Monday, January 29, 2007


It was 6:38pm and I loaded at Treasure Island. A single black female. Mid twenties, skin tight belly shirt, skin tight jeans cutoff at the calves and big red high heels. Attractive but not all that. Clearly a working girl. People ask this question all the time and every time I'm baffled..."How can you tell if a girl is working or not?" I always thought it was obvious, but for those who can't figure it out I'll lay it out for them.

There are a few things you can look for and if you spot one or two of them there is a pretty good chance she's working. If you can spot all three it's a mathematical certainty.

First and foremost: Is she by herself? That's a dead giveaway in my opinion. Sometimes they travel in two's but not very often. How many good looking girls do you know that hang out in public places by themselves? I don't know any.

Secondly, the outfit. Duh. Anything that's skin tight up top and either a skirt or skin tight pants on the bottom, and always high heels. That's a must.

Thirdly. If she approaches you. Any real guy knows that hot girls don't just come up and start talking to you. That's the deal closer.

So our girl is working. It's obvious.

She got in and asked:

How you doing tonight?

Can't complain thanks, you?

It's been a long night...I'm still out from last night. I'm sure my pimp is wondering where the fuck I'm at.

Nice. Generally, candid hookers make for interesting rides.

What??? You're still out from last night? You trying to pull a 24hr shift or some bullshit?

No, It just worked out like that.

Dang...Well where you going?

Take me to the Flamingo.

Sure thing

I made the right turn onto the strip and immediately got in the turn lane for the Venetian to get off the strip and go straight down the alley behind Harrah's, IP and then into Flamingo's main entrance. Like I've done it a thousand times.

Whoa whoa whoa...Where you going, I said Flamingo.

I know.

Yes, thank you. You just told me that 10 seconds ago and I know this is probably going to shock you and all..But I remember that. Furthermore I actually know where the Flamingo is. It wasn't even that necessarily but I was already annoyed for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that my night had been going really shitty up until that point. Maybe it was the fact that I just had a bad feeling about this one for some reason. Maybe it was just me.

After the light turned and we're in Venetian's driveway she says:

Lemme use your phone.

Excuse me?

Let me see your phone, I'll see if I can get you a better ride.

Ok fine, I handed her my phone, don't know why I did. She was incredibly rude about it. Soon thereafter I could clearly overhear pissed off pimp on the other end wanting to know where his ho was with his money. They got into a shouting match that ended with her hanging up as we cleared the security station.

Ok, I need to go to 95 & Durango in Southern Highlands


I'm not going to the Flamingo anymore I need to go to 95 and Centennial in Southern Highlands

Ok, first of all you just told me two different places and second, you think 95 and wherever it is you need to be is in Southern Highlands?

It's 95 and Durango

I knew then that this ride was over. This might not seem like a problem to some. Others might even be lured by the good ride. Not me. I mean, I'm not scared or anything. I'm not even worried about the money. She's been working all night, I know she's got cash. It's just that experience told me that this one was gonna end up being a big fucking headache. One that I most certainly didn't feel like dealing with way out there. So I quickly calculated the best course of action and proceeded...

What's the address?

I'm not sure.

You don't know the exact address?


So you really have no clue where it is you need to go then?

I told you, 95 & Durango.

That's true you did tell me that, you also told me three other places.

Just pull up here(at the Venetian), I want to try and get a town car.

I pulled up to the front door close to where all the limo drivers hang out.

Ok, it's $5.20

I'm not getting out yet.

Yeah you are.

If I can't get a town car I'm going to ride with you.

No you're not.

What the fuck you talking bout?

I'm talking bout the fact that this ride has been completed. I'm not taking you to 95 & Durango in Southern Highlands. I'm not taking you to the Flamingo either. I'm taking you to the Venetian, right here in fact. And it's $5.20

Fuck you I ain't doing that. I'm in your cab. You're taking me where I want to go.

You can't even tell me the address!

It's 5555 Sycamore Ave.

Oh well that's interesting isn't it? Now all of a sudden you know exactly where you need to go?

