XX

The Venetian was packed with at least a 100 people in line and no cabs in site. I pulled in empty so I drove right up to the loading area. The doorman, opens the door and two girls get in. The first a really hot Asian girl and then a equally smoking blond followed her into the backseat. They give a destination of the Gold Coast.

Not to interrupt but now is as good a time as any to profess my love for hot Asian girls....

As the Asian is crawling across the seat she asks:

Do you take credit cards?

Jesus H Christ, don't people carry cash anymore in Vegas? I cant say I've ever seen someone put a black AMEX on the pass line before.

They are now both in the cab, doors are shut and I haven't moved the cab an inch.

No...We don't take credit, cash only. Perhaps you should run inside and use the ATM and then you can grab another cab.

that's ok, I have cash, can you take us to the Gold Coast?

It was obvious she didn't want to wait in that line again.

You have cash?

yeah

...well, can you show me some of it?

what?

The cash. You're going to have to show me at least 10 bucks before I'm taking you anywhere.

I'm offended by that. I don't have to show you anything.

Actually you do, or you can protect your precious ego back in the cab line if you'd like. It's your call.

Blondy jumps in:

You're an asshole

You're right, I am. ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE WHO ARE WASTING MY FUCKING TIME!

Now there is another cab behind me, laying on his horn, because he wants to pick up too. But he cant until I move.

Blondy:

I don't see what the big deal is. Cabs in LA accept credit.

Really? I'll make you a deal then. You give me a thousand dollar deposit and I'll take you to LA. I'm sure you could find a cabbie there that would be more than happy to take you to the Gold Coast.

Three or four cabs honking at me now in addition to the looks I'm getting from the door guy and people in line.

Blondy:

What the fuck is your problem?

I believe I've already answered that question.

Apparently it took them this long to discover that I wasn't kidding and she grabs a twenty and holds it up.

Look,I have cash just take us to the Gold Coast ok?

See...that wasn't so hard was it?

Very well, seatbelts please.

And we pull away.

I'd given up any hope for any meaningful dialog with the ladies after that exchange so I shut up and just focused on their conversation.

It started out about how they should get my cab number and call my company to complain. ....Always one of my favs. Like they'd give a shit. It's their money I'm trying to collect. Then about how its ridiculous that we cant take credit cards. Then about how the cabbies in LA are so much cooler than cabbies in Vegas. Then blondy gets a cell phone call and she goes on to tell whoever that was about how big of an ass I am.

...yeah we're in a cab on the way there...our driver is a real asshole, hopefully he doesn't take us out in the desert and kill us

...The Asian girl laughs at that comment.

We're on Flamingo WB now approaching I-15.

blonde's phone call is complete and their conversation goes back to me....

Blondy:

hey remember the cabbie we had earlier today?

Asian:

yeah, that guy was cool.

yeah, that's just what I was gonna say. I cant say much for this fuck though....

It was fun while it lasted but I'd had enough.

Do you have something to say to me? Because I'm right here.

Blondy:

No, I think we've established that we're through talking to you.

I hit the brakes harder than I needed to, pulled over and turned on my four-ways.

You know what? You're right! You are through talking to me and now you can get the fuck out of my cab.

Asian: (not wanting to be ditched on a freeway overpass with six lanes of traffic in skirts and heels)

Look, we're sorry. Don't listen to her. I know you're just doing your job.

(Insert buzzer sound from Family Feud) Sorry missy, the "sorry" ship has sailed and you weren't on it.

There is a line of cars stuck behind me now, all of which are honking. How ironic.

I turned around and looked them both in the eye.

Remove yourselves from my cab or I will do it for you.

It was obvious I wasn't kidding so they obliged. But not before blondy could add some nice parting words.

So that ride cost me 7 bucks, but it might have been worth it just to see them walk away. Damn that Asian girl had a nice ass.

Today I was instrumental in apprehending a robbery suspect

I was on the west side of town mid-shift, out of gas and hungry.

I went down to this gas station that I know to get some petro and some take-out cheeseburgers that they have there that are the fuck.

I walked in placed my order, and gave the guy 2 20's to prepay for some gas. I walk back out to the pumps and begin fueling. I only got to 4 bucks...What is that a half a gallon these days?.....When a guy comes running out of the bar next door.....

WHERE DID HE GO? DID YOU SEE SOMEBODY JUST RUN OUT OF HERE??? WHICH WAY DID HE GO?

I donno man. I just got here(pointed at the small gas amount)I didn't see anybody

HOW DID YOU NOT SEE HIM, HE JUST RAN OUT OF HERE A SECOND AGO?

I'm tellin ya, I didn't see anybody running any....

I got mid-sentence and then I seen a Chevy pickup pull out from behind the building....I pointed at him.

Is that the guy?

As soon as I pointed at the guy, he peeled out of the lot like a bat out of hell......I had already gathered that this was the bartender I was talking to and I figured he just got robbed or something.


Now if jerkoff in the Chevy had just left the scene quietly he might have gotten away with it, but considering running is a surefire sign of guilt, I took off on foot to try and get the plate #. I run out into the street to get behind him as he was running a red light. I was able to get the plate number in time.

