Tuesday, March 20, 2007

XXX

I loaded a single at MGM. A clean cut white guy, mid 30's, dressed up in a very nice looking however oddly green colored suit. His bottom jacket button was undone, he had the matching belt and shoes and a watch that is probably worth more than your car to complete the ensemble. You didn't have to know anything about suits to know that this was a expensive suit. I can say that because I don't know anything about suits. He got in the backseat and gave me the destination:

Las Vegas Lounge please.


Perhaps some of you are familiar with this establishment and those of you might be laughing already. For those that are not, allow me to explain....

Located in Commercial Center, the LVL is the standard in Las Vegas as far as the transvestite, trans-sexual, trans-gendered, trans-fat, trans-??? hangouts are concerned. In the past when I have dropped off or picked up there I have struggled to find the appropriate pronoun to use in addressing my passenger(s). I've since figured that you should address these types of people according to how they are trying to be perceived. In other words, a dude who is trying to dress up and look like a girl, is "girlfriend" or "honey". On the other hand, a chick who's trying to go Adams apple is "sir" or my personal favorite, "bro". Either way, to call the crowd that regulars at this place interesting or diverse wouldn't do them justice.

So needless to say I have never dropped or picked a passenger at this establishment that fits Mr. Suits mold. Obviously. "Fish out of water" wouldn't even begin to describe Mr. Suit perusing this bar. So shortly after we departed the MGM the thought crossed my mind that perhaps this guy is mistaken. Perhaps I should give him the low-down on the joint because there is no way Mr. Suit is into this scene. Right? But then again, he asked for this place by name! He knows what's up....he has to.

Along the way I'm going back and forth in my mind as to whether I should give this guy a heads up or not. Obviously if that is the sort of thing he is looking for, you risk offending and embarrassing the guy by bringing it up like that. On the other hand if you say nothing, you risk inserting a perfectly straight guy into pretty much the worst place imaginable for him.

It's worth noting that ultimately, I care not what your deal is. I'm a firm believer in the "live and let live" philosophy and just as long as your program isn't fucking up mine, I seriously don't care what it is that you are or are not into. I'm not going to judge you either. Whatever your thing is...if it makes you happy, then right the fuck on.

Shortly before clearing I finally made my decision.

This is a grown man, he knows perfectly well where he's going. On the off chance that he doesn't I'm sure he can survive the situation. So I decided to say nothing, however I did hand him my card as he stepped out of the cab.

Hey if you need a ride back you can give me a call if you want.


Ok, thanks











My phone rang 3 minutes later.

Hey this is the guy you just dropped off at the Las Vegas Lounge, are you still in the neighborhood?


Yeah, what's up?


Can you come back and get me?


No problem, I'm just around the block I'll be there in a minute.



I was there again in no time, he got back in and asked to return to the MGM. I couldn't help myself anymore.

Not what you where looking for?


You knew about that place?


I know about every place.


Well why didn't you say anything? Do I look like the kinda guy who is into that?


No Sir, you don't. But, that's none of my business my friend. Besides, that's why I gave you my number. Do you think I give every straight looking dude that's into male lesbians my card?


I'm going to kill that fucking guy.


Who


A friend of mine back home....We were having a conversation about the best place to find hookers in Vegas a while back and he told me about that place. We play pranks and do stuff like this to each other all the time.


Fitting that a man wearing a suit that color has a friend like that.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Another great tale - I always enjoy your stories, they are occassional enough to be a treat, and always different. Keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

Your thoughtfulness and tact belie the cabby stereotype. Hope Mr. Suit gave you a great tip. You earned it!

Pharyjane said...

Perfect ending, lmao!
Once again you don't disappoint

Anonymous said...

What was your tip??

Anonymous said...

Thanks again for taking the time to write. Funny shit as always!

Lew

John said...

Like meting a Ladyboy in Thailand.
Imagine when things start to get better and you drop the hand to find your girlfriend has a bigger penis than you have.

Anonymous said...

Hey Cabbie,
Get ready for a couple more trips.
I've got a couple buddies who are in for a surprise!

Lawrence said...

You never fail to disappoint in your tales. You really should look for a publisher! Keep em coming...

Anonymous said...

Another great tale!

PTg0ldfish said...

Great story, I really did LOL at the end.

DNA024 said...

Your stories are always funny as hell. I couldn't stop laughing.

MrFunkMD said...

DNA!!! What's up dude?

Brief research confirmed my suspicions that you were indeed the very first fan of the LVCC. Glad you're still reading.

I feel very close to you right now.