Not that it wasn't done before but this ride is definitely over now. The fact that she played dumb and then was able to give me an exact address minutes later seemed like a big red flag waiving in the air. I wasn't sure what to make of it exactly but it didn't matter.

Look, all you have to do, is go get another cab, right over there.

I pointed to where the cab line was. There is always a line at the Venetian.

I'm not waiting in that line.

Yes because, obviously someone of your stature is very much above waiting in line.

Before she could say anything a Valet knocked on my window. I already knew what he wanted. He wants me to move because I'm blocking a whole lane of thru traffic. Before either of us could say anything my passenger has her window down and asks the valet to see about getting her a sedan. She did a worse job of explaining her destination to him than she did to me making me laugh. Interestingly, she didn't want to tell him the exact address either. The valet went to see about a sedan and she dropped a five on the arm rest.

Didn't see that coming.

Ok, see you later.

I told you I'm waiting for a sedan.

Are you going to remove yourself from my cab or am I going to have to do it for you?


Fuck me. Elsewhere you might be able to handle this problem on your own but I'm right in the middle of the Venatian's main entrance.

I maintained composure.

Again, all you have to do is get another cab. No big deal. You can get one right over there.

Fuck you.

The valet returned with an offer of $60 for a sedan to NW Vegas and she replied:

What? I usually pay twenty!

I laughed out loud again. Yeah right, you usually take a sedan home. That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. And you just proved you're full of shit with the $20 remark. The cab would cost twice that much. The valet walked away. He knew he was wasting his time as much as I did.

Ok, take me to 95 & Durango.

I believe we've covered this already.

What the fuck is your problem cracka ass?

You really want me to answer that?

Man, you're a son of a bitch. I'm calling the fucking cops man you can't treat me like this.

You want to call the cops?

Cracka I ain't got any warrants.

Further proof of how smart our girl isn't. When the cops show up what is the first thing they are going to do?.... Anybody? Class?.....Bueller? The first thing the cops are going to do is pull me aside and get my story. Then they are going to pull her aside and get hers. This is what they do. Therefore the "story" is crucial. I loved mine already....."Yes officer, I loader her across the street at Ti and she gave a destination of the Flamingo (hands over trip sheet). Shortly thereafter she informed me that she was "working" tonight and that her pimp was probably pissed off and wondering where she was so she asked if she could borrow my phone. I allowed her to and she called him at which point they began shouting at each other....Here is the number she called if you need it (shows the phone). After the phone conversation ended she gave me a new destination of 95 & Durango in Southern Highlands. Which obviously doesn't make sense. I asked again and she told me 95 & Centennial in SH. Then she re-corrected and said 95 & Durango. I asked for the exact address and she could not supply one. She then requested that we stop at the Venetian so she could get a town car. At which point I told her that I would not be taking her home either way because she wasn't sure where she was going and I didn't feel like dealing with the pissed off pimp if and when we found the place. She began verbally abusing me and I terminated the ride here. She's refusing to exit the cab. I have it on the camera if you need to see it"

Don't have. I don't have any warrants. I think we should call the cops too....I guarantee my story is going to make more sense than yours.

Racist motherfucker what's your cab number?

I'm not a racist actually but at this point I'm just trying to get under her skin so she'll either 1. Exit the cab or 2. Strike me. I was actually hoping for #2.

That information has been made available for you in plain sight.

...I said as I picked up the mic.


258 go.

Two58 requesting TA assistance at the Venetian...I am terminating a ride and the passenger is refusing to exit my cab.

258 that's a copy. Try to get hotel security involved and I'll inform TA. Let me know if anything changes.


Good timing because that conversation occurred as a security guard approached. Valet probably told them.

You want to step out and talk to me for a second?

He said to me. I turned the car off and put the keys in my pocket. We walked a few feet away from the cab and I told the security guard my story. Afterwards, I stood there while he walked over and talked to my passenger. Shortly thereafter she exited the cab. I imagine the security guard did a good job of explaining to her that right or wrong, it was probably in her best interest to leave right now. She finally got out and they walked away still talking about it while I got back in the cab and grabbed the mic.

Two58 you can cancel request TA, everything is fine.