I run back to the cab and write the number down along w/ description.

I guess they had already called the cops because no sooner than I had the info to paper metro cruises by and we're waiving him in. Not knowing the difference he pulled right up to me...

Officer, suspect is in a late 90's Chevy pick-up 2500 or 3500. Two tone, Light brown/dark brown. Plate #XXX-XXX. Last seen heading EB on Westcliff about 2 minutes ago.

The officer got right on the radio with info...Which was quality info if I do say so myself. Cabbie training I guess.

Officer:

description of the suspect?

I didn't get a good look at the guy. He was white, mid 30's...I'm sure these guys can give you a better description, they're the bartenders

Who are you?

I'm just a guy pumping gas..trying to help out

The cop was pissed about that for some reason. (that I wasn't the guy who got robbed) Like that invalidated all the info I just gave him.

No sooner than cop debriefs the two bartenders, coppers radio lights up and he goes on to explain that they caught the guy.

Right the fuck on.

A while later after filling out witness reports and other BS more metros show up, one of which has the guy in the backseat. The wanted us to ID the guy. I refused, b/c I didn't get a good enough look at the guy himself. But I said I could positively ID the truck if needbe. didn't matter, the bartenders both ID'd the guy, and they had the whole thing on tape anyway.

Looks like I might have to show up in court though.

Cheeseburgers were good as usual, albeit cold.

Saturday Night Forum (shops)

Saturday is the money night for a cabbie in Vegas. I would imagine it's the money night for cabbies most anywhere. I don't care who you are. If you actually put in a good days work on a Saturday night shift you will walk home with $200. That's a given. If you're any good at all that should get you close to $300. Saturdays are also good because it's your best night to make true side monies. If you're good enough to work some magic your nights take could soar well over $300.

So this should tell you that Saturday's are very B-U-S-Y. You'll average 3 rides an hour no problem. Hopefully 4. Now some people tell me that doesn't sound like a lot. But, if you think about it, at 3 rides/hr: That gives you 20min/ride. All factors included (there are to many to list) that is not a lot of time. For reference, last Saturday I had 50 rides.

One of those 50 was actually the reason for me posting today so I'll get to it.

----------------------


I was clearing at the Forum shops downstairs @ Caesars to find about 10 or so people all trying to flag me after my passengers got out. This is what makes Saturdays great. You can do drop and picks like they are going out of style. I loaded a white lady mid 30's, blue sweater, blue jeans. Carrying two fistfulls of bags. More than one person should reasonably carry. I pop the trunk, hop out and grab a couple of them from her.

Here, lets put these in the trunk.

That's ok, lets put them in the backseat

Fine. So I helped her put the bags in and off we go.

She gives a destination of Mandalay bay. Im just pulling out of the tunnel at Caesars, maybe 100 yards. She asks:

Do you take credit cards?

Fuck me. I hate this shit. Don't you think that might have been a good question to ask... I don't know, maybe before I helped you put all your crap in the cab and turned the meter on? You're inconsiderate or you're stupid. Either way I don't like you.

Not a single cab in Las Vegas can accept Credit Cards. Cash only (and some airline vouchers). So there is that problem which comes up often but more importantly I now have a lady in the cab with no fucking money.

No I cant take credit. I take it you don't have any cash?

Fumbles through her purse:

I have 3 bucks

I look at the meter: $3.45

(lady)

Is there a Wells Fargo near MB?

Im pissed. This lady is gonna cost me a half an hour, at least. I know it. As we've covered, a Saturday night is the night you don't want to be dealing with shit like this. Fuck, on a slow day you'd be in the phonebook finding the farthest Wells Fargo possible. But on a Saturday, it's all about time. Nickel and dime it all night. Small rides and a lot of them. Get 50 rides. That's 50 opportunities to get a tip.

So the last thing I want to do is drive off the strip to a bank. Its absurd, I know.

So the only other option is to wait at the door of MB while she runs inside. This option sucks too but I went with this because I had the bags for collateral and it seemed like it would be the most time efficient.

I'll just wait for you to run inside at MB.

At this point we were just leaving Caesars turning onto SB Frank Sinatra and I wouldn't say another word to her the rest of the ride. She could tell prior to that I was mad so I saw no point in making small talk now. She didn't say another word either.

We pull up to the back door at MB. I told her exactly where to find the ATM from the door I was dropping her at and also that the bags would be staying with me. As she's getting out:

What's your name?

What's my name?

Obvioulsy she thinks now that I'm gonna take off with her bags. Or something.

Listen lady I don't what your nasty ass threads ok? I just want my $8.70 plus tip. And perhaps you didn't notice that my first name is posted in plain site in the cab. Along with my last name, and a host full of other pieces of information that might become useful to you in a time like this. But you're to busy not getting into Mensa.

She walks inside and I look at the clock: 7:22.

At this exact moment a shitton of people start walking out of the MB. Amazing. So as I'm sitting here, cab after cab after cab is driving by me and loading. I knew that was gonna happen. I start hoping that this lady will return soon and that she gives me 20 bucks for my troubles. I don't think a $11 tip is out of the question in this situation. After all, your costing me money right now and that's fucked up.

