't worry about me, I'm fine.


Then that line from Goodfellas came to mind and my variation seemed appropriate...

Listen up douchebag because I'm only going to tell you this once...You might know who I am, but I know who you are...and where you live. If anybody is going to be ending shit, it's gonne be me.

Now while I was mid-sentence with this one it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps as much fun as I was having this wasn't such a good idea. I thought I might be setting up our damsel in distress for a beatdown. This asshole seemed just dumb and insecure enough to do something like that. So after he was done yelling at me some more I calmly told him that I was fucking with him and explained what really happened. Then I told him that she was most likely on her way back to LA, or at least that's what she told me she was doing. Also that obviously he wouldn't be able to get a hold of her because of the phone issue. He didn't believe me that I as a (the) cabbie at first so I gave him my TA permit number,name and the TA number to call to verify it. All in a attempt to prevent this girl from getting beat up. I'm sure he didn't call, but he bought the story I think.

I'm sure my passengers at the time thought I was a raving lunatic.


Anonymous said...

I hope that Karen turns out to be OK and she dumps his stupid ass--glad you gave it to that douchebag!
JJ in NC

Anonymous said...

Great story again...Thanks


Bushman said...

I'll be in town Sunday for 8 days. Any chance we'd be able to request that you be our driver once or twice? My wife's hot, by the way, if that helps any. :)


MrFunkMD said...

Absolutely...but only because you have a hot wife.

Send me an email.

DNA024 said...

Some more great stories. Would expect nothing less from you though.