VI

Left the yard this morning around 4 and went straight to my usual stop, Cheetahs. Waited 3 min. Guy comes out with a hooker friend. They get in and say Ballys. Off we go, dudes drunk as hell, hooker friend is trying to make conversation with this guy making me laugh. We get to Ballys they both get out. I roll my window down.....my boy never comes over to the window so I get out of the car and start walking around. Hooker friend is walking away.

thats 10.70 man

relaxe

dont tell me to relaxe man. 10.70

I have to go inside, the FD owes me money

Here we go.


...Guy starts walking away and I step infront of him and told him to give me his wallet. He threw his wallet at me and walked away. I open it, a bunch of those empty CC sleave things, and AARP membership card. A hotel baggage claim ticket (score). Just then hooker friend walks back over and asks me if I can take her somewhere.

Real fucking funny bitch you owe me 11 bucks

I dont owe you nothing

....you got in my fucking cab didnt you? I brought you here!

so?

...as she walks away. Nicely played on her part.

Decision time: waste an hour or more costing you prolly another 30 bucks or more calling the cops and tracking this fool for the 11 he doesnt have. Or eat it, roll out of there and let the fucker get away with it?


I called the cops. Fuck that guy thats why.

I park the cab by valet and go into Ballys. A stoke of luck I find the guy. I informed hotel security and asked them to keep their eyes on him until the cops arrive. Security guards are the most bored people on the planet. They are always willing to help. Cop shows up and loser starts getting lippy. He's getting way out of line, saying shit that you dont say. The the cop puts his gloves on.......Note to loser: when Cop puts his gloves on, that means shut the fuck up man. He doesnt want to get any blood on his hands. The whole time the guy is begging the cop to arrest him...

I could use a couple of free meals.

So cop comes up....and is asking me what I want to do. He explained that he can arrest him, (and the guy had no ID which means he's JD which means he'll be in for at least 3 days proly 5-7. They wont release him until they can positvely ID him), he could write loser a ticket and let him go, or just let him go. I told the officer it was really his call and apoligized for wasting his time for a meger situation. That said:

arrest him, thats the only way he's gonna learn. besides he's just gonna get in another cab, rip that guy off and you're gonna have to deal with it again. Also fuck him, thats why.

Cuffs are on, we're outside filling out reports and as soon as loser finds out he's going in for a week he starts changing his story saying we can call his wife in CT. and she can wire money for payment. Cop looks at me.....

Sure man, I just want to get paid.

We go upstairs to the security room and the cop calls the wife and lets her know whats up...hey we're gonna arrest your hubby if you dont send some cash. The wife wants to talk to loser, the cop holds the phone (dude still in cuffs), im standing right there......



Loser (word for word)

Honey, you wouldnt believe the story. I was at Caesars with this hooker. And she was hot. And now I dont have any money.

I couldnt contain myself I was geekin so hard and the cop was fucking rolling too. Loser, your calling your wife because she needs to send you 20 bucks or else your going in for a week, not to mention the 15 hundy or so in fees your gonna have to pay and the first thing out of your mouth is "honey I got a hooker and she was hot"? And you couldnt have just said hooker, you had to throw in the HOT? I have to give you big points for style though. Have fun in county bro.

V

Picked up this lady at the convention center, going to the airport. She had these two big ass elongated boxes that took me forever to get both of them to fit in the trunk....She said she was late getting to airport. Arent they all? So I layed the funk down all the way to 16 hoping to be compensated accordingly on the backend...she talked on her cell the whole time.....


...We pull up to her gate and she asks if I can change a hundy (which always pisses me off), then she tells me that the boxes are to big for her to take on the plane and she said I could have them if I wanted them. so I said "whats in um" ....turns out she's in town for some home design show or some bullshit and these boxes are a "wall sculptures" she then said they retail for 800-1000.

Whatever lady, Im not ditching your trash for you

After all Im at the airport, whomever I pickup next is gonna have luggage and my trunk is packed full.

Then she gives me her card and says that if I dont like them to email her and she would send money to ship it back to her......yeah right. Anyway I decided to take them nonetheless. I was interested to see what they were and was having a good day already anyway so I decided to deadhead all the way across town to my car to ditch the boxes.


I just got home and opened this thing up and they are pretty fucking awesome. I must say and I would also say that it prolly does sell for as much as she said....they're pretty big at ~ 50" wide and 34" tall. They look great on my walls too.

Gotta be the most interesting tip i've gotten. I found pictures of them.

The Cabbie Key

To make my typing go faster I'll use some Cabbie terms from time to time.

port - Airport
T2 - Terminal II
(the)Nut - First cab in line, next for pickup
TA - Taxicab Authority. Governing body for taxis, a division of Metro.
the yard - Home base, company station. Where you pick up and drop off the cab everyday.
Wide - No cabs waiting in line at a stand
Wide and Waiting - No cabs in line, people in line for cabs
Side - Monies received from means other than the meter. i.e. Tips, referral fees, payouts etc.
Friendly - A business that pays you to bring them more business
the Pit - The stand at the port. 14 rows of ~ 15 cabs
Drive thru - When the port is wide and waiting
a Personal - A regular customer.
DT - Downtown
Medallion - a removable 4 X 6 license plate place on left rear 1/4 panel of cab. The TA regulates the number and type of medallions issued. There are a few types of Medallions. Medallions determine where a cab can and cannot legally pick up. Upon loading, a cab can drop off anywhere.
Deadhead - Driving without a passenger(s)
Run out - Passenger who takes off before paying or refuses to pay
Long hauling - Taking a passenger a route other than the most direct one.
A flag - A passenger you picked up off the street as opposed to at a stand.
Loaded - Passenger(s) in the cab
Clear - No passengers in the cab
(a) 97 - A charter

IV

It was about 4 in the morning and I was empty at the Mirage. It was wide so I pulled right up to the stand to find a guy standing there with a piece of luggage. I pop the trunk and get out and before I even got close to this guy I could smell the booz. I put the bag in the trunk and he goes:

Can you take me to the airport, United?