7:33 she returns. Nice. 11 minutes, I got off easy.

She walked right up to my window while flipping through a stack of twenties and hands me 3 of them, then opens the back door and starts grabbing her bags.

Do you want help with those!

No I got it

She gets all the bags, two fistfulls, and then winks at me as she's walking away.

It's confirmed. I suck.

At least there was another ride waiting for me. Back to work.

I picked up a drunk guy at Caesars last night

He got in the cab.

Can you take me to Caesars?

I laughed out loud for about a minute.

I'm glad you think that's funny...can you take me to Caesars now?

At this point I'm sure some drivers would say ok, and then proceed to drive around town, run his meter up and then bring him back. But that's just not my style, and besides this was to much fun.

well?

I'm sorry I don't think I can do that

Why not?

Caesars sucks man. I couldnt in good conscious take you somewhere that sucks.

What the fuck man?

I can take you to the Hard Rock if want, I'm certain you would have fun there.

But all my friends are at Caesars!

Well your friends must suck then if they're hanging out there. You should get some new friends...at the Hard Rock

FUCK YOU! I don't want to get new friends. I want to meet my current friends at Caesars

I guess I figured that if I kept on him, he would eventually figured it out. But he never faltered. It was amazing.

You don't need to yell at me sir. ......I don't know what to tell you. How about Mandalay Bay? That place is cool, I'm sure you could meet some cool people there.

Are you gonna take me to Caesars or not?

No man, we went over this already. I can take you to the Hard Rock or Mandalay Bay though.

Fuck the Hard Rock. Fuck Mandalay Bay. And FUCK YOU TOO!

..and he gets out of my cab. I pull up a little to watch where he went next. He walked up to the next cab and got in the backseat. They sat there for a second then they pulled off, meter on.

Fuck me? I was doing you a favor man.

XIX

I loaded at 16. Clean cut gentleman. Mid 30's dressed in a nice suit.

I've gotta get to the Venetian and Im in a big hurry, Im late for a meeting.

Im in a big hurry too.

My usual response when someone tells me they're in a rush.

So I decided to take the freeway instead of the surface streets. A longer route, albeit a faster one. Now any idiot in town knows that if there is one place in Vegas you don't speed, it's at the airport. I've gotten one ticket in almost 2 years at the helm and it was at the port. I ignored my better judgment in the hopes of being compensated accordingly upon arriving at our destination quickly.

So I'm laying the funk down through the airport tunnel. Going upwards of 90mph in a 55mph zone. Weaving in and out of traffic not using my signals.

Just as I'm about to merge onto I-215west I spot in the rearview a metro, lights on, in my lane at least a couple of football fields behind me.

Decision time: The cop is most likely after you. Who else could he be after? So do you stick around and find out.....or try and lose him?

Just as I'm merging to the right onto the beltway I knew that I would have about 10 seconds were he would lose sight of me.

Hey, I'm sorry man....you're gonna be late for your meeting

What? Why? What are you talking about?

There is a cop barreling down on us right now with his lights on...I'm guessing he's after us...I don't feel like sticking around to find out so we're taking a detour....put your seatbelt on.

Are your serious? (turns around and looks)...holy crap dude you're crazy. ....yeah man lose him.

After all what did he have to lose? Besides that if we did get pulled over he would be even more late to his meeting.

So I gun it picking up speed as we're making the big sweeping right turn to merge onto I-215. Thankfully there is an exit right at the apex of the turn, out of the sight of the cop at this point I jumped off this exit which is a small side street used mostly for people needing to go to the Rental Car agencies right around there.

Fuck me man you are crazy

..coming up to an intersection I'm on the brakes hard to make a right turn onto a street that runs inbetween the two car rental places. I floor it about two blocks up and then make a left into Alamo RAC. I fly past the customer dropoff, cruising through two lanes of parked rental cars. On my left is a group of full size white vans as I'm flying though them I notice that there is an empty spot. So I come to a screeching stop, and back into the empty space. I was driving a explorer that day so the height of my cab with the sign on top and the vans were about perfect. I turned my lights off.

It was like that space had been put there just for me. I notice a lot attendant standing by the office looking right at me. Certainly wondering what the fuck it was I was doing. Just as I looked away from him, my eyes go back to the mirrors just in time to see copper cruise by at a high rate of speed. It was like it was right out of the movies.

He's after us alright....you're right, I am fucking crazy

Whatever man this is AWESOME!

Thinking the cop wouldn't double back. I gave it a 30 count and then got back on the street going the opposite direction of the cop. The way we had come in. Made a right on the side street, then left on Bermuda, left on Warm Springs and then back on the 215WB.

All in all, only costing my passenger a couple of minutes.

Ten minutes later we pull into the Venetian. Guy gives me 50 bucks for a $25 dollar meter.

You're the best cab driver I've ever had man. That was incredible....is there somebody I can call or write a letter to for a commendation?

Thanks, but that's ok. I don't think anybody else needs to know about this.