Wednesday, February 01, 2006


--Picked up a chick at the Paris early morning hours, town was dead. She got in the cab wearing a short mini skirt and a blouse that enabled me to see everything. She was crying her eyes out and extremely upset. This girl was smoking too. I usually dont have a thing for Mexican broads but this girl was bangin. Having the keen sense of awareness that I do, I quickly became the "shoulder to cry on". After some urging she explains that her boyfriend had hit her and she was leaving him. She then explained that the cops & hotel security arrived and tried to settle the dispute, at which time the guy says that he "doesnt want that bitch in his life anymore" and wants all the clothes back that he bought her. So she takes all of the clothes out of her suitecase and threw them on the bed (when I found her she had no luggage) Then she tells me that the boyfriend wanted the clothes that she was wearing because he bought those too. She refused. The cops sensing the chance to see some T & A told her that if he bought the clothes she had to give them back, they then told her she had to undress in front of all of them. She couldnt go in the bathroom becuase they didnt know what she might do in there. Which was most likely why she was freaking when I found her. I couldnt help but think, damn thats hot. Fucked up, but still hot. That sounds like some kinda porno beginning. Its worth noting that the boyfriend called her a few times during the ride and I heard some rather interesting screaming in spanish. Upon arriving at Harrahs she handed me 6 ones for a 5 +change ride. I enjoyed watching her walk away though.

--Picked a guy up at the port was taking him to Rainbow & Wigwam. I figured him for a local but it turns out that he is a home theater installer pro from LA who's in town to fix Penn's (from Penn & Teller) home theatre system. So I got to see Penn' house. Big, but looked more like a office building than a house. Really wierd looking actually. Also, take a guess what kinda car that guy drives? Keep in mind he's a half looney 6'5" person......Guy drives a Hot pink Mini. He has two of them actually, a backup for when one is in the shop I guess. Teller on the other hand, has the Co. limo pick him up.

--Was leaving the Mirage last week...tons of people walking by on the crosswalks and what not, usual for the strip, then I see Randy Johnson walking in the crowd. The big unit! Nobody is even realizing who they're walking next to. This guy is a first ballot HOF for sure. He looked right at me as he crossed in front of my cab as I was sitting at the light and I didnt say anything b/c im not the type. But I always think it's cool to see someone that is great.

--Picked up a family at the MGM a few weeks ago, they needed to go to the Washington Mutual bank a couple miles down on Tropicana and Eastern. I shoulda known right then.

Anyway we're halfway there and the Dad tells me that he doesnt have the money for the fair but thats why they're going to the bank and if I wait for him at the bank he will pay me and then take them back to MGM. I agreed (rolling my eyes) and I informed him that I was leaving the meter on while he was inside, and that the family needed to stay in the car. We get there and he's in there for what seemed like forever and he comes back out and tells me that his account is overdrawn and he cant get any cash. (meter read $13 something at that point) So Im thinking "great here we go" I told them:

Fine, Ill take your ring, your watch, and all the jewels that your wife has on

Guy had a nice looking Marine WWII ring, a ok looking watch, and his wife had a bunch of stuff on that looked like mostly costum stuff.

......So he about flips out when I say this and he's this big black dude thats almost as big as me. So I explain that he can 1) give me the $13, 2) give me all the jewels, or 3) I can call the cops at which point somebody is getting arrested. Now he's really flipping out and he storms back into the bank. At which point I turn around and told the wife to give me all of her jewels, she oblidged b/c she was scared at this point and she knew I wasnt fucking around, she also mentioned that there was:

there's no way you're getting his miltary ring

How much you wanna bet?

....Waiting a little bit longer I locked my car up, (with the family still in it) and walked into the bank, raised my voice and said:


Everybody in the bank was looking at him wondering what the fuck was going on making me laugh. After he came outside I told him to give me his watch and his ring.

Do you really want to go to jail right now here in front of your wife and kid?

Still pissed he too realized that I wasnt kidding around so he oblidged as well and I let the family out and left them there. Thankfully I was close to the port and was picking up in no time. Back to work.


Anonymous said...

what is the port?

Anonymous said...

Nothing like a lowlife cabbie bragging about disrespecting a war hero.

MrFunkMD said...

..wait this is the part where you tell me that wanting to get paid for my work is a bad thing. Right?

D-bag you are sir.

Anonymous said...

dude... i know you want to get paid. But taking a guy's war ring, take everything else but that.

AK Dan said...

I'm with you 99% of the time Funk, but that was more than a little fucked up.

You should've just asked his wife for a blowjob.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you totally didn't need to take everything from that family. I'm sorry you didn't get paid, but you were a dick about it.

Anonymous said...

I lost a lot of respect for you with this entry. The lack of concern for the woman who was violated by her boyfriend AND the police, and the way you treated that family.

Yes, you should get paid, and the guy was wrong, but to take everything? I don't know, it just doesn't seem right.

Anonymous said...


Bonnie Butler said...

Doing my annual re read of posts. The chick Paris story is the only thing that ever made me doubt all your stories were true. And if it were true almost made me feel like u participated in the sexual assault?