Copy that. Good

I pulled around and got in the back of the staging line. 10 minutes later as I'm loading again I see her and the security guard standing by the main entrance still talking.

Two girls get in.

Can you take us to Flamingo?

Sure thing.

Back to work.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


My phone rang. I recognized the number as a personal of mine. A group of four guys that I had picked up at the port a few nights ago. My contact was Tony. Tony and his crew were smart, tipped me well and asked for my number when I first dropped them off at their motel. They were staying at a small motel off the strip which didn't have a cab stand and on the weekends it gets tough trying to call for a cab sometimes. Like educated Vegas visitors, they played the game correctly. With the clubs paying what they are you'd be an idiot not to offer your number and services to them in the first place anyway. Amazingly, when they called I was loaded and my passenger at the time just so happened to be going to that very motel. I was only a block away. The chances of this happening are impossible to calculate.

I'm right around the corner. I'll be there in two minutes.

Are you serious? That's great thank you.

They walked right past the passenger I had cleared ten seconds ago. Apparently they didn't notice I had just dropped off and went on thinking I am the best cab driver ever. I guess they thought I was just sitting around the corner waiting for their call or something. They actually wouldn't shut up about how "awesome" I was. I wasn't going to say anything to dispel the rumor.

They gave a destination of MGM but:

We need to stop at a ATM somewhere on the way.

No problem

We stopped at the Rebel on Flamingo/Paradise. I pull up next to one of the gas pumps and one of the guys from the backseat got out and walked inside. The other three discussed their previous nights successes and what was in store for this evenings endeavors. I was able to assist them as needed. Out of the corner of my eye I spot the blond by the bus stop. At least 6 ft tall. Tight body, big fake tits, skin tight white belly shirt, skin tight pants and high heels. She had all the signs of a working girl, but something told me she wasn't. She wore two faces. One said, "I'm sad and need a shoulder to cry on" the other said, "I need a cab". I know both of those faces so I raised my voice and asked her:

Do you need a cab?

She nodded as the 4th man returned from the ATM.

I turned, looked at my boys and asked a question I already knew the answer to:

We've got room for one more.... right?

They all agreed. So I addressed the blond again.

Where are you going?

New York-New York.

Perfect. These guys have offered to share their cab with you, they're going right across the street from where you need to go anyway, hop in.

She sat bitch in the front next to me and disclosed her sob story along the way. Apparently her and the boyfriend were at the Hard Rock down the street and had an argument. So she took off walking and had made it about a half of a mile before we found her. She had plans to take the bus back to her hotel. Actually from there she would need to take two busses. Good thing we rescued her because I am of the opinion that really hot girls have no business riding the bus anyway.

The five of us hit it off. Through my facilitation of the conversation and my boys' game she was laughing and happy with the rest of us by time we pulled into the MGM driveway.

I said to blondy:

Lemme drop these guys off first then we'll run you across the street.

Actually, if it's ok I think I'm going to get out here and hang out with these guys for a while if they don't care.

Why would that not be OK? I'm sure these guys would love to show you a good time,and I can vouch for them. They are good guys have fun.

Tony said:
Hell yeah we're good people...

So my 4 pack plus 1 turned 5 pack exited my cab at the MGM. I figured I would hear from them in a few hours or so with whatever was on tap next for the evening.

My phone rang showing Tony's number less than an hour later.

Hey what's up? Everything ok? You guys aren't ready to be picked up are you?

No man, we're good. I was just calling to let you know that Scott and I just got done tag-teaming that chick.


Yeah man, couldn't believe it. Not five minutes after we walked into the MGM she pulled me aside and said to grab one of my friends so the three of us could go back to her room at NYNY. much?

Nothing, nada

Nah uh...

Yeah man. That girl is a freak.

I guess so. Well right the fuck on dude. I'm happy right now.

That's not all.


She's trying to get a hold of one of her friends that she thinks is going to like my boys(the other two guys)

Now I know you're full of shit

No man, no anyway I just wanted to call and tell you that you are without a doubt the coolest fucking cab driver on the planet.

I had always kind of suspected it actually, but that shit is confirmed now.