Nowadays I wouldnt have loaded this guy most likely because he was really drunk and Im more afraid of a dude puking in the car than I him pulling a gun in my car, nonetheless I loaded him.

He was passed out in the back before I even got off Mirage' property. Now at this point some drivers might longhaul the guy bigtime but thats not really my style so I took a slow cruise to 16.

As we pull up to the United stand:

Hey man..we're here United........HEY man..we're here UNITED.......WE'RE HERE UNITED!

Nothing, so I get out walk around and open his door and start tapping his shoulder. Next thing you know Im shaking him pretty good before he finally wakes up and looks at me with these half open blood shot eyes and goes:

Can you take me to the airport, United?

Again I probably should said, sure no problem and took a spin around the beltway a few times but I finally got him and his bag out and he gave me a twenty.

I doubt United let him on a plane.

III

--Picked up a chick at the Paris early morning hours, town was dead. She got in the cab wearing a short mini skirt and a blouse that enabled me to see everything. She was crying her eyes out and extremely upset. This girl was smoking too. I usually dont have a thing for Mexican broads but this girl was bangin. Having the keen sense of awareness that I do, I quickly became the "shoulder to cry on". After some urging she explains that her boyfriend had hit her and she was leaving him. She then explained that the cops & hotel security arrived and tried to settle the dispute, at which time the guy says that he "doesnt want that bitch in his life anymore" and wants all the clothes back that he bought her. So she takes all of the clothes out of her suitecase and threw them on the bed (when I found her she had no luggage) Then she tells me that the boyfriend wanted the clothes that she was wearing because he bought those too. She refused. The cops sensing the chance to see some T & A told her that if he bought the clothes she had to give them back, they then told her she had to undress in front of all of them. She couldnt go in the bathroom becuase they didnt know what she might do in there. Which was most likely why she was freaking when I found her. I couldnt help but think, damn thats hot. Fucked up, but still hot. That sounds like some kinda porno beginning. Its worth noting that the boyfriend called her a few times during the ride and I heard some rather interesting screaming in spanish. Upon arriving at Harrahs she handed me 6 ones for a 5 +change ride. I enjoyed watching her walk away though.

--Picked a guy up at the port was taking him to Rainbow & Wigwam. I figured him for a local but it turns out that he is a home theater installer pro from LA who's in town to fix Penn's (from Penn & Teller) home theatre system. So I got to see Penn' house. Big, but looked more like a office building than a house. Really wierd looking actually. Also, take a guess what kinda car that guy drives? Keep in mind he's a half looney 6'5" person......Guy drives a Hot pink Mini. He has two of them actually, a backup for when one is in the shop I guess. Teller on the other hand, has the Co. limo pick him up.

--Was leaving the Mirage last week...tons of people walking by on the crosswalks and what not, usual for the strip, then I see Randy Johnson walking in the crowd. The big unit! Nobody is even realizing who they're walking next to. This guy is a first ballot HOF for sure. He looked right at me as he crossed in front of my cab as I was sitting at the light and I didnt say anything b/c im not the type. But I always think it's cool to see someone that is great.


--Picked up a family at the MGM a few weeks ago, they needed to go to the Washington Mutual bank a couple miles down on Tropicana and Eastern. I shoulda known right then.

Anyway we're halfway there and the Dad tells me that he doesnt have the money for the fair but thats why they're going to the bank and if I wait for him at the bank he will pay me and then take them back to MGM. I agreed (rolling my eyes) and I informed him that I was leaving the meter on while he was inside, and that the family needed to stay in the car. We get there and he's in there for what seemed like forever and he comes back out and tells me that his account is overdrawn and he cant get any cash. (meter read $13 something at that point) So Im thinking "great here we go"....so I told them:

Fine, Ill take your ring, your watch, and all the jewels that your wife has on

Guy had a nice looking Marine WWII ring, a ok looking watch, and his wife had a bunch of stuff on that looked like mostly costum stuff.

......So he about flips out when I say this and he's this big black dude thats almost as big as me. So I explain that he can 1) give me the $13, 2) give me all the jewels, or 3) I can call the cops at which point somebody is getting arrested. Now he's really flipping out and he storms back into the bank. At which point I turn around and told the wife to give me all of her jewels, she oblidged b/c she was scared at this point and she knew I wasnt fucking around, she also mentioned that there was:

there's no way you're getting his miltary ring

How much you wanna bet?

....Waiting a little bit longer I locked my car up, (with the family still in it) and walked into the bank, raised my voice and said:

SIR I NEED YOU OUTSIDE!

Everybody in the bank was looking at him wondering what the fuck was going on making me laugh. After he came outside I told him to give me his watch and his ring.

Do you really want to go to jail right now here in front of your wife and kid?

Still pissed he too realized that I wasnt kidding around so he oblidged as well and I let the family out and left them there. Thankfully I was close to the port and was picking up in no time. Back to work.